Passion

[Deleted Member]

So this has been playing on my mind a lot lately and is actually quite an embarrassing subject to approach but here it goes! 
 

I'm quite a passionate person in general, be that in person or in writing. I’m passionate about BDSM, work and life in general. I’m also quite passionate when it comes to sex... I love to straddle and kiss aggressively although I struggle to be passionate and submissive at the same time with a new Dominant. It’s almost like I freeze and become a fumbling mess forgetting how to serve. This was never an issue in my long term D/S relationship where sometimes I’d even playfully take the lead... sitting on his lap as if to say ‘I’m ready to be used Sir.’ However I just can’t seem to find that balance with new endeavours and this leads to being unsatisfied by all parties.

 

HELP; if you’ve seen my sexual submissive passion send her home 😂

 

💗

Edited June 1, 2020 by Deleted Member

[ne****]

What I'm hearing you say is that when you meet someone new, you like to initiate contact. But, you think that this is at odds with being a submissive person?

[typhoon2]

Until you submit you're their equal. There is nothing wring in being passionate until the moment comes when you want to submit, if ever, to that person.

[Deleted Member]

@nerdfriend not so much initiate it but not be as stiff and submissive so the desire and passion doesn’t get portrayed. 
 

@typhoon2  sometimes there’s online submission prior... sometimes not so how if anyway would that make a difference? 
 

💗

[E-dUbBs]

This is in my eyes a simple fix
Basically
You do you and he as a Dom will control where needed
initiation isn’t topping in my view
Be true to yourself it’s the only way

[Deleted Member]

@E-dUbBs so a Dominant wouldn’t be offended? I was with my last for a period of time and lots of vanilla time too so felt within reason that sometimes I’d initiate things 

💗

[Sir_Blaze]

unless you're in a high protocol D/s relationship , i dont see the problem with a submissive jumping their dominants and passionately innitiating a session. I personally like pasionate subs and i do love it when they start something, despite common misconceptions we Dom's aren't mind readers so don't always know when a subs in the mood :) we like communication and if that communication is getting straddled and passionately kissed i know i'd be down for that :)

if you're 24/7 Gorean or High protocol i can see an issue with it but i'm not into either of them in a full time role nore are a lot so you should be fine as long as you have openly told them this is something you enjoy

[E-dUbBs]

1 hour ago, little_dark_princess said:

@E-dUbBs so a Dominant wouldn’t be offended? I was with my last for a period of time and lots of vanilla time too so felt within reason that sometimes I’d initiate things 

💗

I very certainly wouldn’t 
i love my sub initiating fun 

[typhoon2]

@typhoon2 sometimes there’s online submission prior... sometimes not so how if anyway would that make a difference?

I have no experience of online submission being offered prior to meeting so can't comment in detail. generaly it should offer no difference - you are equals until you submit. Demanding submission or suppressing passion before they have a valid claim to do so is a red flag as far as I'm concerned. Then again I've never had to demand submission or wanted to suppress a potential sub's passion so again I'm not best placed to comment from that perspective.

[Deleted Member]

this is your big problem, you are in control even with a Top. you need to find an Alpha Dom, not someone whos got switch dna. I would never have a sub who instigate or tell me what to do.

[Deleted Member]

@FabSeverus shhhhhh

[Deleted Member]

I have struggled with this as well, sometimes you get so excited and caught up you start to seem to take control. (Key word being seem)

However a good partner / Dom will worship this part of you too I'm sure ! I have often found that Dom's like that the sub is eager and has a bit of bite herself as it is all the more fun to teach them to behave 😉

I say be you, be passionate and a worthy Dom will find a way to take your passion and make your relationship even more than it already is!

Sending lots of hugs and cuddles 🤗

[Hangingtuff]

You just need to be patient with yourself, not everything clicks straight away, see where the chemistry takes you and it will come, it's just about getting comfortable with each other

[Deleted Member]

3 minutes ago, Samantha-Jayne said:

I have struggled with this as well, sometimes you get so excited and caught up you start to seem to take control. (Key word being seem)

However a good partner / Dom will worship this part of you too I'm sure ! I have often found that Dom's like that the sub is eager and has a bit of bite herself as it is all the more fun to teach them to behave 😉

I say be you, be passionate and a worthy Dom will find a way to take your passion and make your relationship even more than it already is!

Sending lots of hugs and cuddles 🤗

Thank you @Samantha-Jayne I feel better knowing it’s more than just me 💗

[Deleted Member]

@Hangingtuff I wish I could see where it goes but it’s be the demise twice now 

[Deleted Member]

Is there someone you know, that you feel comfortable with and are also into BDSM like you, if so, try rediscovering through a couple of play sessions with them? just an idea and in know way meant to come across as arrogant or insulting 😊

[Deleted Member]

6 minutes ago, Saints2494 said:

Is there someone you know, that you feel comfortable with and are also into BDSM like you, if so, try rediscovering through a couple of play sessions with them? just an idea and in know way meant to come across as arrogant or insulting 😊

I’m neither, unfortunately... no there isn’t.

 

im you arching 50 shades freed... I’m a lost cause lmao 💗

[Leisa]

There’s nothing wrong with showing passion to get play started. Your Dom should be able to regain control when they so choose. Mine allows me to think I have control of the situation sometimes but in reality always has control.

[Deleted Member]

10 hours ago, little_dark_princess said:

I’m neither, unfortunately... no there isn’t.

 

im you arching 50 shades freed... I’m a lost cause lmao 💗

No one is ever a lost cause; I guess it just means you haven’t found the right one and it just means you can learn and explore more whilst you seek your Dom 😉😊

[Deleted Member]

10 hours ago, little_dark_princess said:

I’m neither, unfortunately... no there isn’t.

 

im you arching 50 shades freed... I’m a lost cause lmao 💗

The typos! 
and now I’m watching 50 shades freed!..... I’d never seen it and no I learnt nothing 🤣

[Ky****]

I'm also confused, isn't that part of the joy of being a dom having your sub, at least if the dom is a sexually active top, desperate and hungry for you to enter them, especially if as you do you list yourself as a brat, I my case ad I take it that's true for you a word that means tame me- not sure why nymphomaniac isn't also an archetype or the sub version of it-it'd go on my profile like a rat up a drainpipe

[Deleted Member]

One of the delights of the D/s dynamic is that  everyone has a slightly different interpretation of what Domination and submission means to them. All approaches are perfectly valid expect were rules and norms are violated.

I think part of a Dom's role is to get a sub to be expressive and articulate what their desires and wants are, so having a sub on your lap who wants to initiate is great from my point of view. I'm experienced enough to let things flow and see what happens and if I'm seeing attempts to top from the bottom, then I'll take some corrective measures to stop that unless it is something that has been negotiated.  

Being a passionate submissive is a part of who you ldp so I doubt that you would want to stop doing that. As ever the context is important and to have that agreed either verbally or written maybe the way to go to get around the dynamic that you talk about.  

  

[Deleted Member]

1 hour ago, Kymi said:

nymphomaniac

A wonderful word and i totally agree 😊

[Wyrmsbane]

22 hours ago, little_dark_princess said:

So this has been playing on my mind a lot lately and is actually quite an embarrassing subject to approach but here it goes! 
 

I'm quite a passionate person in general, be that in person or in writing. I’m passionate about BDSM, work and life in general. I’m also quite passionate when it comes to sex... I love to straddle and kiss aggressively although I struggle to be passionate and submissive at the same time with a new Dominant. It’s almost like I freeze and become a fumbling mess forgetting how to serve. This was never an issue in my long term D/S relationship where sometimes I’d even playfully take the lead... sitting on his lap as if to say ‘I’m ready to be used Sir.’ However I just can’t seem to find that balance with new endeavours and this leads to being unsatisfied by all parties.

 

HELP; if you’ve seen my sexual submissive passion send her home 😂

 

💗

Hi I don't think there is any problem with a sub initiating things or at the very least making their desires very well known.  As a dom I enjoy my sub wanting, but it's up to you dom whether or not they let you roll with it or if they want to regain control of the play session. If you want them to do something different though you can always have a chat with them the more you talk about your desires and what makes you tick the better play becomes in my experience I often have a little chat with my wife / sub and we share what's working and what's not.  If one of you is having a dry spell or has something preventing you from engaging fully or playing the roll to the hilt then tell the other otherwise they might think it's them which can affect confidence levels etc. 

[Jinxy]

It sounds like this is causing some anxiety for you. Just know that starting out in new BDSM relationships, many people feel a little uncomfortable and unsure. It's okay! Finding how to get into that submissive space and dynamic you so easily obtained before can take some doing initially with someone new. There's a learning curve with finding out how you fit with this new partner. My recommendation would actually be to practice some self care when starting out with a new partner. This can help you manage any anxiety that might be blocking you from being able to act how you'd like to.

Another possible option to incorporate both the passion and submission is to talk with your new Dom about ways in which he can restrict how you're allowed to show your passion. For example, maybe you're allowed to initiate and kiss but you aren't allowed to touch until your Dom let's you. Or maybe when you initiate play, he requires you to turn him on to a certain level before he decides to play with you. 

As always, discussing how you're feeling and your concerns with your partner is helpful and necessary.

Edited June 2, 2020 by Jinxy
Added another example.