Deleted Member Posted May 8, 2020 Posted May 8, 2020 "Not everything can be labled" an answer I received when I sought advice on here many months ago. Something I have thought about often and now clearly understand. As certain "roles" may to some have certain protocols that must be followed do you not think that to follow this path at times can prevent enjoyment of the "whole" partner you choose to play with? You can miss other facets of what they are, important parts by a strict adherence to protocol? I'm really starting to think for some to create your own protocol's in agreement with your chosen partner is the best way forward. Anyone ever felt they have made this mistake in retrospect, after the fact as it were?
ReddRabbit Posted May 8, 2020 Posted May 8, 2020 (edited) When I came to the realization when I was really young that I was a Switch many years ago, it became pretty clear to me that it was going to be difficult — especially during those times (early 90s) and within my circles — to always do things strictly by the book. Luckily for me, I had a Dom who had a good sense of humor and fun, and was willing to think outside the usual parameters and see me for what I was becoming (I was too green to really know for myself). Had I not had his particular influence, I think it would have taken me longer to understand myself. And a a result, I would have turned out to be a different, less empathetic sort of Domme, years later. I do believe in the value of tradition and protocol, they certainly have their place. But so do the ability to reach beyond and be creative, and expand into new territory. It’s just those abilities that make this journey exciting, and keep it fresh and new after all this time for me! edit - oh and to answer your question, I’ve only made that mistake with myself, trying to fit myself into a particular mold when I knew I was so much more... Edited May 8, 2020 by ReddRabbit Adding to post
Deleted Member Posted May 8, 2020 Author Posted May 8, 2020 A perfect answer thank you @ReddRabbit. Agree totally, the base protocols and traditions are important but "thinking oitside the box" says exaxtly what i was trying to express 😊
ey**** Posted May 8, 2020 Posted May 8, 2020 there's bits I kinda feel. Protocol in general isn't tied to a role. In general. Protocol can be tied to anything agreed in your relationship or within certain environments. So, for example - if a Femdom club has rules like "men must wear a collar. always ensure Ladies have the right of passage. you must not sit on furniture that is otherwise required by a Mistress" then that would be kinda tied to the environment and isn't a generic protocol. It's true not everything has labels - they're often used for ease or a guide. I think sometimes the problem is people pick a wrong label and that can give the wrong message out. You'd be cross if you picked up a tin that said peas but was actually dog food. You'd be less upset if the tin said mushy peas but was actually garden peas.
Carnelian2 Posted May 8, 2020 Posted May 8, 2020 I went to Club Femdom before the lockdown, which is a "high protocol" venue. Personally, I loved the bit about sitting on the floor when addressing the Dominant lady as it sets out the roles very publically. From a personal perspective, I would probably get bored if there were too many rules and restrictions to adhere to all the time, as you kind of forget the person you are dealing with. In short, a healthy balance is good
Deleted Member Posted May 8, 2020 Author Posted May 8, 2020 Of course, if I went into any country, home or venue I would always respect their rules, for me thats just common decency and respect. I meant more on a personal level, one on one. It was something a submissive said as we chatted earlier about feeling slightly restricted at times by protocol and I agree. I firmly believe you can create your own protocols for alone time but lets say out and about elsewhere then of course you respect the rules of the house.
cautiousswitch Posted May 8, 2020 Posted May 8, 2020 As a gamer I have always believed that if everyone agrees to the rules and plays by them then everyone should have fun. But gamers don't enjoy playing the same game over and over again. The concept of protocol doesn't go away, but the specific protocol can change. This is also an area where I think the media has skewed things. Dom/mes as portrayed on TV tend to all be from the same cookie-cutter. It gives the impression that there is one set protocol that is agreed on by everyone.
Carnelian2 Posted May 9, 2020 Posted May 9, 2020 16 hours ago, cautiousswitch said: .This is also an area where I think the media has skewed things. Dom/mes as portrayed on TV tend to all be from the same cookie-cutter. It gives the impression that there is one set protocol that is agreed on by everyone. Just shows that the people writing the TV shows may not get their inspiration from the right places :D ..
Wo**** Posted May 9, 2020 Posted May 9, 2020 Rules and protocol are something I've not really thought about, maybe because my involvement with bdsm has been sparse until now. What are the rules and protocol of D/S? Someone referred to Pirate as being my primary bdsm partner. It annoyed me. Pirate is my partner, first and foremost. We just happen to both like bdsm and kink and met because of that. Our relationship was based on bdsm but that's not the only factor. It actually got me thinking. Pirate is most definitely my Dominant, and "in charge" and I respect him, look to him for guidance, look up to him. Protocol and rules wise, Idk how much that influences us. I don't even really know what the protocol/Rules are.... Pirate and I talked/talk about "stuff" like what are the boundaries around me chatting to other people, what kind of things were off limits. Was it important I call him Sir? I think a lot if protocol was covered organically. We have our own rules and we wear several different labels.
Phoenyx Posted May 9, 2020 Posted May 9, 2020 Think of protocols not so much as rules, but, as guidelines. These guidelines frame the character that you wish to portray. In many ways, protocols are like the rules of any particular sport. Without such rules or guidelines, the sport would seem chaotic and pointless. Or, consider the "motivations" of an actor, when he wishes to play a particular role. Remember, this is all supposed to be done for fun. If the protocol of a particular scene seems too restrictive, then, it may be best to seek one that is not so strict. Or, it may be possible to find someone within that scene, who tends to be more flexible. New, unfamiliar protocols can seem daunting, complicated, or harsh. Allow time to gain a feel for the new environment, before making a final judgement. Does this situation address your emotional needs/wants? Again, it is important to find the right Dom/me or sub---someone who will remain by your side during this learning process. There is also the emotional side---those body-shaking chills that come from a pleasurable situation that seems a little too intense. Remember to breathe. It's not much different than adjusting to the cold water of a swimming pool. In a way, this relates to another well-discussed topic---how to approach a Dom or Domme. Sans-protocol greetings like, "Hello Sexy" just don't cut it. My immediate reaction to such messages is, "UGH!" Instead, try to get into character. Adopt the protocol with which you are most comfortable. If there is a match, then, you have made a connection. The important thing is to feel the part. Perhaps, for newbies, one of the magazine editors on this site, could post an article on the basics common to most protocols. There may even be such an article already available. That article might even discuss the different "flavors" of conduct code, the various options. Protocol is not a hard, fast thing. It is always growing and changing.
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