Readiness

[Koby]

How did you know you were ready to embrace this lifestyle? Was there a specific moment?

In in the sense of exploring this relationship in-person?

 

Did you experience any inner turmoil when transition from Fantasy ( initial exploration) to Reality?

 

what advice would you give someone who wants to transition from Fantasy to Reality?

, someone who desires to explore but lacks the practical experience?

 

 

[ey****]

for me... it kinda became something I talked about with my wife a lot after we'd been to a fetish club for the first time.  What we wanted, what we didn't want and how it grew organically from there.  That, obviously, communication is key.

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The biggest lesson always is that fantasy and reality differ wildly.  We see a lot on the surface where we're effectively sold fantasy, be it from media, porn, writings, so on - or from others versions of the truth that doesn't always tell the whole story.

So be prepared that a lot you thought was the reality, is just the fantasy.

[Koby]

2 hours ago, eyemblacksheep said:

The biggest lesson always is that fantasy and reality differ wildly.  We see a lot on the surface where we're effectively sold fantasy, be it from media, porn, writings, so on - or from others versions of the truth that doesn't always tell the whole story.

So be prepared that a lot you thought was the reality, is just the fantasy.

This bit is so pertinent for me. I sense individuals do not consider the emotional requirements it takes to be a Sub or Dom.

I guess the challenge is without prior experience how would we know how it feels to be *** (for example) when you are with a new partner?

[Dreamaway]

That comes from the respect you have for that partner Koby. Alas some people, both vanilla and kink, have no manners or social skills let alone the understanding that any successful relationship takes 2 people.

[Pl****]

Coming from the vanilla end of the spectrum, I think the best advice to rookies is that they don't have to jump off the deep end from the beginning. It's perfectly alright to take it slow and work up to where you each want to be. The only issue is finding a partner at your level, or willing to meet you there, which can be difficult depending on your tastes. 

The other point of advice is communication. Make sure you and your partner(s) are on the same page at every step. Build a foundation of understanding boundaries and consent right from the start. It's not always easy, but it's important. 

[Deleted Member]

For me i ***ked through the door a few times ovwr the course of a few years never really sure. Eventually to step right in but still a little unsure as to whether this was home. A wise member who I questioned about this said "if you don't fit in vanilla then you fit here" or words to that effect and that made so much sense, decision made.

No turmoil transitioning, once I'd tasted the truth of what I was as, is my way it was full steam ahead.

Advice? Baby steps, seek knowledge from others as you are right now. Accept errors will be made and embrace a willingness to understand them if you can. With exploration comes the experience and for me as time rolls by, that makes it so much easier to navigate my way around.

[Deleted Member]

Do you already have a partner with whom you're wanting to explore? If so, have you opened up and talked about your fantasies? Does she have an interest too? Listen to her fantasies...meeting hers first, may lead the way to your own, or they may already be included. Talk like there's no tomorrow; the more you tell and the more you listen, the better the development of both of you. Be safe, sane and consensual, in your operation...think about risk and don't do anything to anyone else, that you wouldn't like them to do to you.
If you're single and wanting to move from fantasy to reality, then read about what has teased you, and talk with others, about the reality. Read factual, technical titles from educators; non-fiction. When possible, attend munches to again discover further how people dealt with the same issues. Be honest with yourself and others with whom you make contact. It's not a good idea to be economical with the truth. You want to be trusted by someone with whom you wish to relate, so understand what others are seeking first. See if they match your interests. But, don't home in on the physical aspects, and never be selfish. As in any kind of relationship, minds need to be captivated, teased, encouraged and hooked. If words and mental interaction appear to blossom, then, as in other kinds of potential connections, you take the next little steps, carefully.

[Deleted Member]

I’m still not sure nearly 2 years after first turning fantasy into reality. I think it’s all too easy to get caught up in “the lifestyle” and other people’s take on what that means. It’s essential to look deep within at what you need, what you want. Be honest with yourself or you cannot be honest with others. You will enjoy the journey so much more if you’re open to it all. Because it’s not just about specific kinks or activities, it’s about what you need and what you can give. What you can create together.

[Ta****]

I dont remember when my moment of transition came.  If there was it didnt feel like it.

When it comes to my private life I never had much of a conscience, if any.