Do Dom/me's Require Training?

[Koby]

Myth? Necessary part of someones development? One-off initial training at the beginning? A kink?

Do Dom's/Dommes require training?

Is training needed for safety reasons or adjustment to one person's style?

How do you determine a Trainers creditability?

Does training help someone to be better at their desired role?

How do you measure a trainees success/improvement since commencing training?

Feel free to share your thoughts.

[Deleted Member]

Surely training is essential, if not for the Dom/domme benifit then for the wellbeing of their potential sub? As a sub I put my life in the hands of my domme and trust her to not only train me but also protect me, especially when pushing my boundaries and/or punishing me. So I would have peace of mind knowing that she as not only done her research but been in the pressence of somebody with experience and been guided on how to keep others safe. When a sub feels safe then they can truly be free to serve their dom/domme, and everybody achieves their satisfaction

[Deleted Member]

From speaking to the High protocol, old guard kinksters training was a huge part of the lifestyle at one point so I suppose it would depend on which generation you came from. From what I've discussed with them a D was trained as a sub and subs were trained as a D so they could see it from both sides of the slash, which for me makes perfect sense. So no, training is no myth.

I think nowadays with the internet generation and the wealth of knowledge available both online and on sites like this we are self taught to some extent and for me anyway most of the training I have received has been on the job so to speak. The key is an open mind and a willingness to accept ignorance and a lack of knowledge, to absorb the opinions of others especially those whose experience vastly outweighs our own.

With knowledge again for me comes safety and an ability to be an all round safer player. As far as training another to match ones own "Style" that depends on the individual relationship and the wants/desires of  both parties but an open mind is a must so yes training can help any relationship evolve and become more.

I've never received any formal training but have never been afraid to approach those whose knowledge and experience far outweighs my own. I chose 2 mentors to go to for advice and help, both a D and a s, I chose them by watching what they wrote and how fair they were especially with new folks. No they are not my trainers as such but mentors are pretty much the same thing, in my mind anyway. Their credibility was easy to spot just from reading their posts and opinions.

The thoughts and opinions of others have taught me more in 18 months than I thought possible, helped me evolve and to be fair 18 months ago even though I thought I had it all worked out I was so so wrong. So yes those mentors helped me find first myself and the truth of what I actually was and that set me, i hope on the correct path.

Measuring improvement again for me depends solely on the individual relationship, I don't think that's an easy thing to measure as such. I think it would be more a case of are you gelling, getting closer, understanding each other? If yes then the " training" must be going well. I feel I must add though as a D trains an s then the D also received training, learns more and hopefully becomes better themselves. One thing I do know without doubt is "experts" do exist but are extremely rare, expertise like anything else generally comes with years and many of those who claim to be experts are usually anything but.

Edited August 18, 2020 by Deleted Member
Spelling

[ey****]

A bit like anything - if there's something you want to do and don't know how to do it - you learn.

I thin there's a lot that is better to learn from somebody (and this of course goes into somewhat tradition) but it's not always as necessary.  

If you wanted to learn how to do something there's a wealth of information, videos, etc. which can help - and sure, potentially if you're fortunate enough to know people in your local community and there's someone you can pick up a few bits and pieces from, that's great.

A lot of people do different forms of ***r learning these days - i.e. helping each other, which is great.

[Koby]

23 minutes ago, Donnykinkster said:

From speaking to the High protocol, old guard kinksters training was a huge part of the lifestyle at one point so I suppose it would depend on which generation you came from. From what I've discussed with them a D was trained as a sub and subs were trained as a D so they could see it from both sides of the slash, which for me makes perfect sense. So no, training is no myth.

The thoughts and opinions of others have taught me more in 18 months than I thought possible, helped me evolve and to be fair 18 months ago even though I thought I had it all worked out I was so so wrong. So yes those mentors helped me find first myself and the truth of what I actually was and that set me, i hope on the correct path.

I still actually highly recommend this, my first ever experience within BDSM was when I briefly flirted with being a Slave/Sub. Yes the moment was brief but the experience itself helped to formulate my identity.

I also agree with you in terms obtaining knowledge from others

This part of my issue with the concept of 'Training' - I continue to garner and soak up alternative ideas and perspectives within BDSM.

The issue with 'Training' for me is that it perpetuates the idea of Onewayism. When individuals should be gather different ideas from different individuals,  as this will help you to develop a better insight into who you are as individual.

[Deleted Member]

2 hours ago, cjlewis67 said:

Surely training is essential, if not for the Dom/domme benifit then for the wellbeing of their potential sub? 

Of course that makes sense yet all Dom/mmes were new at one point and nowadays most I feel have no formal training as it were. We teach ourselves mostly and seek others for opinion and guidance, mistakes are made along the way but for me it's all about baby steps, accepting our ignorance and learning from there.

[Koby]

2 hours ago, cjlewis67 said:

Surely training is essential, if not for the Dom/domme benifit then for the wellbeing of their potential sub? As a sub I put my life in the hands of my domme and trust her to not only train me but also protect me, especially when pushing my boundaries and/or punishing me. So I would have peace of mind knowing that she as not only done her research but been in the pressence of somebody with experience and been guided on how to keep others safe. When a sub feels safe then they can truly be free to serve their dom/domme, and everybody achieves their satisfaction

Are you actually just referring to a Domme who engages in safe play and respects boundaries? 

[Deleted Member]

1 hour ago, Koby said:

 

The issue with 'Training' for me is that it perpetuates the idea of Onewayism. 

Of course, an open mind always to absorb but also reject. Even the opinion of "onewayism" will carry value and is always worth for me, listening to. Yet the opinion of many is worth so much more, sites such as this are invaluable to that end.

Edited August 18, 2020 by Deleted Member
Better choice of words

[Deleted Member]

I must not be a proper sub. The word training makes me cross. 🤨 Learning, guidance, discovery. All good for both sides of the slash. Training? Anal mebbe 😏

[Deleted Member]

15 hours ago, Curvykate said:

 Learning, guidance, discovery. 

Agree completely, as I say I think as one learns so does the other. For me that's how it works anyway 

[Deleted Member]

4 hours ago, Donnykinkster said:

Agree completely, as I say I think as one learns so does the other. For me that's how it works anyway 

We are often on the same page, Donny 😁