Deleted Member Posted May 25, 2020 Posted May 25, 2020 Recently I’ve been thinking about what I would be able to give up on my lists of want and needs. One of the things I know I definitely couldn’t give up is my need to feel ***. I have looked for sadists and have discovered there aren’t many (if any) in my local area. So I have a question for all you Dom/mes....if you were in a relationship with a masochist and could not inflict the kind of *** your sub needs, would you be willing to take them to a bdsm club and allow another D type to inflict the *** they need?
Deleted Member Posted May 25, 2020 Author Posted May 25, 2020 I can’t comment on your exact situation as I’ve not been in it but I have in the past offered a compromise to share a Dom to fulfil a fantasy which I couldn’t. I guess it’s similar to you as in I was willing to push a limit for their happiness. I think if you’re happy in a strong dynamic there are things you’d do that you necessarily wouldn’t. After all we want to make the other half of the relationship happy and sometimes that means compromise. To answer your original question... Yes I would.
SolomanStrange Posted May 25, 2020 Posted May 25, 2020 Love, connection, communication and compromise should be the basis of a healthy and growing relationship. We sometimes put to much pressure on one person in our relationships to provide for all our needs. So the simple answer, providing both parties are learning and growing from the situation. yes.
ey**** Posted May 25, 2020 Posted May 25, 2020 Yes. So if I was in a relationship with a masochist and was unable or unwilling to go to the levels they wanted - I would agree boundaries and allow them play with others. Mind, any play partners would be carefully vetted as there is a difference between a Sadist (or Hard player) and a dangerous player.
Deleted Member Posted May 25, 2020 Author Posted May 25, 2020 Yes, a question I have asked myself already when I worked out i wasn't a sadist. We arruve together, leave together and sleep together. Anything worth having requires compromise 😊
Deleted Member Posted May 25, 2020 Author Posted May 25, 2020 1 hour ago, little_dark_princess said: I can’t comment on your exact situation as I’ve not been in it but I have in the past offered a compromise to share a Dom to fulfil a fantasy which I couldn’t. I guess it’s similar to you as in I was willing to push a limit for their happiness. I think if you’re happy in a strong dynamic there are things you’d do that you necessarily wouldn’t. After all we want to make the other half of the relationship happy and sometimes that means compromise. To answer your original question... Yes I would. I was chatting to someone about my expectations of a potential Dom and maybe that I expect too much from one person. Thank you for your response, I agree with you completely about being in a happy and strong dynamic and yes you’re right I’d compromise for someone I cared about too.
Deleted Member Posted May 25, 2020 Author Posted May 25, 2020 1 hour ago, SolomanStrange said:We sometimes put to much pressure on one person in our relationships to provide for all our needs. I think this maybe where I’ve been going wrong, I’ve expected one person to be able to fulfil all roles in a relationship and hadn’t considered that it might be easier to fulfil some aspects elsewhere. Time to reflect and consider other options. Thank you for your response 😊
Deleted Member Posted May 25, 2020 Author Posted May 25, 2020 53 minutes ago, eyemblacksheep said: Yes. So if I was in a relationship with a masochist and was unable or unwilling to go to the levels they wanted - I would agree boundaries and allow them play with others. Mind, any play partners would be carefully vetted as there is a difference between a Sadist (or Hard player) and a dangerous player. Thank you, I hadn’t considered having play partners but it’s definitely something I’d consider in the future now. I agree that they should be vetted too and also about having boundaries of play....lots to think about.
Wo**** Posted May 25, 2020 Posted May 25, 2020 Just now, sweet***sub said: Thank you, I hadn’t considered having play partners but it’s definitely something I’d consider in the future now. I agree that they should be vetted too and also about having boundaries of play....lots to think about. Was gonna mention play partners... There are some things that Pirate likes that I don't and vice versa. Being poly and having other play partners allows us to be together and gives us the freedom to play.
ey**** Posted May 25, 2020 Posted May 25, 2020 3 minutes ago, sweet***sub said: Thank you, I hadn’t considered having play partners but it’s definitely something I’d consider in the future now. I agree that they should be vetted too and also about having boundaries of play....lots to think about. see - if you go to a club and are looking for someone to inflict *** - it's probably easy to find someone - but you don't necessarily know how responsible they are, how much they've been drinking that night, whether even they can reach the levels wanted - I think at the worst.... meeting people in your local community and getting to know them a bit.
Deleted Member Posted May 25, 2020 Author Posted May 25, 2020 22 minutes ago, LazyPiratesBounty said: Was gonna mention play partners... There are some things that Pirate likes that I don't and vice versa. Being poly and having other play partners allows us to be together and gives us the freedom to play. I’ve never considered a poly relationship but I think it’s something I really need to give some thought. It’s definitely time for me to reflect and do some research 😊
Deleted Member Posted May 25, 2020 Author Posted May 25, 2020 25 minutes ago, eyemblacksheep said: see - if you go to a club and are looking for someone to inflict *** - it's probably easy to find someone - but you don't necessarily know how responsible they are, how much they've been drinking that night, whether even they can reach the levels wanted - I think at the worst.... meeting people in your local community and getting to know them a bit. Lots for me to think about, thank you for your advice 😊
Wo**** Posted May 25, 2020 Posted May 25, 2020 18 minutes ago, sweet***sub said: I’ve never considered a poly relationship but I think it’s something I really need to give some thought. It’s definitely time for me to reflect and do some research 😊 I'd never really thought about it, let alone done it, until Pirate but it works brilliantly. Only thing I will say though is total honesty is vital. About everything. Talk it all through xx
Deleted Member Posted May 25, 2020 Author Posted May 25, 2020 1 minute ago, LazyPiratesBounty said: I'd never really thought about it, let alone done it, until Pirate but it works brilliantly. Only thing I will say though is total honesty is vital. About everything. Talk it all through xx Thank you so much 😊 I had never considered it before, was expecting one person to fulfil everything which would be a lot to ask anyone. I would of course have a strong relationship with someone first before inviting anyone else in. I’m so glad I posted about it now, lots to think about xx
Si**** Posted May 25, 2020 Posted May 25, 2020 It also works the other way round, I want to let my sadist side out. However, my sub doesn't enjoy too much ***. When we play, I often get a look in my eyes, it's me thinking of the sadist things I would love to be doing to her right there and then. These ideas and thoughts stay in my head and never come out (unless I whisper them into her ear). It also give me loads of pleasure knowing I have the self control to never step over my subs limits. Sometimes I reach for my harder toys (paddles, crop, whip) but tease her by gently stroking her skin with an item with my mind conjuring all sorts of things. I know she knows I'm being sadist in my head, I'm open about what I desire to do (whispering it to her as she is restrained), and I know it adds to her mindset and reactions to my touch.
Deleted Member Posted May 25, 2020 Author Posted May 25, 2020 24 minutes ago, SirGreen said: It also works the other way round, I want to let my sadist side out. However, my sub doesn't enjoy too much ***. When we play, I often get a look in my eyes, it's me thinking of the sadist things I would love to be doing to her right there and then. These ideas and thoughts stay in my head and never come out (unless I whisper them into her ear). It also give me loads of pleasure knowing I have the self control to never step over my subs limits. Sometimes I reach for my harder toys (paddles, crop, whip) but tease her by gently stroking her skin with an item with my mind conjuring all sorts of things. I know she knows I'm being sadist in my head, I'm open about what I desire to do (whispering it to her as she is restrained), and I know it adds to her mindset and reactions to my touch. So would you consider a playmate? Would this be something that would work in your relationship?
Ki**** Posted May 25, 2020 Posted May 25, 2020 10 minutes ago, sweet***sub said: So would you consider a playmate? Would this be something that would work in your relationship? I am SirGreens sub. He didn't originally want to look elsewhere to fulfil his sadist side. His first thoughts were to not damage our relationship by involving others just to fulfil desires I was unable to give him, he was prepared to totally surpress that side of him. I respect this so much, and in having that respect for him it makes me want for him to be able to fulfil those desires by including others in our play. To keep it from feeling wrong he keeps me fully informed of any discussions he has with other potential subs and those subs have to be open enough to build a friendship with me before any play with him can happen. This allows for his sadist side to be fulfilled, whilst not feeling like he's cheating on me.
Leisa Posted May 25, 2020 Posted May 25, 2020 Sweet I think the most important thing that is key is open and honest communication with your main. It is incredibly rare to find that one person who can fulfill all our needs and desires. Being mono myself does not mean I need a mono dominate in return. As long as both parties are honest in all aspects than anything is possible. If I could not give my Dom what he needs out of our relationship by myself I’d trust enough that he’d be able to get whatever it is I cannot provide in a safe environment knowing that our relationship was separate and apart from any other relationships he may pursue. I think the main focus points should be communication and trust.
Si**** Posted May 25, 2020 Posted May 25, 2020 34 minutes ago, sweet***sub said: So would you consider a playmate? Would this be something that would work in your relationship? lol yes to your answer. I have an ad placed. @Kitty, your fabulous xxx
Deleted Member Posted May 25, 2020 Author Posted May 25, 2020 41 minutes ago, KittyKuffs said: I am SirGreens sub. He didn't originally want to look elsewhere to fulfil his sadist side. His first thoughts were to not damage our relationship by involving others just to fulfil desires I was unable to give him, he was prepared to totally surpress that side of him. I respect this so much, and in having that respect for him it makes me want for him to be able to fulfil those desires by including others in our play. To keep it from feeling wrong he keeps me fully informed of any discussions he has with other potential subs and those subs have to be open enough to build a friendship with me before any play with him can happen. This allows for his sadist side to be fulfilled, whilst not feeling like he's cheating on me. Thank you for sharing your dynamic and how it works for you. It’s something I hadn’t considered at all but it makes so much sense now that I have and that people have responded to my post in such a positive way. It gives me hope for the future and also opens the door to so many other possibilities.
Deleted Member Posted May 25, 2020 Author Posted May 25, 2020 40 minutes ago, Leisa said: Sweet I think the most important thing that is key is open and honest communication with your main. It is incredibly rare to find that one person who can fulfill all our needs and desires. Being mono myself does not mean I need a mono dominate in return. As long as both parties are honest in all aspects than anything is possible. If I could not give my Dom what he needs out of our relationship by myself I’d trust enough that he’d be able to get whatever it is I cannot provide in a safe environment knowing that our relationship was separate and apart from any other relationships he may pursue. I think the main focus points should be communication and trust. I think I need to relax a little bit on my list of wants and needs and work on trying to build a healthy dynamic with someone with the possibility of getting all my (and their) needs met in future. I got so stuck on my maso side I became blinkered by it, time to take the blinkers off and focus elsewhere. Thank you Leisa 😊
Jinxy Posted June 5, 2020 Posted June 5, 2020 I know you've gotten a lot of great comments already with much the same conclusion so I'll try to keep mine brief. If my partner was interested in something that isn't my comfort area then I would definitely let him play with someone else. But, I don't like the idea of playing separately (and because I have some voyeur in me), so I would actually prefer to be present and watch the session rather than having them go off on their own.
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