Calling all Jokers and Punsters.

[Deleted Member]

41 minutes ago, smeagol said:

Never shock lepers. Their jaws might drop.

 

OMG howling 🤣🤣🤣🤣 you goon 🤣🤣🤣🤣

[sm****]

I have the heart of a lion..........................................and a lifetime ban from the zoo.

[Th****]

8 hours ago, Bounty said:

Fish swims into a wall...

"Damn!"

Oh so good ... 

[Th****]

On 9/4/2020 at 10:21 AM, lil-monster said:

Last night, I dreamed I was swimming in an ocean of orange soda. But it was just a Fanta sea

I have been reading this to friends, you have made me and about 10 other people groan with this 

[Th****]

On 9/4/2020 at 4:15 PM, phoenyx said:

A man sits at a bar stool, as his truly-tiny, foot-tall companion climbs up onto the bar.  The man pulls a small, toy piano from a case, and places it in front of his Lilliputian companion.  The companion proceeds to play the most elegant classical compositions, like a true virtuoso.

The bartender is stunned.  "That's amazing!", he remarks.  "How did you two meet?"

The man then tells the story:  "I was walking along the beach, when I spotted this antique bottle, washed-up on the shore.  When I pulled the cork, this Genie popped out.  'Thank you so much, for releasing me!', the Genie said.  'As your reward, I will grant you your fondest wish.'  Well, that Genie must have been in that bottle an awful long time---as he had become rather hard-of-hearing.  He thought that I said, 'a twelve-inch pianist!'"

Any more like that and I am going to need to do laundry,    *Holds Sides*

[Deleted Member]

For sale: Watch with half a face. For a limited time only.

[Th****]

@MuffSparkleLimited time only ... 

Boo Boom Ching!

[helenOfToy]

Two travellers are lost in the desert, desperate for water. They come over a dune and see a load of brightly coloured tents and market stalls ahead. Suddenly hopeful, they hurry down to the market, and go up to the first stall.
"Do you have any water?"
"sorry" the trader replies, "all I've got are some desserts with jelly, custard and hundreds and thousands"
So they go to the next stall.
"Do you have any water?"
The trader shakes his head. "No, just jelly and custard deserts with sponge fingers and hundreds and thousands."
All the way through the market they went, asking each trader for water, and every time the reply was the same.
Eventually they reach the end and there is no water to be found.
One looks back, scratching his head, and the other says, "That was a trifle bazaar"

[Deleted Member]

I never polish my mirror, which reflects badly on me.

[Th****]

9 hours ago, Paul_aka_Helen said:

"That was a trifle bazaar"

All through that I was thinking Trifle? Desert? Pudding? ... That was so much neater though. 

 

 

[helenOfToy]

Tw parrots sat on a perch, one turns to the other and says, "can you smell fish?"

[helenOfToy]

Bill and Ben are sitting in the garden, Bill says to Ben, "Flob-a-lob-a-lob-a-lob."
Ben replies, "I think you've had enough mate."

[Wo****]

20 hours ago, Paul_aka_Helen said:

Tw parrots sat on a perch, one turns to the other and says, "can you smell fish?"

This one took me a while to get..... 😆😆

16 minutes ago, Paul_aka_Helen said:

Bill and Ben are sitting in the garden, Bill says to Ben, "Flob-a-lob-a-lob-a-lob."
Ben replies, "I think you've had enough mate."

I still don't get this one... what am I missing?

[Ar****]

I wouldn't say Switzerland is my favourite country, but the flag is a big plus.

[Th****]

18 minutes ago, Bounty said:

Bill and Ben are sitting in the garden, Bill says to Ben, "Flob-a-lob-a-lob-a-lob."

Ben replies "If you are going to talk while giving me a blow job take it out of your mouth, please."

[Wo****]

12 minutes ago, Thebian said:

Ben replies "If you are going to talk while giving me a blow job take it out of your mouth, please."

Ahhhhhhh!!!! 😆

 

[Deleted Member]

I've just started work as a human chess piece. So far it's OK, but I'm on knights next week.

[Shenna]

What long hard, long and green with cum in it??? 

Cucumber 

[Psuedom]

On 9/5/2020 at 3:17 PM, phoenyx said:

What do you get when you cross a penis with a potato?

A "Dictator".

<Takes a bow as he believes he is the original writer for this one>... Please tell me if I'm wrong!

[Psuedom]

The seven dwarfs go to the Vatican , and because they are the seven dwarfs, they are immediately ushered in to see the Pope.  Grumpy leads the pack. 

'Grumpy, my son,' says the Pope, 'What can I do for you?' 

Grumpy asks, 'Excuse me your Excellency, but are there any dwarf nuns in Rome ?' 

The Pope wrinkles his brow at the odd question, thinks for a moment and answers,

'No, Grumpy, there are no dwarf nuns in Rome .' 

In the background, a few of the dwarfs start giggling.  Grumpy turns around and glares, silencing them.  Grumpy turns back,

'Your Worship, are there any dwarf nuns in all of Europe ?' 

The Pope, puzzled now, again thinks for a moment and then answers,

'No, Grumpy, there are no dwarf nuns in Europe .  '

This time, all of the other dwarfs burst into laughter.  Once again, Grumpy turns around and silences them with an angry glare.  Grumpy turns back and says,

'Mr.. Pope! Are there ANY dwarf nuns anywhere in the world?' 

The Pope, really confused by the questions says,

'I'm sorry, my son, there are no dwarf nuns anywhere in the world.' 

The other dwarfs collapse into a heap, rolling and laughing, pounding the floor, tears rolling down their cheeks, as they begin chanting...... 

'Grumpy shagged a penguin!' 

'Grumpy shagged a penguin."

[Phoenyx]

On 9/9/2020 at 8:04 AM, Psuedom said:

On 9/5/2020 at 9:17 AM, phoenyx said:

What do you get when you cross a penis with a potato?

A "Dictator".

<Takes a bow as he believes he is the original writer for this one>... Please tell me if I'm wrong!

No.  But, I forget where I heard it.

[Th****]

Australian kissing:

Like French kissing only you do it down under.