How sexual does BDSM have to be?

[BabyTgirl]

Hi! I am a demisexual submissive and just have a few questions. I have done research on a variety of the different lifestyles within BDSM and was wondering if there were other folks out there that crave relationships that focus more on emotional intimacy than sex? I want to possibly find a dom that is understanding of the fact that I would like his dominance and control over me but would like to wait on the sexual aspect. My inquiry is: Is that possible to find? For example, I am a rope bunny and am intrigued by bondage but would like to be tied up and then just cuddled instead of have sex. Of course once I create a stronger relationship with that person sex may come but I want to know if there are doms patient enough for the type of relationship I would feel comfortable with. I get more excited about the dominance he would have over me and how he would guide me and help me submit more than the sexual parts of it. Please help! Any advice is welcome! 

[ey****]

It doesn't have to be sexual at all.   There are a lot of people who don't incorporate sexual play into their kink (or don't do it with every partner) it's just a case of being clear with boundaries

[Deleted Member]

Further to Blacksheep's comment, there are kinks that do not include sex at all. Shibari, as far as I am aware, is the act of tying someone up. It is often coupled with sex, but shibari itself is about the visual of the rope on the Submissive, and of course the physical sensation of being tied up. Some rope configurations do not even restrict movement, but do provide the pressure of rope against skin.

There are plenty of men out there who will be patient, but I warn you that they are a rare breed. You will need a lot of patience, but the wait will be worth it.

[Leisa]

Banking off what Blacksheep and Dante have said yes there are Doms out there that are not looking for a sexual type dynamic. Are you a little? Many littles are demisexual and do not have sex with their D/D. If you express what your desires are upfront you should have no problem. Communication of expectations is key.

[BabyTgirl]

While I enjoy what would be considered childish things such as teddies and stuffies. I would consider myself more of a middle. I am looking fo a daddy but more on a daddy kink base than DDLG if that makes sense. Thank you guys so much for your feedback. Being a sub and trying to find what you're looking for without being taken advantage of can be so nerve wracking. So thank you all! If you have any suggestions of dating apps that are more geared towards what I enjoy I would really like it! 

Edited June 23, 2020 by BabyTgirl

[southrook]

Casual bondage is where it’s at  An over-emphasis on sex almost always leads to disaster. Enjoy the downtime in restraints!

[De****]

I’m demisexual and a sub and would echo what @DanteReign has said as in there are patient and knowledgeable Doms out there but they are hard to find and there are also a lot of fakes so be careful. Good luck but feel free to pm me if I can help further xx

[Deleted Member]

The way you choose to express your lifestyle is your own and, whilst many people may incorporate sex and sexual intimacy into their expression this does not have to be the case for you. the main thing that is important is to make this clear from the start of any interaction you have with play partners, dynamic relationships etc. communication, honesty and maintaining your sense of self are some of the most important factors in BDSM. 
Ultimately try not to judge those D types that do want a sexualised relationship, that is their expression, they are not bad Dominants, they are just not right for you, just as you are not right for them. the right person will come so be patient x

[Nipdog]

I am pretty new to the s/m world.  For me it's about a mental release rather than a sexual event.  I do establish a trust before I invite anyone to use my body.  It has nothing to do with sex for me, it is an endorphin release which in turn relaxes and grounds me.  I can fall asleep or meditate having my body worked over.  When having my body clawed,  scratched, whipped,  bit and muscles twisted I like to remain silent.  It is so much more than a sexual pleasure.  It is intamcy at it's best with the tight person.  Especially after a session when the wounds are being cared for by my Dom.   

[Deleted Member]

It doesn’t have to be sexual at all. 
As Nipdog has stated it can be very mentally based before anything physical comes into it