Deleted Member Posted August 3, 2020 Posted August 3, 2020 Iv recently started dating a women (28) who has told me she has never once had an orgasm. Not by a man, a women or from her own stimulation. Has anyone had real difficulty achieving orgasm? Taken years to discover how to? Any help or advice welcomed.
Quietonehere Posted August 3, 2020 Posted August 3, 2020 I've never met anyone that couldn't get themselves off....... I'm skeptical
Deleted Member Posted August 3, 2020 Author Posted August 3, 2020 12 minutes ago, H8hmwrekrs said: I've never met anyone that couldn't get themselves off....... I'm skeptical I would be too of anyone else that told me it but know her the way I do and just the person she is, I believe her
Quietonehere Posted August 3, 2020 Posted August 3, 2020 You know her better than I do, but just from my own personal experiences, I call bullshit
Quietonehere Posted August 3, 2020 Posted August 3, 2020 Or......she's clueless in that department and doesn't know her own body
freddiewoodville Posted August 3, 2020 Posted August 3, 2020 Just thought i would say i have met a woman who has never cum got very wet and excited but never cum
Pl**** Posted August 3, 2020 Posted August 3, 2020 You're a little sparse on the details. What has she tried? Does she know what she's doing (serious question, because some women legit don't know about their clitoris)? Has she tried vibrators? I haven't personally verified, but I've talked to people that claim to be unable to achieve orgasm. Some claim to never even experience arousal, and if that's the case, I think it's entirely plausible they may be incapable of orgasm. Orgasms require some psychological or physiological prerequisites, and near as I can tell, some people lack those, and whether they can be established is questionable. That said, it's not too uncommon for women to have not reached orgasm. Most men and a shockingly high number of women don't know what they're doing. Additionally, a majority of women at least have difficulty reaching orgasm through penetration, and if that's all they've tried, it would be no surprise if they had failed thus far. It's more likely that she simply hasn't been properly stimulated yet.
Deleted Member Posted August 4, 2020 Author Posted August 4, 2020 I knew a woman who had never been able to cum, either by herself or someone else (including me). It took a man patient and persistent enough to help her figure it out.
Mo**** Posted August 4, 2020 Posted August 4, 2020 I have had some tell me the same thing, and through discussions, leaving them to experiment with their own bodies, this situation has changed, others haven't. For those that did, they were like a kid in a lolly shop afterwards and their personality and attitude changes were fantastic. It was like they were reborn. Now I know my way around a woman's body and their minds, but there are always some who beat me. For this situation I would be looking for comments from ladies, and I suspect that there are a few on here who through their lives, have had something similar. I would be very interested in seeing what they have to say.
Deleted Member Posted August 4, 2020 Author Posted August 4, 2020 I didnt have my first orgasm until I was 21/22 and I had been sexually active for 6/7 years before that. I didn't know I could, or what it was completely. My partners didnt attempt to try. Figuring it out myself took research, and I had to learn how my own body worked. Her circumstances as to why she hasn't achieved orgasm could be anything from ignorance, naivety, to trauma and potential psychological issues- maybe even anxiety after so long thinking she cant. My only advice would be to speak to her about the 'why' and work with her to figure out the way forward. Maybe she needs the right tools, a wand or decent vibe. But I would encourage her to try on her own first as orgasm under perceived pressure can be hard!
Drewxs Posted August 4, 2020 Posted August 4, 2020 i met a woman like that and she made me fuck her for 45 minutes straight
Deleted Member Posted August 4, 2020 Author Posted August 4, 2020 Yes, I’ve been there. I don’t think I had an orgasm from a man until I was that age. And decent orgasms by myself not until I was in my 30s. I also know other women who have struggled. I think this is something she initially needs to tackle by herself to figure out without additional distraction what arouses her. Preferably without a toy. There will be things that turn her on, she needs to tune into them - a scene in a movie, photos, erotic writing - talk and find out if there’s anything that she’s been drawn to and go from there.
Deleted Member Posted August 4, 2020 Author Posted August 4, 2020 9 hours ago, H8hmwrekrs said: I've never met anyone that couldn't get themselves off....... I'm skeptical It’s a great deal more common than you think it is.
Deleted Member Posted August 4, 2020 Author Posted August 4, 2020 7 hours ago, Pleasurecalculus said: You're a little sparse on the details. What has she tried? Does she know what she's doing (serious question, because some women legit don't know about their clitoris)? Has she tried vibrators? I haven't personally verified, but I've talked to people that claim to be unable to achieve orgasm. Some claim to never even experience arousal, and if that's the case, I think it's entirely plausible they may be incapable of orgasm. Orgasms require some psychological or physiological prerequisites, and near as I can tell, some people lack those, and whether they can be established is questionable. That said, it's not too uncommon for women to have not reached orgasm. Most men and a shockingly high number of women don't know what they're doing. Additionally, a majority of women at least have difficulty reaching orgasm through penetration, and if that's all they've tried, it would be no surprise if they had failed thus far. It's more likely that she simply hasn't been properly stimulated yet. As far as I'm aware she hasn't tried much with many toys so that's what I intend to try first. But she has tried several positions, regular sex, anal, lots of long foreplay. She knows what she is doing I'd say.
Deleted Member Posted August 4, 2020 Author Posted August 4, 2020 2 hours ago, BooBookitty said: I didnt have my first orgasm until I was 21/22 and I had been sexually active for 6/7 years before that. I didn't know I could, or what it was completely. My partners didnt attempt to try. Figuring it out myself took research, and I had to learn how my own body worked. Her circumstances as to why she hasn't achieved orgasm could be anything from ignorance, naivety, to trauma and potential psychological issues- maybe even anxiety after so long thinking she cant. My only advice would be to speak to her about the 'why' and work with her to figure out the way forward. Maybe she needs the right tools, a wand or decent vibe. But I would encourage her to try on her own first as orgasm under perceived pressure can be hard! I hadnt even considered something in her past or that sort of thing. Makes complete sence really. Thank you!
foxfun2015 Posted August 4, 2020 Posted August 4, 2020 Orgasms are more mental than physical work on her to get her mentally turned on
Ki**** Posted August 4, 2020 Posted August 4, 2020 It’s way more common than people think, and is usually an emotional block rather than physical (I’ve got some training in sex therapy but speak from personal experience too). My advice would be to take any attempts at getting her to orgasm off the table, the more it becomes a goal, the less likely it will be. Make pleasure the goal and if she manages to reach orgasm at any point then great, if not then it’s still fun for both of you. I would also highly (highly!!!) recommend OMGyes for both of you - it’s a website aimed at women’s sexual pleasure and is the best resource I’ve ever come across. It’s amazing!!!
Jinxy Posted August 4, 2020 Posted August 4, 2020 I would second the people saying that there could be a mental barrier that is getting in the way of her getting there (trauma, anxiety over not reaching it, etc). However, there could also be a physical piece as well. Hormones play a huge piece in this and if hers are “out of whack” then it might be she’s not getting the physical sensations to get her all the way there. Perhaps it’s taking her too long and she’s giving up each time before it happens. I know of some people where orgasming was such a challenge that they had to spend an hour or two, with or without the partner, just for them to get there. As you’re trying stuff with her, as @Kinky_kat said, don’t make orgasms the goal. It will just cause frustrations for both of you and make it more of a challenge. She needs to be relaxed. Lots of foreplay and mixing up different sensations might help too. P.S. it’s rude to assume a woman is lying just because it’s something you’ve never come across before. Just saying.
Deleted Member Posted August 4, 2020 Author Posted August 4, 2020 6 hours ago, Kinky_kat said: It’s way more common than people think, and is usually an emotional block rather than physical (I’ve got some training in sex therapy but speak from personal experience too). My advice would be to take any attempts at getting her to orgasm off the table, the more it becomes a goal, the less likely it will be. Make pleasure the goal and if she manages to reach orgasm at any point then great, if not then it’s still fun for both of you. I would also highly (highly!!!) recommend OMGyes for both of you - it’s a website aimed at women’s sexual pleasure and is the best resource I’ve ever come across. It’s amazing!!! Will check out the site 👍🏻
Mo**** Posted August 4, 2020 Posted August 4, 2020 Some great advice from the ladies, and I suspect that there will be more that join in on this. The best things that have come out of all advice/comments so far, is enjoy what you both have going on, DON'T push her, talk casually about things, her past, the things that she enjoys doing sexually. Don't think that it is YOUR responsibility to get her there, because that will cause pressures, and subconsciously change the dynamic. Check out the website that's been quoted to you. This sort of thing was very common in women of my grandmother's era and before, because for them, sex was for procreation. It's really only been in the last 60 years that sex became an everyday pleasure thing. A lot from those past eras never actually had orgasms.
Jinxy Posted August 5, 2020 Posted August 5, 2020 Here’s something I thought was cool so I figured I’d share. There’s a vibe called the Lioness that might be worth looking into for her. It’s basically a rabbit style vibe that sends biofeedback information about what’s going on with the body during stimulation. This can be helpful so she can see what’s working for her or what’s not. The creators of it actually made it to help people who have difficulty orgasming for various reasons. It’s on the more spendy side so it might not be the first thing to try but it could be helpful if other things aren’t working (or just want to try it out of curiosity). I’ve never used it personally so I can’t give feedback on how well it works or not. It definitely appeals to the nerd in me though!
Deleted Member Posted August 5, 2020 Author Posted August 5, 2020 Thank you all so much for the amazing response!
Mo**** Posted August 5, 2020 Posted August 5, 2020 29 minutes ago, Richf86 said: Thank you all so much for the amazing response! Rich, we are all part of a lifestyle that most vanilla people do not understand, but when one of us has something happening and we seek advice, there are many who try to give guidance or advice, simply because we understand the pleasures, contentment and fulfillment that this life can give. For most part, we are non-judgmental, and only want to see people enjoy what this kinky lifestyle has to offer. All the best with your friend's problem. Maybe, if you manage to help her with successfully beating it, you could give feedback, just in case there are others out there with a similar issue.
Sweet-Smile9 Posted August 5, 2020 Posted August 5, 2020 On 8/4/2020 at 8:24 AM, H8hmwrekrs said: Or......she's clueless in that department and doesn't know her own body You would be surprised how many women don’t actually know their own bodies.
na**** Posted August 5, 2020 Posted August 5, 2020 I must admit, it was only until I met someone older than me that I found out how to orgasm... My first boyfriend (who I was with since I was 15) didn't know much about anything either.. I even went to couning to try and fix it.. I think it caused alot of frustrations so I was never able to figure it out with him... Many people after that I just assumed I was one of these people that couldn't orgasm... I realised after a while that I just needed someone to show me a different way and since then I love it. I definitley agree it can happen for various reasons..
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