Thoughts of a outsider

[PrayforMojo]

I am new to even exploring BDSM, but I would express thoughts on what attracted me to it, and what I hope to gain.

So my first sexual experience was with a girl far more experienced then me. She wanted to play out a ***d sex fantasy. That is a bit much to take in for your first time with someone. Especially when your a ***. It didn't play out because I did not understand the notion. It went against core beliefs on how I wanted to treat a lady.

Like most people my perception of BDSM was shaped by the media I consumed, and for the most part still does. But it was also what attracted me too it. 

I believe BDSM is a personal experience that is different for each person. To me it is much more then props or just being just about sex. More about intimacy and the close connection you develop with someone. Not about *** but the building of self esteem. For both people.

While I want to have a more dominant role, it is not so much just about having power over someone. I believe the roles are really reversed as the submissive holds all the power over the dominant person. They can stop everything at any moment. They allow the dominant to be in control. 

For me what attracts me the most to BDSM is the communication you must have at all times with your partner. To share yourself with another person, completely. I believe this can translate over to other aspects in your relationship with each other. And build a better understanding of one's self and self confidence.

These are my personal thoughts on the subject. They may differ  from others, but that is why I am here.

[Vandalslut]

To play out a ***d sex/*** fantasy as a ***ager, and for a first time with someone is a bit like being thrown into the deep end. Given that rather startling beginning, you seem to have a good handle on the life - BDSM IS a personal experience for everyone and truly, it is more than props, sex, humilation, inflicting ***, etc. Submissives do give the Dominant authority and that's why many regarded submission as a gift - like anything else in the BDSM world, some do, some don't. All dynamics of a relationship are specific to that relationship and as long as the dynamics are workable, both parties are satisfied and communication - yes, so important! - is flowing then it will flow over into other aspects of your life.

You have written a very good profile and please feel free to PM if you'd like. Best and blessings. 

[PrayforMojo]

2 hours ago, Vandalslut said:

To play out a ***d sex/*** fantasy as a ***ager, and for a first time with someone is a bit like being thrown into the deep end. Given that rather startling beginning, you seem to have a good handle on the life - BDSM IS a personal experience for everyone and truly, it is more than props, sex, humilation, inflicting ***, etc. Submissives do give the Dominant authority and that's why many regarded submission as a gift - like anything else in the BDSM world, some do, some don't. All dynamics of a relationship are specific to that relationship and as long as the dynamics are workable, both parties are satisfied and communication - yes, so important! - is flowing then it will flow over into other aspects of your life.

You have written a very good profile and please feel free to PM if you'd like. Best and blessings. 

You would have to message me or add me as I am too new to send you a message myself. Per site restrictions.

[Leisa]

Even though you had a rough introduction to the lifestyle it sounds like you have a firm and wonderful grasp on what you’d like out of a dynamic. Each relationship is personal to that dynamic. Unless it’s just a play dynamic you’re right in that it’s more than props and scene play as they only play a role in the dynamic. I can only speak from my own relationships, both current and present, but it’s always been about the deeper connection that comes outside of play. I’m very fortunate to have met amazing partners with whom I developed deep and lasting connections with even after the dynamic ceased to exist though I suppose the friendship remaining after the play aspect of ended is still a dynamic of a different sort.

[PrayforMojo]

23 minutes ago, Leisa said:

Even though you had a rough introduction to the lifestyle it sounds like you have a firm and wonderful grasp on what you’d like out of a dynamic. Each relationship is personal to that dynamic. Unless it’s just a play dynamic you’re right in that it’s more than props and scene play as they only play a role in the dynamic. I can only speak from my own relationships, both current and present, but it’s always been about the deeper connection that comes outside of play. I’m very fortunate to have met amazing partners with whom I developed deep and lasting connections with even after the dynamic ceased to exist though I suppose the friendship remaining after the play aspect of ended is still a dynamic of a different sort.

I wish I could say I had similar experiences. My ideas are mostly from how I want a relationship to work, coming from lots of reflection of my past relationships. I did not want to even explore the notion of BDSM until had a good grasp on what I wanted out of it beyond what most people see on the surface. I felt if I did not it could warp my future experience into something destructive.

[cautiousswitch]

As an adult, the notion of ***d sex scenarios still leaves me a bit squeamish.  I can see some dynamics where it might seem appealing but the contradiction of consensually acting out a non-consent situation is one I have trouble wrapping my head around.  ***agers wanting to play them out somehow seems a little more disturbing.  And I checked your profile to find that you were a ***ager in an age where date *** was a more talked about issue.  That situation couldn't have been an easy one to face, congratulations for handling it as well as you did.

Despite that introduction to BDSM, you have a healthy attitude towards the lifestyle.

[PrayforMojo]

50 minutes ago, cautiousswitch said:

As an adult, the notion of ***d sex scenarios still leaves me a bit squeamish.  I can see some dynamics where it might seem appealing but the contradiction of consensually acting out a non-consent situation is one I have trouble wrapping my head around.  ***agers wanting to play them out somehow seems a little more disturbing.  And I checked your profile to find that you were a ***ager in an age where date *** was a more talked about issue.  That situation couldn't have been an easy one to face, congratulations for handling it as well as you did.

Despite that introduction to BDSM, you have a healthy attitude towards the lifestyle.

Thanks for your comment. At the time of that *** thing was just too much right out of the gate. I tried for her but her but after a minute stopped it. Told her I did not want to ever hurt her. She understood but also seemed surprised. For what I remember she kinda changed after that. In a good way, but I think some people had treated her badly.

Even now that I want to be in control, I never want to be demeaning at all.