Blocking

[Ar****]

3 hours ago, lil-monster said:

Either get on or ignore each other!!!! The forum just isn't fun anymore when this is happening!!!

I agree, it isn't - but nor is the forum fun when you repeatedly see the same person consistently speak to others in the most outlandish and rude fashion, whether they believe they are being rude or not. When you read fellow members of the community trying to reason rationally yet receive *** for it. When you look at what you're reading sometimes and wonder why there has been no mod intervention for downright nastiness. When people you chat with regularly message you because they are feeling too intimidated to act on or report inappropriate behaviour from a bully. When some stop using the site because they cannot enjoy it any longer whilst people like that are around.

 

You're right, these verbal duals are dragging the site down, but I can completely understand why Donny has engaged in them and I won't hold it against him.

 

Here's to a brighter future moving forward.

[li****]

9 minutes ago, Aranhis said:

I agree, it isn't - but nor is the forum fun when you repeatedly see the same person consistently speak to others in the most outlandish and rude fashion, whether they believe they are being rude or not. When you read fellow members of the community trying to reason rationally yet receive *** for it. When you look at what you're reading sometimes and wonder why there has been no mod intervention for downright nastiness. When people you chat with regularly message you because they are feeling too intimidated to act on or report inappropriate behaviour from a bully. When some stop using the site because they cannot enjoy it any longer whilst people like that are around.

 

You're right, these verbal duals are dragging the site down, but I can completely understand why Donny has engaged in them and I won't hold it against him.

 

Here's to a brighter future moving forward.

I understand all that you are saying I really do I'm all for making this site better for everyone believe me I am but constant fighting in forum gets me down. I don't mind a true and honest debate I'm all for it ☺️ but when it starts to turn nasty etc then I can't stand the constant bringing everyone else in to in when they have been told by a mod to stop the personal attacks ect. But constant fights in forum can't carry on I come to the forum to learn to ask questions not see members go off at each other constantly.

 

I believe either take it to PM's or report the member for the behaviour even put on block, I've been on this site near on 3 years now and I've seen it change and involve and yes it has its bad and good like every other website. 

[Deleted Member]

3 hours ago, eyemblacksheep said:

one life lesson is to learn to live without closure or with the ambiguity.  

Let's say you get a blocked message and it's just with a "I'm sorry, I'm just not interested" that's ambiguous but should be enough. You might think "But it was going so well" but the reality is that you were interested beyond their interest and that perhaps they just felt they couldn't connect.

But it could be something like, "I found you too pushy and needy" and this would generate more questions from "How, in which way was I pushy?" which is pushy in itself, the want for closure is a form of "needy" whilst even an acceptance "maybe I did come on a bit much" would either result in a "please give me another chance, I can improve" or you constantly criticising yourself you blew it.

But you might also disagree with the reason given which might make you annoyed, frustrated or angry. 

I mean, if it's someone you're rowing with it should be obvious why you're blocked. They're no longer interested in continuing the argument.

I agree with your point. I was just suggesting adding that option because it is a better way for someone to learn than an ambigous way in which the reason to block is guessed, specially if the conversation was without a fight. 

[Deleted Member]

This started as an interesting post then went down hill in my opinion. I would’ve loved to have added to it but got lost in all of the arguing. Maybe some need to just agree to disagree and move on rather than take things from one post to the next. You can’t be everyone’s cup of tea, you don’t have to communicate with each other or be friends. I agree with @lil-monster take it to pm’s or block each other (contradicting the original post!). 
 

I would have liked to discuss why I block people but feel it would get completely lost in what’s going on so don’t see the point. 

[Deleted Member]

So it seems I have been upsetting the wrong people and yep that does bother me I'm.not gonna lie. There will be no more of this from me, not my place and apologies to any who feel my behaviour is bringing the site down. It's a trait I had in vanilla but from reading these comments one I shall be making an effort not to show anymore as it's causing upset in places I did not expect

 

😊😊😊

[li****]

I think going back to the op blocking is the best thing to do sometimes. Especially as many as said for us subs it's the only option we have, as some so called doms or men just think it's ok to talk to us like we're no better than a piece of crap on your shoe!!!! 

 

Some are reasonable if you call them out on their behaviour and say sorry ( which has happened sometimes ) but most times if I stand up for myself and answer back I get a load more *** back from them, then my only option is to block and report the user. 

 

I think we all just need to realise we are all human and make mistakes no one is perfect, and some don't know the etiquette of the site and or just see all women/subs as sex toys and think it's ok to talk to us like we're just gonna drop out knickers for them cause we're on a kink site!!! Yes of course we need to call out the bullies and folk who cause this but I think there is a time and place to do it, and if they can't be the ones to drop it and move on and have to keep having a go because they think a comment made is about them then shows just the kinda person THEY are I think let them carry on their true colours will come through eventually!! But don't get on the same level as them as the saying goes unfortunately you can't fight fire with fire!!!!! 

 

So sometimes it is best to use the block/report option when they won't leave you alone or when they are just a dickhead in general. I know the mods do a lot for this site by trying to keep it safe for us and so on do we need more mods yeah probably but the ones we have already do a hell of lot for this site least we can do is keep it safe as best as we can also.        

Edited July 17, 2020 by lil-monster
Added some more

[Deleted Member]

10 hours ago, Donnykinkster said:

So it seems I have been upsetting the wrong people and yep that does bother me I'm.not gonna lie. There will be no more of this from me, not my place and apologies to any who feel my behaviour is bringing the site down. It's a trait I had in vanilla but from reading these comments one I shall be making an effort not to show anymore as it's causing upset in places I did not expect

 

😊😊😊

I don’t think you’ve upset anyone, or at least you haven’t me. I just don’t like to see what is a good thread be turned into an argument is all. You express yourself very well and I get why you get fired up, but sometimes you have to ask yourself a question and that’s....does it really f******g matter? If the answer is no then move on, keep your cool and let it go. 

[Th****]

20 hours ago, Donnykinkster said:

So it seems I have been upsetting the wrong people and yep that does bother me I'm.not gonna lie. There will be no more of this from me, not my place and apologies to any who feel my behaviour is bringing the site down. It's a trait I had in vanilla but from reading these comments one I shall be making an effort not to show anymore as it's causing upset in places I did not expect

Donny I have discussed many topics on many threads with you and we have not always seen things exactly the same way.

However, your well reasoned and thought out style of prose and your humble approach to this lifestyle is nothing if not a valuable addition.

I can personally think of a great many threads that would have been far worse were it not for your posts summarising the situation and looking at the points in balance clearly.

I for one would think this forum would feel your absence and I for one would miss you greatly.

Speaking for myself I am furious at the way that apparently an apology is not enough for some people. Nay, multiple apologies.

Do not take this personally it says far more about them than you my friend.

When people who are in places of power and influence cannot moderate their tone then us mere mortals can hardly be derided for a lesser offence.

[Deleted Member]

On 7/18/2020 at 2:10 AM, Thebian said:

 

I for one would think this forum would feel your absence and I for one would miss you greatly.

Thank you for those kind words but no I will not be stopping posting, just maybe calm my rhetoric a little and stop being so reactive. To be fair upon reflection what @sweet***sub said hit home and she's right. No need to weigh in on everything. No my friend I will still be posting but with more thought first 😊😊

[Deleted Member]

I have no time for those I block and if any decide to block me then they're well within their right to. I don't see the issue here of one taking advantage of a widely available function. Some information will be lost, but the value I apply to the information I receive by those I respect are improved. 

 

My two pence.

[Deleted Member]

On 7/17/2020 at 1:47 AM, sweet***sub said:

This started as an interesting post then went down hill in my opinion. I would’ve loved to have added to it but got lost in all of the arguing. 

And that is what I apologise for, not posting but for allowing the manchild to be so easily sparked Into life. It saddens me that you felt you couldn't post and for that I take my fare share of responsibility  😊😊

[Deleted Member]

Here we go if you want to understand the psychology behind the blocking culture attitude. this is a copy/paste of my convo with username hidden for the moment...

ME-Hi. Gosh I wish you reach me how to write and I could teach you something in return
    •    
one day ago

HER-I think I'd be to vanilla for you, I'm only a baby sub.. Never submitted in person before 🤗
    •    
one day ago

ME-Lol it was only teaching me writing 😜😈! I had a babygirl before too lol! I am not like rigid about dynamic!
    •    
one day ago

ME-I am not always chatting for the only purpose to hunt ! Why coming so late into bdsm? Or is it just some light kinky stuff you are after
    •    
one day ago

HER-It's been 15 years in the making and about a month ago I decided I'm done hiding. So been doing lots of research, watching and reading to get caught up 🤗

HER-I wanna start off light, yes but already done the basics... I had no idea I have so many kinks or that they were even kinks in the first place before I started researching a month ago 😁
    •    
one day ago

ME-I don’t mean it as a bad thing. At least you won’t prob make the newby mistake and you are mature enough to make proper judgment with the wrong type of men
    •    
one day ago

HER-I didn't take it as a bad thing 🤗
    •    
one day ago

ME-What would you like to try first?
    •    
one day ago

HER-Tied down, teased, edging, anal... Water sports... Just as a start 😜
    •    
one day ago

HER-😂😂😈 not too much then
    •    
one day ago

ME-I could provide this 🤷‍♂️🐺
    •    
one day ago

ME-So what your writing about ??
    •    
one day ago

HER-I have a few projects atm with in gothic horror, sci-fi and fantasy fiction. I'll start my studies again in a few months... So I'm sure many more delicious ideas will arise 😁
How's you?
    •    
one day ago

ME-I am good thanks. Just thinking about leaving that site tbh.
    •    
one day ago

HER-How come?
    •    
one day ago

ME-Just boring and too many time wasters, lots of new profile new my area, but they don’t interact or message back. Or they message then nothing for a month etc... just not the type of site with serious kinkster
    •    
one day ago

ME-I like goth stuff
    •    
one day ago

ME-How would rephrased this for example

If you think dominance or submission is a physical strength match then you miss the point.
Also not all submission are a slave dynamic. And by the way maybe submissive should Also take a test as if they are here to waste Doms time and simply are on this site for attention seeking time
    •    
one day ago

ME-Thank youb
    •    
one day ago

ME-Am I too far for you?
    •    
one day ago

HER-Yeah, I've been thinking about my wording. I dont really know how to tell the difference between a kinky dominant man and a man that just wants a woman to dominant. Does that make sense?

HER-I keep getting built up and let down...

I agree with the BDSM test for everyone... I'm gonna upload my results page so people can see what I'm at.

HER-No not to far away, but I have to admit, you scare the shit out of me. Although I seem to still be messaging, so maybe it's not a bad thing 😉
    •    
one day ago

ME-Well that’s a good point and you are the first one to tell me that! I think you should ask that question in the forum cos it will be very interesting.
For me there is a big difference as the kinky Dom is more interesting in the sex appeal first. The dominant one is more thoughtful about the mental aspect and would have a throughout relationship based on the submissive needs and care plan.
    •    
one day ago

ME-Not sure why I scare you that much? I have a certain kink interest but I am also adaptable
    •    
one day ago

HER-I think it's your 'no bs' approach..

HER-I’d love to feel safe and cared for but I'm not giving up my free will... I've worked hard to love and except myself...but I do also understand that this all comes with experience and a willingness to be open minded.

HER-I’ve just had a few doms that expect far to much to soon 😔
    •    
one day ago

ME-😂 it’s me. People either know what they want but don’t mess around with me.
I am very respectful and caring when I get on with someone even if we are not into relationship.
I am a wolf type so it means I get attached quickly and will protect my prey.
    •    
one day ago

ME-Sometime men behave that way because they way to see if the sub is willing and really want to be a submissive. But also some want a quick play so it’s hard to see which is a long runner and which one is just a wanker fiddler
    •    
one day ago

ME-?? Hello 🤷‍♂️
    •    
7 hours ago

[Hey, this kinkster has let you know they're not interested. Keep trying - you'll find sub-one right for you!]
    •    
2 hours ago

 

so no rudeness form me, no pushy pushy nude pics, a simple convo start up to see where it goes....well it went down the block button for no reason, this is what we face most of the time and wander why sometime we blow the fuse....and maybe this is why some other men ask for nude pics or submission quickly because they know the frenzy block button is not too far for no reason, just like they go shopping for no reason but going to the shop....

[Deleted Member]

3 hours ago, FabSeverus said:

just like they go shopping for no reason but going to the shop....

She doesnt owe you anything. That message is designed so people can politely tell you they are not interested. (Being blocked looks different). Maybe she didnt know how else to say it. 

Sure, you wernt rude or pushy but that doesnt reserve you any right to her or mean that she has to keep messaging you. 

Do you know how many men message women on here? And as soon as little bit of interest is shown some men decide that they are owed so much more. She was polite and pleasant to you to. The She decided she wasnt interested. The fact you posted this entire conversation and used the fact that this lady isnt interested in you to explain the 'psychology' behind 'blocking culture' is quite scary actually. Women are allowed to say no, and Express when then are NOT INTERESTED.

[ey****]

it doesn't look like you've done anything wrong - but there could be 100 reasons.

It might be nothing personal, they were just worried about making the steps

they might have, say, read some of your forum posts and decided they disagreed with some of your comments

But, a lot of the gaps before you prodded her, this probably doesn't seem like being pushy but she may have felt pressured to respond.   It's difficult to second guess, but - as it were.

[Deleted Member]

7 hours ago, BooBookitty said:

She doesnt owe you anything. That message is designed so people can politely tell you they are not interested. (Being blocked looks different). Maybe she didnt know how else to say it. 

Sure, you wernt rude or pushy but that doesnt reserve you any right to her or mean that she has to keep messaging you. 

Do you know how many men message women on here? And as soon as little bit of interest is shown some men decide that they are owed so much more. She was polite and pleasant to you to. The She decided she wasnt interested. The fact you posted this entire conversation and used the fact that this lady isnt interested in you to explain the 'psychology' behind 'blocking culture' is quite scary actually. Women are allowed to say no, and Express when then are NOT INTERESTED.

You completely misunderstood my point. When did I mention they are not allowed to say no? When did I said she has to keep messaging me? That option is a slam the door in the face and may as well blocking me. We are adult and a simple personal line is better than a cold site standard one. 

if women are not interested in chatting then don’t start the conversation, that option is prob better and less rude. 
I wrote this to hilght the others side of the coin

regards 

[Deleted Member]

You started the conversation, straight away she expressed doubts. Looks to me like she was just being polite, and like I said- didnt know how to say she wasnt interested.

Also, I would be absolutely mortified to see my conversation on a public forum. (Especially as a  new sub). Regardless of whether you kept her name censored or not- she did not consent to that.

[Deleted Member]

1 hour ago, BooBookitty said:

You started the conversation, straight away she expressed doubts. Looks to me like she was just being polite, and like I said- didnt know how to say she wasnt interested.

Also, I would be absolutely mortified to see my conversation on a public forum. (Especially as a  new sub). Regardless of whether you kept her name censored or not- she did not consent to that.

That’s your opinion prob based on bad experience and I appreciate it. 
It’s in my inbox and I do whatever I want wit it. I don’t owe her anything as you say so... 

This is the end for me as usually it goes in circle, nice to chat with you.... 

[Lombardo43]

The point is FabSevrus is just making a point about blocking and if the use of it is becoming unwarranted in the circumstances he has illustrated. Maybe some think he should have been blocked, which is the worrying aspect for those who started this subject. This should have been a conversation about the merits of how blocking is used, if it is being used too much or for no particular reason as it should be a last resort thing. Is this the culture now, oh i can't be bothered just block. Seems a very lazy attitude for this site. FabSeverus it seems to me just deserved a last chat 'I've enjoyed our conversation but i don't want to go any further, but i wish you well'. Not a blocking I think but each to there own which is what people are expressing. Anyone can block it's a free country. The question is what culture we want from this site.One of can't be bothered anymore, Block. Or finish a conversation at least until blocking is merited by insults and rudeness not coherent with how the chat was going prior.

[Deleted Member]

On 7/12/2020 at 1:04 PM, BooBookitty said:

I agree with the sentiment of waiting, especially if we see *** or disagreement. However i have see *** in those regards transform into something more dangerous. As a female sub I have had my share of unsolicited messages, some from obviously lonely men who are hurting and desperate for someone to reply. This can manifest in many ways and I've had experience with men who I have needed to block and they have then made profile after profile to interact with me.
So yes, knee jerk reactions can often cut off communication that could prove helpful, but also stop a threatening or potentially maladaptive relationship from forming.

I completely agree and have had to do the same.