De**** Posted September 9, 2020 Posted September 9, 2020 So this is a new one for me. As part of my job I attend many funerals per year, but this one on Saturday is different for a couple reasons. First, the deceased is the brother of a close colleague of mine, and I will be intimately involved in the planning process. Second, I’m scheduled to do a heavy impact scene with my protector later that night. I’m waiting for him to call me back so we can talk it over. In the meantime, what special considerations should come up when planning a scene during a potential period of grief? I don’t *expect* to be emotionally unwell that day, but I want to do my due diligence, for my own sake and for my protector’s.
Wo**** Posted September 9, 2020 Posted September 9, 2020 Maybe a little more aftercare? Checking in more often during, and after, the scene? Be prepared to feel nothing, of everything, differently. Stop if you need to stop. Communicate. I think you'll be fine. You've thought about this x
Deleted Member Posted September 9, 2020 Posted September 9, 2020 I don’t think you can be sure how the evening will play out after such a day. However given the evening’s plans are intended to rouse and provoke your emotions I think it likely that through or after the evening has run it’s course you risk being “overly emotional”. If I were looking at this for my sub I would defer and allow an emotional space/barrier to be develop.
Wo**** Posted September 9, 2020 Posted September 9, 2020 5 minutes ago, MrJones2001 said: I don’t think you can be sure how the evening will play out after such a day. However given the evening’s plans are intended to rouse and provoke your emotions I think it likely that through or after the evening has run it’s course you risk being “overly emotional”. If I were looking at this for my sub I would defer and allow an emotional space/barrier to be develop. Some of us need that though. That catharsis. It's helped me, it helps me let go of my emotion. I need that to process it. Subspace.
Deleted Member Posted September 9, 2020 Posted September 9, 2020 Yes I can see that. So there won’t be a right answer only a good or bad decision. The former is one made from careful thought and weighing up of our feelings and needs. I wish you well and as it seems you’re following the hood decision route, I’m sure you’ll do as well as you possible can be.
VoyagerX Posted September 9, 2020 Posted September 9, 2020 You seem sure of two things. You can't guarantee how you're going to feel on the day or in the moment....and that you want to make your protector aware of this. I'm sure as your protector he will listen. You have a conversation in advance coming up. And I think the best advice so far is Bounty's..... which is to communicate. These are exceptional circumstances. Dealing with the deceased brother of a close college? That's several head fucks at once. So I think it's important you both talk about that first....and then decide appon all those other things to keep you both happy and safe. I do feel though that this could be a good thing for you. A counterpoint to your grief and conflict. And catharsis....a release of emotional energy....under those circumstances... may be just what you need. In all honesty, if handled carefully, it wouldn't surprise me if you're relationship with your protector only deepens. I hope so anyway x I
ElleFire Posted September 12, 2020 Posted September 12, 2020 Core, first I'm sorry for your loss; though it may feel indirect, seeing those we care about grieve is hard. And second, I think you are doing exactly the right thing by communicating in advance and being aware of the possibilities. Very wise! And I know you know this, but emotional reactions can happen long after a scene. This might be doubly true in such a situation. Sending good juju!
De**** Posted September 12, 2020 Author Posted September 12, 2020 Thanks so much y’all! After talking it over with my protector, we’ve agreed to go forward with the scene tomorrow night. I figure things can really only go two ways, either of which would be a good thing. It might be just like any other past scene we’ve done, in which case we both get exactly what we want. OR I might be in a state of grieving, in which case this could be a source of much-needed emotional release. We discussed this possibility and how we’ll proceed. In particular, in the event I make an utterance along the lines of “hit me harder you asshole!”. He asked “Do you *want* me to?” if that happens, and I said FUCK YES. All in all, I should be in a good place afterwards. I already have my support network ready to go, and I’m looking forward to what could be a much-needed cathartic release. I just didn’t want to scare the hell out of my protector when it happens.
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