Deleted Member Posted July 26, 2020 Posted July 26, 2020 Maybe you remember me talking about my separate views on emotional connection and sexuality. Well, I have finally figured it out, but I have a question. I grew up in an environment that treated sexuality as something that has to be secret and private, and also by some other factors, I grew to perceive it as dirty and shameful. And after time, I conditioned my mind to separate all sexual feelings and thoughts from any affective emotion or concept. That's why I consciously and subconsciously suppress/reject any thoughts like that towards a person who is a normal human being with a life. When I try to think sexually about a person like that, I feel like an orthodox Christian doing a blasphemy. Totally wrong and unacceptable. As a result, I may appear asexual, since I feel only non-sexual affection in this case. My sexuality is allowed/accepted only towards people who specifically function as objects for sex (sex workers), have no deep identity (anonymous people in photos/videos), or imaginary characters made for the sole purpose of that. So, my question is, should I accept this as my sexual preference, or is this something I should fix?
Deleted Member Posted July 26, 2020 Author Posted July 26, 2020 you are still young and its something that you can fix with therapy and might also be done naturally with the right person. One day you will meet that person which you would connect so deeply that it will make your human emotions and feelings the way they should be. Only few people cant and arent able to do it, we called them psychopath as they have a brain disorder.....
Deleted Member Posted July 26, 2020 Author Posted July 26, 2020 6 hours ago, FabSeverus said: you are still young and its something that you can fix with therapy and might also be done naturally with the right person. One day you will meet that person which you would connect so deeply that it will make your human emotions and feelings the way they should be. Only few people cant and arent able to do it, we called them psychopath as they have a brain disorder..... Well, I had a girfriend before. I always kept it clean, stopping at kisses and hugs. When she hinted sexual interest, it felt exactly like I described. Absolutely wrong. On the other hand, I feel fine with a roleplay character who is supposed to be sexual by design.
Deleted Member Posted July 26, 2020 Author Posted July 26, 2020 Fix? Only you can decide if there is actually an issue that needs "fixing" as Fab says you are young so have plenty of time to work things out. In my humble opinion you should accept whatever feels right for you, what sits comfortably and feels natural 😊
Deleted Member Posted July 26, 2020 Author Posted July 26, 2020 6 minutes ago, Donnykinkster said: you should accept whatever feels right for you, what sits comfortably and feels natural This is why he feels it’s wrong and he’s in that transition state. It’s not natural to be like that, I know it myself
Deleted Member Posted July 26, 2020 Author Posted July 26, 2020 35 minutes ago, SidoraxVonCreep said: Well, I had a girfriend before But not enough connection. On gf won’t fix years of neglect and guilt. Not speculating but it’s a trace of *** somehow who create confusion in your brain emotion. I am not a psychologist or even psychiatrist to assess how much damage has been done to you. The natural reaction for human when they are with another being is full of emotions and body start to react to them, like getting hot, shy, butterflies in stomach, aroused etc.... maybe you should try to read erotica together While exploring her body or her exploring yours and see how it goes.
Deleted Member Posted July 26, 2020 Author Posted July 26, 2020 On 7/26/2020 at 1:33 PM, FabSeverus said: This is why he feels it’s wrong and he’s in that transition state. It’s not natural to be like that, I know it myself I spent 30 years with simillar feelings so like you I do understand. My point is I can't say or presume to say what actually needs fixing if anything. Only the op can decide that and only he can make decisions about what feels right and doesn't.
Deleted Member Posted July 26, 2020 Author Posted July 26, 2020 5 hours ago, FabSeverus said: But not enough connection. On gf won’t fix years of neglect and guilt. Not speculating but it’s a trace of *** somehow who create confusion in your brain emotion. I am not a psychologist or even psychiatrist to assess how much damage has been done to you. The natural reaction for human when they are with another being is full of emotions and body start to react to them, like getting hot, shy, butterflies in stomach, aroused etc.... Well, during my obsessive attempts to change my mind for perfection, I made many ***d changes. People are always surprised that it was actually me myself instead of some outside ***. My body doesn't react to emotions. I'm not sure if it's because of my inherent low sensitivity, or induced by the crippled emotional capacity. I truly don't feel any connection between mental/spiritual love, and physical affection. 5 hours ago, FabSeverus said: maybe you should try to read erotica together While exploring her body or her exploring yours and see how it goes. Hardly. I'm unable to allow myself to think about it, yet alone actually doing it. It's a ***d rule in my mind that's difficult/impossible to pass.
Deleted Member Posted July 26, 2020 Author Posted July 26, 2020 5 hours ago, Donnykinkster said: Fix? Only you can decide if there is actually an issue that needs "fixing" as Fab says you are young so have plenty of time to work things out. In my humble opinion you should accept whatever feels right for you, what sits comfortably and feels natural 😊 Well, since it's conditioned in my mind, I can effortlessly live like that, because my brain accepts it. But I'm concerned about any potential partner. Would you be fine with a person who shows zero sexual interest towards you, but licks their lips over a sex worker, or fictional sexualized character?
Deleted Member Posted July 26, 2020 Author Posted July 26, 2020 Our mind is stronger and far more capable than we really think. With proper exercise you could achieve it. Doubting about it is already loosing the fight. You could also try blindfolding....
Deleted Member Posted July 26, 2020 Author Posted July 26, 2020 2 minutes ago, SidoraxVonCreep said: Would you be fine with a person who shows zero sexual interest towards you, but licks their lips over a sex worker, or fictional sexualized character? It’s just about like addiction, it’s a question about transferring. You are very mind focused person with lots of imagination, see it like so electromagnetic path and you are like that train track controller. Learn how to switch impulses
Deleted Member Posted July 26, 2020 Author Posted July 26, 2020 Just now, FabSeverus said: It’s just about like addiction, it’s a question about transferring. You are very mind focused person with lots of imagination, see it like so electromagnetic path and you are like that train track controller. Learn how to switch impulses I know it needs to change. But there's still a big part of my mind that believes my way is truly the right one. Maybe I'll be able to overcome that purist mindset towards people after time. Well, after I find a partner, of course.
Deleted Member Posted July 27, 2020 Author Posted July 27, 2020 (edited) You can most certainly separate sexual desires and emotions. It's sub-optimal but everyone has that capability. My question to you - have you ever owned a pet? Have you had something you truly care about and dare I say love without wanting sex from it. There's no absolute requirement for sex to be an expression of love *although if you can find that intimacy it's better. Just an idea - maybe find a purely platonic friend that you find attractive enough - do things for them or help them out in their daily life with ZERO expectations sexual or platonic favours returned. you never know but maybe down the track they'll express a sexual interest in you. And at that point, the choice is entirely yours as to whether you change to permit sex and emotion to join or you decide to maintain the status quo. If you can have love and intimacy via a pet, or a human and you get your kink on without the love it is entirely fine for this point in your life. There may or may not come a time when the two aspects meld - but if it doesn't does it really matter so long as you have achieved some balance and meaning to your life? Edited July 27, 2020 by Deleted Member
Deleted Member Posted July 27, 2020 Author Posted July 27, 2020 6 hours ago, PPwithJC said: You can most certainly separate sexual desires and emotions. It's sub-optimal but everyone has that capability. My question to you - have you ever owned a pet? Have you had something you truly care about and dare I say love without wanting sex from it. There's no absolute requirement for sex to be an expression of love *although if you can find that intimacy it's better. Just an idea - maybe find a purely platonic friend that you find attractive enough - do things for them or help them out in their daily life with ZERO expectations sexual or platonic favours returned. you never know but maybe down the track they'll express a sexual interest in you. And at that point, the choice is entirely yours as to whether you change to permit sex and emotion to join or you decide to maintain the status quo. If you can have love and intimacy via a pet, or a human and you get your kink on without the love it is entirely fine for this point in your life. There may or may not come a time when the two aspects meld - but if it doesn't does it really matter so long as you have achieved some balance and meaning to your life? I've already had a girlfriend before. We were romantic, but without any sexuality. She did hint that interest one day. But it felt wrong, like I described. That was when I discovered it in the first place. No matter how attractive she is, personality always outweights appearance, and if she's not all about sex, I can't think about her in that way. I have no problem feeling non-sexual love. But even a mere thought of being naked with that person feels against everything.
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