Advice needed

[SwitchingBunny]

Hey everyone, 

I hope someone could help me out with some questions I have.

Let's start by saying I'm super super new to the community, my partner and I have slowly started trying some new things in the last few weeks. As you might have guessed, I'm super inexperienced but I'm trying to do my research and figure out what to do, but its kinda overwhelming.

After the first few tries I asked him if he'd be willing to take a bdsm test so we would have a general idea of what we like and what we could try. (Bdsmtest*** if anyone is curious, i know it won't be 100% accurate but it gave us something to start with) From this test we found out that funnily enough we are both switches, rope bunnies, riggers, brats and brat tamers, which kind of matches up perfectly.

He has a very intense and demanding job where he's in charge all the time and constantly managing a bunch of people so for him submitting to me and not having to think about everything and just relaxing and letting himself be taken care of works as some sort of stress relief and whenever I do that for him after a few long, hard days at work I can see the tension disappear from his face and shoulders. Because it is one of his stress relievers, I'm trying to figure out how to do it properly.

We've tried rope and we both absolutely love being tied up and tying the other person up. One concern for me is that he is way way stronger than me (builder, almost a head taller, you get the picture) and he turned out to be an escape artist. Whenever I tie his arms together he stays bound for as long as he wants to and then somehow just frees himself. Does anybody know any good references I can study for bondage techniques that won't allow him to escape as easily but won't hurt him?

Another thing I'm worried about is boundaries and communication. I try to talk to him about everything I've planned for when we play and I always make sure to check in with him during and he does the same for me (apparently he likes laying the plan out for me and watching me squirm in anticipation), but the whole checking in thing kind of makes me lose some momentum while I'm in charge if that makes sense? Do you guys have any tips on how to make that a bit easier or a better way to do it without "disrupting" our play?

Because I'm so new to everything I'm trying really hard to be the best I can and make sure we're both comfortable, we try talking about things before we do them (he's talked about gagging me while tied and giving me keys to drop or having me make a certain noise or movement to indicate I need him to stop) but I was wondering if anybody has any solid advice for a newbie?

Please be honest and tell me if I'm doing something wrong, I'm really trying to learn but it's slightly confusing so I thought I'd ask some more experienced community members for some tips on where to start and how to be a good dom/sub for my partner. 

Any and all advice is welcome! Thanks in advance!

Edited August 13, 2020 by FETMOD-TF
***External link removed

[Tasha10]

After taking a bdsm test me and my Mr tried to unpick our limits....kind of like a bucket list of things we've tried throughout our lives (Inc before and whilst together) and then working out what hard and soft limits we have.....ie spanking but then breaking it down further Ie with hand, paddle, whip, nine tails. Then do same for say restraints....ie handcuffs, rope, cable ties....hands in front or behind back etc. Literally talk about everything before, during and after. If easier welcome to message us regarding specific questions and will try to help as much as poss xxxT

[Foxter]

Hey there Switching Bunny 😊Great questions!

I actually had the same communication concern when I first started dominating. I would worry I would over step and be a bit too rough. I would always ask them if everything was okay. And yeah it does kinda break the scene a little bit if you over ask. There are a few things you can do to mask you're asking them. Like whispering into their ear "mhm you like that yeah?" Things like that so you haven't broken the scene and you're still showing control and your partner can still respond in a submissive way.


But for the most part, it's a learn by doing thing. As you get more experience you'll know your panters boundaries and what they like and you'll become more confident reaching those points without having to ask if everything is okay all the time. So say your partner likes to be spanked, if you do it enough you will learn where abouts and how hard to spank.

But you'll also learn how your partners body respond as well. So il use the spanking example again. If they're bent over and relaxed and there isn't much feedback. You know you can go harder. But if their constantly tense even between hits, maybe it's best to ease up a bit. As well listing out for moans, as they sexy moans, pleasure moans, in pai moans? Ask your panter to communicate and be vocal in those ways. I think we all know having sex with someone who makes no sound, does make you feel like you're doing something wrong.

And something you hear in BDSM a lot is about trust. And that confused me at first, but it just means trust your partner that they will tell you i something does go too far. And so you can both relax and have fun knowing both of you will be honest. And trust me, its not like you're gonna do something a little too far then that's it, they stop immediately and pack their bags. It will just be a little note or more likely they will suggest something else and then you'll return to play.

I'm not a huge fan of the dropping the keys method. Because then you're worried about dropping them and you cant unthink that during play. Making a certain noise is much better and allows you to focus on having fun more.

As for your secound question. Tying someone up who keeps getting lose? Well we all know anckels and wrists can be tied together. But have you tried knees and elbows together? Those areas are a lot more restricting on movement. Especially if his arms are behind his back and you tie the elbows together that way. You can also try blindfolds. But harder to get out of bondage when you can't see.

I hope this advice helps. Let me know how it goes. And please my PMs are open if you need anything else.