"Soulmates,kink or vanilla. Do they even exist?

[PaganDawn]

1 hour ago, LazyPiratesBounty said:

@Pepper88888 You write absolutely beautifully x

Thank you xx

 

[ey****]

as a general and further thought

I feel it's somewhat healthy to have standards you won't settle outside.  But, I also think there's different parts of flexibility.

There's a potential, for all of us, that someone is going to come along one day and rock our world and turn it upside down for the better.

That person is likely to fill one of a couple of scenarios

Number 1 - they hit everything you are looking for.  Even things where you had a preference but could be flexible they'll hit your preference.  They are someone you could consider a soulmate, by design you may fit everything they looked for - and voila, the concept of soulmates.

Number 2 - they (or you) exhibit some characteristics you (or they) had drawn a line on.  And they might have you think totally different on something and maybe even question what you thought you knew (or vice versa) or opened up a whole new world to explore - this could seem like they're a soulmate, meant to go on some path or journey with you.

 

[Vandalslut]

3 hours ago, Pepper88888 said:

The road is bumpy, and some paths you may not want to tread, feeling like you are in a maze and tired of dead ends.
But you are there for a reason, you put yourself there, you wanted to look and seek and find that perfect someone at the heart of the maze.

If you climb out, and look from the top, the view you will see is your own soul, staggering blindly looking for something, knowing not what it is, where it is, what it looks like or , even if it exists. How can you therefore be sure the search is worth it, or that it exists?

Leave the maze behind. Be brave. Take the open road. Stop on the way and chill, make mistakes, break your heart and heal it again...for its not from our successes that we learn, but from our failures. And each cruel, false, hurtful mistake leads us ever closer to knowing what we desire and need at our side on this journey.

Spot on, Pepper88888. I believe that soul mates do exist because I have the evidence. I've been so very fortunate to meet several, all of whom are still in my life after four decades. Others are newer in my life and all of them have unstintingly enriched my life, whether they know it or not. However, the definition of 'soul mate' has been so overused and ***d, that I find myself cringing sometimes when it's mentioned.  I didn't cringe at Donnykinkster's use.   I've found that soul mates are not necessarily life-partners or sex partners.

Choose the open road and an open mind. Take breaks, make a few wrong turns, explore side roads, trip, stumble and fall and get up again and go a little further.  No-one travels sitting at the bottom of a victim hole, demanding that every passer-by to stop and feel sorry for them and blaming others for their life. No-one meets a soul mate down there.

'Tis true we learn from our failures - if we're smart, anyway. Fave failure quote:  'I didn't fail a hundred times to make a light bulb - I learnt a hundred ways how NOT to make one.' Thomas Edison.

[Deleted Member]

I absolutely believe in soulmates. But not necessarily in the modern sense of the word/phrase. For me, a soulmate is someone who you connect with on such a deep level that time, distance and life cannot break that connection.

I have this with a handful of folks (very dear friends), but haven't yet had such a connection with someone I'm in a romantic relationship with. I think it's absolutely possible. But these connections take time and work. It doesn't mean that everyone will find it. But I still hold out hope.

More than anything, you need to establish exactly what you want out of this type of relationship. Exactly the right kind of person for you. Once you know what that looks like you are more likely to find it. I don't need to tell you this because you know it...you've told me the same thing. But if you're anything like me, you're probably better at giving advice than following it. 😏

[Deleted Member]

17 hours ago, Dreamaway said:

I've had at least 2 long term soul mates where the friendship was amazing, total understanding, no sexual activity except maybe innuendo between male and female. But the hard part is if you find they become attracted to someone else, that's the true test of the friendship. Especially if you consider that person is no good and you're the one who has to pick up the pieces and try not to say I told you so! I admit it can become frustrating to the degree where you need to take a step back and look closely at what you both want. However, experience that comes with age has taught me that it's better to remain platonic as sex can actually ruin a beautiful friendship. Inversely it can ratchet the friendship up to a deeply loving relationship. It's very difficult. Each relationship has to be evaluated separately as we're all individuals. As a summary I've been able to help my oldest and best friend through a difficult bout of cancer.

 

OOoOoooOoooo Dreamy, you gave me shivers with this. I feel lucky to count you as a friend. 

And the part about remaining platonic... I want to start a new thread about that. @Donnykinkster has challenged me to write something about that. 

I think we're too focused on sex. We don't realize the implications of bringing sex into things too soon, whether we want to be friends or pursue a sexual relationship. It's never just about sex. I've said this before and get barked at. I don't think NSA really works, unless you're paying for it from a professional (which I'm totally in favour of). 

 

Sorry to hear about your best friend's cancer. They are lucky to have had someone like you around. 

[Deleted Member]

1 hour ago, MsWhiteRose said:

 

OOoOoooOoooo Dreamy, you gave me shivers with this. I feel lucky to count you as a friend. 

And the part about remaining platonic... I want to start a new thread about that. @Donnykinkster has challenged me to write something about that. 

I think we're too focused on sex. We don't realize the implications of bringing sex into things too soon, whether we want to be friends or pursue a sexual relationship. It's never just about sex. I've said this before and get barked at. I don't think NSA really works, unless you're paying for it from a professional (which I'm totally in favour of). 

 

Sorry to hear about your best friend's cancer. They are lucky to have had someone like you around. 

And I wait with baited breath, anticipation high knowing there may be the odd ruffled feather ater on today.  Be gentle though @MsWhiteRose. Some cannot handle the opinion of a woman of strength 😁.

[Kriss123]

Mind,soul,body my temple..That's the starting point.Once you have that in place everything is to play for...

[Deleted Member]

Interesting topic! 

I used to believe in the one or soul mates when I was younger but now I believe there is people (soul mates) that you are meant to meet in your life whether this is friends or a partner. 

 

When I was 16 I got in my first serious relationship and we were together 8 years, we were engaged and I thought he was the "one". Our relationship started breaking down a year before we split up, we tried to make it work but we both realised that we had both changed and wanted different things. Now I realise he weren't the "one" but he was someone I was meant to meet in my life. He got me through my depression and anxiety and I got him through this. When we first met I was off the rails but being with him calmed me down. We have been split up over  a year and half now and we are both much happier and both grew as people. We were meant to meet but we were never meant to spend the rest of our lives together. 

 

Now I'm with someone who I've known for 6 years, we have always had such a great connection  but we were both with different people, so we were just friends until recently. His seen the best of me and his seen the worse of me as I have of him and we support each other, no matter what. Since our friendship grown into a romantic relationship its been more than amazing and has shown me what a true relationship is like . I can be my true self around him and I've never been happier, I can't describe how I feel when I'm around him, there's just no words . He makes me want me to be the best I can be and brings out my confidence . His so supportive and no one's makes me smile like he does. We are both into the bdsm and have very similar kinks. I  can't imagine my life without him and Im always day dreaming about our future.. With our own little family, marriage, own home etc 

 

Then I have my best friend, we are double trouble together and I cant imagine my life without her or her partner tbf. We are so similar and can't help but get ourselves into trouble but she is so supportive, kind and sassy and her partner is amazing too. They keep me sane and are my angel and devil on my shoulders. People call us double trouble ha. 

 

So I may not necessarily use the term soul mate but there is definitely people you are meant to meet in your life time and those you have a true and pure connection with 

[Ky****]

14 hours ago, Brittone2 said:

Mind,soul,body my temple..That's the starting point.Once you have that in place everything is to play for...

prefer my body as the altar personally

[Kriss123]

1 hour ago, Kymi said:

prefer my body as the altar personally

Lol fair enough...

I'm sure its

My Body,My Soul,My Body,My Temple

I am trying to remember where I picked this up from..

Its all to do with healthy living and looking after yourself...

[Deleted Member]

I absolutely believe in soulmates.  But not necessarily in the modern sense of the word/phrase.  For me, a soulmate is someone who you connect with on such a deep level that time, distance and life cannot break that connection.

 

I have this with a handful of folks (very dear friends), but haven't yet had such a connection with someone I'm in a romantic relationship with.  I think it's absolutely possible.  But these connections take time and work.  It doesn't mean that everyone will find it.  But I still hold out hope.

 

More than anything, you need to establish exactly what you want out of this type of relationship.  Exactly the right kind of person for you.  Once you know what that looks like you are more likely to find it.  I don't need to tell you this because you know it...you've told me the same thing.  But if you're anything like me, you're probably better at giving advice than following it. 😏

[Kriss123]

17 minutes ago, Brittone2 said:

Lol fair enough...

I'm sure its

My Body,My Soul,My Body,My Temple

I am trying to remember where I picked this up from..

Its all to do with healthy living and looking after yourself...

If you wondering what my point is..

If you don't love yourself and the way you are living 

How do you expect anyone else to love you..

 

18 minutes ago, Brittone2 said:

Lol fair enough...

I'm sure its

My Body,My Soul,My Body,My Temple

I am trying to remember where I picked this up from..

Its all to do with healthy living and looking after yourself...

 

[Deleted Member]

Soulmates absolutely do exist. And for me a soulmate covers every aspect- sexual, mental etc.
When it happens it’s like magic. You often don’t have to say a lot, ask questions or know absolutely everything about each other. Words are truly surplus to requirement. I guess people who share their lives with a soulmate are extremely lucky. I believe, more often than not, life’s realities get in the way and prevents you from being together. However, that doesn’t take away the lovely feeling that you’ve touched someone’s life, and they’ve touched yours in a way that likely no one ever will. Time stands still and no matter where you are or how long it’s passed, if they walk this earth, you know they’ve got you. Where it sucks is carrying on your life, knowing that fact and also that with every passing day, you’ve lost a chance to be your true self. So, @Donnykinkster , if you happen to find yours, or let’s say when you do, all you have to do is , don’t let go. Simple.

[Deleted Member]

5 minutes ago, SwanNoir said:

Soulmates absolutely do exist. And for me a soulmate covers every aspect- sexual, mental etc.
When it happens it’s like magic. You often don’t have to say a lot, ask questions or know absolutely everything about each other. Words are truly surplus to requirement. I guess people who share their lives with a soulmate are extremely lucky. I believe, more often than not, life’s realities get in the way and prevents you from being together. However, that doesn’t take away the lovely feeling that you’ve touched someone’s life, and they’ve touched yours in a way that likely no one ever will. Time stands still and no matter where you are or how long it’s passed, if they walk this earth, you know they’ve got you. Where it sucks is carrying on your life, knowing that fact and also that with every passing day, you’ve lost a chance to be your true self. So, @Donnykinkster , if you happen to find yours, or let’s say when you do, all you have to do is , don’t let go. Simple.

Thank you, that's pretty much how I see it, a life changing encounter 😊

[SolomanStrange]

Sole mates exist 100% for sure I have 3 within my inner circle!  We have this amazing bond.  We can sometimes speak daily other times not for a year.  When we do the conection is their. !  

Scientifically it is harder to make deep connections as you get older.  as we get older we become less agreeable...  so you will find most sole mates are formed when we are young.

That is true for 2 of my best friends, number 3 is different.  But forming the conection was a easy as with 1 and 2.

 

Hope you all find yours xx

[Ky****]

@SolomanStrange not necessarily, as we get older we find fewer people with shared experiences so the connections we make can be more intense, 

[Deleted Member]

  as we get older we become less agreeable

 

Ha ha ha love it @SolomanStrange. A very diplomatic way of saying "Grumpy"

[SolomanStrange]

All depends on your life.  I've met more people I'm the last 10 years than I did in my 1st 30.....  but Donny is right we get grumpy and court up on past experiences, disappointments, hurt.  We build shields and systems to protect ourselves so we don't get hurt further..... its these shields that stunt new connections and create ***.  

If we open our hearts with love, *** and hurt disappear.  

But........ talk is cheap...  and its easier said than done.

[Vandalslut]

14 hours ago, Donnykinkster said:

as we get older we become less agreeable

Sometimes, yes  - and we also become a little more  choosy, we have a more defined and mature idea of what we want in life, we DO factor in what we've learnt from past experiences and we don't rush as fast to accept everyone at face value. We exercise more discretion and that can be done without dismissing new possibilities.