Forum or chat?

[Wo****]

I post on here a fair bit yet tend not to use the chat. 

I tend not to use chat rooms now, for historical reasons, but I have popped in the chat here a few times.

It appeared to be the same people talking about the same thing, who liked who....

Had a decent chat a couple of times but I prefer posting on here. I find it easier to get involved. I can think about things.

 

I communicate best one to one, PM and the forum allows me to do that. (Just realised that as I typed it)

 

So..... do you use chat as well as post? 

[Deleted Member]

I use both but like you I like to chat one to one with PM and like forums as well

[ey****]

I tend not to use chat.  Although I am on the forum a lot it's much easier to dip in and out of for me.

[Deleted Member]

I pay more attention to the forum now than I did before. I still pop into chat and lurk, but it has become a theatre of toxic behaviour that I don't want to be a part of it. The forum seems to give people the time and space to think about what they're saying. Not perfect by any means, but it's good.

[Deleted Member]

26 minutes ago, JustTheBlockingDom said:

I pay more attention to the forum now than I did before. I still pop into chat and lurk, but it has become a theatre of toxic behaviour that I don't want to be a part of it. The forum seems to give people the time and space to think about what they're saying. Not perfect by any means, but it's good.

Agreed about the toxic behaviour.

Edited July 20, 2020 by Deleted Member
Typo

[Wo****]

28 minutes ago, JustTheBlockingDom said:

pop into chat and lurk, but it has become a theatre of toxic behaviour that I don't want to be a part of it. The forum seems to give people the time and space to think about what they're saying. Not perfect by any means, but it's good.

See, that was my experience too. Don't get me wrong, there are some lovely people in chat but there was some pretty toxic behaviour.

 

I agree about the forum allowing people to think things through before responding and for someone like me where words really, really matter to me, it's invaluable.

[Deleted Member]

Always forum, I find the topics much more interesting and the chat for me in my opinion doesn't cover half the things threads do. 

[Deleted Member]

37 minutes ago, Bounty said:

See, that was my experience too. Don't get me wrong, there are some lovely people in chat but there was some pretty toxic behaviour.

 

I agree about the forum allowing people to think things through before responding and for someone like me where words really, really matter to me, it's invaluable.

 

Yes. And the problem with the toxic behaviour is that new people see that as the norm, thus perpetuating and validating behaviour and strings of discourse that becomes the hegemonic state. Additionally, discourse changes from "we are accepting of everyone" to "we will single you out if we don't agree with you" with flippant-like pendulous swings. 

 

Of course, the forums are not impervious to such behaviour, but it does help remove the real-time element of immediate, reactionary utterances that can lead to a toxic and incendiary environment 

 

There is some really good information to find on the forums. I do look forward to reading more.

[BeardedSi]

Personally I tend to use the chat room more than posting on threads, though I can appreciate that the chat room can have it's monuments where the conversation tends to be more general talk than anything kink specific.

What amuses me is seeing people call out toxic behaviour when I've seen them be a part of that behaviour. There is toxic behaviour in the forums as well. It isn't the chat room or the forum that is toxic but it is the people within it that can be. There are always going to be people that troll chat or the forums. But overall I feel that both resources are a great asset to people. Having both on here allows for people to choose their preference. The forums have the advantage of being able to have more in depth discussions with less de-railing than tends to happen in the chat rooms. 

I think the main issues for new people joining the chat rooms is that it can be difficult to join in the conversation. It can be daunting to some and yes that isn't made easier when the regulars in the chat rooms are in the middle of a conversation which the new person may not no anything about. 

As with any social group you will always find those that form closer bonds with some than others. Also with most social groups you aren't going to get along with everyone and that's okay, there is a blocking option for a reason. 

Overall there are good points and bad points to both areas and the choice is yours to use that which you prefer. 

[Wo****]

20 minutes ago, BeardedSi said:

What amuses me is seeing people call out toxic behaviour when I've seen them be a part of that behaviour. There is toxic behaviour in the forums as well. It isn't the chat room or the forum that is toxic but it is the people within it that can be.

If I've ever displayed toxic behaviour, or screwed up in way, I hope people would message me rather than bring it into chat or the forums.

We're all adults here. Are we not all about respect in how we live our lifestyle?

You can disagree with someone respectfully.

I actually like discussing opposing opinions. I may learn something. Debate is good. 

[Deleted Member]

On 7/20/2020 at 3:02 PM, Bounty said:

 

I actually like discussing opposing opinions. I may learn something. Debate is good. 

Same, I think it's a great way to learn, from the opinion of others especially those with more knowledge and experience.

[Deleted Member]

I enjoy the spontaneous nature of the chat, never had any problems there personally. Although it can be hard to keep up with the convo if its busy.
But that being said I've never really explored the forum

[BeardedSi]

I wasn't actually meaning yourself bounty,

we all make mistakes, we all have bad days and we can all say things that with hindsight we regret. We are human.

To assume that we will accept everyone is setting an unachievable goal. Some people just don't get along. That's not the end of the world. It's not because one has slighted the other (not always any way). I've fallen out with people on here. I've had a go at people for how they have acted or behaved. I've later come back and apologised for my actions. I speak my mind and am not afraid to do so. If I disagree with what someone is saying then I will say so. How they take that is down to them. Some people listen and reflect. Others jump on their soap box and rant. 

A good example is when people come into the chat room and start talking about ***.... yes we are all adults and so should be able to hold that conversation but mods have said that that topic isn't welcome. Which I agree with. Yet when you tell they new person that they cant talk about that here (which is mearly a "no drug talk in chat, it's against the rules") some accept it and apologies. Others become irrate and start to make a scene about it.... and how it's legal where they live... etc. 

Yes they are new and probs my haven't made any attempt to read the rules. But who's fault is that? 

In this example I've taken action to try and prevent them from getting into trouble. If they decide to make a scene about it. I will respond accordingly.

Though depending on at what part you joined the conversation may alter your view on what's going on. If you joined at the end you could accuse me of toxic behaviour, depending on how I dealt with the situation. If you have joined at the beginning then you would be far less likely to come to that conclusion. 

 

[Ta****]

I am a little shy with live chat, so I have not posted there as yet.  But I do like the private messaging and sometimes either just reading others' messages, or posting my own messages on the Forums.  

[BeardedSi]

It can be daunting when dealing with live chat Tammy, especially when the conversation moves quickly or is about something that you don't understand. Generally I advise to maybe try and join at the quieter times, be respectful and the only other rule is don't be a dick... lol. Not that I think you would be but some people do wander into chat and seem to think they can just be condescending and dickish to everyone. That doesn't go down well. 

[E-dUbBs]

I enjoy both as you’ll have seen I post lyrics in the forum when the muse descends and get involved on topics where I feel I can con
But I’ll always prefer chat because that’s where I met my people (not many will know but those who do will remember the asylum most member of which I class as my kink family) I was invited to join that group (on a well know messenger) in chat
I spent my first few hours being destroyed by a few of the ladies in chat coz I came in as the big man and I’m better for it

Forum or Chat ...... chat for me no contest

[Ta****]

4 minutes ago, BeardedSi said:

It can be daunting when dealing with live chat Tammy, especially when the conversation moves quickly or is about something that you don't understand. Generally I advise to maybe try and join at the quieter times, be respectful and the only other rule is don't be a dick... lol. Not that I think you would be but some people do wander into chat and seem to think they can just be condescending and dickish to everyone. That doesn't go down well. 

I try my best to be nice to everyone.  One problem for me is that the chat moves very fast so I can lose the gist of the conversation.  But yes,I agree, joining at quieter times might be a good way to start off.

[E-dUbBs]

correction it was called the sanctuary

[Jinxy]

I like both forum and chat. To me, they serve different purposes. The chat I like to use when I want to have a conversation about whatever whereas the forum is if I’d like to have a discussion on a more focused, and/or kink related, topic.

I do agree that chat can be intimidating. With the forum, if the conversation isn’t one that a person feels they can add to, there are plenty of other threads to check out which isn’t usually the case in the chat. Also, I think because there tends to be that core group that stays consistent in chat, it can feel exclusive and hard to join, especially during busier times. When just entering the chat, asking what the topic is currently can be helpful and a good way to jump in.   

[Carnelian2]

like another poster, I prefer the forums as it gives me more time to think before responding. I am not and have never been much of a conversationalist when speaking with people, I do not know.

I know it is a bit of a contradiction as you have to talk to people to get to know people, but there you go. I seem to get on ok :)

[sm****]

Chatrooms have always been the same since  20 years or so back on the MIRC days and chat rooms.  You will always get the good and toxic behaviour, white knighting, people making genuine mistakes, getting jumped on and those that deserve to be told they are in the wrong.  Iv'e seen it all on there, but I have also seen loads of good, yes it can be clique but every chatroom is at first as people make regular ***r groups.  When you think about ti, we are actually like that r/l in a vanilla setting, newbie to an established group always feels left out as they have no social history to interact with.

There are some genuine friendships and you can see that, it is daunting at times and sometimes you do feel left out, but that's probably because they are concentrating on a current conversation.  When i get that feeling i just bug out and browse elsewhere and pop back at a later time.

You have to take the good with the bad.

[Deleted Member]

Most of the subjects on chat are incredibly mundane and for me personally not a useful tool to meet people, I could never understand how people get their rocks off on it.

[sm****]

1 minute ago, BlushingFlush said:

Most of the subjects on chat are incredibly mundane and for me personally not a useful tool to meet people, I could never understand how people get their rocks off on it.

Then your in the wrong room, the lobby is for general get to know people, the odd talk on scene stuff, it's not a pick up joint.  It's basically like being at a pub with like minded people.

[Wo****]

2 hours ago, smeagol said:

Chatrooms have always been the same since  20 years or so back on the MIRC days and chat rooms.  You will always get the good and toxic behaviour, white knighting, people making genuine mistakes, getting jumped on and those that deserve to be told they are in the wrong.  Iv'e seen it all on there, but I have also seen loads of good, yes it can be clique but every chatroom is at first as people make regular ***r groups.  When you think about ti, we are actually like that r/l in a vanilla setting, newbie to an established group always feels left out as they have no social history to interact with.

There are some genuine friendships and you can see that, it is daunting at times and sometimes you do feel left out, but that's probably because they are concentrating on a current conversation.  When i get that feeling i just bug out and browse elsewhere and pop back at a later time.

You have to take the good with the bad.

I'm a chatroom veteran.

Been there...

I've experienced how positive it can be. I've chatted to someone and found out that I literally saved their life but I've seen the dark side too and I never, ever wanna open that door again.

 

[Deleted Member]

Just now, smeagol said:

Then your in the wrong room, the lobby is for general get to know people, the odd talk on scene stuff, it's not a pick up joint.  It's basically like being at a pub with like minded people.

Respectfully, you completely misunderstood me. I didn't say I was there simply to meet people but rather that it did not have such an added bonus. Regardless if you are just trying to converse or "pick someone up", the chat moves way too rapidly to actually discuss a decent subject. That's why most of it is mundane, because every time someone new walks in for instance the dialogue is just "hi user x", etc.