littlegirl-4745 Posted May 23, 2020 Posted May 23, 2020 (edited) Hi, gonna keep it short and sweet 😅 I'm new ish to d/s relationship. My dom doesn't want me touching without permission but I lack self control and keep breaking the rule. My dom is helping me by punishments and rewards but I lack self control and can barely go a day without play which kinda leads me to feel like I'm annoying my dom. Does anyone have any tips on how to have self control when it comes to not playing without permission? Thank you Edited May 23, 2020 by littlegirl-4745
AtulWorthless Posted May 23, 2020 Posted May 23, 2020 Patience is the key and your dedication to serving your Dom/Domme. This is not something that you can develop overnight, it takes time to get adjusted and to leave your vanilla life behind you.
Leisa Posted May 23, 2020 Posted May 23, 2020 Find something to keep you occupied. He obviously knows by now it’s hard for you. The rewards for doing the proper thing, listening to your Dom, should be enough. It sounds like more of a habit than anything else. If you go a few days in a row doing as you’ve been instructed than it will become easier to obey. I don’t think it’s annoyance as much as it may be a disappointment that you feel the need to take care of yourself instead of giving him to opportunity to take care of you. The most important role of a submissive is to please and obey her Dom as this brings both parties pleasure.
Rocknrolla313 Posted May 23, 2020 Posted May 23, 2020 Can you not just ask for permission every time? I would very rarely tell my sub no when whe asked unless there was a very good reason why she shouldn't
BladeGuy Posted May 23, 2020 Posted May 23, 2020 Respect and communication is key. I don't know what punishments/rewards that you have received? They may need to be revisited by your Dom as they may not be having enough of an impact in helping to change the behaviour.
Ki**** Posted May 23, 2020 Posted May 23, 2020 When I first changed from vanilla to BDSM I was forever disobeying and touching him. He would either give me a glare or a punishment. It was mostly habit for the pleasure of touching and being told I wasn't allowed to unless given permission was difficult for me. I realised after time that I was actually bratting and my Dom is very patient with me. It wasn't punishment that stopped me it was rewards for not touching that worked ;)
cautiousswitch Posted May 24, 2020 Posted May 24, 2020 "Touching"? From some of the responses, I think some people have interpreted this as touching yourself which isn't what I get from your question. I'm going to approach this as if that is not the case. You do mention play. Is the touching problem that you keep trying to initiate play or is it even deeper than that? If you are a naturally affectionate person and he wants absolutely no contact without permission then it's possible that you two aren't right for each other. If it's that he doesn't want to play as often as you do but he has other qualities that you love then it may be worth changing. It's the difference between not being allowed to give him a spontaneous hug and his not wanting every hug to be an attempt to grind him. If the problem is that you keep trying to initiate play then maybe asking permission to practice self-bondage may help some. You don't want it to be a substitute for spending time with him so it still wouldn't be a daily thing, but a possible way to wean yourself off the need for daily play. It is something you would want to discuss with him if you still want him to have control over you. You did not check off the brat box in your profile and nothing you have said indicates that you are a brat. It seems to be more a of a bad habit than purposeful misbehaving. When you find yourself crossing the line remind yourself that it is bratty behaviour.Â
littlegirl-4745 Posted May 24, 2020 Author Posted May 24, 2020 @cautiousswitch sorry I did mean as in touching myself. Iam quite new to the whole thing and I think I have realised sometimes I can be bratty 🤠But when it comes to playing without permission from what others have said its a habit cus I don't actually mean to 😕 hopefully it gets easier with time but at the moment I'm still just used to playing whenever I want I just need to get out of the cycleÂ
littlegirl-4745 Posted May 24, 2020 Author Posted May 24, 2020 @eyemblacksheep yeah we tryed that as a little punishment yesterday and it helped remind me the reason why I shouldn't play
littlegirl-4745 Posted May 24, 2020 Author Posted May 24, 2020 @BladeGuyyeah they help its just a bit difficult cus of distance but I respect him that whenever I do slip up I tell himÂ
littlegirl-4745 Posted May 24, 2020 Author Posted May 24, 2020 @Leisa yeah I think it might be just a habit and not used to being not allowed to do it... But I've managed 3 days now in chastity so hopefully it will make it easierÂ
cautiousswitch Posted May 24, 2020 Posted May 24, 2020 The new question comes with the punishment/reward system then. Are you being punished because he's caught you playing with yourself or because you're admitting later that you've played with yourself? If you're admitting it after the fact then it's sort of a step towards reform. You're acknowledging that what you are doing is wrong; it just sounds like your punishment needs to be a little more strict than it is. If you're only being punished when he catches you at it then you've just got to make sure he catches you more often. Start carrying in indelible marker with you and after you've given into the temptation to play with yourself write something on yourself so that he can find out. You can be punished for any new writing he finds, you only get rewarded if all the writing fades away. Having to stare at "bad girl" or "slut" written on your thigh while you play may be incentive to pass up the opportunity.
littlegirl-4745 Posted May 24, 2020 Author Posted May 24, 2020 @cautiousswitch I admit when I do because we are long distance at the moment because lock down. I definitely feel guilty when I slip up. I'll tell him about your idea of writing even if it's just for my benefit.Â
Th**** Posted May 25, 2020 Posted May 25, 2020 Let me be very clear.... Do not do this if your plan is that you actually are going to touch yourself in any intimate area's. Or indeed anyone else prior to a long bath etc. If you slice up hot chilli's and rub your fingers on the insides the oils will absorb into your shin. Ginger oil has the same effect. Both of these will make it all but impossible to touch yourself with out an intense burning sensation.
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