Past desires coming true

[sofeheart]

Hi 

I am not new to kink but since I was 18-21 I always had a thing for being very submissive and over those years of time I gradually grew into wanting to explore a lot more then just being a submissive and more extreme things as well. I always had wanted to try rope. I don't think I need to get into the details here but I just say I was highly kinky/fantasizing and never really fully got to play out my desires or fantasies except for some minor intstances.

JUMP  to now. So, last night I met someone on a date who happened to be the real dom type, not the type that switches, and he has had rope experience. It is something that as an 18-19 year old I would have died for over him, like really drool worthy. 

Now, as a 23 year old I have had a huge shift in my core beliefs, and although I think it would be supper neat to have a firm and stable dom/sub relation with him, I also feel like I might not be able to honor my current beliefs, and I might not be able to fulfill his desires because I also don't want to have oral sex, or anal, and as a submissive it seems that can be kinda agaisn't the typical norm? Like that is hard to do.

I am trying to understand how life is not always getting what you want and making scarifies, but I know I have low chances of finding another dom in my area who might have more similar core beliefs, the chance is next to zero. So I am really interested, but is it worth the conflict?.....

[Wo****]

Not every Dom wants oral sex, or anal sex. Is it something you don't want to do or you don't know how? Dont like it?
ANY D/s relationship depends on honest communication. Do you want a mono relationship or would you consider other partners? A poly Dom maybe?
Maybe have an idea of hard limits.. stuff you won't do, or don't wanna do and soft limits, stuff you'd try....
There ARE people out there that aren't bothered with oral or anal. Don't give up! X

[Deleted Member]

You’ve met someone, which is great. Now is the time to find out what you really want and don’t want. Kink shouldn’t be a checklist, but you’re correct that oral is the norm. I don’t think anal is quite the standard as many women are nervous of it. I’ve encountered one Dom who didn’t like anal out of dozens. But any man should respect your hard limits. I do think that soft limits (things you’re not sure about) can change for many people.

Have you asked this man? When you talk about core beliefs - can you give a little more detail so we can help?

[ey****]

4 hours ago, sofeheart said:

Now, as a 23 year old I have had a huge shift in my core beliefs, and although I think it would be supper neat to have a firm and stable dom/sub relation with him, I also feel like I might not be able to honor my current beliefs, and I might not be able to fulfill his desires because I also don't want to have oral sex, or anal, and as a submissive it seems that can be kinda agaisn't the typical norm? Like that is hard to do.

I think you have to ignore the "typical norm" because it's actually not all typical.

Converse with him. See what you'd both like out of the relationship.  Take things slow and in time.  Don't automatically assume he wants to do things you've not even discussed.

[Dreamaway]

No...you need to assess how badly you want something, don't bend over backwards to make someone else happy who may have no interest in reciprocating your efforts.

[Mo****]

Sofeheart, there is a lot of experimentation takes place in this lifestyle, and to be honest, you should be open to discussion regarding kinks.  The other thing that you should have is a willingness to explore, not only the kinks/fetishes but more importantly, yourself.  If there is a reason you don't want to do something such as a medical condition or as a result of *** of yourself in the past, then I and I am sure, ANY dominant would take that into account and would work with you on those issues i.e. leaving them out of the playbook, but if it is just because you don't want to, then I think you are cutting away possibilities of enjoyment until you try them.  If you have tried them and still don't like them, then they become limits.  It is true that there are dominants out there that are not into those kinks you mentioned so there is a possibility you may find someone else.

If the genepool is limited within your area, then girl, be honest and open with this dominant.  It at least gives him knowledge about you and what you are prepared to do.  What is the worst that can happen - he says no in that he wants oral and anal.  At least YOU know then if there is a connection.  The other thing that I want to say is build TRUST with this person, because if those topics are totally out of play, then you want to be sure that he is going to respect your desires and not try and *** you into something.

[ol****]

I once had a sub who would not have pentatrative sex at all.

I respected that. It's what works between you that counts not what you don't do or don't want to do.

[sofeheart]

Sorry it took a bit longer to reply then I wanted too...

I really appreciate the help and how nice everyone is on the topic here. Thankyou... I feel supported, I also got some nice PMs too about this. I enjoy reading different outlooks  and insights/experiences. I am someone who is trying to follow certain beleifs around karma and Buddhism, no killing, no stealing, no lying and no sexual misconduct... that is where there is conflict... although sexual misconduct, I can still have sex it just has to do with the proper time, place, body part...  also not cheating or ing, or taking someone else's prostitute. Proper time and place can easily be followed but the proper body part means no mouth, no anal is why I mention it.... 

I ended up going for him, I just need to try to be very firm with my hard limits... and because I am willing to do almost everything and anything else with him , and like others also mentioned I don't think it should matter...

 

 

 

[Mo****]

Sofeheart there is a lot in that second para that should have been in your original post, because it explains a whole lot more about your reasons.  Unfortunately, you are like a lot of others, in that you would like answers to something, but you fail to give us all the information.  None of us like giving skewed advice so when we make comment, there is always a degree of latitude for you to use to find what best suits you.

In view of what you have told me by way of your posts then all I can say is stick to your beliefs, be honest with prospective partners and hopefully you will find someone that suits you.  Enjoy what this kinky life brings your way dear girl.

Oh and I should add, any of us who have been around for a long time, ONLY want new devotees of this kinky life to go into things with their eyes open and armed with knowledge so that they can make decisions that they are comfortable with, and that those choices see you in a happy and safe environment.