Deleted Member Posted June 4, 2020 Posted June 4, 2020 I'm 51 and as such was raised to always show respect to my elders, always respect those who have more experience than I in any given field be that Kink or anywhere else. This scene in big on tradition and as such for the last year that I have been on this site i have as much as possible employed these standards, I'm starting to see what a waste of time this is. Those who have been involved for many years does not necessarily mean they are "more" than one who joined last week. It's again all down to the character of the individual, how they treat others, whether they are willing to open their minds to differering points of view no matter how many years they have under their belt. I had it pointed out to me recently by a Dom who's been in the scene 8 years that they have had more subs that i and they have much more experience that I which is totally correct. However does that make them a better man? No is the simple answer. I have seen intolerance and kink shaming, plain rudeness and to some extent ignorance and judgment from those who have multiple years within this scene.I try to be as tolerant of others as I can be, I am far from perfect and through my life have had my fair share of "dickhead" moments and I'm sure I will have a few more yet, my point? Respect is indeed earned and should not be automatically awarded just because one may have more experience or knowledge. It does not make them more than a newbie and my old school way of looking at things it seems in many ways is actually wrong.
Deleted Member Posted June 4, 2020 Author Posted June 4, 2020 This doesn’t just happen to new older Doms, it happens to Subs too. I’ve found that I get the least respect from Doms of a certain age group that have no interest in me as a person but simply how I can serve. When I challenge their approach and ask for respect I’m called a fake or too domme to dom. My point is stick with it and be true to yourself to find the perfect fit for you. 💗
ey**** Posted June 4, 2020 Posted June 4, 2020 1 hour ago, Donnykinkster said: I had it pointed out to me recently by a Dom who's been in the scene 8 years that they have had more subs that i I've got a spicy comment on this. I remember at a munch an older Dom who was harping about that he didn't have a sub at the moment that he "might get one when he could be bothered" a kinda implication he could just get one - and - that he counted something like 8 subs in 12 years or something. Now, unless any of these subs were concurrent - even on assumption that each new relationship started a month after the last; that gives an average relationship length of 17 months. That's not a long time. (In modern times the average relationship lasts 2 years and 9 months - so that's over a year below average) What also each of these 8 relationships had in common is they ended. So whilst he might be able to talk up how experienced he was - his experiences amount to a string of short term relationships. So - there's something slightly wrong in the general message he is teaching. That doesn't mean that somewhere within there he has valuable advice - but that there's limitations to their experience.
Deleted Member Posted June 4, 2020 Author Posted June 4, 2020 15 minutes ago, eyemblacksheep said: So - there's something slightly wrong in the general message he is teaching. He wasn't trying to teach he was trying to humiliate as he didn't like being challenged. His words a sure sign I had hit a nerve.
Deleted Member Posted June 4, 2020 Author Posted June 4, 2020 One the things I like about the D/s dynamic is that I'm constantly learning, whether that is from messaging, on forums like this or reading and taking in peoples experiences. In any wary of people in any walk of life who go on about how much experience they have got as you find that with lots of people, they have little experience, they have just repeated the same experience many times over...
Leisa Posted June 4, 2020 Posted June 4, 2020 Personally I prefer a dominant with more experience but that’s just me. That being said at 8 years I’d no longer consider someone a new or inexperienced Dom. With age comes wisdom.
Deleted Member Posted June 4, 2020 Author Posted June 4, 2020 Very true, when I first entered the scene I attended a local munch but was sadly disappointed to discover it had three highly territorial Doms like the one you described. New female subs were welcomed with open arms and lead to believe they were respected , though behind there backs the three Doms would talk about how they could "break them in" ugh. Now me as a new male Dom was told stories like the one you received about how the "experienced" Doms were masters of the scene ect and I would have to wait several years before they "let" me have a sub. Needles to say I didn't go back. I later learnt that I wasn't the only one as someone I became friends with told me of her experience. She was a Dom and not interested in men. However one of these three interesting characters was overheard saying he could "make her a sub by the end of the night were he to show her his control". So yeah I know what these twats are like. I feel that it's more a case of your experience of talking with someone shows you how much respect to show them.
Deleted Member Posted June 4, 2020 Author Posted June 4, 2020 2 hours ago, Donnykinkster said: He wasn't trying to teach he was trying to humiliate as he didn't like being challenged. His words a sure sign I had hit a nerve. That's because you're offering quality over quantity. How many of his previous subs are proud of the fact that he's merely counting them as notches on his belt? I'd guess none of them unless they don't value the connectivity this life style offers.
Sp**** Posted June 4, 2020 Posted June 4, 2020 Keep doing what you are doing Donny you sound like a well brought up man with good morals. In my book that is the correct way to enter anything Fet or otherwise. Experience comes from learning and being advised not spoken down to. I saw you calling out someone on a thread the other day for what sounds like you are talking about here. If so then don’t worry at all, he likes to mouth off on everybody else’s threads as if he is an authority but when you call him out he runs and reports you and gets you banned. So just ignore him fella because the kind of subs he must get must have extremely low self esteem to put up with his big mouthed nonsense. Keep learning and I’m sure you will make a fine Dom.
Mo**** Posted June 5, 2020 Posted June 5, 2020 Donny, mate, don't you ever change mate. This lifestyle needs more guys like you and less of the pretenders and predators. I have been in this lifestyle for many years, and I am not too proud or egotistical to admit that I don't know everything, and that I am still learning new things as time goes on. I like to guide and plant the seed for others to mull over and adapt for the way they have relationships. I absolutely hate the territorial dominants who can't show respect or manners to other dominants, or even subs for that matter. We all share an interest in this lifestyle, but our perspectives are from different directions or experiences. And at some stage, we were all beginners on a learning curve, however many forget that fact.
TemptressM Posted June 5, 2020 Posted June 5, 2020 Years in the lifestyle does not automatically make you a good Dominant, it takes more than knowing all the different names of the kinks to show you know what you are doing or years in the lifestyle. I dabbled in BDSM in my 20's and then came back into it 3 yrs ago, I have 2 real life subs, my first is still with me but I would never class myself as a perfect Domme and I am always soaking up new information on things that I can try out. I'm ages with you Donny and was also brought up to respect my elders or people that are suppose to be knowledgable in certain things but I have also found and came across New Dominants that know more than someone with 20 years plus. It boils down to the individual and what they themselves want to put in and get back. It's also why it has motivated me to look for those newer people who need guidence and try to find them the things that they need to succeed.
Jinxy Posted June 5, 2020 Posted June 5, 2020 People have made several great comments about this! While it's true that experience holds some weight, if that person doesn't give respect to their prospective partners and fellow kinksters, I'd choose the respectful beginner every time. I'm a switch and I started out on the scene researching and learning my interest areas and kink from the sub role. I experienced several Doms like the ones MaskedDom and little_dark_princess are talking about. They assume they can "break you in" to their style of doing things and that if you try and question it or disagree then you're just being a brat. It made me take a break from being a sub. I've been so appreciative on here that I've been able to find people who are genuinely helpful, kind, and respectful. There's always some bad apples but I'm not going to let it ruin the bunch.
Annalou Posted June 5, 2020 Posted June 5, 2020 Hey guys! There are some really interesting comments and discussions going on here, so thank you all. It has been brought to my attention that the unnamed Dom is another person on the site – let's please stay respectful and if you have differences with someone, don't bring it into the forum. No names have been named, so I will not hide the forum thread, but I will lock it to curtail any further aggravation. Thanks all
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