Does BDSM help with discipline?

[Alazar]

Hello, I am a very kinky and young (+18) musician and artist, I want to be more disciplined with my career and also less ashamed of public 

Can BDSM help me with that? How?

Edited May 2, 2020 by FETMOD-TF
Formatting/and or Spelling Adjustment

[Ky****]

it can certainly help with public confidence issues, you do things in private then expand the group who knows what you do-and soon you feel less ashamed of things you previously wouldn't do 'in public, for me it started with plucking up courage to visit sex shops and buy femdom and tv mags, moved on to toys then book sessions with prodommes that progressed to '***d' bi, eventually hey I'm Kymi

[Deleted Member]

BDSM is primarily about sex, but I have found through practising it and writing stories about it, that I have gained benefits in my vanilla life, too. I have gained understanding of the human mind and behaviour, and I have gained confidence in myself, as well as many other things. It is a slow process, but BDSM solves a lot of things to do with the mind.

 

I even wrote a post on my page, about how a BDSM dream I once had made me less anxious in the waking world.

Edited May 2, 2020 by Deleted Member

[ey****]

I mean. It can help with discipline. And, you can have a motivation to succeed in your personal life either "for your Mistress" or to be more desirable to a prospective Mistress - but if your interest in BDSM is "will it motivate and discipline me" - well, there's far better training courses on motivation, etc. you can put yourself through.  They're probably both cheaper and less ***ful. 

[Ky****]

@eyemblacksheep less ***ful but perhaps not so pleasurable lol.  Returning to being serious I do find that it helps with discipline in life, because by making the commitment to be and do something and then to hand over partial control to another person helps with the mindset of setting and keeping to goals in our vanilla world as well.  Although that can depend on the sort of BDSM play involved, ironically the more control you hand over the less I find it helps with self discipline- a slave gets used to not having self discipline while a brat gets used to breaking rules, neither of which assist with self discipline, being a maid in contrast can do. that's my experience fwiw

[ey****]

14 minutes ago, Kymi said:

@eyemblacksheep less ***ful but perhaps not so pleasurable lol. 

Depends on what you're into  I mean, if you're into being whipped/caned/etc then it being used for encouragement/punishment is counterproductive

-

But yeah, there's stuff I've used as a motivation.  Nobody has ever beaten me for not done something, or even really encouraged me - but sometimes a case of "If I learn this skill I will be more useful and more people will want to be around me..." or "If I do this I can make more *** and having more *** means I can do more things" 

So, while there was a BDSM related goal for motivation.  It was still *me* not BDSM.

Motivation can be anything else.  "I want to do *this thing* because I hope *this thing* will be more likely to happen" 

[Deleted Member]

Yes, if you have a Dominant who is willing to set goals for you and punish you when you fail to meet them. I've found BDSM can work really well with personal development and self improvement.

[Deleted Member]

@eyemblacksheepif you're into being whipped or canned and your Dominant refuses to whip you if you fail to meet an agreed goal, that can be a pretty good motivation. 

Withdrawal of play is often more effective than corporal punishment, which many masochists would enjoy. But depends if your sub is a masochist. I just think withdrawal of play or pleasure is more ethical than the application of a physical punishment, too. 

[Ky****]

15 minutes ago, MsWhiteRose said:

@eyemblacksheepif you're into being whipped or canned and your Dominant refuses to whip you if you fail to meet an agreed goal, that can be a pretty good motivation. 

Withdrawal of play is often more effective than corporal punishment, which many masochists would enjoy. But depends if your sub is a masochist. I just think withdrawal of play or pleasure is more ethical than the application of a physical punishment, too. 

now that latter is really sadistic lol

[ey****]

23 minutes ago, MsWhiteRose said:

@eyemblacksheepif you're into being whipped or canned and your Dominant refuses to whip you if you fail to meet an agreed goal, that can be a pretty good motivation. 

 

ha, yep.   I have joked that with people I've played with who are disobedient when I've joked the punishment if they continue is "no smacked bottom" 

[Deleted Member]

4 hours ago, Kymi said:

now that latter is really sadistic lol

Would that motivate you, @Kymi? 

[Ky****]

16 hours ago, MsWhiteRose said:

Would that motivate you, @Kymi? 

I honestly don't know, the only time its happened in the past was from people who didn't want to respect my limits so in that instance it wasn't really a threat more a motivation to invite them to shove it, I think with someone who I genuinely connected with and I felt was nurturing in a caring sadistic way such a threat probably would motivate me to review my behaviour

[ey****]

I think I have some further thoughts.  That a lot can come down to the person and their overall motivation.

So, my former Mistress had a sub who was trying to lose weight and when they met if he'd put weight on she would crop him, which he hated.  I disliked this immensly (also worried that this would be expected of me) but it was something the two of them had agreed.  

Fair enough.

But, I think for anything where there was something with rewards for hitting whatever target or punishments for not - then my failure to meet the target (which could be for many reasons) would additional make me feel I'd let someone down and deny me of reward / lead to punishment.

And, well, stuff isn't black and white.

This year, we can forgive a lot of target failures due to a global pandemic - but someone who started working on goals in January will have made progress whereas someone not intending to start til April won't have.  So, still not black and white.

[Deleted Member]

24 minutes ago, eyemblacksheep said:

But, I think for anything where there was something with rewards for hitting whatever target or punishments for not - then my failure to meet the target (which could be for many reasons) would additional make me feel I'd let someone down and deny me of reward / lead to punishment.

This is a fair point. I have professional experience in coaching and it's something we are mindful of when setting goals with a person. You've no doubt heard about SMART goals. A responsible 'motivator' should make sure goals are achievable... with a little stretch. It's very important that the person monitoring the goals, whether it's your Dominant or your coach, has your best interests at heart. A psycho will *** this and we don't want any more psychos in kink.