Body shaming is seemingly never-ending

[helenOfToy]

Self image is a funny thing.

In my old vanilla life, I was unquestionably unattractive. Important note here, I'm not saying ugly. I never knew what it was that made me unattractive, but the fact remains. Actually getting members of the opposite sex to notice me (I was straight then), was difficult bordering impossible. I had female friends, some I was attracted to, some not, but none of them ever viewed me as a romantic prospect. I was alone through my ***age years, had a couple of flings at university but that was it. The first long term relationship I had was an older (about 8 years) work colleague about six months into my first job. That lasted about three years, but didn't end well. Shortly after that I met my wife. I was with her for almost 20 years. That didn't end well either.

When things were breaking down with my wife, I had never felt so low in my life. She didn't have to put me down overtly, everything about how she treated me, and said to me spoke volumes about her opinion, she did like to complain that I drank too much, smoked too much and didn't get enough exercise, but mainly she liked to call me a selfish narcissist. She had given up sex for us both about 10 years before, the same time she decided she was too old for a second child. I genuinely believed that I would spend the rest of my life alone. I couldn't see any hope for my future. I looked in the mirror and saw someone I didn't like looking back, and I couldn't even explain why. I spent a lot of time thinking about what I wanted out of life, and decided to explore my kinks, which had been hidden away for a long time. After working my way through several dating sites, kinky dating sites, then BDSM dating sites, I finally found my way here. I wandered into the lobby one day, feeling incredibly ignorant and self-conscious. It was probably a week before I plucked up the courage even to say 'hello'. In my mind, it was already another miserable failure and I was already thinking about what I'd do next.

Then everything changed. To my immense surprise, I was not only accepted, but welcomed. I discovered my female side, changed my name and began a completely new life. Somehow, I began to see myself differently. It's still the same face looking back from the mirror, but I no longer see the unattractive, unhappy man that I used to be. I see a pretty, confident woman :)

I have attained a level of confidence and happiness I never believed would be possible for me, just from being surrounded by positive people. Believing them all is a slow process, but the fact remains that posting pictures of me as Helen has totally changed the way I was viewed by other users. I still was the same person, still identified as male, and still had more or less the same profile, but suddenly people were calling me sexy, gorgeous, stunning, pretty and a whole variety of other complements. I went from receiving no messages at all, to suddenly being inundated. It's pretty hard to maintain a negative self-image under such a constant barrage, even though personally, I think I still look far too male. Now rather than viewing my imperfections as evidence of my unworthiness, I see them as a challenge to be taken on, or simply things I can live with.

Going back to the point of the thread, the worst culprits for body shaming are ourselves. When others do it and affect you, all that's really happening is they are repeating what that horrible voice in your head tells you day in day out. I stumbled into happiness in a way I never expected or would have believed even if I'd been told. That nasty voice was silenced because I discovered who I was actually meant to be, and that was a person I genuinely loved.

People can try and shame me, I actually don't care any more :) Learn to love who you really are, it's the best armour there is. You don't have to pretend not to care, because you just don't.

[Bo****]

Body shaming is a mirror to the shallow inadequacies and insecurities of those trying to shame?... Not an excuse or plea for sympathy for them...... More a wake up call,this is a fabulous thread celebrating the kink positive in us all!

each to their own,but celebrate the strength in all who seek to express their sexuality n sensuality....we are all a trinity of mind,body and soul.....so pity the pathos in those who deny themselves the opportunity to sense this in others.....

you all Rock! And are ***y gorgeous!.....Pan lovin' to all!🙏

Life,love n Unity....

[Deleted Member]

23 hours ago, little_dark_princess said:

Stick on some decent lingerie and eat ice cream then masturbate!

That's my kind of advice! 😋

[Deleted Member]

Beautifully written. I couldn't agree more!

[Rougemoon]

Well said

[Deleted Member]

Imagine being 75 and you’re sat thinking about your life and how you never went swimming in the sea on a warm night because your thighs jiggled. Imagine realising you never laughed until you couldn’t breathe because your teeth weren’t straight or white enough. You never embraced the sun on the beach because of the stretch marks on your stomach and your hips. You never allowed yourself to let go and have fun because the pressure to look perfect consumed you.

Imagine being 75 and realising you’ve hidden yourself away for the *** of being real. Imagine realising all the years you wasted hating yourself, but now it’s too late to go swim in the sea late at night. Now it hurts to laugh for more than a few seconds and you’re too weak to travel to the beach. Imagine realising all this time you were perfect the way you were, but now it’s too late to do anything about it.

Don’t let that happen. Live now, as you are. You deserve to realise you’re enough and always have been, before you’re 75.

💗

MY weight is none of your concern.
MY health is none of your concern.
MY body is none of your concern.

What I choose to do with my body is nobodies business but MINE. If I want to show off my body then I will show it off. If I want to hide it away for a while that’s okay too. I LOVE my body and I deserve that to be respected and not judged. Don’t tell me I’ve “let myself go”. Don’t point out my weight, my height, my teeth, my boobs, my butt or anything else. Just let me love my body. It’s not a hard thing to ask!

Stop telling people what to do with their bodies. Stop commenting on people’s posts telling them they’re not worthy when they’re promoting SELF LOVE.

Just be a decent human being and let people be. That’s it. Keep your negative opinions to yourself. If you’ve got nothing nice to say then don’t say anything at all 🤷🏻‍♀️

[Deleted Member]

It's a sad fact of our society that those who have overwhelming feeling of being inadequate themselves use this tact of shaming others for anything be it your body, teeth, or even if you're open and honest about this lifestyle how many of those you know would call you freak just to turn around and get tied up by their spouse when they go home thinking " I sure am glad no one know I do this!". It's sad this how many choose to handle their own deficiencies however, on the brighter side a famous political figure I believe once said something to the effect "The only people who can insult you are those you give your permission to". I try to not give them permission of course like anything, easier said than done. That's my 2 cents worth.

[qu****]

Venture into the world of 'vanilla'' internet dating and you soon discover it's all about perfection, whether the perfect photo, or perfectly written profiles, peacocking looks, lifestyle( perfect home, exotic holidays fancy restaurants etc), some you even have to put down income to join, now this from a male perspective I agree but it does highlight that perfection still seems to be King.

[qu****]

I mean let's be honest, how many of us swipe left purely on the basis of a photo,

[Deleted Member]

9 minutes ago, quietlysure said:

 

I mean let's be honest, how many of us swipe left purely on the basis of a photo,

 

I mean, we know it’s there and we’ve all been guilty of it! The tread is more about awareness and accountability for our actions so we can hopefully see a change 

💗

[qu****]

Yes, I did read of a dating site in America who took down all photos for a 24 hour period as an experiment, they found the amount of meets raised dramatically, now obviously they didn't all work out but some did go on to have a Ltd with someone they'd normally of ignored, makes you think. We are all perfectly imperfect

[qu****]

*Ltr, blooming autocorrect*

[Deleted Member]

I've said it before in a few threads here about the swipe problem

[Deleted Member]

We are what we are and were given. It is firstly up to ourselves to accept that. Society will always judge and we cannot stop that. We just have to be happy in our own bodies. We will always be accepted by some and rejected by others. SO LOVE YOURSELVES. X

[nastyabella]

I am chubby and I am proud with the body I have .

[Deleted Member]

You should be proud. X

[Deleted Member]

Be interesting to see more plus size models being used on here when it comes to links to kinks and fetishes because Im pretty sure it's not just young thin people who enjoy them, yet they are always portrayed that way.

[Deleted Member]

I agree with you. As a lover of us sized women, would be more helpful to the cause. X

[Deleted Member]

I agree with you. As a lover of Plus Sized Women, would be more hdlpful to promote the cause.

[qu****]

Well that's the advertising and fashion industry for you, at least they seem to have moved away from size 0

[Deleted Member]

I’ll strip off for you lovely lot! Advertise plus sized kink 💗

[Deleted Member]

Would be enjoyable I am sure.

[qu****]

I know I have some private pics, but wouldn't reveal them🤭

[Deleted Member]

Body shamers are nothing more than bullies, it's cruel and it's spiteful. Those who say they don't care about what others think then more power to you, if you can live your life not giving a toss about others opinions then you have a massive advantage  yet sadly most of us do care. I think we all care how others perceive us whether it be body or personality. For me the biggest body shamers are ourselves, how we see ourselves in the mirror and if your comfortable with the reflection then the opinion of those fools who enjoy causing *** really doesn't matter. If they jump straight on how handsome or pretty you look or the shape you carry then really they are  not the type you would want around anyway. 

Edited August 7, 2020 by Deleted Member
Better choice of words

[Th****]

I think you just hit the nail on the head LDP..
If we truly want to discourage body shaming and the negative body image that it creates and feeds on.

Maybe the pictures Fetish uses should portray all body types and ages. Let's face it those of us who are actually in the lifestyle know that we all come in all shapes, sizes, ages, colours and any other varieties you wish to choose.

I think representing Kink here that way would be a great first step. Not just Plus size but all of the beautiful diversity that our lifestyle attracts.

We are a group that is defined by our acceptance rather than our exclusivity.