Advice for a newbie

[LittleDomme811]

I've always thought of myself as more of a submissive person and with certain lovers I thrived under that assumption

 But lately I've been feeling the urge to switch roles and it just so happens Male sub has entered my life

The only problem is although as a sub i recognize the need for humility but as someone who tries very hard to be genuinely kind to people I'm finding it hard to get in the right headspace to give my sub what he wants. We have yet to do anything but talk as I want to be good as possible for him

 He enjoys being spit on, foot worship, tiny dick *** as well as genuine ***. 

 

Would love to hear some advice of any kind...I want to learn so please be kind

[Ky****]

remember what as a sub you enjoy and try to play to that by inflicting it on him, or at least get into that mind set, if you wouldn't consider yourself being unkindly treated if someone did something to you then don't think you are being unkind by treating your sub that way, having established mutual interests/limits that is

[ey****]

I disagree to just "do what you like being done to you" because switching totally doesn't work like that

If you're struggling to get into a Dominant headspace (remember, being Dominant is about your wants, not his) flip things round - be the sub pretending you are following his orders on what he wants.  That you are a sub and your Dominant is telling you to spit on them, get your feet ready for worship, to critique their dick, etc.

[Ky****]

3 minutes ago, eyemblacksheep said:

I disagree to just "do what you like being done to you" because switching totally doesn't work like that

If you're struggling to get into a Dominant headspace (remember, being Dominant is about your wants, not his) flip things round - be the sub pretending you are following his orders on what he wants.  That you are a sub and your Dominant is telling you to spit on them, get your feet ready for worship, to critique their dick, etc.

ok I phrased it unclearly, I was suggesting this as an approach to overcome the 'I don't want to be mean' doubts, by realising that a person enjoys being a sub and would not therefore consider certain behaviour as meanness it can help to overcome that qualm, without this its difficult to switch, then yes concentrate on getting into domspace 

[Deleted Member]

Am i the only one who is in fact thinking: "Girl, that does not even sound like a slight direction of being dominant?! Stop pretending, you are maybe just a submissive and sometimes just want to explore..."
I mean really, i even "felt" it when it started right away. I did not even know it was BDSM at the time. It just felt crazy good to *** her do do something, groping, choking, slapping, spanking, ripping her clothes apart, taking these pieces to bind her to the frame...
It was an argument, that became a more sexual situation. I mean yeah, the slapping in the face part was strange, since i don't ever was physical in an argument with a partner and would never do that in general. But fuck that was a rush and it became a habit for our sex life the next 3-4 years.
I have to say, she begged for it, since she felt guilty for something she had done wrong...

But i can just say, if you are like that it just feels like you get inspired only by the fact that you feel something for someone and this person likes it this way and agrees to become yours. Maybe here and there is a moment or even some more moments where you think "okay, this one is new... feels strange" but overall it is like just feeling complete.

Maybe you could ask yourself if the urge you are feeling is not more likely an urge out of boredom, because one or the other dominant guy did not really get into your mind or was himself to soft or something like that?! For me it sounds more like there is someone that wants to explore something that does not give the right feeling "for it". So maybe a little vanilla sex on a swing or some public sex would spice things up again to remember your "real" position or even get what i mean...

And i don't say i am right here, but i think nobody can learn to "be" dominant, when there is simply no feeling for it. Maybe "a" better dominant, with new toys, techniques or exploring new areas of BDSM or when it comes to fetishes.

Edited May 2, 2020 by Deleted Member

[Deleted Member]

You can learn to be Dominant. There have been a couple of good threads about this recently, specifically about learning to become a good Domme. The FemDom role is very different to that of a Male Dom and it's not uncommon for FemDoms to start out as subs. But it takes time to learn how to fulfil the role and find your own voice within it. I would say I'm still learning about my own style but I did have an urge to dominate men. 

Getting the talk right was one of the things I struggled with at first. And thinking that it sounded ***d or put on. I watched a lot of FemDom porn and discovered different styles. You don't have to be a hard ass bitch. Look up 'Miss Fluo + handjob' for a really sensual approach to FemDom. Then search 'Aiden Starr + pegging' for a different style. Aiden is fun but also quite strict. 

Check out anything on the Divine Bitches channel on Pornhub.  

OMG I've forgotten the name of my absolute favourite, the Queen of the ruined orgasms... damn. 

And it depends what you want to do to your sub. Maybe you don't want to do pegging or prostate milking yet, so some classy foot worship would be enough. I think you can watch Eyemblacksheep doing some foot worship on his Domestic Femdom site. You'll have to search as we're not allowed to post links here. 

Best of luck with it. I have to say it's a super-fun journey and hit me up if you wanna talk more about it any time. 

[ey****]

I think especially if you want to do something towards their likes it's important to get in their head a little bit.

Like.  

Foot Worship.  What do they like?  No, I mean, what do they really like?

If it's just feet it's kinda easy - you can chuck your shoes off and give them free access to do what they want.    But, it might be the idea of being low, beneath you.  It might be the idea that this is dirty or disgusting.  They might especially like dirty or disgusting.

If I take someone's foot wear off and there's a stink it feels a little "Really? For me? Awwww" but that's not everyone.

And you can go that through each of their fetishes understanding what makes them tick about each one.

[ey****]

47 minutes ago, MsWhiteRose said:

I think you can watch Eyemblacksheep doing some foot worship on his Domestic Femdom site

You can, I've got a few different foot worship scenes that settle different moods as well.  

[cautiousswitch]

Foot worship is probably the easiest to start with of his likes.

Find out his expectations about it in advance.  Does he like shoes or just feet? Does he expect to be clothed or unclothed? By worship is he groveling before you or just pampering your feet? How does he like to worship feet - massage, nuzzle, lick, suck, bite...? Set your limits on that before you get started.

Pick shoes that fit your mood.  You can tease him a little more with sandals.  Boots with a lot of laces or buckles you can threaten to not let him see your feet if he can't get them off fast enough.  If you want to be nice then something that can slip off easily.  If he likes trampling and you want to try a little of that then something appropriate for it (you can do a lot of damage if you don't know how to trample properly, so stick to just light pressure rather than putting any real weight down).

Use his expectations to start setting the mood.  Order him to get undressed - all at once or partially as you see fit.  Have him kneel.  No, he cannot look at your feet yet - not without permission you miserable worm!

Finally let him take your shoe(s) off - but no touching the feet without permission.  Tease him with them a little.  Rub them against him.  Make him beg to touch them until you finally decide that he can.  Order him to worship them within the limits you discussed.  At some point let him go to town without following specific orders.

And then the big question - which of your toes does he like the best.  He has to pick one.  It doesn't matter which, your response is the same, "Is that because you wish your tiny little penis was as big as it?" Segue! Tease his cock with your feet as you compare it to you toes some.

That can lead to general *** if you get on a roll.

Can't help you with the spitting part.

 

[Deleted Member]

Oooo yes, do some CFNM (clothed female, naked male). It's easy and quite gentle but can be effective in getting him into the mindspace that he wants. I love CFNM. Love to watch him walking around the house, doing every day things naked. Then manhandling his junk, pinching him, slapping him whenever I feel like it. 

I remembered the name of my favourite Femdom pornstar and the queen of ruined orgasms - Amber Rayne. Watch her classic Edging Handjob... it's a real delight!