Labels

[Wo****]

Donnyinkster inspired this thread. His thread on protocol and rules, and labels got me thinking.

 

Labels are useful, as a starting point. Dominant, submissive, switch. Most of us happily label ourselves with those.

Then there are all the other labels...

Sadist, masochist, top, bottom, our sexuality, our kinks.

Thing is with labels, you can add them and remove them, cover them up.

 

Labels vary....

I think I'd like to play, properly, with another woman. Do I label myself as bi, or bi curious? Am I either of those if I don't particularly lust after a woman today?

Maybe our labels should be something we wear, or use, rather than something we are.

[Deleted Member]

Labels can be very transferable, they are more like jackets that we can put on and take off. Like you I have fantasies including women but I’m not a lesbian or bi... it’s for simple sexual gratification.

Also labels aren’t a one size fits all, I identify as little on occasion but don’t fit the general concept of it... I don’t do age play but need the emotional support and rules a little would. I have the characteristics of a little but these could also be referred to as brat or sassy sub...

I find labels are useful at the start but need to be for reference only and you need to dig deeper to find out who the true person is. We can change who we are slightly for the right fit. 💗

[Vandalslut]

Labels can be transferable and they can also be limiting, in a sense. In the kink world we have general labels, then sub-categories, then sub-sub categories...I'd agree with both of the above, labels are useful 'id-ers' and references yet since each and every one of us are fabulously unique, we can come up with our own labels. By then, it won;t be a label, we'll be describing our fabulous selves and no-one else.

[Ky****]

maybe the way things are set up as click menus, yes I'm guilty of using them as well, on here on the bdsm test mean we tend to apply labels to ourselves and others too often.  One I'm not sure I like for instance is trans, a good friend of mind, mtf, always says she feels like scramming someone's eyes out when they use that label- she says her label is woman, period.  If she feels that strongly I'm sure other people do so over other labels.  In my case I was never, and still aren't sure about the label bi, I'm a bottom and enjoy being penetrated by either the real thing or a strap on, butt does that make me bi or can I use bottom as the label since I've no interest in being the one doing the penetrating?

[Ky****]

@little-dark-princess maybe a better analogy than jacket would be panties or shoes, we put on different ones depending on mood we wish to feel or convey, red for slutty, black for sophisticated, pink for girly, leopard print for on the hunt- if we can do that with clothes why not labels.

[Th****]

Personally I find that labels in and of themselves are normally harmless and stated before can make for very useful starting points.

I think it is our approach to those labels that is what changes their effect upon us. While we view them as just a noun they are of course no problem.

As a starting point or to convey an idea before defining further I would think them ideal.

The issues start when we or others view labels as defining. As a simple word can never define the depth of emotional charge that is behind our preferences, no matter how fleeting.

Whether you are bi curious or bi, if you just find that one person who happens to be female attractive Pirates. I could call all of those emotions and feelings 'Tomato' but you still would not be a tomato. You are you in all your glory what ever labels say.

[Deleted Member]

And some of us prefer to have the label of “no label”! I don’t like to be pigeonholed. I’m individual and special in my own way. I’m proud of who I am and what I am.

Curious, exploratory, adventurous and intelligent. Label me any of these if you like. But all of these preclude me being “put in a box”. I’m curious enough to explore an intelligent adventure outside of any box I may have been put in and therefore I consider that I shouldn’t be in the box in the first place. I’m totally in my element with a “well up for it” woman but have also enjoyed playing with guys. Am I bisexual? No. I get totally turned on by a woman’s tits but love being penetrated by a horny guy. Am I gay?  No. I absolutely adore oral sex with a woman but have been orgasmic whilst being rimmed by a guy. I love bondage, poppers, breath play, machines, BDSM and kink. Am I just greedy? Or weird? Or scary, even? Do I need any of these labels? No, no, no and no.

No. I’m normal. And I don’t need to restrict, limit or narrow my potential options by labelling myself. I prefer to be labelled “no label” and generate whatever label is appropriate to each encounter, situation or predicament I find myself in. This is, for me, the best way.

[ThinkingNaughty]

Labels are oversimplifications that permit us to quickly and easy describe things. However, language is inexact and the human experience is so wildly varied that it we would need an unreasonable amount to terms to cover all of our differences.

So long as we view labels as inaccurate, rough, and ill-fitting then we both a) permit ourselves to see when the people we label demonstrate who they truly are, and b) allow other the space to do so.

One of the main issues with labels is that most exist on a spectrum (for example from dominance to submissiveness), the way we express ourselves at any given point along that spectrum can be varied and individual, and we can exist at many points on a spectrum at the same time because no values on the spectrum of humanity are mutually exclusive. Good people do bad things and bad people do good things.

We is not simple, but in order to keep our communications simple when we need them to be labels are indispensable tools.

So saying that I am a Dom could equate to saying I am a rock. Getting to know what that means to me and to you is like chiseling away that rock until you arrive at a statue of a man. There still remain countless hours of chiseling and polishing for the details that uncover who I am.