Why I Loved "The Slap"

[Deleted Member]

Just binge-watched the slap - the Australian series - the other night and for me it's the perfect kind of TV series that explains essentially some of the pit-falls of certain middle class kind of mindsets or more generally just being overly dramatic and taking offence to things, without being perverse or non-compassionate to the reasons people may take offence at certain things in the first place. I'm gonna post spoilers about it because for me it's not really about the story line but the underlying message but you nobody's stopping you from watching it first.

So it starts off with a friend's barbecue and a dad at the barbecue slaps someone else's kid for misbehaving but for me the story's not really about that. And it's relevant to the kink world as well - consent boundaries and dealing with harassment, long drawn out disputes between kinksters, that kind of thing. But I'll explain why later. The story's about how you react to these things when they happen. Do you tear a hole in lots of people's worlds and treat someone like a child molester when they've just got something of an anger management issue? Or as a father perhaps, you can deal with this thing, you know.

Give the man a solid left hook to the jaw, you feel like you stood up for your son - which is fair, probably nobody will press charges against you because they're the one that ***ed a kid - and who knows, maybe you can even forgive and let live you know: have a drink with the man that overstepped a boundary and recognises that and just move on. But you know some people are like "nah, I've got to fuck 'em up proper for that shit". You know there's men that if you insult their partner in anyway, even if it was completely provoked and their partner was way out of line, they're like "oh, got to run a train on this guy, beat him up with ten of my mates and send him to hospital" (I heard a story about this from some guy I knew, you know). The real beasts, in my view are the ones that respond to things like that. Or in this case, it's a liberal feminist couple that want to take someone to court and get them put in prison over something you can just learn to live with, you know? I mean it's not such a different mindset when you really think about it.

 So in this story, this child's being breastfed until he's nearly 4, his mother won't punish him when he bites another kid for not giving him the remote, she just says he's misunderstood or something. Then he pulls roses out the garden to give to his mother and the dad doesn't really reprimand him just goes and puts the friend's flowers back in the grass. Eventually, the kid is playing cricket and swinging the bat around at the other kids when they say he's out. One of the fathers goes over to tell him to put the bat down but he kicks him in the shins instead so the dad loses his rag and slaps him.

And you know the whole reaction to it it makes me think you know - there's women online, one's who have to put up with real shit, real harassment from guys online. And I get it, something has to be done about it. But then there's ones that just get the occasional "hey sexy" message. I sent out one or two of these some years ago you know, not especially proud you know, it's not typically my style. Apart from anything you're just adding to the whole ego-stroking pretty women get online you know, constantly being the ones to get messaged not doing much of the initiating or work themselves, you know, not really putting work into their profile even. Then complaining about "hi, how are you" and it's like - well if you don't even list your vanilla interests, what do you expect? Poetry and love letters? Mind you they get that and they'll find something to complain about too. I was looking over some woman's profile on fetlife and she states she is bisexual but also in big red lettering it says "men do not message me".

Fair enough, she doesn't want to be messaged but then she also says guys can still comment on her pictures or whatever (in other words let her know she looks good but don't fucking expect a conversation or whatever). She links to this long sexist rant about how men don't know to read the profile and send a message like women do (I mean women aren't likely to get lumped in with like about a million dick pictures, or have to think like James Bond just to prove they can string a sentence together). But fine her profile, her preferences anyway. But she has to start showing examples of all the guys that were apparently the reason she had to make a rule men can't message her.

And they're not like psychopathic future serial killers. Mostly they're just regular guys. One of them said in his first message he happened to passing through her home city and she's just like "passing through? what kind of woman do you think I am?". I mean how does she know he wants to have sex with her. He might just meant that he liked visiting the city. He might have meant if they get along who knows, maybe she'd like to go for a drink or a coffee. Or another guy messages her and apparently his mortal sin was to have a large friend list. She wrote down how she put down "morons" like him by informing him he's got enough friends to hit on already. Maybe he doesn't want to hit on them particularly? Maybe he is not very connected to them?

An old fetlife profile of mine had a modest (few hundred) following just because I made occasionally provocative posts (and a glitch in the site's search algorithms, apparently that made me popular/notorious depending how you look at it). But I'm not exactly banging all the hetero couples into cuckolding, and guys and old women that follow me. Anyway I'm just reading through all these comments from her fans and followers that don't imagine women can do any wrong: men - "oh yes queen, I would never break the rules in your profile" and women - "guys are such ***s".

I just commented (and not messaged - as per her profile rules before you female worshippers say anything!) pointed out to this woman someone else's friend's list maybe doesn't mean what she thinks it does. Apparently she couldn't handle that because she replied saying that her friend's list means whatever she wants it to (ok, but we are not even talking about your friend's list, what the f?) - then promptly blocks me to defend her ego from any harsh criticism that evil life might occasionally throw her way.

But anyway, so back to this "the slap" thing because it's a totally relevant perspective about human nature and how we all inevitably fuck up - yeah, even the people that think they take the moral high ground in life, them too. So the parents take this guy to court and you know, sure it's punishment for him having this whole thing lurking over him. And the judge finds him "guilty" BUT he is not given a conviction or fine. Instead, his lawyer made the mother look bad, pointed out she'd been breastfeeding the kid after drinking alcohol, that she went on a road trip or something one time for several hours. I mean the man that slapped the kid was made into a monster for telling his lawyer about these things but what do you expects going to happen when someone's trying to destroy your life, send you to prison and presumably hope you get d and defecated on there too? It becomes a matter of survival and sometimes, we've got to do the dirty to stay in the game. In a society of cultural over-sensitive media and angsty twitter warriors for "social justice" the game gets very ugly. Very.

Well anyway it backfires on the kid's parents and the man that held the barbecue (cousin of the man that slapped the kid, family/friends of the parents). He'd been doing a thing a man with a family of his own should not and that is to have an affair with the 17 year old baby sitter as a 40 year old. You wouldn't be out your mind to say that's shameful. In any case, he comes to his senses, breaks it off with this girl and she (Connie) is heartbroken so what does she do? She gets drunk then tells her gay best friend that this man (Hector) d her ("d" is the site algorithm for replacing the verb when someone is coerced into sex - to avoid offence). Over the months, he becomes obsessed with Hector in fact, he develops an erotic fixation with him. He tries to confront Connie, get her to go to the police and so she ostracises him at school because she doesn't want to admit she made the whole thing up.

He sends texts to Hector calling him a "paedophile" and a "rapist" and you know some people on here will think that's true - after all, he slept with a girl who is a year underage in some states. Can we call that consensual? Anyway Hector eventually tells his wife about the affair but says she was 19. Months pass and the gay guy still does not know Connie desired and willingly slept with Hector. He approaches - of all people - the parents of the child that got slapped. And one day he his baby sitting - walking with this kid on his shoulders when he sees an old man that the child says he is taller than. The old man jokes that the child has an unfair advantage and then the child spits at him and will not apologise when the gay guy asks him to.

The gay guy takes him back to his mother to have the child reprimanded - and she learned from the debacle at the BBQ? No: she mollycoddles him, says "poor baby" and asserts that the child was probably just frightened by the old man. It is at this point the gay guy says Hector "did something" to Connie and the mother (Rosie) sends her kid away. He tells them she told him Hector d her.

So, how do the parents react? They decide that this is a family of monsters basically, you know. After all, Hector's brute cousin (Harry) slapped that kid (and it turned out had been physical with his wife in the past). And Hector himself is a rapist and child molester. And Hector's wife - who in the end decided not to stand witness for Rosie when she pressed charges against Harry. Hector deserves to get cornered in the laundry room in prison and get gang d. You can just tell that these parents are real heroic warriors fighting for everything that's right in this world. They go confront the wife about who her husband "really" is and she already knows about the affair so when the accusation happens and the girl who said it happens walks in, she just denies it and the wife knows exactly what happened. She's just fed up with this couple at that point and all the drama they've caused. She just tells the mother of the kid that got slapped to get the hell out of her life. And that's basically the end of it all.

And so to finish a long rant/review, the moral of the story is don't be a moral crusader in life, don't sweat small stuff and then thing your tackling real world problems. Don't think you're so high and mighty and that you're just inherently better than everyone else. Because you're not and one day that illusion will fall and shatter. You don't necessarily know why others make the choices they make or what the whole story is. Go pick wars with people you think are the "bad guys" - you're not a hero and they will fight a war right back.

Edited August 20, 2020 by Deleted Member

[Deleted Member]

I'm glad I don't have to watch this show now.

[Deleted Member]

You’re using this stupid trope to rant on AGAIN about women having the RIGHT to say anything about the quality of messages that they get from men. Get over it. The last post had to be shut down by mods. 🙄

[Deleted Member]

Dude. Your ego! Jeez. 2 scrolls and I’m out.

[ey****]

Things you can control

- your thoughts

- your actions

Things you cannot control

- others thoughts

- others actions.

You can influence these, but cannot control them.

-

I can't make you accept that.  But, I can say you're going to struggle to get what you want until you can.

Ladies like a little bit of effort when you're coming onto them.  Don't expect them to lower their standards, up your game. Or you're going to continually struggle.

[Deleted Member]

Oh boy. I watched that show when it came out and I thought it was pretty good. It's entertainment, crafted by artists to evoke thoughts and feelings.

I read your whole post and idk bud I think it might be time to step back and evaluate. I mean, I'm a certain kind of woman that has never been "conventionally attractive" and I've been shot down, laughed at, friendzoned, used, ghosted, told I should settle, ignored, etc since 1989. Nobody knows offended/mystified rejection like a fat weirdo with a penchant for hotties. So I'm I only speaking from my own experience, but for me I've had to learn that people have their own lives and experiences and wants that have nothing to do with me and that's ok. At the end of the day I've gotten what I wanted by becoming my best self and let the crap I don't care for be like "water off a duck's back". I played sports so I have a lot of coach adages I could throw in too, but you get it.

Edited August 21, 2020 by Deleted Member

[Deleted Member]

7 hours ago, Curvykate said:

The last post had to be shut down by mods.

It was not shut down.

 

 

7 hours ago, Curvykate said:

You’re using this stupid trope to rant on AGAIN about women having the RIGHT to say anything about the quality of messages that they get from men.

I mean that was an aspect of it. I don't think I was pushing this one point along but rather showing what sort of behaviours/reactions are symptomatic of an overly sensitive culture and demonstrating how people can escalate small things into something more severe. Like the hot-headedness and reactions in this post begin to look that way for me so that is an example.

 

26 minutes ago, BroodyJudy said:

Nobody knows offended/mystified rejection like a fat weirdo with a penchant for hotties. So I'm I only speaking from my own experience, but for me I've had to learn that people have their own lives and experiences and wants that have nothing to do with me and that's ok.

Interesting that the part about people's reactions and online dating was the most offensive part for some people reading that. I had personally thought there were more provoking things I had written but to address this, it's not about the fact some women hand out rejections online. It's the attitude and mentality they have about it and the rules/principles extended beyond basic formalities to other regular or normal behaviours and it is like "why are you offended by this?".

Reading your profile you don't come across as that sort of person like that except maybe the list of "not looking fors" perhaps could be substituted for a gentler received expression perhaps, you are interested in nice conversations perhaps, not dating. But I'm not really rubbed by that, it's not like some of the other profiles I read. That's not the sort of mentality I'm talking about.

[Deleted Member]

Some people did not read the whole thing which is fair enough as it is long. But means perhaps they got the wrong idea what I was trying to say about the online dating aspect of this? Here, I will re-post this part here with some bold underlined parts so it can be scrutinised more closely:

21 hours ago, BlushingFlush said:

And you know the whole reaction to it it makes me think you know - there's women online, one's who have to put up with real shit, real harassment from guys online. And I get it, something has to be done about it. But then there's ones that just get the occasional "hey sexy" message. I sent out one or two of these some years ago you know, not especially proud you know, it's not typically my style. Apart from anything you're just adding to the whole ego-stroking pretty women get online you know, constantly being the ones to get messaged not doing much of the initiating or work themselves, you know, not really putting work into their profile even. Then complaining about "hi, how are you" and it's like - well if you don't even list your vanilla interests, what do you expect? Poetry and love letters? Mind you they get that and they'll find something to complain about too. I was looking over some woman's profile on fetlife and she states she is bisexual but also in big red lettering it says "men do not message me".

Fair enough, she doesn't want to be messaged but then she also says guys can still comment on her pictures or whatever (in other words let her know she looks good but don't fucking expect a conversation or whatever). She links to this long sexist rant about how men don't know to read the profile and send a message like women do (I mean women aren't likely to get lumped in with like about a million dick pictures, or have to think like James Bond just to prove they can string a sentence together). But fine her profile, her preferences anyway. But she has to start showing examples of all the guys that were apparently the reason she had to make a rule men can't message her.

And they're not like psychopathic future serial killers. Mostly they're just regular guys. One of them said in his first message he happened to passing through her home city and she's just like "passing through? what kind of woman do you think I am?". I mean how does she know he wants to have sex with her. He might just meant that he liked visiting the city. He might have meant if they get along who knows, maybe she'd like to go for a drink or a coffee. Or another guy messages her and apparently his mortal sin was to have a large friend list. She wrote down how she put down "morons" like him by informing him he's got enough friends to hit on already. Maybe he doesn't want to hit on them particularly? Maybe he is not very connected to them?

An old fetlife profile of mine had a modest (few hundred) following just because I made occasionally provocative posts (and a glitch in the site's search algorithms, apparently that made me popular/notorious depending how you look at it). But I'm not exactly banging all the hetero couples into cuckolding, and guys and old women that follow me. Anyway I'm just reading through all these comments from her fans and followers that don't imagine women can do any wrong: men - "oh yes queen, I would never break the rules in your profile" and women - "guys are such ***s".

I just commented (and not messaged - as per her profile rules before you female worshippers say anything!) pointed out to this woman someone else's friend's list maybe doesn't mean what she thinks it does. Apparently she couldn't handle that because she replied saying that her friend's list means whatever she wants it to (ok, but we are not even talking about your friend's list, what the f?) - then promptly blocks me to defend her ego from any harsh criticism that evil life might occasionally throw her way.

 

Edited August 21, 2020 by Deleted Member

[ey****]

So the highlighted version

- Some women deal with a lot of shit, real harassment from guys and something has to be done about it

- If someone doesn't want to be messaged that's her preference

- If someone has profile rules which asks not to be messaged that should be respected.

 

Yeah. I can't disagree with that.

[Deleted Member]

@eyemblacksheep

But also, online dating etiquette should mean you treat people with respect - the ones that you are not interested in as well. You can't go making assumptions about a whole gender that they do not ever read your profile, or that because of someone's friends list it means this, or some other things about the woman's profile/post that I found personally insulting. It was not to do with whether we were compatible, we weren't. I found her attitude was a problem and it is not just her but lots like that. I won't waste time with them but that's not the point, people should just open their eyes more.

Edited August 21, 2020 by Deleted Member

[Deleted Member]

Since you took the time to research the person behind the reply I'll tell you a secret about me: I get offended all day long about things from my dog shitting on my rug to mass ignorance about fairly recent history. If I took the time to post on the internet about a single one of those things it would severely cut into my "hitting on hoes" time. Also, I've read [and made on occasion] posts in this vein on the daily since idk, dial up? I mean this medium changes but this is nothing new. So please perceive that if I bother to reply to something it's to share my super genius wisdom about something that I relate to, not to throw shade.

That being said, I stand by my reply. I work in an industry that has ridiculously high *** and workplace harassment rates so the concepts of misplaced perceptions and the multiple facets of conflict are indeed of interest to me. The conclusions I've come to about "dating" apply here as well. Being in a "I'm under siege" space really narrows our field of vision sometimes. It's fascinating stuff and I'd delve into it further but I have much to do and not enough attention span.

 

[Deleted Member]

3 minutes ago, BroodyJudy said:

Since you took the time to research the person behind the reply I'll tell you a secret about me: I get offended all day long about things from my dog shitting on my rug to mass ignorance about fairly recent history. If I took the time to post on the internet about a single one of those things it would severely cut into my "hitting on hoes" time. Also, I've read [and made on occasion] posts in this vein on the daily since idk, dial up? I mean this medium changes but this is nothing new. So please perceive that if I bother to reply to something it's to share my super genius wisdom about something that I relate to, not to throw shade.

I do become offended quite easily also but whereas many people respond in such a way - and I do not think you are such a person or to throw shade - I often have to take a look at myself first. Have I been in such a situation before to cause such an instance where others may be provoked? Can I really say I'm in a position to judge this person so severely? I think in moments like these sometimes we have to react without thinking so deeply: it's a case of asserting boundaries. Nobody is saying that because you cheated in a relationship one time you have to put up with being cheated on in every future relationship yourself.

But if that person were to start posting lengthy rants about whores and promiscuity and infidelity, we'd have to raise an eyebrow. And not many people's books are without a black stain, so I have to wonder when I look through people's social media feeds and I hear the things they say on a day to day basis, do they really get to claim the moral high ground they say they do? I mean you cannot say much without knowing a person's entire history. I think sometimes it is much harder to be honest and admit the *** you feel. For instance Donny, has just made a post about the impact it had on himself to be the adulterer in a previous relationship and that is a greater sign of strength than me to post everywhere about other's moral weaknesses and lack of adherence to "the code", if it is even clear what that is.

 

Quote

I work in an industry that has ridiculously high *** and workplace harassment rates so the concepts of misplaced perceptions and the multiple facets of conflict are indeed of interest to me.

Also though people can harass others about their own transgressions and overstepping of boundaries in the past. It's a bad example as I don't believe this would happen but if say one time a male colleague called a woman a bitch, you'd expect a reaction. But it might not be the same kind of proportional response if for instance, he then became "that guy who calls female colleagues bitches", if he received text messages from people all the time about this transgression, had to read posts about something he'd already apologised. You get the point. Sometimes in an attempt to tackle harassment, we become the ones sustaining harassment ourselves.

[ey****]

Like. 

I feel we've been here before.

If you feel this person was wrong, then they're not suitable for you and may well struggle to get what they want also.  Although, chances are, what they want is men to leave them alone in general.  Who knows.  

Your pointed example of one person who 'might' be overly picky is moot.

[Deleted Member]

10 minutes ago, eyemblacksheep said:

I feel we've been here before.

We have. But yet you chose these particular points to focus on in the body of something else entirely. I find that somewhat transparent.

[Deleted Member]

14 hours ago, BlushingFlush said:

Interesting that the part about people's reactions and online dating was the most offensive part for some people reading that. I had personally thought there were more provoking things I had written but to address this, it's not about the fact some women hand out rejections online. It's the attitude and mentality they have about it and the rules/principles extended beyond basic formalities to other regular or normal behaviours and it is like "why are you offended by this?".

Reading your profile you don't come across as that sort of person like that except maybe the list of "not looking fors" perhaps could be substituted for a gentler received expression perhaps, you are interested in nice conversations perhaps, not dating. But I'm not really rubbed by that, it's not like some of the other profiles I read. That's not the sort of mentality I'm talking about.

Is this aimed at my profile? You’re suggesting I write my profile so it’s more inviting to people - but I’m trying to keep people from messaging. You’re just not getting it. I had a message last week from someone who wanted me to cut his dick off. You don’t know what messages women receive. You don’t have any idea the level of crap that women go through regularly on this site and Fetlife is much much worse. To the point I just never post or interact now. Stop policing what other people do. Enough.

[Deleted Member]

1 hour ago, Curvykate said:

Is this aimed at my profile? You’re suggesting I write my profile so it’s more inviting to people - but I’m trying to keep people from messaging.

No, it was a response to BroodyJudy and I wasn't even particularly saying that, in fact I was complimenting her. Like with most of your responses on my posts, you don't even know what you're responding to. You should go bother someone else.

Edited August 22, 2020 by Deleted Member

[Deleted Member]

Yesterday at 09:13 AM, BlushingFlush said:

No, it was a response to BroodyJudy and I wasn't even particularly saying that, in fact I was complimenting her. Like with most of your responses on my posts, you don't even know what you're responding to. You should go bother someone else.

You quoted both of us in your reply. Be clearer next time instead of insinuating that I’m stupid. I don’t even know what I’m responding to? I’m responding to you and your continued criticism of the way women deal with messages on this site and others. It’s misogynistic controlling crap. The reason why I and Eyem have both zoomed in on this is because you are quite transparently using “The Slap” to introduce the topic again. So no, I won’t go away or shut up.

[Deleted Member]

3 hours ago, Curvykate said:

You quoted both of us in your reply. Be clearer next time instead of insinuating that I’m stupid. I don’t even know what I’m responding to? I’m responding to you and your continued criticism of the way women deal with messages on this site and others. It’s misogynistic controlling crap. The reason why I and Eyem have both zoomed in on this is because you are quite transparently using “The Slap” to introduce the topic again. So no, I won’t go away or shut up.

Insinuating that you're stupid? You're the one that said I was using a dumb trope.

And her name was in the quotation, I'm not sure how to be clearer than this.

And no, that is not the reason I discussed the Slap. That, as I'll say again, is just one part of the post. Re-read or please leave.