Deleted Member Posted September 24, 2020 Posted September 24, 2020 Good evening everyone...Why are we the way we are ? I’m sure this is a topic that has been discussed many times and this is my journey. The day I started infant school I was shocked to be told that I wasn’t permitted to write with my left hand . Perplexed and confused I asked why not ? The teacher replied “because it is the work of the devil to use your left hand “ This is London 1973 not 1673 .Well as a 5 year old you’re not going to argue. It was hard to concentrate on studying and I fell behind in class. My shortfall was soon picked up by the teacher which she gleefully humiliated my efforts in front of the other ***. This led me to misbehave and eventually I was sent to be caned. Canning took place at break time in the heads office. This office had a big window raised above ground so as I was bent of the table I could see the smiling laughing faces of my classmates jumping in the air for a split second of voyeur excitement. Other punishments occurred in the class room with one Male teacher who kept a draw full of cricket balls which would be thrown at a child sitting on a chair with a cardboard box over his head hostage style. Another one of his games was to dangle a child by his legs out of the window ( he was ex army and a formidable presence) Say you were walking down the corridor talking with a friend he would knee you in the thigh and drop you to the floor . When I was about 9 or 10 he dragged me across the gym floor by my hair and smashed me into the step up benches bruising my ribs. I sped inside and ran out of the building and waited for my mum to come home from work.I told her and showed her what had happened and both my parents went to the school the next day .So there I was standing in the head masters office with my parents the teacher who beat me and several class *** who were in that gym and witnessed the whole event. The head asked them what they saw and each one denied that they saw him do what he did ( they were as scared as me so I don’t blame them) So according to everyone in that office I was lying including my parents who were told what a nuisance and trouble maker I was .I thought where do I go from here? I knew that I had to get away so I faked ***s in my stomach was collected from school by my Nan and then to the doctors ( really lay it on screaming in *** holding my stomach ) The doctor diagnosed an appendicitis and was rushed to Edgware hospital and was operated on that night. I new the risks involved but kept up the pretense as I couldn’t face going back to school. I had to look at the floor when my mum told me the surgeon was perplexed as my appendix showed no signs of inflammation. Great I was free for two weeks and then the summer holiday . Phew that was hard ! I truly believe these formative negative experiences had a profound impact on the rest of my life including relationships and my eventual path into fetish bdsm
Deleted Member Posted September 25, 2020 Author Posted September 25, 2020 Wow, your school seems like Hell on earth. If your kinks originated from this, it's more like trauma than a genuine interest.
Deleted Member Posted September 26, 2020 Author Posted September 26, 2020 (edited) I knew from puberty I was different to my mates, something inside was very different. As a kid it scared the life out of me as I didn't understand it at all. As it was took me to my 40s to actually begin getting to grips with it Edited September 26, 2020 by Deleted Member
Deleted Member Posted September 26, 2020 Author Posted September 26, 2020 Morning 🔥🔥🔥 This is a significant interest to me. I'm strongly of the mind that our early experiences contribute to our adult preferences and manifestations of how we like to express ourselves. The nature nurture factors are what create us, who we are and how we function. I've certainly seen a correlation/a commonality with more overt trauma and adversity with more extreme kinks. That's not to say that's exclusive and true for all. I am certainly able to link my early experiences with things that arouse me and turn me on as well as my vulnerabilities which I've spent alot of time suffering and recovering from... which leads me to "the journey". We are all on a journey of understanding our needs and wants and inevitably searching and finding people we can align to and share with. This is the exciting bit!!! There's no destination imo, only the pleasure and joy in the moment which excites me hugely and I strive for persistently and unreservedly!! Thank you for your post 💋🔥💋
Deleted Member Posted September 26, 2020 Author Posted September 26, 2020 I believe I had a mental break down by the time I faked an appendix.My mind was screaming with confusion hurt and hate , I wanted revenge and this made me have intense sadistic fantasies aswell as extreme masochistic behaviour.I was racked with guilt with the way I was expressing my feelings.
Deleted Member Posted September 26, 2020 Author Posted September 26, 2020 Such an excellent topic and so well written! Thank you all for sharing and helping a lot of us understand our deeper needs. I have a nurturing and caring spirit that has helped me too.
Deleted Member Posted September 26, 2020 Author Posted September 26, 2020 4 hours ago, TAROTT said: I believe I had a mental break down by the time I faked an appendix. That's so sad to read but I get it as my younger years were like yours, confusing and isolated
Deleted Member Posted September 26, 2020 Author Posted September 26, 2020 Thank you Betterin60s I’m glad this resonated with you and DonnyKinkerster
Me**** Posted September 27, 2020 Posted September 27, 2020 Tarrot... Thanks for a good question. Metal was kinky age 5, typical tight blanket lover. What intrigues me the most is that for me, my kink pre-dates any notion of sexuality. I was blissfully unaware of "girls" for years and yet i knew I had a "secret" interest. Knew i was "turned on" before i had the slightest idea of what being turned on meant. I am trying to locate the exact point in my ***age development when the two different facets (kink-sexuality) converged and coalesced into my current kink status. The complexity of it all literally boggles the mind.
Deleted Member Posted September 28, 2020 Author Posted September 28, 2020 Metal Thank you for your interest. I have a bright as day memory of being sat in class on those hard ply wood chairs which had a gap between the shoulder support and the seat base .The lunch break bell rings and the class starts to file out of the room . Suddenly I notice an intense feeling of submission as one of the girls walked slowly behind me , instinctively I placed my arms and hands through the chair gap and gestured to her my admiration . In my mind I was inferior to her ,she was a confident superior queen full of mystery and I wanted to please her from that moment.
Deleted Member Posted September 28, 2020 Author Posted September 28, 2020 6 minutes ago, TAROTT said: Metal Thank you for your interest. I have a bright as day memory of being sat in class on those hard ply wood chairs which had a gap between the shoulder support and the seat base .The lunch break bell rings and the class starts to file out of the room . Suddenly I notice an intense feeling of submission as one of the girls walked slowly behind me , instinctively I placed my arms and hands through the chair gap and gestured to her my admiration . In my mind I was inferior to her ,she was a confident superior queen full of mystery and I wanted to please her from that moment. She sounds fabulous!!!
Deleted Member Posted September 28, 2020 Author Posted September 28, 2020 Hi Firewitch yes she was and she was cruel and would laugh at my efforts trying desperately to make conversation ( I loved her or so I thought at the time ) Intrigue emotions and a nice dizzy feeling went a long way in distracting me from the situation which was Marvellous. Where is she now ? ......on here? Oh please Lol
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