Being Dumb over Icebreakers

[FETMOD-KF]

so. a lot of this is becoming quite circular and not really going anywhere.

we want to keep threads open in the interest of conversation but this isn't feeling constructive.

I'd like to ask everyone to consider if future posts add anything or is just becoming circular.

[Deleted Member]

6 minutes ago, FETMOD-KF said:

so. a lot of this is becoming quite circular and not really going anywhere.

we want to keep threads open in the interest of conversation but this isn't feeling constructive.

I'd like to ask everyone to consider if future posts add anything or is just becoming circular.

I just want to make a quick point here (as I totally respect you're just trying to keep the tone civil/moderate the forum and everything). People are making this post about their own personal harassment issues and really that's not what this is about - messaging people while being harassing and expecting them to respond. I totally understand that's a real issue but absolutely not what this thread is about. I just think that stuff should be written somewhere else. This thread's only intended for chill conversation around the OP subject. Not really related to harassment.

Ok thanks - and I understand if you need to lock the thread. I mean I don't want that but if it becomes necessary, no worries.

[Deleted Member]

2 hours ago, BlushingFlush said:

You adhere to a group consensus about what these things mean that you believe just by echoing those sentiments, you con. But the contribution is simply to make that voice louder, rather than to add a new voice.

Read that twice and actually can’t see the point you’re trying to make....

I don’t see the link between not wanting to reply to a thoughtless ‘hey’ message and bullying 🤷🏼‍♀️ ... I’ve already said you should read their profile and maybe the initial ‘hey’ isn’t reflective so yes converse if there’s a point in it BUT ‘hey’ and ‘looking for fuck buddy’ as an about me section doesn’t give you much conversation to enjoy.  
 

so my question to you, what do you like about Fetish? 
munches

groups

hierarchy 

 

💗

[Deleted Member]

45 minutes ago, little_dark_princess said:

Read that twice and actually can’t see the point you’re trying to make....

I don’t see the link between not wanting to reply to a thoughtless ‘hey’ message and bullying 🤷🏼‍♀️ ... I’ve already said you should read their profile and maybe the initial ‘hey’ isn’t reflective so yes converse if there’s a point in it BUT ‘hey’ and ‘looking for fuck buddy’ as an about me section doesn’t give you much conversation to enjoy.  

I don't think you got my point about how people talk about harassment/bullying on the site and the clique mentality behind that which would channel this kind of response to a subject that's not about harassment/bullying. Rather, it is about a superfluous attitude to the way people want to discuss, having to accept the limitations you can't capture everything you want to discuss & everything you are in a simple ice breaker. As I said, it's not "hey" it's "hey..." or "hey, [there is more to discuss/let's discuss xyz]". Like I said to eyemblacksheep, people reject substantial messages as well. It's not about a message being thoughtless but a desire for a message to cater to specific idiosyncratic needs a person has to massage their ego in a certain way.

It's like how when a woman makes a post about nice guys being disingenuous abusive jerks and a self-proclaimed nice guy says "hey I'm not like that" she says "well it's not about you then". In the same way, if what I just described is not you, then the OP is not aimed at you.

 

Quote

so my question to you, what do you like about Fetish? 
munches

groups

hierarchy 

 

💗

 

A fetish is a paraphilia. You are discussing the social connections people might affiliate to the fact of having a paraphilia, ruling them out and then asking me what I like about paraphilia. Uh some paraphilias and perceived affiliations are for me, others not quite my cup of tea, I suppose?

Edited August 2, 2020 by Deleted Member

[Deleted Member]

37 minutes ago, BlushingFlush said:

Quote

 

A fetish is a paraphilia. You are discussing the social connections people might affiliate to the fact of having a paraphilia, ruling them out and then asking me what I like about paraphilia. Uh some paraphilias and perceived affiliations are for me, others not quite my cup of tea, I suppose?

FETISH... ie the site you’re on 

[Deleted Member]

38 minutes ago, BlushingFlush said:

In the same way, if what I just described is not you, then the OP is not aimed at you.

I’m getting dizzy! Maybe just take this issue up with the people that have directly dismissed you. 
 

best of luck in your search. Take care 

[Deleted Member]

12 minutes ago, little_dark_princess said:

FETISH... ie the site you’re on 

ah right. I like the forums and also the fact the 18+ verification requirement means the place isn't crawling with avatars of people's genitalia like on fetlife. It's more classy and I suppose that has to be credited to a firm stance against harassment on here.

 

10 minutes ago, little_dark_princess said:

I’m getting dizzy! Maybe just take this issue up with the people that have directly dismissed you. 
 

I never took issue with you! I just said "hey" and "kneel for your master" don't go together. Then you started asking me if I'm just here to argue and all that.

Edited August 2, 2020 by Deleted Member

[Deleted Member]

2 hours ago, BlushingFlush said:

never took issue with you!

Well I’m out celebrating going back to uni with friends now and slightly tipsey so I’ll check out for now 

[Phoenyx]

Alright, everyone needs to be nice and behave.  Don't make me use this! (holding whip up to the screen)

Kidding aside, I thought that this was supposed to be about better ways to compose an opening message.  I didn't expect it to turn into a nit-pick session.  The guilty parties know who they are.

[Si****]

Kitty got a very rude man message her the other day. I messaged him politely asking him to apologise, he messaged a rude message then blocked. He has now reported me and Kitty as he considered my polite request to apologise as "attempting to intimidate" and because i have a couples profile. Ive also referred it to the mods., but i don't hold much hope. I'm starting to see a pattern in some of the people on this site, Just like blushingflush, not willing to see thing beyond their own mindset. There is no talking to them. just wanting the attention.

[Deleted Member]

1 hour ago, SirGreen said:

Kitty got a very rude man message her the other day. I messaged him politely asking him to apologise, he messaged a rude message then blocked. He has now reported me and Kitty as he considered my polite request to apologise as "attempting to intimidate" and because i have a couples profile. Ive also referred it to the mods., but i don't hold much hope. I'm starting to see a pattern in some of the people on this site, Just like blushingflush, not willing to see thing beyond their own mindset. There is no talking to them. just wanting the attention.

Read the top of the page: this thread's not about harassment messages and never was. You're going to get this thread locked just because you in your own self-absorption don't approve of the subject. Since you clearly don't understand what this is about, go post on eyemblacksheep's thread. I'm sure he'd be happy to have you

Edited August 4, 2020 by Deleted Member

[Si****]

1 hour ago, BlushingFlush said:

Read the top of the page: this thread's not about harassment messages and never was. You're going to get this thread locked just because you in your own self-absorption don't approve of the subject. Since you clearly don't understand what this is about, go post on eyemblacksheep's thread. I'm sure he'd be happy to have you

Thanks, I wasn’t sure if you understood what I was trying to say, however you proved my point.

[el****]

Tough call,when almost all women here are from the Adult Film Industry...or what has been said to me in the two days I have been on here,is me gift cards for online cam

[La****]

I've been noticing many of these, "don't just say hi" and "make sure you mention ...... so I know you've read my whole profile" parts on womens profiles.

[LittleFoxKinks]

I'm posting based on what I read in the original post and a lot of the comments on the first page. 

I personally have kept my profile very basic, along the lines of I'm looking to learn about kinks and BDSM, but not looking to rush into anything/looking to start a relationship. This is because I'm here for information first, and maybe something else when I'm ready. 

However, I then had to add an extra bit saying not to message me if you were only interested in me becoming 'your' sub/slave or whatever, or asking my kinks, because I was bombarded with messages asking me to be a sub for them (even though I already stated I wasn't looking in my profile) and asking what my kinks are (when I already said I was still learning about them).

It hasn't stopped all the unwanted messages completely, but I didn't expect it to. Fact is, people don't respect women's/feminine's boundaries in the real world as it is, but in the BDSM community, where boundaries and limits are supposed to be respected as a core principle, it's kind of annoying when they're not. 

[Ms_Multifaceted]

On 7/28/2020 at 9:59 PM, eyemblacksheep said:

It's true that no matter how basic the message that you are just a click away from the recipient viewing your profile.   But that's still "I put the minimum effort into my message, you owe me to check out my profile"

and maybe they did look at your profile and weren't interested.

If someone has a blank profile it's true there's not much to really go on - but then the question is "why are you contacting them?" - because there must be a reason.

So, I dunno, someone has a blank or basic profile you have very little idea about but they're local and you like their picture, something like "Hello, I'm from city too - have you been to any of the munches/events? I go to blah but haven't seen you yet." is a basic building block when there's nothing to go from.

-

On another set, a lady did a couple of experiments and one she had a sock puppet account posing as a man.  She filled out a profile and added some generic photos (and some cartoon pictures) she contacted women as this man where she could see there was mutual interests and something to talk about.    She talked about this in the messages.

She got responses to 80% of the messages.

How this would have continued is guess, because anyone who replied to she then replied back to explain the experiment.

-

Meanwhile

Another person put herself through the *** of replying to every message she got over a 2 year period (she didn't have to continue the conversation indefinitely - but set herself at least replying to the first messages)

In this case she was a Pro-Domme and of the basic messages only 9% ended in a booking and it took an average off 22 messages to either reach the booking or end the conversation

Whereas those who contacted properly it was the other way round where only 9% didn't end in a booking.  And each of those ran an average of 5 messages.

It's different to otherwise measure but - most women kinda know from their experience that the more basic the message they get the more exhausting keeping a conversation going is.  Obviously, as we see above - even with "Hey, how you doing?" 9% eventually ended up being worthwhile responding to - but, only with a lot of otherwise labour first.

I love your responses to this post and all of @Curvykate's too. Not impressed with the original posts 'logic' one bit. It is *generally* lazy and unimaginative at best. It's also ineffective. Risk it, show some personality... oh, you were, that was it, 'hey... (give me your attention, I deserve it for acknowledging your existence with *3 letters) '.

*Sometimes 2

 

It's called the art of conversation.

[Deleted Member]

On 9/18/2020 at 4:16 AM, LadyL said:

I love your responses to this post and all of @Curvykate's too. Not impressed with the original posts 'logic' one bit. It is *generally* lazy and unimaginative at best. It's also ineffective. Risk it, show some personality... oh, you were, that was it, 'hey... (give me your attention, I deserve it for acknowledging your existence with *3 letters) '.

*Sometimes 2

 

It's called the art of conversation.

And yet, you are yet another of the dime a dozen female profiles on here that hasn't said anything about yourself on your profile. So there is no "art of conversation" to be had. If anything, you're own profile evidences laziness and a lack of imagination. So practice what you preach is all I can say otherwise you might be accused of being illogical yourself.

[Ms_Multifaceted]

*your not you're.

A picture ***ts a thousand words.

Your words reflect bitterness.