Wo**** Posted June 27, 2020 Posted June 27, 2020 Biologically women are generally physically weaker, smaller but that doesn't make us the weaker sex, it makes us different that's all. As a female sub, 5ft3, about 10st, I'm likely more "at risk" than say a guy who was 6ft2 and 16st. I've experienced both types of relationship within bdsm. I've been controlled, used, ***d, brainwashed, groomed by a creature (he was no man!) to the point I believed it was normal. It destroyed my marriage, almost severed my relationship with my daughter. I was depressed, *** and oh so suggestible. Gave my trust too easily, too quickly. Love easily, freely and deeply. I yearned to submit to someone.... A bad Dom can *** all my traits that make me a submissive but the flip side to that I've also had/have the BEST relationships I've had too. Pirate is precious to me, he's shown me what a good, honest poly relationship is. Vandalslut has been one of my most trusted friends. I'm reconnecting with my ex. I'm recognising my flaws, seeing my strengths, and for the first time EVER in my life I feel free and happy. If your daughter is submissive, the best thing you can do is accept it. It's her life, her mind, her body. Her decision. I personally believe (and no offence to Dominants) it takes more "strength" to choose to submit to someone than to dominate.
Ta**** Posted June 27, 2020 Posted June 27, 2020 5 minutes ago, LazyPiratesBounty said: I personally believe (and no offence to Dominants) it takes more "strength" to choose to submit to someone than to dominate. Absolutely. I have taken a dominant role with someone and that was a lot easier, even though I don't consider myself as Dom. It's a lot harder to submit to another, as I have found out, and takes real strength of character.
Ch**** Posted June 27, 2020 Posted June 27, 2020 May i say that I've had so many men pm me and tell me there sub. They say in there every day life there in a dominant and all they wish to be is submissive. So who's to say that your child in the vanilla world is in a dominant role. But behind close doors your child is submissive. The part you dont know about as they are to scared to tell you incase you disaprove of there life style. You want ever know what your children are up to unless they tell you. I know I've never told my parents about my kink side. If i had children i would hope they would talk to me about things.
Wo**** Posted June 27, 2020 Posted June 27, 2020 Just reread this thread... @foreducatio are you worried that your daughter will submit to someone that's just gonna use her? No love? Phoneyx mentioned being a light for his submissives, are you afraid she won't want, or get, that? For me, my Dom has to be someone I look up to, admire, someone who'll help me flourish... I'm naturally submissive. I'm a follower. That doesn't mean I'm not strong, or smart. I'm an introvert, a loner. If I submit to someone, it's full on submission. That can be risky. I've submitted to the wrong person, once. The effects of that were catastrophic. So..... I get the misgivings. Submitting to the right person though..... oh lordy! 😊 It changed my life. I am, now, exactly who I wanna be, should be.
Deleted Member Posted June 27, 2020 Posted June 27, 2020 15 hours ago, little_red_92 said: i respect your acknowledgment of this. it IS a hard topic to think about, i am not a mother but i know i would struggle to face it without deep thought and self reflection. the OPs first post ( a couple of weeks ago) is well worth reading as it clearly displays his only experience of the lifestyle and having a sub. personally i feel this justifiably skews his perception, but his narrative towards women and submissives in this post, is condescending, worrying and scary for someone claiming dominance I did find OPs first post and read it. Yes, I can see how it would skew his perception of subs. I can’t see yet whether the OP will be able to learn from the input on that discussion and this one. I hope he might.
Cade Posted June 28, 2020 Posted June 28, 2020 On 6/26/2020 at 11:51 AM, foreducatio said: Cade. I must admit, I like your points very much. I feel like we are 2 men standing across a gulf but can respectfully give a nod in disagreement. I like this analogy and think it's incredibly apt. No matter how loudly we voice our opinions, the words may well be whipped away by the strong winds within the chasm. I can appreciate that we both have opinions, and enjoy being able to read your reasons for yours as I share mine. There is no offense in disagreeing, but often, a lot of learning in sharing. On 6/26/2020 at 11:51 AM, foreducatio said: I agree to some degree. Yes it is a state of being and mostly aligns with your most natural state. However, if you preffered to be more submissive you could train yourself to do so. Some women are more dominant but they train themselves to become more submissive and it works. Typical Pavlov's dog conditioning. We are human and subject to the same psychology. Some people have been trampled all their life and desire more dominance and do develop as such. To quote a bit of brevity from Rick and Morty, "That just sounds like slavery with extra steps!" Definitely, if my preference was to be submissive, I could train myself to enjoy that station with all its unique interactions and experiences. Being intrinsically prone towards dominance, it seems like a lot of work to find that possibility of happiness - especially when I get that just by being me and doing what comes natural. Of course, I am considering being happy as indication of a successful mentality. On 6/26/2020 at 11:51 AM, foreducatio said: There is a reason subs are mostly female. Yes, I do think that society conditions men to be dominant and women to serve. Whether that is right or wrong is irrelevant and an argument for another day and lifetime. However, this is your society in a nutshell. Quite frankly the world. Check out Yemen. So yes I think as men we are predisposed to more dominant conditioning and naturally we veer off towards it because we also like it. I can't disagree with there being gender and sex stereotypes, although they are become less prevalent and really don't apply to my consideration on if I want my daughter to be submissive or not. Like with my own identity, if she found that her natural behavior patterns (being submissive, in this gambit) brought her happiness, I would want support her to the best of my abilities. Likewise, I think we'd find that there are a lot of naturally dominant females, as well as, submissive males (not to exclude other gender identities or dynamic roles), but because of antiquated social norms like "males must be dominant, females must be submissive", they are ***d to train themselves to enjoy things against their natural mode. On 6/26/2020 at 11:51 AM, foreducatio said: This talk about real power in ourselves is excellent as a personal philosophy for goals and self development and career establishment, but let us be completely real here Cade. There is a man with a gun to your head and you are defenseless (in other words, ***) is the power really within you or is it in the hand of the man with the gun? This is one of those places I don't think we will see eye to eye. Having a gun to my head doesn't take my power from me, and even in that dire situation, I have a choice. It is a shit choice, I grant you, but if I have to choose between allow someone power over me because they threaten my life or exercise my power and die, thereby removing any power the gunman had, the decision is easy for me. Maybe that's the true merit of power, though...in that scenario, I must obviously be powerful if someone needs a gun to my head to even the odds, is the way I see things. Haha. On 6/26/2020 at 11:51 AM, foreducatio said: THIS REAL distinction of vulnerability and power/strength is the center of our BDSM relationships. There are no sugar coatings as we like to pretend. You are not attracted to power and strength in your sub. If you were, then you'd ask your sub to slap you and dominate you but the truth is as you have admitted. "Submission doesn't turn" you off "on the contrary" you "find the act extremely sexy." I say the same thing. I just commit to the hard cold reality of what I just said instead of making it more palatable and politically correct. Also, weakness does not equate to inferiority. Just because you are weaker does not mean that you are irrelevant or inferior. I am sure there are many guys stronger and bigger than both you and I, but I do not conclude from us being weaker that we are inferior. No, I wouldn't want her to slap me or dominate me, but that is not where my slave's power and strength are found. If we are being literal, her power and strength would be to be slapped or submit to me, respectively. Your addition in this paragraph illustrates my point; I find a good dynamic for me is one with complimentary headspaces: a dominant that finds happiness through "dominant" behavior and a submissive that finds happiness though "submissive" behavior. Simplified, of course. Neither is weak, more/less relevant, nor inferior - and only greater together in successful matchups. On 6/26/2020 at 11:51 AM, foreducatio said: In my view, the idea that even vanilla relationships are not power dynamics are a farce. In every relationship, someone must submit more and the other take control and lead. In friendships, parent and child, student and teacher, coworkers. Power is ingrained in us and courses through our veins. The question is whether or not subs/slaves are really willing to accept their place and are Doms/Masters willing to accept theirs? Instead of pretending. I agree. We can call it by different names, but the concept of d/s threads through all walks of life, from *** kingdom to the business world. Returning to the original question, not wanting my daughter to be submissive would be asking her to pretend, if her natural desire was to be submissive. On 6/26/2020 at 11:51 AM, foreducatio said: It does have a contex. I was asking indirectly if you are the type of Master to give yourself over to your sub in such an intimate way? I can only respect what you have said. I agree wholeheartedly. That is true dedication. Now for reality, go show me how many Masters or Doms would necessarily say that with an honest heart? I was only meaning, what I would do in a life or death situation regarding my partner doesn't really apply to supporting my daughter's decision to be submissive, or at least I failed to see the thought train. I think no matter my role identity, I would want to support her in what makes her happy. Obviously, there is no way I could show you that, I can only serve as an example of one that would.
E-dUbBs Posted June 28, 2020 Posted June 28, 2020 no idea where to start but in my view if you are happy to have a submissive then you should be able to realise that submission is a choice. i'd be more concerned with if she were doing the right things with regard to ensuring her safety your post suggests that subs have no choice and the subject implies their views are less important concerning... but you're entitled to a view and to voice it if it complies with site rules I know in any of my past dynamics my sub has been the most important in the dynamic
baldkate Posted June 30, 2020 Posted June 30, 2020 You spoke wise words. I told my mum that I'm lesbian when I was 18. She did not longer want to deal with me. The only one not having a problem with me being lesbian is my father. He a sort of encouraged me. Later I decided to become submissive. My Mistress told my father. He was surprised but he did not hate me for it. Mistress asked my father for permission to spank me. He gave her that permission.
Deleted Member Posted June 30, 2020 Posted June 30, 2020 Just now, baldkate said: You spoke wise words. I told my mum that I'm lesbian when I was 18. She did not longer want to deal with me. The only one not having a problem with me being lesbian is my father. He a sort of encouraged me. Later I decided to become submissive. My Mistress told my father. He was surprised but he did not hate me for it. Mistress asked my father for permission to spank me. He gave her that permission. I applaud you for you bravery against the worst type of judgment, that from our families and loved ones 😊
UncommonHands Posted July 16, 2020 Posted July 16, 2020 What I want for my beautiful Daughter is for her to be happy. If she's happy being a submissive, that makes me happy. If her Dom hurts her mentally or physically, he better run while he can. I protect what is mine, and she will always be my daughter. Further, I take incredible care of my subs, I want to make sure they enjoy their life, and if that means clamping their nipples while taking them anally, so be it.
Deleted Member Posted May 23, 2021 Posted May 23, 2021 Does anyone know how to delete this I did not write it and I think I was hacked but this isn't me
Je**** Posted May 25, 2021 Posted May 25, 2021 If i may offer a different perspective (apologies if its been mentioned but i only got 3 pages in) You welcome Dom/me advice and say sub advice is also welcome, and as someone else said you shoot them down. This is how it reads anyway. You said you don't like the thought of your daughter being submissive, giving her life and respect, love and trust to someone else (a dominant man, thats even assuming she will choose a man!!) . Regardless, what is wrong with this?? Look at how many strong and reputable men (for talk sake) are on here. Men who have earned their subs. Men who own their slaves. Do you think the women under them chose them lightly?? Do you not trust your own daughter to make her own decisions based off the kind of person she is attracted to. That she can learn this lifestyle, watch out for flags and wrong practise and make her own decisions? Do you not think she would want you there for support if something went wrong, perhaps dreading all she will get is an "i told you so". Why is is okay for her to be a Dom/me? Why is it not ok for her to explore her submissive side if she has one? How do you know that she is not going to make a fantastic submissive and find her place with a man/woman she loves and trusts? How do you know that she doesnt end up a Dom/me full of anger and loathing because she feels pressured to be in this role and ends up mistreating a sub out of envy/jelousy/uneducated prcatise because she simply isnt into that role 100% Would you take full responsibility for her actions? Would you stand by her if she mistreated someone? Or would you rather be there to support and educate her on submission? Even horror stories, red flags, opinions and testimonies from any submissive you yourself may have. You state she is a dominant and strong willed woman/girl etc. Now this threw me. Have you looked at this site? How many strong men and women in their every day lives submit on here??? HUNDREDS. It is an escape from having to be the strong independant type. You cannot make or assume or pressure her into a role. She needs to find her own way. I am in no way claiming myself as a dominant. I am LEARNING. I have found a partner and friends/mentors i love and trust to guide me. To ensure that what i practise and display is right and safe. I have tried the submissive side also and i do not hand my self or my body over lightly. I have made good choices based on what i know as a human being, from others and my gut intuition. Give your daughter that same respect. If you do not want her to be submissive as you believe she may find *** then teach her how to spot it. How to avoid it. How to defend herself. How to approach you should it happen. But regardless you cannot bubble wrap her but you can choose to support and respect her decision if and when that time comes. I am a mother of 3. Two girls and a boy. Should any of them get a partner/relationship vanilla or kink i will know about it. I will try to help and guide them. Truthfully, i won't be comfortable with some aspects because naturally it's your kids and ou don't want to think of them in such activities, but i know for me this will change when they are of age to make these decisions and il love my kids no matter what route they will have. Imagine also your daughter seen this post at some stage in her life, as a submissive woman and seen your disapproving views. She will not feel good and will want to hide things from you than open up. Wishing you, but mainly her, all the best in her life if and when she gets to this decision.
Je**** Posted May 25, 2021 Posted May 25, 2021 wow this is old. but theres my two cents :) fs back for coffee!
Ch**** Posted May 25, 2021 Posted May 25, 2021 I have date none kink people and been with a master. I would rather be with master than any vanila person. Master treated me with the respect an kindness that no vanilla person ever did or as done. Out of all the partners I took to meet my family master was the only 1 my mom an big brother liked. There very protective of me
FETMOD-KF Posted May 26, 2021 Posted May 26, 2021 On 5/23/2021 at 1:26 PM, medusa247 said: Does anyone know how to delete this I did not write it and I think I was hacked but this isn't me I've sorted this now for you. Not sure what happened as it was almost a year ago. For the sake of housekeeping I've removed other comments relating to this
Deleted Member Posted May 27, 2021 Posted May 27, 2021 10 hours ago, FETMOD-KF said: I've sorted this now for you. Not sure what happened as it was almost a year ago. For the sake of housekeeping I've removed other comments relating to this Thank you for your help!!
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