Hot wifer

[DyllanTheHuman]

Totally new to this so I guess I’ll just send it.. I’m super into the whole hot wifer/cuckold thing but my girl wants nothing to do with it. I can’t wrap my head around why a girl wouldn’t want that!? Anyone have some thoughts on that?

[ey****]

I think it's important to learn to understand why your partner might not be automatically happy to indulge in your fetishes.

On paper - you're telling her to go out and have sex with someone for your gratification - and, well, she probably has these things called boundaries.

[Deleted Member]

Boundaries need to be respected. Not my thing as a woman, but each to their own.

[Deleted Member]

We all like different things, I struggle to understand how you would find that concept difficult and if that's not her thing then that really should be the end of the conversation. Maybe it's you who has the issue and not her????

[Deleted Member]

Are you thick? Stds corona hiv and your asking this dumb Q. And she should just because you would "like" her to haha maybe go get gangbanged by hung dudes..maybe then shel change her mind

Edited May 30, 2020 by Deleted Member
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[Deleted Member]

Having been in a situation where the other person wanted me to do something I really wasn't comfortable with, I can say from personal experience that it is the most uncomfortable I've ever been. Exploring fetishes should be enjoyable for both people, if this isn't the case then you have an obligation as a partner to steer clear of the act. Even so much as mentioning it in passive conversation is putting pressure on the other person to do it which is, in my opinion, very wrong. Although I applaud you on asking the question before pursuing anything.

[Deleted Member]

Yes... you are new.... so so new. You’ll learn

[Leisa]

So many thoughts most of which I’ll keep to myself. You said you’re very new which makes me believe that she’s also very new and you’re trying to learn together. As such you both are still trying to decide what your limits and preferences are. She’s said no and as someone wanting to be in a dynamic that needs to be the end of the discussion of it. She doesn’t have to justify her limits to you or anyone else. That’s the great thing about limits. The first thing you need to learn is that this entire lifestyle is based on honesty, trust, respect, and communication. I sounds like she’s living up to her basics but you’re not. Instead of respecting her boundaries you’re trying to push past them. What’s next? You don’t understand her use of a safe word and keep pushing because you don’t understand it. Frankly, if I told my dominant I was not willing to do something and he continued to push that boundary I’d leave. If I cannot trust him to respect my boundaries than I could not expect him to respect my use of a safe word or my body language if I was unable to speak. Maybe you need to explore your reasons for wanting to become a member of our lifestyle before plunging head first. If it’s just to get your rocks off go a different route. In addition to being disrespectful of her boundaries and limits your actions are putting her at risk for diseases, ***, and damage. If you we’re trying to be my dominant I’d have cut you lose the first time I said no and you kept pushing. I hope she stays strong in her resolve to say no and if she’s on the forum reaches out to strong another strong submissive for guidance and as a sounding board.

[rossco-4359]

Just because your into it doesn’t automatically mean she is, I’m going to guess that you’ve romanticised the whole idea in your head do that you cage see anything negative about the idea. It’s very likely from her perspective it isn’t the great idea you’ve turned into, a lot of people like the idea of being with one person & simply don’t like the idea of promiscuity. I hate to say it but given from what you’ve said I think your being a little selfish not seeing things from her perspective

[cautiousswitch]

You just told her that you are turned on by the thought of not having sex with her.  Some women would find that insulting.

[Deleted Member]

My wife and I emailed a list of our boundaries to each other. We listed things that were OK, things we'd consider, and definite no's. As our Dom/s relationship developed we now have a cintract in place. Its important that you understand the boundaries otherwise you might put her off and you'll be playing on your own.

[Deleted Member]

maybe she's emotionally involved with YOU and find the idea of sleeping with other people disgusting? i had the very real opportunity to cheat in my last relationship and even though i could tell it was far too late for us and the relationship was dead i still had no desire to sleep with someone while i was with her, we were together and no matter where we were at that time her and ONLY her had my undivided loyalty. Her saying no means she has no fantasies or desires of being in a situation like that, especially if the gravity of the way you worded it as "wants nothing to do with it" is to be taken seriously, in which case you drop it until SHE brings it up again, she said no, its not up for debate, its up for discussion and understanding of her reasons nothing more. im very new here myself but the first thing i learned is that to venture into this world means complete understanding and trust in each other, each others wants/desires and each others limits. respect and understanding is paramount in a relationship involving bdsm, it sounds to me like you dont respect her limit but i could be reading too much into it there, it depends if your question was based around trying to understand why someone might not want that or whether it was meant more of a complaint that she will not do what you want. if its the latter you have some thinking to do about whether you belong in this lifestyle. dont get me wrong, i'm not certain i belong here yet but im here to learn and figure that out, thats part of the journey. just be respectful of her limits, a limit should never be broken under any circumstances unless the person with the limit tells you it can be broken, no pestering, no wearing down, no repeatedly asking, no coming back to it when she doesnt expect it, nothing......untill SHE brings up the subject unless you wish to discuss your options of looking elsewhere to satisfy your desire. if anyone reading this thinks ive said anything out of order or wrong, please let me know, this is just what ive learned so far and i'd be happy to receive feedback on that.

[Deleted Member]

im also with cautiousswitch, seeing it from her perspective you just told her you dont want to sleep with her, i very much doubt i'd know how to handle hearing that information coming from the person i was with. just try to step back and think about it from her perspective

[DyllanTheHuman]

A lot of people getting triggered by this and making assumptions.. as a guy, if my girl wanted to bring in another girl I’d be stoked. I wanted a females perspective on why they wouldn’t feel the same if the roles were reversed. We have a VERY healthy relationship and I don’t *** anything on her, so to everyone that wants to crucify me for a question? 

[DyllanTheHuman]

It’s hilarious to me that I can go on a fetish website and have almost everyone rip on me because it’s not a domination fetish. My gf and I have sex all the time, I never said I don’t have sex with her, I like the idea of sharing her or having three ways and I wanted other people’s perspectives on why she may not be into it. Where do you people come up with this shit honestly 

[DyllanTheHuman]

Leisa you’re talking about me pushing her boundaries? Where did you even come up with that? My lord, I said I’m really into it, she knows I’m into it, she teases me with it and gets me going with it but doesn’t want to actually do it. I never once have tried pressuring her into doing it. I can’t believe how many of you took this and tried to make me out to be a douche bag over having a fantasy damn

[DyllanTheHuman]

Rough95 I want other people’s opinions, I want to know who is into it and what their process was etc, you think I’m gonna let some random fuck with a ton of diseases bang my girl? I don’t think I’m in the right place 

[cautiousswitch]

10 minutes ago, DyllanTheHuman said:

It’s hilarious to me that I can go on a fetish website and have almost everyone rip on me because it’s not a domination fetish. My gf and I have sex all the time, I never said I don’t have sex with her, I like the idea of sharing her or having three ways and I wanted other people’s perspectives on why she may not be into it. Where do you people come up with this shit honestly 

You asked why she wouldn't be interested in something that you are interested in.  Reasons have been given. 

Cuckolding is a thing, but your question was phrased as if you assumed she should automatically be into it as much as you are.

[Leisa]

21 minutes ago, DyllanTheHuman said:

Leisa you’re talking about me pushing her boundaries? Where did you even come up with that? My lord, I said I’m really into it, she knows I’m into it, she teases me with it and gets me going with it but doesn’t want to actually do it. I never once have tried pressuring her into doing it. I can’t believe how many of you took this and tried to make me out to be a douche bag over having a fantasy damn

If everyone is saying the same thing instead of calling them names maybe you should consider how you phrased things. Personally even though my Dom is poly, I’m mono and he respects that. It’s all about respect for another person and their thoughts. If you don’t want the pushback and feedback you received maybe make yourself more clear in the future or stay off the forum 🤷🏼‍♀️

[Th****]

17 hours ago, DyllanTheHuman said:

I’m super into the whole hot wifer/cuckold thing but my girl wants nothing to do with it. I can’t wrap my head around why a girl wouldn’t want that!?

If you wonder why people got the impression that your g/f does not want anything to do with this my friend  it was probably the wording. 

I would take "My girl wants nothing to do with it." as a withdrawal of explicit consent.

1 hour ago, DyllanTheHuman said:

as a guy, if my girl wanted to bring in another girl I’d be stoked. I wanted a females perspective on why they wouldn’t feel the same if the roles were reversed.

I am sure you would, well you certainly got their perspective.

1 hour ago, DyllanTheHuman said:

It’s hilarious to me that I can go on a fetish website and have almost everyone rip on me because it’s not a domination fetish.

I think this reaction is nothing to do with Domination but with consent. (See above.) As I am sure you know BDSM without consent is often referred to as ***. Please note I am not calling you abusive just highlighting the reason for the blow back.

1 hour ago, DyllanTheHuman said:

Leisa you’re talking about me pushing her boundaries? Where did you even come up with that? My lord, I said I’m really into it, she knows I’m into it, she teases me with it and gets me going with it but doesn’t want to actually do it.

 I think Tink was referring to this...

 

17 hours ago, DyllanTheHuman said:

but my girl wants nothing to do with it.

This community respects and accepts everyone that extends the same privilege to its members and everyone else..

Be Happy   

Edited May 30, 2020 by Thebian

[Deleted Member]

Don't even know where to begin so I'll keep this short as many others have already made many key points.
In life when people respond to you with concerns or criticisms of you possibly being selfish or abusive it only confirms or rein***s that to start insulting them.
This could have been cleared up with you simply explaining your point further however it seems you chose the Trump approach.
I think you're absolutely right that "maybe this isn't the right place" though I would argue the entire BDSM scene isn't the right place as you will likely find other sites and communities saying the same as here.

[ey****]

Your initial approach seemed to be one where you didn't understand why she didn't want this.  I think folk were just offering suggestions.

The best way, as always, is to ask her.  To tell her you are serious with what you are asking.

If she still says "No" - then, this might not be up for discussion and just be something you have to live with.  But, only she knows the reasons she wouldn't be interested.

And, it's not for everyone - because some ladies I've spoke to have felt they feel pressured to find someone for sex, or have sex with someone they really don't want to.  That could be a vibe.  

[Vandalslut]

20 hours ago, DyllanTheHuman said:

Totally new to this so I guess I’ll just send it.. I’m super into the whole hot wifer/cuckold thing but my girl wants nothing to do with it. I can’t wrap my head around why a girl wouldn’t want that!? Anyone have some thoughts on that?  I wanted a females perspective on why they wouldn’t feel the same if the roles were reversed

Try reading your original post out loud, and you'll see why many here have responded the way they have.  It wasn't very clear what you really wanted to know. 

Hopefully I've got this right - you want a woman's perspective on why they would not want to play out a cuckold /threesome fantasy? Well - for me, I am afraid - literally afraid - that  another Dom would not be as knowledgeable, caring and lovingly sadistic as the Vandal. When he's been asked if he will lend me out, he's asked me what I want. I want him, not another man. He respects and accepts that. As for bringing in a second girl? It would  break my heart that I could not be all my Lord wanted.   Thankfully, he's never wanted another girl.

You can't wrap your head around why a girl wouldn't want that? I'm not sure what the problem is here. She does not want to play out a cuckold fantasy. It doesn't turn her on. You find it erotic.  She does not. She wants only you. Be flattered. You have one fantasy - she has another.  You're super into hot wife/cuckold and she isn't. Maybe her teasing you with the prospect of fantasy fulfilment will be enough for you - but if it isn't and you desperately have to carry out this fantasy, find another girl. I don't know what you have to 'wrap your head around'  - as has been said already, we're all different.

Everyone has different fantasies and fetishes, and all of them are respected here, not just  domination fantasies or fetishes. We are not all the same - one man's kink is another man's no-go. No-one here has ***d you or called you names. If you want answers, then make it clear what you want to know. Your question sounded like, "Why isn't she into it?" The only possible answer to that is: She isn't, so...deal with it. You could ask your girl why she personally doesn't want to indulge you in this. You can ask a hundred women here, and you'll get a hundred different answers as to 'why not'.

You say you are new to a fetish lifestyle - yes, you are. In healthy kink relationships, no matter what the kink may be,  there's dynamics and protocols to ensure a healthy relationship. These are unique to each relationship.  If you want a kink relationship with your girl, start reading up on these things so you can both enjoy a healthy partnership.

If you have any other questions, just phrase them out carefully, draft before posting, sit on the draft for an hour then read it again, so people can answer you without a slinging match erupting due to communication breakdown. Good luck, hope you can sort something out with your girl.

[Leisa]

12 minutes ago, Vandalslut said:

Try reading your original post out loud, and you'll see why many here have responded the way they have.  It wasn't very clear what you really wanted to know. 

Hopefully I've got this right - you want a woman's perspective on why they would not want to play out a cuckold /threesome fantasy? Well - for me, I am afraid - literally afraid - that  another Dom would not be as knowledgeable, caring and lovingly sadistic as the Vandal. When he's been asked if he will lend me out, he's asked me what I want. I want him, not another man. He respects and accepts that. As for bringing in a second girl? It would  break my heart that I could not be all my Lord wanted.   Thankfully, he's never wanted another girl.

You can't wrap your head around why a girl wouldn't want that? I'm not sure what the problem is here. She does not want to play out a cuckold fantasy. It doesn't turn her on. You find it erotic.  She does not. She wants only you. Be flattered. You have one fantasy - she has another.  You're super into hot wife/cuckold and she isn't. Maybe her teasing you with the prospect of fantasy fulfilment will be enough for you - but if it isn't and you desperately have to carry out this fantasy, find another girl. I don't know what you have to 'wrap your head around'  - as has been said already, we're all different.

Everyone has different fantasies and fetishes, and all of them are respected here, not just  domination fantasies or fetishes. We are not all the same - one man's kink is another man's no-go. No-one here has ***d you or called you names. If you want answers, then make it clear what you want to know. Your question sounded like, "Why isn't she into it?" The only possible answer to that is: She isn't, so...deal with it. You could ask your girl why she personally doesn't want to indulge you in this. You can ask a hundred women here, and you'll get a hundred different answers as to 'why not'.

You say you are new to a fetish lifestyle - yes, you are. In healthy kink relationships, no matter what the kink may be,  there's dynamics and protocols to ensure a healthy relationship. These are unique to each relationship.  If you want a kink relationship with your girl, start reading up on these things so you can both enjoy a healthy partnership.

If you have any other questions, just phrase them out carefully, draft before posting, sit on the draft for an hour then read it again, so people can answer you without a slinging match erupting due to communication breakdown. Good luck, hope you can sort something out with your girl.

Always the voice of reason. Thank you 

[Deleted Member]

13 hours ago, DyllanTheHuman said:

A lot of people getting triggered by this and making assumptions.. as a guy, if my girl wanted to bring in another girl I’d be stoked. I wanted a females perspective on why they wouldn’t feel the same if the roles were reversed. We have a VERY healthy relationship and I don’t *** anything on her, so to everyone that wants to crucify me for a question? 

You asked for opinion, you got it. You sound like a right dicksplash asking others then kicking off as you don't like the replies. Maybe rather than asking us you should be asking her..Why don't I like the colour brown? I have no idea I just don't, there is no reason for it it's just part of what I am. Sometimes we don't have a reason.