How do we weed through the creeps on this site and find something real?

[Deleted Member]

I feel you I just keep finding escorts, would love to share with a real person, the mental part of this is so important, its not a fly by thing just saying

[Deleted Member]

I just joined also and I have the same thoughts. In addition the conversations in the chat rooms are about as interesting as watching ***t dry. I just wanted to get into some good chats. About BDSM and you know discuss mutual exciting scenes we could find ourselves in together. I’m a sub looking for a male heterosexual bdsm dom and trust me. There are none on here to be found:(

[Deleted Member]

I think one person is like an author or aspiring blogger???? Wtf is up with that????? Not the right place. Not what this site is for. Right?

[Mo****]

First up, let me say as a guy, I am NOT getting dick pics.  I think any guy who leads with a dick pic is usually very shallow and should be blocked from the beginning.  Maybe when they don't get any responses from anyone at all, they might change the way they operate.

Filters are great, BUT, you will end up blocking some possible 'good guys' as well, simply because the filters are not specific enough.  If you employ them, then really, you shouldn't be complaining too much because inadvertently you may have blocked a possible friend that meets your requirements for a good conversation.

For me personally, I believe that yes, we are here on a kink site looking for friends and partners, but old school manners and respect MUST be used when reaching out to others.  For me, it is all about building a connection, and you can't do that if you ignore the total person and jump straight to kink.  There are many on here who have the same beliefs.  Unfortunately, we just have to sift through the chaff before finding that gem.

Getting to know someone in the kink lifestyle is NO different to getting to know someone in the vanilla world.  There is only one good thing about being here and that is knowing that we are all kinky in some way and share similar interests.

 

[SE****]

I've had some really nice chats on here with some great people but the vast majority of my messages are absolutely terrible. So much so that I've removed my profile on here and have switched to fetlife . com instead. It's much better from a social and community perspective especially if you join the groups, join challenges, and join in on quizzes and online munches to really take advantage of the lockdown. 

 

Hope you have better luck soon!

[Deleted Member]

Excellent question. The posers tend to weed themselves out rather quickly. They will talk right up to the point where their real intention comes crashing through the facade. I've learned to go look at profiles right off. If there is no pic, no info, or no indication of intent - - auto block. Then, ignore anyone calling themselves "Goddess" or "Lord" (Anything). You will end up getting a fake set of photos of some supermodel and then asked to send yours. (Don't.) Because they will then hit you for either paying them tribute or moving right into their stable/harem. Then there are the vulgar talkers. Almost always, it will be about how **** hot you are and how they want to ***** you in the **** while riding a camel or petting a dog or some equally asinine thing. And, pedophiles... they get automatically reported to not just the site management, but to the police. Anyhow, that's my little rant to tell you to screen your PMS, Feel them out. Let them talk. Then they will reveal who they are.

[Th****]

In any BDSM site, actually make that anywhere you will get your selection of fakes, wannabe's, and Pro and experienced people.

On Lifestyle sites the odds that someone you speak with is what they claim used to be 10 to 1 against.

This is not as bad as it sounds because the site gives you tools to help keep out those people who just say "Hi there".

Do you really want to get to know the real people, get into the chat room and lower your self to talk to the people there about boring stuff.

You see all the people there are real human beings and you are not just looking for a real person. They are going to be assessing if you are real as well.

My girl Tink and I talked in the lobby and then I think we discussed post - Socratic philosophy for 2 days and she very carefully assessed if I knew what I was talking about or if I was faking it.

Check out the forum posts, see who knows their stuff and share your experience.

We are all looking at the world and thinking is that for real. Do not let that cynicism make you look at every one that way or you will find your opinion becomes your experience.

[ne****]

Hey, at least you got interact with real people who were creeps. 9/10 of my interactions are robots with fake pictures who are banned within a day.

[ne****]

As several people said, the key is probably to participate in the fora. Sadly, I find the interface just aweful. Fetlife is not really any better. I pine for the pre-1996 days of Usenet. Threaded news readers with kill files.... but that didn't scale either. I just wish these sites would talk NNRP.

[Th****]

1 hour ago, nerdfriend said:

I pine for the pre-1996 days of Usenet.

Oh how I remember ramping onto Dalnet...Mind you the 2 minute ping times were a bit of a drag. You are not alone in thinking back to those days. 

[Th****]

11 hours ago, kiki38 said:

I am just looking to find some open minded people that will converse a bit and share some experiences at the least before blowing their load.

Totally hear you there Kiki. That one is filters , patience, and good for you for having higher standards.

I know this may sound stranger from a male but I felt exactly the same way. No way did I want to have that few a sentences and then... Well to be honest I could not really picture what you did next to someone you had absolutely no knowledge or trust for.

I found if I got a "Hi there, How r u" I ignored it as they needed to at least spell, if they spelled it right then when asked anything, just saying you can find that on my profile please read before communicating further mostly sorted the chaff.

I know sounds harsh, but needs must, keep strong you will do it there are good people here.

[Th****]

11 hours ago, kiki38 said:

I am just looking to find some open minded people that will converse a bit and share some experiences at the least before blowing their load.

Totally hear you there Kiki. That one is filters , patience, and good for you for having higher standards.

I know this may sound stranger from a male but I felt exactly the same way. No way did I want to have that few a sentences and then... Well to be honest I could not really picture what you did next to someone you had absolutely no knowledge or trust for.

I found if I got a "Hi there, How r u" I ignored it as they needed to at least spell, if they spelled it right then when asked anything, just saying you can find that on my profile please read before communicating further mostly sorted the chaff.

I know sounds harsh, but needs must, keep strong you will do it there are good people here.

Edited June 8, 2020 by Thebian
Duplicate post please delete .. Thank you

[Deleted Member]

Hi Kiki. Sadly "thirst" is something you get on all dating sites even if they are vanilla. However on sites like this it's much worse as some think if you're a member then surely you must be ok with *** and disrespect, want it even. I can assure you there are those who understand what respect and consent mean, they are just no so easy to find and patience is key 😊

[Ta****]

It's enough just to hold them back really.  Some poster managed to circumvent the "no thank you"  blocker the other day.  He came back swearing, and asking what the "f....k" I was doing, and he did it within a minute.  Thankfully they didn't manage to get past the "Ignore" filter, but it did shake me up.  I am still mystified as to how they managed.  It doesn't give me much confidence to stay on the website to be honest.

[Ma****]

I've recently had a male dom ask me if I was looking for a dom, I said no because I have a sub on here, to cut it short I asked what I can get my sub to do, his reply" Get them to send me a gift voucher", I said in not here to make *** and sent a no thanks. What do you think,

[Deleted Member]

There are many frauds on this site, and even I have difficulty dis-earning. All I can suggest is rely on your "spidey" sense :)

[Ta****]

Wilkie,  I have come across stories of these *** scams time and again, although that has not happened to me personally.  

[Leisa]

Kiki - you’re a beautiful, intelligent, wonderful woman first and foremost looking for the person who you want to be able to share a fulfilling life with. Who understands what you need to be happy in life. You’ve gotten some really good answers and advice on here. You’ve also received a couple of responses they were less than kind to the site and did not reflect the site and all it has to offer (notice they’re now a deleted profile). The forum is filled with those who also have questions of various topics to which you may be seeking answers to. The site is great in not allowing a topic too many times as the responses will be the same. I’ve seen some great responses from gentlemen whom are involved with no one who may be just what you’re looking for or you may be what they’re looking for. Hopefully they’ll reach out to you to get to know the real person behind your photograph. Try the chat repeatedly before deciding it’s not for you. It’s real people with real lives who discuss real things and not just kink though we have our fair share of kink topics. Get to know us and for us to know you. Ask us questions, engage us because we’re all friendly with real friendships that have developed, there are some real Dominants in there who are able to lead you (some even looking for what you’re seeking). Admiral gave you some really great responses above. I met mine there and you could too after getting to know their sense of humor, their thoughts on various topics, little parts of them before one of you reaching out. You can do this lady. Don’t sell yourself short by accepting less than you’re looking for. Don’t allow distance to keep you locked in a box. Explore, connect, have fun on the journey. 

[Deleted Member]

AnimeBlonde ➦AnimeBlonde quote Curvykate:❝Yes you can filter and it’s really a great feature! And I’ve never received a dick pic on here. 😍❞
I was so glad for the filter at one point I was getting so many dick pics was doing my head in, so much so I started sending pictures of funny cats back saying since your after p***y here you go, enjoy ! 😆

I love this reply 😂😂😂

[Si****]

There are some really nice people on this site but you do have to spend some time sifting them out from all the "want a quick bank with no effort" people. I enjoy just chatting with people and seeing where it goes (99% nowhere but chat) but that's fine. Its about quality not quantity.

I agree, set your filters to only let messages with a limit numbers of characters is a good one. If they cant bother to have a good chat then they cant bother with anything else. I know its a fetish site, but it starts with finding real people and forming friendship first. I guess its one of the best things about being Demisexual.

[Si****]

4 hours ago, Leisa said:

Kiki - you’re a beautiful, intelligent, wonderful woman first and foremost looking for the person who you want to be able to share a fulfilling life with. Who understands what you need to be happy in life. You’ve gotten some really good answers and advice on here. You’ve also received a couple of responses they were less than kind to the site and did not reflect the site and all it has to offer (notice they’re now a deleted profile). The forum is filled with those who also have questions of various topics to which you may be seeking answers to. The site is great in not allowing a topic too many times as the responses will be the same. I’ve seen some great responses from gentlemen whom are involved with no one who may be just what you’re looking for or you may be what they’re looking for. Hopefully they’ll reach out to you to get to know the real person behind your photograph. Try the chat repeatedly before deciding it’s not for you. It’s real people with real lives who discuss real things and not just kink though we have our fair share of kink topics. Get to know us and for us to know you. Ask us questions, engage us because we’re all friendly with real friendships that have developed, there are some real Dominants in there who are able to lead you (some even looking for what you’re seeking). Admiral gave you some really great responses above. I met mine there and you could too after getting to know their sense of humor, their thoughts on various topics, little parts of them before one of you reaching out. You can do this lady. Don’t sell yourself short by accepting less than you’re looking for. Don’t allow distance to keep you locked in a box. Explore, connect, have fun on the journey. 

Nail on the head, I couldn't have said it any better. But then you have always been one Ive liked with a real head on your shoulders.

[Deleted Member]

Yesterday at 06:19 PM, Al004 said:

AnimeBlonde ➦AnimeBlonde quote Curvykate:❝Yes you can filter and it’s really a great feature! And I’ve never received a dick pic on here. 😍❞
I was so glad for the filter at one point I was getting so many dick pics was doing my head in, so much so I started sending pictures of funny cats back saying since your after p***y here you go, enjoy ! 😆

I love this reply 😂😂😂

Best way to deal with it lol and the more rude they are the more weird and funny the pussy cat pictures get 😜 (I have a evil deviant mind 🙈)

[Fenyx-6647]

I've been wondering the same thing ! I was told this was the best site to find like minded people and lifestyle information but so far I've been disappointed.

[BikerMasterNSB]

There seems to be an abundance fakes and scammers on all of these sites. So much so that I continue to question if I should bother to invest time or *** to upgrade. I so messages from dumbasses calling me slave/sub when I am not, and/or trying to get me to hangouts or something like that. I'm really fed up with it.

[Deleted Member]

Yesterday at 12:05 AM, Fenyx said:

I've been wondering the same thing ! I was told this was the best site to find like minded people and lifestyle information but so far I've been disappointed.

I have found it to be, and I’ve spent considerable time on Fetl***. I don’t think I have seen you ask any questions in the month you’ve been on the site? It took me a few months and several visits to the Lobby before I felt more at home (and could keep up!). Please give the site another chance, it’s small enough to be genuinely helpful to kinksters.