Advice needed on consistency of sexual and kinky dominating

[Leo82]

Hi all, 

I would class myself as kinky. I like ***s, normal rimjobs and like a buttplug in my ass once in a while, that's kinky right?

My wife says she likes it vanilla but we have done ***s and at the time she loves it but then says she aint into it.I've let her put a buttplug in me, again I can see she's in the zone and loving it. She asks me to *** her or she puts my hands around her neck, or sometimes says things like I love it when your in charge and do what you want to me.

I have a hunch she's either into kink but to shy to be fully open about it or she's playing a dominant rolegame with herself and just teasing me with knowing what I like.

I've tried being dominant before but she says she don't like it.

I would love to have some consistency with kink rather than being mostly vanilla.

Any advice or wisdom from anyone will be greatly appreciated.

 

 

[Koby]

The term Kink is relative personally - Horses for courses.

I have seen this soooooo many times - basically you want her to reach the same destination as yourself.

You want her to enjoy the same kinks as yourself - at the same frequency.

Sorry but it does not work that way.

***ps assume their relationship compatible equates to BDSM

Simply put your BDSM relationship is at the infancy stage. Whilst your relationship is at the advance stage.

You need to mesh,mould and adapt.

It's like you have started a race 50 metres ahead.

Go right back to the beginning - you can't dominate the unwilling or the unknowing. Actually explain the method to your madness .

Than she is more willing to try it. But understand this, not every relationship in BDSM has a power exchange element.Not everyone likes D/s.

Think of it as teaching a kid to swim, you would not just chuck em in a pool and wish them luck.

Lastly, communicate and don't foist kinks at your wife.

[Fishbicycle]

4 hours ago, Koby said:

The term Kink is relative personally - Horses for courses.

I have seen this soooooo many times - basically you want her to reach the same destination as yourself.

You want her to enjoy the same kinks as yourself - at the same frequency.

Sorry but it does not work that way.

***ps assume their relationship compatible equates to BDSM

Simply put your BDSM relationship is at the infancy stage. Whilst your relationship is at the advance stage.

You need to mesh,mould and adapt.

It's like you have started a race 50 metres ahead.

Go right back to the beginning - you can't dominate the unwilling or the unknowing. Actually explain the method to your madness .

Than she is more willing to try it. But understand this, not every relationship in BDSM has a power exchange element.Not everyone likes D/s.

Think of it as teaching a kid to swim, you would not just chuck em in a pool and wish them luck.

Lastly, communicate and don't foist kinks at your wife.

The last bit, communication!
It’s sometimes not easy but bringing up the bits you’ve enjoyed together and suggesting you might google them to discover more might be a less invasive and possibly more exploratory way to go forwards?

[Leo82]

Thanks for your replies.

I fully understand kink is personal and should not be ***d on or make someone feel pressured into doing anything.

During communications I have shared my fantasies and over time she has acted on them.

 

 

[Deleted Member]

7 hours ago, Leo82 said:

Thanks for your replies.

I fully understand kink is personal and should not be ***d on or make someone feel pressured into doing anything.

During communications I have shared my fantasies and over time she has acted on them.

 

 

Hi. From what you’ve said, it doesn’t sound as though your wife is quite sure about what she wants. She asks you to *** her, yet says she doesn’t like you being dominant. Do you think that she is having trouble coming to terms with being kinky herself? Not just that, but what it might mean for your relationship. You obviously think she’s not being fully open with you. You’ve obviously tried things and in the heat of the moment she’s ok but without coming to terms with it all she will keep backtracking. This is where communication is going to make the difference and it may take some time. Both sexes can take time to acknowledge that they even LIKE a kinky activity, much less be prepared to experiment more. Slow down and talk. Would she look at porn with you, or erotica? Talk about what turns her on - easier when you’re taking about other people.