Primarily for Doms but sub answers are welcomed would you be ok with it?

[Ch****]

Im OK im open minded so if any of my family wanted to get into bdsm id support them. I would support my children if i had any in anything they wanted

[foreducatio]

3 hours ago, little_red_92 said:

i think, respectfully that you do not wish for a sub missives point of view then. 

unfortunately if you are willing to take a female sub yet cant handle the idea of your daughter being one then the hypocrisy is strong. perhaps further self reflection is needed.

Actually, I do want a submissive's view point. It may well be hypocrisy. I am always open to self reflection. Hence, my openness to ask this question on the forum. I may be completely wrong in my approach or perspective.  

 

Answering your other point simultaneously. 

"this worries me, are your submissive not valuable? do you not want the best for them ? do you not listen to their view as an individual?" 

 

To me, my subs are valuable. Yes. To me I want the best for them. Yes. I listen to their view points. That is if they have one. Let us not pretend here. There are slaves/subs in relationships without limits (family, friends amd work included) or in TPEs whose defining purpose is to serve their Master/Dom. They have no opinions. This is a perfectly consensual and normal relationship. But is that what you have invested years into your daughter's upbringing for? To serve some guy? And to even go as far as to put your relationship with her in the hands of another man? Whether or not he drives us apart or not. If I knew her Master would take a bullet for her immediately then yes I might accommodate or be more understanding but many Doms or Masters I am not sure would really do this at all. And if you think that the majority of Masters/Doms would be open to this then this is pure naivete. I'm a Dom but I believe in actual dominance in the real world and vulnerability is dangerous and potentially devastating.  The level of vulnerability for a sub and even more for a slave is immensely dangerous to the sub in the hands of a bad Dom or a Dom who isn't really in love. I don't want my daughter that *** or just giving herself in such a serious way when the Dom/Master isn't even required to love her at all. That is just being protective as a parent. Weird psychology but it is how I feel. 

[foreducatio]

3 hours ago, Cade said:

Maybe, a slight change to the equation can help highlight the issue. What if your son wanted to be a sub or slave? Additionally, what if your son wanted a sub or slave? If you would be alright with either of these, but not your daughter, then I would definitely suggest exploring why you feel this way further before trying to en*** anything on anyone else - lest of all, your own child.

I think you missed a significant option that is usually overlooked because the subs are usually women but anyhow. You didn't ask if I would be opposed to my daughter being a Mistress/Domme. So to answer your question. I would not want my son to be a sub or slave. I want a strong willed and dominant son. And to add the other option I mentioned. I want a strong willed and dominant daughter. So I would be fine with her being a Mistress. I would have serious issues if either were not good people who cared and loved their subs/slaves. In fact, I would despise them if they mistreated their subs. Also, let us not play games Cade. I hear a lot of Doms/Masters talking about being Dominant etc but let's be honest, why are you not a sub? Isn't there something that turns you off about submitting yourself to someone in that way? I know I can't as a Dom. How many whippings would you take to save your subs life? How many boots would you kiss to save them and who would you kneel to in order to save them? Would you feel violated if you did? 

[foreducatio]

1 hour ago, Cade said:

No, you're right. Both worlds have people that have malicious and criminal intent, and if you truly feel both worlds are equally dangerous, are you going to prevent your daughter from seeing ANYONE, because as you just pointed out, the lifestyle doesn't matter?

More over what I mean, though, is that vanilla dating is very different from BDSM dating (in concept). Vanilla dating focuses on highlighting the positives and downplaying the negatives, while BDSM dating is more about open, honest communication through various means. Now, certainly, a vanilla individual can be honest and communicate openly, although if you've seen any "dating" (or, "how to pick up women") information, I think you'd agree the focus is on "putting the best foot forward", "peacocking" or looking extravagant, the keys points of attraction seem based on superficial aspects: how good we can look, how much many *** or materialism we have, and what we have to offer a significant other. Meanwhile, in the BDSM culture, we have a tendency to put information that might well deter attraction up front and unmistakable.

I wouldn't say not date anyone. I think dating/seeing anyone should be done very cautiously regardless. I read your article about "Earning it" and I agree wholeheartedly. I think relationships vanilla or BDSM should be based on proof, validation of care, best interest and love which honestly I do not hear a lot of. I think it's great to hear perspectives in BDSM from relationships that have partners in love both Dom and sub.

Anyhow, I think immature vanilla relationships function in the way you described. Display the positives and hide the negatives. Let us not forget that BDSM and vanilla relationships are just different forms of human relationships. The goals are the same. There are excellent vanilla relationships that are derived in absolute shit. You can think of the guy who dates the poverty struck and sexually ***d girl. Nothing hidden or pretty about that. He just cares. I agree, vanilla relationships do veer off to materialism very often though. 

[Cade]

1 hour ago, foreducatio said:

I think you missed a significant option that is usually overlooked because the subs are usually women but anyhow. You didn't ask if I would be opposed to my daughter being a Mistress/Domme. So to answer your question. I would not want my son to be a sub or slave. I want a strong willed and dominant son. And to add the other option I mentioned. I want a strong willed and dominant daughter. So I would be fine with her being a Mistress. I would have serious issues if either were not good people who cared and loved their subs/slaves. In fact, I would despise them if they mistreated their subs. Also, let us not play games Cade. I hear a lot of Doms/Masters talking about being Dominant etc but let's be honest, why are you not a sub? Isn't there something that turns you off about submitting yourself to someone in that way? I know I can't as a Dom. 

I accept your premise.

I am not a submissive because my natural and most comfortable behavior is to be dominant. This is not a preference as much as a state of being, I think you'd agree. When put into any given situation, my inclination will be to behave in a logical manner according to this intrinsic design. I could have just as easily been a submissive had I learned and evolved from my life experiences in another fashion, it would make me no less, no more. The real power in each of us is to be ourselves.

There isn't necessarily something that turns me off about submitting, as much as, it doesn't arouse me. I know it may seem like the same thing, but for me - living the intrinsic design above, experiences are how I learn, give my ideas life, and yes, have devilish amounts of good times. What interactions I choose to create are tilted to my tastes. For me to feel passion for that experience it must arouse me. Submission doesn't turn me off; to the contrary, I find the very act extremely sexy. When applied to the same equation, a submissive just fulfilling their intrinsic design, secure in their identity just as I am mine, is incredibly powerful - thus the concept of "power exchange". A confident submissive, no matter what gender, is someone enriched by who they are and the interactions they decide to participate in.

1 hour ago, foreducatio said:

How many whippings would you take to save your subs life? How many boots would you kiss to save them and who would you kneel to in order to save them? Would you feel violated if you did? 

These questions sort of lack any real context, but seem awfully romantic. Applying them to my life, I own a slave and would take as many whippings as it required. Kissing boots isn't my style, but if it was Death's own boot and I knew there was obviously no way for me to overcome the situation, I would kiss it. Kneeling for me is much tougher, but I'm getting old, and it's simply far too difficult to stand up straight after bending over...but again, to save my slave in this highly romantic concept of Death, himself, I would indeed bend knee. Proudly, as she earned her place in my world, and if I can petition the Grim Reaper for her life, I would. 

she serves me well, and is proud of the station she has earned with me. It gives her confidence, because she has no doubt in the knowledge she gained through our experiences. she finds happiness and contentment in her role. I fail to see any reason to consider her less than me, because she isn't, essentially. she is an extension of me: trained, branded and collared to prove her worthiness to represent me.

To consider her inferior would reflect my own inferiority.

Edited June 26, 2020 by Cade

[Deleted Member]

You have to let your kids make their own way, choose their own path once they are of age. Try to stop them and that can actually push them away, close off to you even more. As we all know life can be tough and if you over protect for me you as a parent are not doing your job correctly. You have to let them stumble, make mistakes, otherwise how will they learn. As long as you are there to pick them up, brush them off and support them through these mistakes that's all you can do. this applies to life in general both vanilla and kink. I would much rather my daughter (29) felt she could come to me for ANY reason openly and without judgment to seek my view and advice than hide what she's up to or whom she's engaging with. We all make our own decisions and with that mistakes which hopefully we learn from, that for me has to be the same for our kids.

[Si****]

I think its the job of every parent to support their kids in making their own minds and following their own dreams. I, as a Dom think my sub is the most precious thing I have. She is strong and confident. She knows her own mind and has her own personality which I love. She is also someone's daughter. If my child came to me saying they were a sub/slave. I would hope i had done my job correctly and instilled in them to know without question they are loved and cared for. That my door was always open to them if they needed me. They have grown up and are following their own path in life with the skills they learned. I might now agree with them, but I would fight to the death their right and decission to do their own thing. Once they have flown the nest, your job is done. you can only hope you did it well. All you can do is leave the door open for them if they need you. Once they grow up, you lose the control you once had. You just have to have faith in the job you did when you had that control. If you do doubt it, then its time for some self reflection and perhaps talking to them to right any wrongs you made before.

[littlegirl-4745]

At the end of the day once she turns 18 it's none of your business. Be accepting of her or you might end up driving her away. 

[Shenna]

I have 2 daughters and if they wanted to explore the kink world, I would support them like any parent would. 

Yes we have that maternal/paternal right to protect our young. But without our knowledge how would we know that they are doing its safely. We all hate to think about our children getting hurt but want to wrap them in cotton wool for protection. 

If my parents judged my life style (they have both passed). I would have still done it with or without their approval. 

Because I'm a strong headed, determined independent person even from a young age. I did what I wanted because in my mind it was my choice. I was responsible also common sense and knew the risks.

But that varies because young people behave in different ways you have irresponsibility or responsibility and what comes with their common sense. 

Always remember how you started your path to kink. Did you tell anyone, were you accepted. Did you have someone to share your feelings about your kink with understanding. Were you treated differently from everyone else. If your child opened up to you, take that as a trust of their confidence and they value your support. Not many children are open to their parents. I didn't tell mine because I tried with a test and I got threatened with disowned. 

I know the thought is there thinking is this person are they hurting my baby!! because you know. But its part of being a parent no matter how old they are, they will always be your baby and you will protect them no matter what. 

It's a case of knowing but also knowing that they are safe and doing it right. 

[Qu****]

11 hours ago, Curvykate said:

I have a daughter. I will be honest I find this topic of conversation incredibly uncomfortable. I don’t want my two worlds to meet.

I would die if my daughter knew who I really was. I think she would disown me.

its not that I’m ashamed of who I am but some people are more open to things. For all our talk in accepting people for who they are, be it black, white, tall, short, fat, skinny etc etc there will always be a stigma where kink is involved. It will always be a taboo subject

[Deleted Member]

1 hour ago, littlegirl-4745 said:

At the end of the day once she turns 18 it's none of your business. Be accepting of her or you might end up driving her away. 

On this I disagree, of course we must accept the choices our children make but their lives are always a parents business. That's what being a parent is, it's a lifelong commitment and that commitment doesn't stop just because they turn 18. I'm 51 and my Ma still frets, whittled about me, gives me a bollocking if I've been a dick etc 😊

[Deleted Member]

33 minutes ago, Queenie63 said:

I would die if my daughter knew who I really was. I think she would disown me.

its not that I’m ashamed of who I am but some people are more open to things. For all our talk in accepting people for who they are, be it black, white, tall, short, fat, skinny etc etc there will always be a stigma where kink is involved. It will always be a taboo subject

I’m not one of those who lets my vanilla and kink worlds collide either. Maybe never. There is a stigma.

[Deleted Member]

17 minutes ago, Donnykinkster said:

On this I disagree, of course we must accept the choices our children make but their lives are always a parents business. That's what being a parent is, it's a lifelong commitment and that commitment doesn't stop just because they turn 18. I'm 51 and my Ma still frets, whittled about me, gives me a bollocking if I've been a dick etc 😊

I think you’ve lost a lot of people with that last sentence, Donny. 🤣
None of my kids are 18 yet but if they think their lives are none of my business once they turn 18 they’re sorely mistaken! 🧐

[Deleted Member]

1 hour ago, Shenna said:

I have 2 daughters and if they wanted to explore the kink world, I would support them like any parent would. 

Yes we have that maternal/paternal right to protect our young. But without our knowledge how would we know that they are doing its safely. We all hate to think about our children getting hurt but want to wrap them in cotton wool for protection. 

If my parents judged my life style (they have both passed). I would have still done it with or without their approval. 

Because I'm a strong headed, determined independent person even from a young age. I did what I wanted because in my mind it was my choice. I was responsible also common sense and knew the risks.

But that varies because young people behave in different ways you have irresponsibility or responsibility and what comes with their common sense. 

Always remember how you started your path to kink. Did you tell anyone, were you accepted. Did you have someone to share your feelings about your kink with understanding. Were you treated differently from everyone else. If your child opened up to you, take that as a trust of their confidence and they value your support. Not many children are open to their parents. I didn't tell mine because I tried with a test and I got threatened with disowned. 

I know the thought is there thinking is this person are they hurting my baby!! because you know. But its part of being a parent no matter how old they are, they will always be your baby and you will protect them no matter what. 

It's a case of knowing but also knowing that they are safe and doing it right. 

You’re more able to put words to this than I am, Shenna. 👍🏻

[Shenna]

2 minutes ago, Curvykate said:

You’re more able to put words to this than I am, Shenna. 👍🏻

Thank you curvyKate. X

Edited June 26, 2020 by Shenna

[Wo****]

I'm a mother and daughter, and sibling.

My *** knows about my lifestyle "Well you were never the conventional one"

My mum knows "I was with your dad since I was 15, we make love, you kids just have sex"

My daughter has seen me wearing a collar and we've chatted about sex, sexuality and light bdsm (it was a storyline arc in a game)

 

I'm open, if asked, about who I am.

 

If my daughter chooses to submit to someone, all I can do is hope I've given her the tools to be strong, smart and brave.

 

[Deleted Member]

27 minutes ago, Curvykate said:

I think you’ve lost a lot of people with that last sentence, Donny. 🤣
None of my kids are 18 yet but if they think their lives are none of my business once they turn 18 they’re sorely mistaken! 🧐

I adore my Ma, she's the only woman's name I have inked on my body and it will remain that way. She hates tats but when I showed her even though she tried to look displeased I knew she was chuffed.

Edited June 26, 2020 by Deleted Member

[Leisa]

16 hours ago, Bigbeardeddaddy42 said:

Honestly? I have thought about this so much, I have a daughter and the idea of her liking being a sub or slave fills me with dread, I know that what I do with a sub is 100% consensual but the idea of her feeling *** or being humiliated makes me want to already punch people , I always only want her to be safe.

Do you stop to think that the little you’re spanking is also someone’s daughter or have you never stopped to think that far? If it is good enough for your little but not for your own daughter maybe you should stop to think about your own actions when it comes to someone else’s daughter. She is after all age regressing to a younger age to that of a child in the role of a little for a reason or is safety only a concern for your own child? Such is the definition of hypocrisy.

[Leisa]

12 hours ago, foreducatio said:

I have differing views Cade. I trust neither BDSM culture nor vanilla society as safe for my kids. In fact, I think the world is a dangerous place and parents need to protect their kids regardless. Selfishness, narcissism, manipulation and *** are not isolated to vanilla society. I think it is rampant wherever you go because beyond vanilla and BDSM, human nature trumps all. Granted that we want the best for our kids we don't always agree or submit to their desires. Your daughter or son may be dating someone abusive or selfish with no love for them but are convinced that they are in a good relationship. This can be both BDSM or vanilla. That should be a concern for any good parent. Also, we all love BDSM hence why we are here. However, it is wrong to assume that all vanilla relationships are based on some shallow pretention of hiding faults. This happens in BDSM as well where subs feel like they need to prove that they are submissive to their Doms against their true character or a Dom trying to be more Dominant to prove to his sub against his character. The problems plague both worlds. 

Being a submissive should never be a role that’s like a jacket you can take on or off. Being good submissive is not something that is learned but instead part of who you are as a person. I guess you don’t realize that being a submissive does not make one weak instead it makes someone strong and valued. If you don’t treat your submissive as a woman first and a submissive second than you’re doing things wrong. Being a submissive makes one strong and empowered, not weak and fragile. Maybe wanting a daughter who is weak of mind and body is what you’re trying to push off onto your own child who could end up ***d or worse in a vanilla as more *** happens in a vanilla relationship.

[helenOfToy]

This is a fascinating question. It's something I have to say I've never really thought about before and reading everyone's perspective on it has been really interesting.

For those who don't know me, I'm very submissive, fairly new to the scene and have a 12yr old daughter.

On the one hand, I don't really want my daughter knowing about my proclivities, obviously at the moment she's too young to know, but even once she's 18 I'd be uncomfortable about it, and I'm ***d to examine the reasons why.  I think it's an aspect of lingering shame courtesy of an intolerant society. I hope one day I can talk frankly to her about it. Of course, saying that, I'm not sure I'd want to be the one to put the idea of kink in her head as I would then feel responsible for anything that happened to her forever more. Contrary to that thought, I would want to be able to share my knowledge and experience (not that I have much to share).

If she was one day to tell me that she was living a kinky lifestyle, firstly I would feel very happy and proud that she trusted me enough to share it with me, and I hope that I would respect her choices as the proud individual I would like her to be.

[Leisa]

Being the mother of six wonderfully bright, open, loving children I decided to read through not just your original post but that of those who replied and your replies to them before offering my two cents because let’s face reality you’re going to take my opinion with a grain of salt because they disagree with yours. You said you wanted subs opinions yet I’ve seen time and again you invalidating and shutting down the subs opinions almost to the point of them being irrelevant.
As I said I have six children, two adults and four very young. I will first concentrate on the older two. I have seen my daughter go through more heartbreak in a vanilla world than I have gone through in the kink world. She’s been devalued and emotionally ***d by men (rather boys because real men do not devalue women) with whom she’s been involved. At 36 she’s the mother of two sons and sadly has been so disillusioned by men that she decided 5 years ago that she’d rather remain single then be treated horribly by another man. If I wasn’t in the middle of a custody battle for my four youngest during my divorce I’d sit her down and talk to her about the BDSM community and the diminished chances of her being used and ***d by a dominate who proclaimed to love her.
My oldest son, dead at the age of 29, I knew was different and I suspect was into the lifestyle but because I lived in a vanilla world at the time he did not feel comfortable enough to talk to me about his choices. This breaks my heart because instead of being his authentic self he likely felt that he had to pigeonhole himself into a vanilla relationship so as not to disappoint me. I will leave off the last four as they range from 5 - 11 (adopted) and are irrelevant to this conversation to the extent that they’re not ready to make life choices for themselves except if they decided to enter into this lifestyle lifestyle I’d absolutely help them navigate their choices the same I would if they opt to remain in the vanilla world.
I would not only encourage but assist any of my children through their decisions in life be it relationships, career choices, or life in general. I don’t know how I could do anything less. I have been in this lifestyle for many years and stepped away for many years to try to be vanilla to fit into the stereotypical stepford wife role because that’s what I felt my parents would want. Though my parents don’t know about my lifestyle as it’s never come up in conversation if asked I’d proudly tell them exactly what has made me the happiest.
My parents watched me go through two vanilla marriages that failed and the heartbreak those caused both to me and my exes. I have found that my two prior BDSM relationships left me stronger as not just a submissive but as a woman. You’re probably thinking just two; my first lasted 3 years until he decided he wanted more than I was able to give and my second lasted for 22 years before ending due to the current D/s relationship I’m in that he fully supports as i wanted more than he could give.
Being a submissive is not something I merely play at being its who I am. It’s not a role but rather my lifestyle. It’s what makes me happy and fulfilled. I’m looking at making life changing choices which will take me on a journey to join my Dominant and have to make the decision of whether to disclose or not disclose.
The answer is simple, if asked why I’m making these decisions I’d tell my mother without reservation. My father is a different story due mainly to his poor health. Regardless, my parents ultimate goal is for my happiness. I’m blessed to have a Dominant who loves and adores me. How can I want less for my children and still be a good role model and parent? We can only lead, guide, and direct our children to chase whatever it is that makes them happy. Frankly I’d rather have my children involved in this lifestyle than the vanilla world where the chances of being ***d are far greater than this lifestyle. I believe that what you have to ask yourself, rather than the rest of us, is does your hypocrisy help your children lead an authentic life or are you condemning them to the unpredictable vanilla world with its warped views on truth and honesty. Be blessed and best of luck on your parenting journey.

[foreducatio]

1 hour ago, Leisa said:

Do you stop to think that the little you’re spanking is also someone’s daughter or have you never stopped to think that far? If it is good enough for your little but not for your own daughter maybe you should stop to think about your own actions when it comes to someone else’s daughter. She is after all age regressing to a younger age to that of a child in the role of a little for a reason or is safety only a concern for your own child? Such is the definition of hypocrisy.

I do stop to think about it. In fact, this is why I try to treat her as best as possible. Well, firstly because I really value her immensely. Secondly, someone would probably die if they treated my daughter poorly so Golden rule. Safety is a concern for everyone, including my sub and my daughter. Hence my real life behavior. Leisa, hypocrisy is rampant in the human condition but it is not always ill intentioned or purely wrong. My father would be utterly remiss if he knew that I smoked. We are talking about a life-long smoker here. I think 80% of the people I know and these are highly educated and highly paid men and women have tried some sort of hard drug but would probably skin their kid alive if they did it. Neither situations make either parties bad people. 

[Leisa]

27 minutes ago, foreducatio said:

I do stop to think about it. In fact, this is why I try to treat her as best as possible. Well, firstly because I really value her immensely. Secondly, someone would probably die if they treated my daughter poorly so Golden rule. Safety is a concern for everyone, including my sub and my daughter. Hence my real life behavior. Leisa, hypocrisy is rampant in the human condition but it is not always ill intentioned or purely wrong. My father would be utterly remiss if he knew that I smoked. We are talking about a life-long smoker here. I think 80% of the people I know and these are highly educated and highly paid men and women have tried some sort of hard drug but would probably skin their kid alive if they did it. Neither situations make either parties bad people. 

No one said you were a bad person just a bit hypocritical and maybe misguided. Neither equate to bad person.

[Wo****]

31 minutes ago, foreducatio said:

I do stop to think about it. In fact, this is why I try to treat her as best as possible. Well, firstly because I really value her immensely. Secondly, someone would probably die if they treated my daughter poorly so Golden rule. Safety is a concern for everyone, including my sub and my daughter. Hence my real life behavior. Leisa, hypocrisy is rampant in the human condition but it is not always ill intentioned or purely wrong. My father would be utterly remiss if he knew that I smoked. We are talking about a life-long smoker here. I think 80% of the people I know and these are highly educated and highly paid men and women have tried some sort of hard drug but would probably skin their kid alive if they did it. Neither situations make either parties bad people. 

Smoking and hard *** aren't the same thing as being involved in bdsm though.

 

There are evil people both within bdsm and vanilla.

You want the best life for your daughter? Let her be whoever she is and love her for it.

[Deleted Member]

10 hours ago, foreducatio said:

Let us not pretend here. There are slaves/subs in relationships without limits (family, friends amd work included) or in TPEs whose defining purpose is to serve their Master/Dom. They have no opinions. This is a perfectly consensual and normal relationship.

You are making assumptions here that TPE/TPT dynamics do not also value their sub. most of what you have said in response to others has stuck firm on your point, ignoring the perspective from both submissive, women and Dominants that justifiably disagree with your point. did you want our opinions? or more accurately i imagine, did you want us to agree with your hypocritical concept?

perhaps this post shows less about your wish to protect your daughter and more about your opinion in the BDSM scene and how it is expressed through the style of dynamics.