Deleted Member Posted June 12, 2020 Posted June 12, 2020 Does anyone have thoughts on the best ways to do this? I’m sure it’s the lockdown “bubble” effect, but I am getting a lot more messages. And I’m starting to feel uncomfortable. Perhaps I am just a fussy sod but I have spent enough time on various dating & kink sites to know when someone is “not my cup of tea”. I am not rude enough to say “I don’t fancy you” but there has to be an attraction for me - obviously. If I don’t feel it, I don’t want to have a conversation. I know where it will go and what someone wants from the outset - from their profile and from the message. If someone wants to chat as friends then they also make that clear and I’m happy of course to have those friendly conversations.
Wo**** Posted June 12, 2020 Posted June 12, 2020 I'm curious about this. Was gonna message you but figured i may as well post it here. Why are you uncomfortable? You don't have to respond to messages, and there's all the filters. You said you know where things will go and what people want from their profile and message, what do you mean? You're happy to chat as friends, so maybe just say that? It's what I say... that I'm after new friendships, happy to chat but not particularly looking to meet. Failing that, just use the no thanks reply thingy ?
So**** Posted June 12, 2020 Posted June 12, 2020 I understand. It's hard to be polite with some of the more... "Insistent/persistent" messages. I've usually said "Thank you for your interest Sir/Madam, but at this time I'm only looking to make friendships." There's no lying in there, it's true. And if they choose to continue in the spirit of friendship, then we can have a conversation. If they ignore and persist, then I'd ignore and block/report. Just my thoughts, though. Good luck! XO
So**** Posted June 12, 2020 Posted June 12, 2020 I understand. It's hard to be polite with some of the more... "Insistent/persistent" messages. I've usually said "Thank you for your interest Sir/Madam, but at this time I'm only looking to make friendships." There's no lying in there, it's true. And if they choose to continue in the spirit of friendship, then we can have a conversation. If they ignore and persist, then I'd ignore and block/report. Just my thoughts, though. Good luck! XO
Deleted Member Posted June 12, 2020 Author Posted June 12, 2020 41 minutes ago, LazyPiratesBounty said: I'm curious about this. Was gonna message you but figured i may as well post it here. Why are you uncomfortable? You don't have to respond to messages, and there's all the filters. You said you know where things will go and what people want from their profile and message, what do you mean? You're happy to chat as friends, so maybe just say that? It's what I say... that I'm after new friendships, happy to chat but not particularly looking to meet. Failing that, just use the no thanks reply thingy ? Well I’m not entirely sure why I’m uncomfortable. But I am. I do respond to every message even if it’s to do the “no thanks” option. I’m socialised to do that. I’d feel rude not acknowledging messages. I also feel bad saying no and the more I say no, the more uncomfortable I feel (not just on this site so it’s cumulative). I do have filters on! When I say I know where things go...experience has shown me how men respond when politely told no. Or happy to chat as friends. They don’t. They keep mentioning sex and “I’d love to spank you” etc. It’s tiresome. I’m fed up of it. And I’ve been around long enough to spot the signs. In the first message(s) & the profiles.
Deleted Member Posted June 12, 2020 Author Posted June 12, 2020 45 minutes ago, Southsideswitch said: I understand. It's hard to be polite with some of the more... "Insistent/persistent" messages. I've usually said "Thank you for your interest Sir/Madam, but at this time I'm only looking to make friendships." There's no lying in there, it's true. And if they choose to continue in the spirit of friendship, then we can have a conversation. If they ignore and persist, then I'd ignore and block/report. Just my thoughts, though. Good luck! XO Yes. It is getting hard to be polite. But I like to be polite! I have tried many times with the “friendships” approach. Men take the mickey. Constantly. They persist. And I don’t want to block people all week. I’ve blocked several here this week & elsewhere. It’s not fun. I stayed away from FetL*** for a long time because of this. I stopped posting anything on there or joining in discussion. Because it brought men to my inbox being entitled and demanding. I like this site very much. I’m just feeling uncomfortable and uneasy and I guess I thought others might have some input. Possibly no answers though! I am not in a place to be bolshy and angry 🤷🏻♀️
Deleted Member Posted June 12, 2020 Author Posted June 12, 2020 If they persist or get rude block Kate, it's not rude or something a submissive should not do. You try to be polite of course but I as a man am a little surprised by how many lasses have this problem. It seems manners and common human decency are becoming another thing of the past.
Deleted Member Posted June 12, 2020 Author Posted June 12, 2020 It sure is easy for some people to see a sub and think that means they're entitled to chat however they like. Too bad for them. You're a human being above all else and it's ok to put yourself first, no matter your role. You owe nothing to anyone until you choose to.
Deleted Member Posted June 12, 2020 Author Posted June 12, 2020 It sure is easy for some people to see a sub and think that means they're entitled to chat however they like. Too bad for them. You're a human being above all else and it's ok to put yourself first, no matter your role. You owe nothing to anyone until you choose to.
Darkside1904 Posted June 12, 2020 Posted June 12, 2020 I agree, just polite no. If friendship is not an option, then it's their loss
Deleted Member Posted June 12, 2020 Author Posted June 12, 2020 It’s not rude to say it. If you had a small talk chat with them and you don’t what to go further just say it as a polite gesture. If you get lots of messages they are prob too far from your area to be interested anyway so just ignore them. And put a filter in your settings too. It depends what you are looking tbh. But don’t feel uncomfortable
Deleted Member Posted June 12, 2020 Author Posted June 12, 2020 1 hour ago, Donnykinkster said: If they persist or get rude block Kate, it's not rude or something a submissive should not do. You try to be polite of course but I as a man am a little surprised by how many lasses have this problem. It seems manners and common human decency are becoming another thing of the past. I remember when my mentor on FetL*** said “but you don’t have to answer every message, Kate”. I was 😱 - really? Ive generally found people on this site to be much more polite in general. I had some incredibly nasty messages on FL. I do block. It leaves a bad taste in my mouth though.
Deleted Member Posted June 12, 2020 Author Posted June 12, 2020 1 hour ago, BroodyJudy said: It sure is easy for some people to see a sub and think that means they're entitled to chat however they like. Too bad for them. You're a human being above all else and it's ok to put yourself first, no matter your role. You owe nothing to anyone until you choose to. This is good advice - I needed reminding. I don’t owe them anything. Hard to turn my sub mindset off sometimes. 👍🏻
Deleted Member Posted June 12, 2020 Author Posted June 12, 2020 59 minutes ago, FabSeverus said: It’s not rude to say it. If you had a small talk chat with them and you don’t what to go further just say it as a polite gesture. If you get lots of messages they are prob too far from your area to be interested anyway so just ignore them. And put a filter in your settings too. It depends what you are looking tbh. But don’t feel uncomfortable I don’t think I’ve ignored a single message since I joined the site. Probably not very sensible I guess. I do have filters and just added one so people have to have a photo. I do feel I participate enough so anyone who wants to chat to me can do so in the forum or the lobby. Which makes me feel more comfortable about locking down my messages more!
Deleted Member Posted June 12, 2020 Author Posted June 12, 2020 Personally i wouldn’t take offence if someone said to me i am not their type etc. Some people can’t handle that rejection though.
Deleted Member Posted June 12, 2020 Author Posted June 12, 2020 Personally i wouldn’t take offence if someone said to me i am not their type etc. Some people can’t handle that rejection though.
Ki**** Posted June 12, 2020 Posted June 12, 2020 2 hours ago, Curvykate said: Well I’m not entirely sure why I’m uncomfortable. But I am. I do respond to every message even if it’s to do the “no thanks” option. I’m socialised to do that. I’d feel rude not acknowledging messages. I also feel bad saying no and the more I say no, the more uncomfortable I feel (not just on this site so it’s cumulative). I do have filters on! When I say I know where things go...experience has shown me how men respond when politely told no. Or happy to chat as friends. They don’t. They keep mentioning sex and “I’d love to spank you” etc. It’s tiresome. I’m fed up of it. And I’ve been around long enough to spot the signs. In the first message(s) & the profiles. I try to respond to all messages too, but sometimes they start with I want to fuck you, or they send me dick pics I didn't ask for. I immediately block those people. One reason I am uncomfortable saying no is because I often get a nasty response back such as an insult to how I look, that I'm a bad sub or that I should suffer in some way. If this happens I immediately block them but I can't unread those nasty comments. Another thing people will do after rejection is to go to my profile and give me a 1 star on for my profile and photos to be spiteful At least with FL they either like photos or nothing, none of this rating down to be nasty.
Deleted Member Posted June 12, 2020 Author Posted June 12, 2020 22 minutes ago, Curvykate said: I don’t think I’ve ignored a single message since I joined the site. Probably not very sensible I guess. I do have filters and just added one so people have to have a photo. I do feel I participate enough so anyone who wants to chat to me can do so in the forum or the lobby. Which makes me feel more comfortable about locking down my messages more! I know, we chat long time ago and you are very pleasant to talk to, I also look at your profile ans its clear about your desire and what you are looking for.
Deleted Member Posted June 12, 2020 Author Posted June 12, 2020 27 minutes ago, WelshMagister said: Personally i wouldn’t take offence if someone said to me i am not their type etc. Some people can’t handle that rejection though. I’ve found that some men don’t view women as people with their own preferences sadly.
Deleted Member Posted June 12, 2020 Author Posted June 12, 2020 18 minutes ago, KittyKuffs said: I try to respond to all messages too, but sometimes they start with I want to fuck you, or they send me dick pics I didn't ask for. I immediately block those people. One reason I am uncomfortable saying no is because I often get a nasty response back such as an insult to how I look, that I'm a bad sub or that I should suffer in some way. If this happens I immediately block them but I can't unread those nasty comments. Another thing people will do after rejection is to go to my profile and give me a 1 star on for my profile and photos to be spiteful At least with FL they either like photos or nothing, none of this rating down to be nasty. 😟 And sadly you’ve hit the nail on the head, Kitty. It feels uncomfortable because we’ve had men behave badly on hearing “no, thank you” before & we *** it again. I have never had it as badly on here compared to FL, but the arguments some men will get into to try and dictate who I should be playing with! I can’t receive images for which I am very grateful although I’ve no idea why!
ey**** Posted June 12, 2020 Posted June 12, 2020 You don't have to be polite. You can simply press the 'no thanks' button and that gives the other person all they need to know. But, of course, context is important. It's quite different if this is a rando or so on versus if it's possibly someone from the chat or forum who is like "OK, so I think you're cool" But, I guess, even in the latter - that, you don't owe them war and peace and good people will understand if it's a "you're not quite what I'm looking for at the moment"
Deleted Member Posted June 12, 2020 Author Posted June 12, 2020 14 minutes ago, FabSeverus said: I know, we chat long time ago and you are very pleasant to talk to, I also look at your profile ans its clear about your desire and what you are looking for. Why thank you 😊. I rewrote my profile recently - a male friend gave me some insights which were helpful. More messages tho...
Deleted Member Posted June 12, 2020 Author Posted June 12, 2020 When I first started on sites like this I took rejection to heart. But I've learned. It's a learning curve for everyone. I choose to wish anyone who rejects me the best of luck. And yes deep down it hurts a bit.
Deleted Member Posted June 12, 2020 Author Posted June 12, 2020 3 hours ago, Darkside1904 said: I agree, just polite no. If friendship is not an option, then it's their loss Thank you. I think you left me a photo comment, but wasn’t sure what you meant?
KayleighT Posted June 12, 2020 Posted June 12, 2020 Had a couple of that kind of person/s on here and various sites. If they dont take "no thank you" or, as LazyPirates said "Im looking for new friends" they then get ignored or blocked. Hope you find a comfortable way for you huni. X whats good for one person, isnt for another.
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