HELP: Going to first munch

[Deleted Member]

Hello fellow kinksters!

 

So I’ve been invited to my first real life munch and I’m nervous!!

1. What should I expect?

 

2. What if any rules of engagement are there? 

3. Etiquette?? 

4. What do I wear? 🙈

 

[Nylon-Nellie]

Have fun and enjoy. Leave the nerves at the door.

[Deleted Member]

Think of it as an evening meeting friends for dinks and chat there will usually be a greeter or organiser and if you have made your self known as a attendee all the better. Normal clothes no etiquette usually your just all like minded adults. Easy

[ey****]

So - I'm slightly intrigued because - well - munches are generally open door events held in a public area like a pub - and this pretty much goes against covid guidelines - so - it's questionable how anyone is running it.

Unless, I guess, they're doing some sort of outdoor thing.  But, it's still rather questionable.

But still

(1) It's a social event in a public space

(2) There aren't really any rules - the idea is of course the munch should be sat together and the idea is to be conversational and get to know each other.  Or for friends to continue socialising.  The thing of course to remember is not everyone is there for the munch so not of course sitting on the wrong table to discuss kink or to suddenly yell about strap ons while at the bar.

(3) see (2)

(4) Vanilla clothes.  The idea is it is a public/casual meeting.

 

[typhoon2]

These questions are best addressed to the organisers of the munch, since no two munches are identical. Most such events are happy to advise first-timers and probably meet them outside in order to welcome them and introduce them to the other attendees.

Some general prinicples apply. It's a vanilla event with kinky topics, so dress as for an evening at the pub but keep your voice down to avoid attracting attention from non-kinky patrons. Those present will be a highly varied bunch, with veterans of the scene and newbies all mixed together. Everyone is equal so don't accept anything less. If anyone demands submission (or dominance) then they're out of order. Munches are very rarely play events, even verbal play, so you are under no obligations other than the usual respect shown to people.

The specific munch rules should be readily-available but generally they concern privacy and respect . Don't give the event away to non-kinky folk with loose lips (moderate drinking helps) and try and mingle. Wallflowers are a bit dull for both sides. Most folk are quite welcoming but be aware that it might be a long-postponed catch-up with friends and their attention may not be on newbies. Some munches are criticised for being cliquey but that is sometimes harsh when people are connecting with friends rather than newcomers. Be nice but don't tolerate the 'I am a dominant and you should submit' types. It's uncommon but not unheard of for some idiots to try it on with newbies. You don't have to submit in any way, shape or form if you don't want to. If they insist on being addressed in a certain way then back off - they really are not worth engaging with. People may not want to use their real name but expecting to be called Master This or Mistress That is a bit pretentious and out of place at a munch.

Attire is typical for a pub. Don't draw attention to the event with corsets and the like, unless it's specfically advertised as wholly private. Arriving/departing and going to the bar or lavatories are rather public even if the actual munch is in a function room. Dress for comfort since it's not really the place to try and impress in kink terms - save that for play events and private parties.

This is just a very brief rundown - I am sure others will add to it since there is a lot to be said for munches, not least because they are a very important part of the social construct of BDSM. They are a way to verify people as real, rather than solely avatars and profiles, and to size people up more easily. It's also much easier to pass information in person than memo tennis.

[Fishbicycle]

What munch have you found, I need a dose of pub and banter!!! 😎

[Deleted Member]

6 minutes ago, Fishbicycle said:

What munch have you found, I need a dose of pub and banter!!! 😎

Chesterfield 😉

[Vir_tenebris]

You’ll be absolutely fine.

You’ve got this 💪

4: Normal pub casual.
1: Expect a bunch of casually dressed kinksters sitting around a table/tables talking about anything ..... or a specific pre-planned topic.
3: Ettiquette: Everyone may contribut  with their thoughts or feelings. Everyone should respectfully listen without prejudice, then agreement or debate takes place and a group discussion evolves.
Taking over each other can sometimes be a problem, so a simple tennis ball, or hand size bean bag can be used to control the conversation. Who ever hold the ball is speaking, then passes it to whoever wants to talk next.
As a potential ‘chair’ or discussion ‘leader’, I would suggest having a few open ended questions prepared around the topic to stimulate conversational flow of/when needed.
2: Rules: everyone is equal, everyone is there to enjoy, learn, evolve.

Finally, don’t be nervous. You’ll be fine & it will be fun.

A great step for you and one you will look back and think afterwards ..... “I didn’t need to be nervous, when is the next one”.

You’ll nail it ✅

[ma****]

Instead of a ball what about a ball gag? :P just a random thought hehe!

[Carnelian2]

You can contact the organisers via Fetlife, just to check the precautions with regard to COVID-19 - also, as measures can change at short notice.

In terms of the munch itself - bring yourself, as you normally are. Even if you are a bit shy on the night, there will be people like yourself to talk to - it can be anything not kink conversation. The main thing is to meet normal people with a kinky side, just like yourself.

[ey****]

6 hours ago, matt-o-chist said:

Instead of a ball what about a ball gag? just a random thought hehe!

it's rude to pass sex toys round a table when someone on the next table is eating - it'd also draw attention to you and your discussions which is something to be avoided.

if you've ever been to a munch where a random guy sits down and is like "i heard this is the sex group - who am I spanking first?" you'll know why to avoid this.

[Deleted Member]

1 hour ago, eyemblacksheep said:

"i heard this is the sex group - who am I spanking first?" you'll know why to avoid this.

I proper chuckled at this lol. I’m not a complete novice so I do appreciate the descrection needed 💗

[ey****]

1 minute ago, little_dark_princess said:

I proper chuckled at this lol. I’m not a complete novice so I do appreciate the descrection needed 💗

this did happen at a munch and - well - it was a private room booked and the venue owner knew we were a munch and what one was - and that we could be trusted to have the room for ourselves and come down for drinks.  Brill.  The downstairs/main bar was dead.  So someone basically asked at the bar who all the people going up and down were - instead of using discretion ("oh, it's just a private booking") they kinda said, loosely, what we were.

So.  This drunk guy comes up and sits down with everyone.  And, seriously - complete arsehole.  He just didn't get it.  He also thought we'd been doing spanking and play and stuff upstairs (nope.) and, literally, one by one everyone left cos of this guy we couldn't get rid of.

Crosswords were had with the bar after that - and venue was moved shortly after.    That munch is now just in a corner in a pub (or, will be, after covid) which in ways draws less attention. 

[Deleted Member]

8 minutes ago, eyemblacksheep said:

Crosswords were had with the bar after that - and venue was moved shortly after.    That munch is now just in a corner in a pub (or, will be, after covid) which in ways draws less attention. 

This one is in a pub just in a corner 8-10pm provided we stay out of lockdown 

[Deleted Member]

9 hours ago, little_dark_princess said:

Chesterfield 😉

Il be there!! The Chesterfield munch is brilliant and everyone is honestly so friendly. ♡♡

[Deleted Member]

14 minutes ago, BooBookitty said:

Il be there!! The Chesterfield munch is brilliant and everyone is honestly so friendly. ♡♡

Can’t wait to meet you all 😌

[ey****]

are you sure it's going ahead?

I did some digging and the last update I've seen from the organiser is they don't know when they are returning, due to the guidelines - and whilst there is an active listing on fetlife, this was created in January

[Deleted Member]

8 minutes ago, eyemblacksheep said:

are you sure it's going ahead?

I’ve messaged the organiser 💗

[pomonagirl]

my first munch.....

i drove down to the restaurant, parked, walked up, got all the way to about 10 feet from the front doors of the restaurant....then just let my nerves get the better of me!!!!!

i ended up turning around and driving back home. but. i didn't see it as a failure....after all, i made it as far as i'd ever been. 

and the next munch i went to, i DID make it inside!!!

 

some good advice here and it's always nice to message the organizer before you go to a new munch group. that way they will be on the look out for you (or, should be!). the hosts should be there to help you feel welcome and facilitate some introductions.

 

with the munches i have been to, they usually are "open discussion" with a certain time set aside for the hosts to go over any announcements (usually announcements about play parties, classes, podcasts, etc). during these "open discussion" times it is good to go around the room a bit and say hello to different people. some other things i've seen at munches: some time set aside for a group discussion topic (you may be called upon to answer or participate, don't worry about it too much though!! most kinksters love "newbies"!!), raffles, holiday theme game or decorations. 

 

not sure if i saw this addressed in the comments above but, even though it is a munch and in a public place, please remember that sometimes predators attend munches looking for "newbies" or other *** people to take advantage of. a good munch member should NEVER try to corner you, separate you, put pressure on you, ask you to play right away, or ask inappropriate personal or sexual questions (speaking of questions: you don't have to answer anything you are uncomfortable with!! like where you work, your full name, family members' names, city you live in, etc). part of the cool thing about munches is that they happen regularly, and some of the same people show up, so you can take your time to get to know people. 

 

with all the COVID stuff i really do hope you are able to attend!! if not...there are some munch groups that are meeting via Zoom, as well (better than nothing)!! 

 

be sure to give us an update on your first munch and how it went!!!

[Deleted Member]

15 minutes ago, pomonagirl said:

be sure to give us an update on your first munch and how it went!!!

Thank you! I’ve messaged the organiser and awaiting a reply but that was two days ago... I’m not holding my breath that it’ll actually go ahead with all the covid crappiness 😞

I’ll have to keep enjoying the online munches for now 💗