KayleighT Posted June 12, 2020 Posted June 12, 2020 Had a couple of that kind of person/s on here and various sites. If they dont take "no thank you" or, as LazyPirates said "Im looking for new friends" they then get ignored or blocked. Hope you find a comfortable way for you huni. X whats good for one person, isnt for another.
Mo**** Posted June 12, 2020 Posted June 12, 2020 1 hour ago, KittyKuffs said: I try to respond to all messages too, but sometimes they start with I want to fuck you, or they send me dick pics I didn't ask for. I immediately block those people. One reason I am uncomfortable saying no is because I often get a nasty response back such as an insult to how I look, that I'm a bad sub or that I should suffer in some way. If this happens I immediately block them but I can't unread those nasty comments. Another thing people will do after rejection is to go to my profile and give me a 1 star on for my profile and photos to be spiteful At least with FL they either like photos or nothing, none of this rating down to be nasty. KittyKuffs, can I ask why you worry about some idiot who can not handle rejection having an impact on your ratings? Girl, as a dominant, the only rating I really look at on a profile is the response rate. I read the profile, and if there is something interesting about the person, then I might write to them to chat, and that response rating just indicates to me, am I likely to get a reply, will if come over time when the person's priorities permit. I rate photos and profiles, but that is how I see that person or what they have written about themselves. My rating of a person is NOT likely to enhance my chances of making a friendship or even having a connection with them. RESPECTful comments are more likely to do that.
Deleted Member Posted June 12, 2020 Author Posted June 12, 2020 3 hours ago, eyemblacksheep said: You don't have to be polite. You can simply press the 'no thanks' button and that gives the other person all they need to know. But, of course, context is important. It's quite different if this is a rando or so on versus if it's possibly someone from the chat or forum who is like "OK, so I think you're cool" But, I guess, even in the latter - that, you don't owe them war and peace and good people will understand if it's a "you're not quite what I'm looking for at the moment" Someone I have had (positive) contact with already - I am much more likely to want to chat with. Also people come over from FL whom I know (I have a different profile there). It’s hard not to be polite if I am essentially rejecting someone. It’s not always because I don’t find them attractive - it might be age or distance or they’re not single in which case it’s easier to just say that as the reason. But saying no when there is no reason is personally rejecting and I know I don’t owe a stranger anything. But still...
Deleted Member Posted June 12, 2020 Author Posted June 12, 2020 1 hour ago, KayleighT said: Had a couple of that kind of person/s on here and various sites. If they dont take "no thank you" or, as LazyPirates said "Im looking for new friends" they then get ignored or blocked. Hope you find a comfortable way for you huni. X whats good for one person, isnt for another. It’s not even that men are getting upset with me (although they have) it’s my own ridiculous guilt!
TemptressM Posted June 12, 2020 Posted June 12, 2020 I'm reading that this is more about you Kate and that you feel bad when you ignore a message, Can I suggest writing down a list of say 3 points (like 3 strikes in a way) if they break all 3 of them, then place them on ignore. That way it gives you a reason and maybe doesn't make you feel as bad. Once you get used to the 3 strikes, change it to 2 and so on until you feel more comfortable doing it. I do have to say, I have been getting some extremely rude messages recently and find that most delete there accounts within 48 hrs. Maybe Fetish could look into maybe not letting newbies message straight away which would cut down on a lot of the crap that comes and goes. This is a great forum but some of these wannabe's are pulling it down. Please don't ever feel bad about not responding to a message it does get better.
KayleighT Posted June 12, 2020 Posted June 12, 2020 54 minutes ago, Curvykate said: It’s not even that men are getting upset with me (although they have) it’s my own ridiculous guilt! Dont feel gulity for not been interested hun .in end, if u dont click with someone, or you no yiur not going to click, then why feel guilt?
KayleighT Posted June 12, 2020 Posted June 12, 2020 54 minutes ago, Curvykate said: It’s not even that men are getting upset with me (although they have) it’s my own ridiculous guilt! Dont feel gulity for not been interested hun .in end, if u dont click with someone, or you no yiur not going to click, then why feel guilt?
Deleted Member Posted June 12, 2020 Author Posted June 12, 2020 1 hour ago, TemptressM said: I'm reading that this is more about you Kate and that you feel bad when you ignore a message, Can I suggest writing down a list of say 3 points (like 3 strikes in a way) if they break all 3 of them, then place them on ignore. That way it gives you a reason and maybe doesn't make you feel as bad. Once you get used to the 3 strikes, change it to 2 and so on until you feel more comfortable doing it. I do have to say, I have been getting some extremely rude messages recently and find that most delete there accounts within 48 hrs. Maybe Fetish could look into maybe not letting newbies message straight away which would cut down on a lot of the crap that comes and goes. This is a great forum but some of these wannabe's are pulling it down. Please don't ever feel bad about not responding to a message it does get better. You’re so right. I am feeling uncomfortable and it’s really about me. Not them. A few things have happened this week which I think have influenced how I feel about saying no. A three strike rule is an excellent idea.
TemptressM Posted June 12, 2020 Posted June 12, 2020 4 minutes ago, Curvykate said: You’re so right. I am feeling uncomfortable and it’s really about me. Not them. A few things have happened this week which I think have influenced how I feel about saying no. A three strike rule is an excellent idea. Be strict with you strikes and stick with them, if you have to say no, you can say to yourself, "Well I tried, this isn't on me" I really do hope that it helps, but also keep in mind there are some on here that are only looking for a wank partner.
Chadilac Posted June 12, 2020 Posted June 12, 2020 Sometimes you just have to rip off the bandaid and just say No some people do not receive that message very well
Deleted Member Posted June 12, 2020 Author Posted June 12, 2020 4 hours ago, Paulinliverpool said: When I first started on sites like this I took rejection to heart. But I've learned. It's a learning curve for everyone. I choose to wish anyone who rejects me the best of luck. And yes deep down it hurts a bit. I’ve taken rejection to heart myself. It does hurt. But a stranger on a site like this doesn’t know you at all.
Deleted Member Posted June 13, 2020 Author Posted June 13, 2020 10 hours ago, Curvykate said: You’re so right. I am feeling uncomfortable and it’s really about me. Not them. A few things have happened this week which I think have influenced how I feel about saying no. A three strike rule is an excellent idea. The guilt you feel cannot be switched off, like everything else "it is what it is" so it's more a case of dealing with your guilt. One with more knowledge than I said this to me a couple of weeks ago and it makes perfect sense, hopefully might help you with that gulit. Look at it this way, if they can't respect boundaries in something as simple as a message how can they be trusted when your restrained and gagged? They can't end of so look at these fools through those eyes and maybe that will help.
Deleted Member Posted June 13, 2020 Author Posted June 13, 2020 16 hours ago, Chadilac said: Sometimes you just have to rip off the bandaid and just say No some people do not receive that message very well No they don’t, but I suspect this is more about my boundaries than anything else. Which others have identified. Reframing it to thinking about whether someone is respecting my boundaries (as Donny suggests) is actually very helpful. Part of being a better submissive is learning and managing one’s own boundaries.
Deleted Member Posted June 13, 2020 Author Posted June 13, 2020 3 hours ago, Chadilac said: I’m always here if ya need to talk Thank you
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