Deleted Member Posted June 12, 2020 Posted June 12, 2020 Today I was wondering if anyone has ever felt previous life choices have held them back in kink. I'll give you an example over the years I've built up a social circle of great friends and family. I couldn't take these people to kink clubs or involve them in my lifestyle choice infact most would be shocked to know I have these kinks inside me. Sometimes I wonder if I could run away and start again. I could openly and happily just live this way but then I remember the home I have the job the social circle and I suppress my dreams. I cant just leave my family and friends behind to go somewhere to live more openly about my love of shibari. my needs to satisfy that itch of trying these new things. I'd love to be more open with it. Publicly showcase and share shibari art on social media, not shy away those toys and tricks In a cupboard. Have wax candles or hook points dotted around the home. Dress how I like or continue the dynamic of the roles in a more open manner. So I'm wondering has anyone maybe married someone and later found kink but had to leave or pull back from it. Has anyone had *** and its changed their priorities so they feel they are missing out now. Have you got a job which makes you unable to interact in the lifestyle the way you would ideally want? Would you feel guilty about losing something or someone to pursue your lust of kink. Does anyone else ever dream of an island where everyones just open and honest about themselves. Walking the streets as a furry or wearing those killer heels and latex to the shop. Having your own home kink ready without shame or *** of people coming to visit. Somewhere your responsibilities fade & judgement isnt a thing. I know many will be very open around their lifestyle I see more people are emboldened to venture the streets or social media with it but I'm wondering of those who still feel detached.
Deleted Member Posted June 12, 2020 Author Posted June 12, 2020 yes you will find there a lots of people like you. generally society doesnt accept openly this kind of life because there are some extreme kinks. I cant tell you here because of triggers and some less pleasant to talk about it. I experienced it long time ago when I was working in Paris, it was a sex shop and the owner was also a film maker, the undercounter type. So I knew about this type of life, I tried a bit with a gf but it wasnt my thing. she knew about it cos she kept saying my uncle told me about it lol! anyway years later in the UK i get back to it by chance really. I met a girl who liked it rough. But we didnt stay long together as she moved back south. Then I had a family then years passed till I find myself back to it. That was 8 years ago. But I wish I stayed in Paris and knew that I was into it, who knows I might had my own dungeon by now.... Some countries are more open than others, like holland and germany or usa, you dont need an island
Leisa Posted June 12, 2020 Posted June 12, 2020 I’m currently goi g through a divorce that involves ***. While not currently living openly due to custody reasons if asked if not deny it regardless of the cost. I think it’s most important for my kids to have the example that living an authentic life while being true to yourself is vital. I feel that they deserve two parents who are happy. I’ve been in this lifestyle for over 20 years total not including the time I took a break for 13 years for a vanilla marriage. After 10 years of living a lie I reached out to my ex partner and we began to again play. I felt safe with him as we’d known each other for 20 years at that time. Three years ago I began asking for a divorce and was always threatened that he’d take the kids. Fast forward three years later he asked me if I was involved with my play partner (even though he has no clue as to what type of relationship it is) and I told him yes. He took my kids and disappeared until he’d filed for divorce. He still retains primary custody and will until such time as the Court decides. I do have a very conservative career and am unable to openly live my lifestyle at work but again if asked I’d tell the truth. I plan on telling my parents after my divorce is final as they deserve to know why I’ll be making some of the choices I will make. My friends would understand as they have a live what makes you happy philosophy. Those that couldn’t support my decisions are not really friends. I know you’re looking for input on what to do. The only thing I could do was answer some of your questions with my journey.
Shadovvs Posted June 12, 2020 Posted June 12, 2020 The Us is not as open to the scene as you think. At least not the area I live in. Two words -Bible Belt. That should adequately sum up my life. If I had the chance to create my dream BDSM community I would not look back. I would rather be alone and who I was meant to be, in my own community, than stuck in a condescending toxic family and friends environment that reminds me how horrible of a person I am for being 'different'.
gibo94 Posted June 13, 2020 Posted June 13, 2020 I think a large percentage of people who enjoy bdsm aren’t able to fully live the life 24/7 due to reasons which you stated. But it also makes me think about the grass is always green, when you imagine something in your mind it always seems so ideal as you don’t want to spoil it with reality. I have found the best way to do it is to a certain extent create a private part of your life, sure you may not be able to have hook points dotted around your house but you can create a new social circle with friends who are involved in bdsm. This way you can at least try and live the best of both worlds
Wo**** Posted June 13, 2020 Posted June 13, 2020 Everyone that matters to me knows, except maybe my daughter but even she has an idea. There's a song... I am who I am by Bens Brother. Love it!
Carnelian2 Posted June 13, 2020 Posted June 13, 2020 Yes; two marriages. Hopefully third time lucky. I am not at all bitter as both gave me a wonderful experience and things come to us when we are ready to receive...
Deleted Member Posted June 13, 2020 Author Posted June 13, 2020 My sub who’s my husband and I have 2 kids. 3 and 5. It is A LOT to balance with kink. What has helped, is that naturally I am in charge. That’s the nature of our relationship. We still argue, pay bills, have work etc. would it be easier without kids and jobs? Yes. We have to constantly lock our door and he can’t wear his bigger collar and leash. But it doesn’t stop us from playing and doing what we like. He does anal training, and wears a cock cage. Just got to come up with ways that works for you.
ar**** Posted June 13, 2020 Posted June 13, 2020 As a POC from South Asia, I have generally repressed my sexuality for so long due to the sex after marriage and all that. It essentially crippled me for a long time and compromised my decision making abilities in terms of kink and general romantic relationships. It took me a long time to accept that it’s alright to have these kinks .
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