Orgasm Denial

[Katenka]

My dom and boyfriend is driving me crazy. We signed a new contract on July 10 for three months and monthly check-in debriefs. We’ve already had sex like 4 or 5 times since then, but he’s denying me orgasms. He might have started intentionally, saying he wants me to “focus on him and his pleasure,” but maybe he just can’t get me to orgasm now or he just doesn’t care, and incidentally I haven’t had a decent orgasm since July 5, so that’s making it all worse.
He said this morning that he was not punishing me at all, although literally last night, he said yeah, maybe subconsciously he was punishing me for screwups I did over the weekend. (he screwed up too!)

This morning, when I brought up my moody irritation problem with him, he pretty much promised he will take care of me next time. 
I don’t even want him to touch me any more, because it just feels like *** and both emotional and physical blue balls. I have an aversion to him touching me sexually. (I’ve told him this too)

 

On Friday, to commemorate our second contract, he hit me pretty good (I’m a masochist, he’s a sadist), I had ugly pink red bruising on my chest; but it feels like his strikes are just getting harder. I’m not sure I like that.

It just feels like he is being irresponsible and taking advantage of me and just uses me for sex and massages now, and I’m tired of it.

idk, I also feel that I’m thinking somewhat irrationally at the moment, hence the rant here.

 

I don’t think a simple orgasm is going to fix this. 
I might just accept that I can’t be a 24/7 sub. I feel like I’m sacrificing so much more than he is giving me back, and I don’t think our boyfriend-girlfriend relationship can take that long term.

I love pleasing him, but I want to be pleased back!

What, I guess that makes me not a proper submissive?

 

How often do you Dominants employ orgasm denial? Is it a punishment? Or just something you use for you own enjoyment?

[Ku****]

My own experiences with chastity and orgasm denials were because the submissive asked me to try it, with contracts and all. To be honest, being denied And purposefully left wanting doesn’t feel like something you shouldn’t freely choose to implement in your relationship. I think you should talk it over and end it, especially if this is undermining your experience as a submissive.

[Deleted Member]

I don't think it makes you 'not a good sub'
Perhaps he needs to think about what he, as a Dom wants from you as a sub. You then need to discuss it.
Can I ask what was in your new contract? Were you happy with things before?
My Sir uses orgasm denial occasionally, normally for a long weekend, letting me cum on the last day, but getting me soooo close to climax each time.
Makes the actual orgasm amazing, for me, anyway and he says I'm tighter if I don't orgasm.
I think you and your Dom just need to talk and rethink your limits etc.

[Lombardo43]

Quite agree that you need to talk and probably reset your limits, or even just implement them as it's unclear that what's going on is what was agreed, well not from your point of view it seems. Very worrying that he hurts you more now and because you mention it, must be that it goes beyond your limit now. To me orgasm denial is one thing but how did it end up being weeks worth with no end in site. What the hell was in this agreement? I personally can only deny my subs orgasms for a limited time as it's what I enjoy giving but denial does make the orgasms different and more intense/explosive, if I can wait!

[Cade]

I do not think this situation speaks negatively of you (and your submission) or him (and his dominance), as much as it might go to show an incompatible between your and his dynamic perspective. It'll be said 100 times if once - every dominant/submissive is different. No single dominant or submissive will be a "one size fits all" situation. Perhaps the situation is more that your submission doesn't fit his dominance, or vice versa. And that is okay! A lot of this lifestyle is more about our personal growth and evolution over fitting a generic mold of roles.

So, no - I don't think you're an improper sub because you care about your desires, but maybe you two just don't fit in a long term or full time dynamic.

Orgasm denial is more for my entertainment than a punishment, for me. My slave does go long periods without orgasming, but she has learned there is an (often unrealized) reward: she has mind blowing orgasms when I do allow them - part of the reason for the denial, I must admit. But, it is something that takes getting use to, and can have unfortunate negative side effects such as irritability and lose of libido.

[Wo****]

I enjoyed orgasm denial with Pirate. I could go up to about 10 days with him denying me release whilst edging me. I loved it!

 

You gotta talk to him. Tell him it's not working. Communicate x

[Deleted Member]

He sounds Like a right knob if your his sub he should have to please you to make you want to serve him thats how it should work if your disgusted by him you should look somewhere eles I think love

[Strawslut]

Try calling "Red" on the ongoing orgasm denial...
If he won't respect your safeword and the fact that things can change based on behaviour then this would be a bit of a red flag.
Definitely time to talk about this and let him know the negative effect that it is happening on both you and your relationship, more importantly talk about how this has affected your perceptions of him.
.
You are a proper submissive, a proper dom is aware that what they are doing they are doing for their submissive not just to them.
Anyone dom who tries to tell you that you are not a proper sub for having problems with things is not a dom, they are a bully

[Th****]

Getting injuries you didn't clearly consent to (or did consent but aren't ok with after) is not ok at all. He needs to address that as well as denial right away.

[Th****]

I have done both 24/7 as it is referred to these days, and extreme orgasm denial. Strawslut makes an excellent point.

Use your safe word regarding the orgasm denial. Anyone who has experience with it knows very well that people have personal limits. Orgasm denial is one of those things that goes from 'yummy' to 'f*ck you" in very little time.

This is patently not working for you, unless I read your post wrong. You do not have the pleasure you expected, I got the impression that is affecting your ability to serve and of course take pleasure from service.

Adding to that your perception on the change in impact play, I would suggest that you draw your self up a list of all the things that are not working for you, split it into needs and wants.

Then you both need to sit down and talk as equals. Commication is always key at this point, personally as a Dominant I would rather be told of the problems by my sub while they can be altered.

Good luck 🤞

[KCurious]

I’ve experienced orgasm denial because ex dominant/ex bf enjoys It as part of the fun and I did it because it’s what he wants I wanted to satisfy his desires. At times it can also be punishment which prolongs till he allows me to orgasm or in between I’ve to edge myself, depending how serious my infraction. Although I didn’t safe-word for many of our plays but in the end I did for a reason that was not related to the play completely. Maybe communicate with him and also do safeword or just completely remove yourself from him if you feel uncomfortable at that time and then seriously have a serious talk without any distraction before it’s too late . I hope you find your solution. All the best ☘️

[puxocugi]

cool thread !

Edited July 20, 2020 by puxocugi

[ol****]

Can only echo what others have said. It's time to have a serious talk together.

It's clearly not working for you right now..

[Si****]

ALL of what you've mentioned can be enjoyed safely in the right dynamic but it is quite clear here that these things seem to be seriously bothering you.
Just because you've only recently signed a new contract, it doesnt mean you cannot revisit it and amend as you both agree.
As everyone else has suggested, have that serious chat and re-write that contact

[Koby]

Orgasm Denial is a kink, not a punishment or part and parcel of a relationship.

You need to voice your concerns about play in an agreeable fashion, including tempering your frustrations.

Consent for me is not a blanket, written in *** for forever and a day, you can always renegotiate your consent and your interests.