First time visiting a sub

[Jonnypowell1]

Hi there,

As soon as the lockdown is off I'll be visiting my first sub and I really cant wait. I'm just a bit unsure about the sort of etiquette that goes with it. Does it matter if I'm fully clothed? Or can I take my clothes off as well? Are there other things to consider? 

I will talk to her about boundaries before starting but just curious about other peoples experiences. 

Thanks

 

[ey****]

Boundaries should be discussed.

If I'm playing with a sub then I seldom take clothes off and check boundaries.  Obviously I take clothes off if I'm going to *** on them, for example.  I think it's a case of what is appropriate for the scene.

If it's someone you've not played with before make sure they're aware of and not afraid to use a safeword and only engage in activities you are confident you can do safely.

Discuss likes and dislikes and limits before starting and, especially as it's a first time - focus more on the mutual likes.  

[Leisa]

Treat the first in person meeting like any other first meeting and allow it to develop naturally especially if you want this to be a long term relationship. The dynamics of a first face to face are different than the getting to know you phase you’re currently engaged in. This first meeting allows you to reaffirm and explore boundaries, limits, preferences, and goals. These are conversations that should have already happened prior but are important enough to have again when sitting there face to face to gauge reactions and cues on how far to take things. Both parties keeping your clothes on gives you both the opportunity to reaffirm the you are each what the other is seeking. If it leads into play than you have your answer and can be guided from there depending upon the scene being played. Unless previously agreed upon through discussion don’t go in seeking a one off.

[Deleted Member]

Well said

 

[Phoenyx]

Approach this as you would any other first date.  Still, be prepared for emotions and passions to be a little more intense than a typical "vanilla" meet.  At first, you will both be assessing each other---comparing "real life" to the mental images that had been formed while online.  Be prepared for a couple/few minor disappointments.  Of course, there may also be a few pleasant surprises.  No one is ever exactly as you pictured them.  Once you start to become more comfortable with each other, you can begin discussing wants, needs, and limits.  I know that this is obvious, but, it is important to relax and be yourself.  Show her the real person, the person that she is truly wanting to know.

Needless to say, in your excitement, don't try to rush things.  But, don't be nervous and drag your feet, either.  And, don't let her try to rush things.  Take the time to get to know each other's kinks, and where the boundaries lie.  Up to now, your chats have been just the preliminaries.  Now, you are getting down to the details.

In preparation, you may want to practice reading people.  Get to where it becomes a habit---second nature.  The ability to read others is a Dom's greatest strength.  The more that you are able to read a sub, the more they will tend to melt in your hands.  She will likely find such an ability to be very erotic.   It's not all about being stern, commanding, and a harsh task master.  That comes later, once the two of you have found a comfortable style of play.

In the mean time, grocery-store clerks make good subjects for practice.  I know, it has become a bit harder, now that everyone is wearing masks.  Still, try to pay attention to eye contact, voice inflection, body language, etc.  But, don't stare!  After you leave the store, replay in your head, what you just noticed.  What conclusions come to mind?  After a while, you may find the confidence to comment on what you sense.  Engaging in meaningful conversation will become second nature---even if it's with someone that you only meet for a minute.

Finally, let me say Good Luck!  I'm sure that you will find the experience quite rewarding.

[Vandalslut]

4 hours ago, phoenyx said:

The more that you are able to read a sub, the more they will tend to melt in your hands.  She will likely find such an ability to be very erotic.

This VERY true!

[Deleted Member]

On 5/26/2020 at 11:40 PM, phoenyx said:

Approach this as you would any other first date.  Still, be prepared for emotions and passions to be a little more intense than a typical "vanilla" meet.  At first, you will both be assessing each other---comparing "real life" to the mental images that had been formed while online.  Be prepared for a couple/few minor disappointments.  Of course, there may also be a few pleasant surprises.  No one is ever exactly as you pictured them.  Once you start to become more comfortable with each other, you can begin discussing wants, needs, and limits.  I know that this is obvious, but, it is important to relax and be yourself.  Show her the real person, the person that she is truly wanting to know.

this is good advice, thank you. Even though in dating its relatively obvious how one should act if theyre genuine, etiquette and approach is something i too have worried over, even if thats just because this type of site has the extra dynamic of being sexually based too, after coming here i wasnt aware if there was a different kind of etiquette that 2 people with these kinds of interests would use if they've decided to enter into play before hand. obviously everyone is normal, im not saying things would be different because of the added interaction but coming in as a vanilla guy i didnt know if there would be differences or not and it's good to know that there isnt any added/differing etiquette or different way of behaving. god damn i hate how naive and presumptuous i sound.