What actually matters.

[Deleted Member]

Rules, labels, protocols, kink and vanilla.

 

So recently seen a bit on the site about all of the above so time to weigh in with my humble and maybe even to some, incorrect view.

 

We all live by rules and protocols, when I visit a shop for goods I pay, that's a rule set by society that most of us choose to follow, the RULE of law as it were and law dictates we pay for a service or goods. The protocols we follow in vanilla are for me self en***d rules, we are polite and respectful especially to those senior to us, these protocols are not enshrined in law but a personal path we choose to walk, or not for some as the case may be.

 

These protocols translate perfectly into this community, there is no difference although for some strange reason there are those "kinksters" who feel the protocols we should follow change when we move in this world but they in fact, do not. If anything they are 10 times more important, how can you expect one to submit to the activities most of us enjoy without first showing sanity and an ability to be a decent human being? This for me is where a lot go wrong, thinking "I'm a Dom,I must act like a cunt all the time" So so wrong and completely off the mark.

 

I see maybe new folk thinking that all rules and protocols apply in the same way to all relationships/dynamics but one very valuable thing I have learned is what works for one may not work for another and as such the rules/protocols have to be extremely flexible depending on what both partners agree and consent to. Yes you can choose to exist within a base D/s framework where traditionalist rules/protocols are high on your list of priorities or you can choose completely if you wish, your own path. This is exactly what I have done. I've taken the best of what I see as traditional kink and added my own twists to it, seems to work for me.

 

The rules/protocols we follow in vanilla in a general sense are the same for all yet the rules/protocols we choose in kink can vary wildly from person to person with one very valuable word, consent. In a general sense we most of us anyway work within a loose framework, a kink framework be it D/s or M/s or any other variations, whichever that is yet that framework can change and evolve as the relationship/dynamic changes and evolves. We in vanilla as a relationship progresses change how we interact, mainly as we learn more about our partners so why should it change in this community? For me it doesn't, for me as we learn more about those we choose to be part of our lives so the relationship/dynamic can evolve. It can become more with clear communication and and again that keyword, consent. Flexibility as knowledge is gained for me is key, a willingness to communicate, talk with your partner to try and make the whole experience enjoyable and safe. Beware labelling and placing yourself in a certain area, this can close off opportunities that could make the whole shebang much more fun for all involved.

 

When I first stepped in I was so concerned as I couldn't really label myself in any particular category, am I this or that, do I belong, am I a freak who doesn't fit anywhere? All this flying through my mind as I didn't seem able to  label exactly what I was. That's where my name came from, kinkster, I avoid labelling myself in any particular way, it gives me freedom to be whatever I choose to be, of course within the loose framework of D/s but much more than that as well. As time passes so do our characteristics, knowledge and opinion of who we are but also what we perceive others to be so what are we?

 

One label that never fails is people, we are all that but with that label non of us can avoid comes the key ingredient. Are we good people or are we bad and that is the only label that really matters. What sort of a human being are you? That's the key label and if a decent human being, one that will be much more attractive to the opposite side of the slash.

[qu****]

I must admit I'm not into the whole lable/name thing, sure a pet name may crop up, whether it's pixie or piglet, hun or sweetie, these are personal terms used by two people who at the very least care about each other, I'm not interested in if you're Domme/Dom, sub or slave, the actual person is important, not what they're into but their fundamental basic sense of self, and each person is different, so each new person should be treated as if it's the first time you've done something, no matter how experienced you may or may not be, after all we are all just unique, perfectly imperfect human beings

[Deleted Member]

20 hours ago, quietlysure said:

I must admit I'm not into the whole lable/name thing, sure a pet name may crop up, whether it's pixie or piglet, hun or sweetie, these are personal terms used by two people who at the very least care about each other, I'm not interested in if you're Domme/Dom, sub or slave, the actual person is important, not what they're into but their fundamental basic sense of self, and each person is different, so each new person should be treated as if it's the first time you've done something, no matter how experienced you may or may not be, after all we are all just unique, perfectly imperfect human beings

We all carry labels as I do now but I soon realised with advice from those wiser than i they were not really that important. Everyone of us has labels we choose ourselves and at times that others choose for us but yes, it's the soul behind the label that actually matters most.