Wyrmsbane Posted May 27, 2020 Posted May 27, 2020 Hi all Myself and my wife have been exploring this lifestyle for a few months we mostly keep it to the bedroom as we have small kids (especially during lock down). We have been enjoying exploring together. So far we have mostly been practising bondage and we also enjoy spanking with and without tools. We have Paddles, floggers, a riding crop The main thing I struggle with is how hard to go, I guess I worry I may hurt her too much or leave welts etc. What I tend to do is just each session go a little harder and afterwards discuss it with her, she always says she enjoyed it but I could go harder. Also I believe it needs to be different for different tools and I tend to limit harder strikes to her butt only is there other areas that can take harder strikes or a good method to determine how hard to go in each area or with each tool, or is it just trial and error. (I would stop instantly if she uses a safe word or tells me I have gone too hard... The problem is more the other way she says she wants to feel the sting after). Secondly i use cuffs and collars but want to try to use ropes more I did a few times in the last week and we both really enjoyed it but I find it took ages to tie and untie the ropes and worry if I needed to remove them in a hurry (I may be an over considerate dom lol).
E-dUbBs Posted May 27, 2020 Posted May 27, 2020 Firstly always warm up so what you’re doing is right going softly at first I’d suggest having 2 safewords a red to stop the whole session and an amber to change/check in etc That way you have a reference point as in she can amber if it’s too hard Secondly get some paramedics scissors and keep them nearby That’s a quick get out of any tie you do Most important is that you’re already careful That’s always a good starting point Read learn and ask best way forward Have fun and enjoy
Wo**** Posted May 27, 2020 Posted May 27, 2020 Keep doing what you're doing! You're in the great position of communicating with your partner and she wants you go harder, do more rather than pull things back. Whipping and impact play is my kink... try the riding crop on her breasts, inner thighs and pussy. Or her shoulders and back. Raid the kitchen drawer too... spatula, wooden or plastic spoons.... Restraint wise.... rope under the mattress, tie the cuffs to the rope. You're doing things well. It's great that you're discussing how it went each time. Enjoy exploring more... And over considerate? No. You're a responsible, caring Dom. We need more like you x
Deleted Member Posted May 27, 2020 Posted May 27, 2020 3 hours ago, Wyrmsbane said: Hi all Myself and my wife have been exploring this lifestyle for a few months we mostly keep it to the bedroom as we have small kids (especially during lock down). We have been enjoying exploring together. So far we have mostly been practising bondage and we also enjoy spanking with and without tools. We have Paddles, floggers, a riding crop worry if I needed to remove them in a hurry (I may be an over considerate dom lol). A wise man, your doing all exactly as you should. A sharp knife close by is advisable incase something does go wrong and you need to release her quickly incase a knot is too tight etc.
Si**** Posted May 27, 2020 Posted May 27, 2020 You could try the 5 finger indicator. Have her make a fist, then as you hit she holds out fingers to indicate level. 1 finger=too soft, 2 fingers=nice but can take more, 3 fingers=perfect willing to push limit, 4 limit reached keep to that for now so i can get used to it, 5 fingers=go back to impact level 3. Still have your safe words for when they are needed. ultimately, communication is paramount and encouragement to be open and frank on both sides. Also consider chatting when sober (not in the zone of play and enjoyment). Sometime the heat of play can linger and blur judgement. ATB
Leisa Posted May 27, 2020 Posted May 27, 2020 Everyone else has covered things in such a positive and wonderful way. Sir Green’s funguses method is an excellent way to determine her *** threshold and what she’s most comfortable with receiving. It’s the method we use and it works wonderfully. Welts will only lead to slight bruising don’t leave a permanent mark and maybe exactly what she’s asking you to do without knowing how to express it since you’ve never gone that hard. You’re already a good Dom and we’ll on your way to becoming exactly what you both need and desire. Explore and have fun getting there.
Leisa Posted May 27, 2020 Posted May 27, 2020 I wish there was a way to edit a post on here for misspellings. Finger not fungus
Deleted Member Posted May 27, 2020 Posted May 27, 2020 I think it's beautiful that you and your wife are exploring together. It's also natural to be hesitant. These kinds of relationships thrive on trust. She trusts you to stop when she says to. You trust her to tell you when it's too much. I love the finger method of suggestion, that's a quick visual that will be hard to misinterpret. And as it's been mentioned before, keep those scissors around for quick release if needed. As for other places to land a strike... Personally, I like strikes on my bottom are easier to take (there's more muscle there). But my thighs (inner thighs especially) are ridiculously sensitive. You could land a strike with the same *** on the bottom to the thighs and it will feel different. That may be one option you both could try that also allows you the opportunity to identify your own thresholds. I hope these suggestions help. Please remember, they're only suggestions, Sir. Ultimately, it is your decision. Good Luck!!
Wyrmsbane Posted May 27, 2020 Author Posted May 27, 2020 Thank you all, just showed all of these comments to my wife as well and we are definitely going to try some of the suggestions. My wife said everyone seems really friendly and welcoming too.
ey**** Posted May 27, 2020 Posted May 27, 2020 keep working - remember, you can always go harder 'next time' also discuss with her if she particularly wants marks
cautiousswitch Posted May 27, 2020 Posted May 27, 2020 9 hours ago, Wyrmsbane said: Also I believe it needs to be different for different tools and I tend to limit harder strikes to her butt only is there other areas that can take harder strikes or a good method to determine how hard to go in each area or with each tool, or is it just trial and error. This may be the hardest part to deal with. Different toys use feel different with the same amount of ***. People have mentioned a warm up period. You'll want to do a new warm up if you switch tools during a session.
Wo**** Posted May 27, 2020 Posted May 27, 2020 2 hours ago, cautiousswitch said: This may be the hardest part to deal with. Different toys use feel different with the same amount of ***. People have mentioned a warm up period. You'll want to do a new warm up if you switch tools during a session. I did a post somewhere about how each one feels, that might help.. A Good Thrashing.
Vandalslut Posted May 27, 2020 Posted May 27, 2020 The only thing I would add here is aftercare - practical and emotional, so check out remedies for welts, bruising etc (if needed) and what she needs from you when sub drop strikes. This question was asked a little while ago, check out the question and answers: https://www.fetish/topic/11121-sub-drops/?tab=comments#comment-48963 Good luck, and well done for asking. Feel free to send us a PM if you feel we can be of any help.
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