Building a proper bond

[Deleted Member]

Im someone who thinks trust between master/and sub should have a bond built on trust and understanding. I would like to get everyones input on this due to the fact im working on a special project and i know it will be profitable greatly and this is a topic. That i would have a discussion on.

[Deleted Member]

I agree with this.  I am yet to find someone who wants to take time to build up trust and a bond. 

[qu****]

I must say I don't know why so many seem to think they can just jump into something,, ("Doms" in particular), trust and friendship must come first and possibly, dare I say, love, then gradually building up any play before more intense experiences, the same as with contracts if desired, from most I've spoken to it's usually a minimum of a year before something's decided

[Deleted Member]

Ikr so many ppl put a bad name on this life style. Ive been a dom since i was 15 so i know everything i need to know on being a Alpha dom

[Wo****]

2 hours ago, Lordofdesire1988 said:

Ikr so many ppl put a bad name on this life style. Ive been a dom since i was 15 so i know everything i need to know on being a Alpha dom

Everything?

[qu****]

Perhaps he meant just for his dynamic and lifestyle, of course you can always learn more 😁

[Deleted Member]

There is always knowledge to be larned but rn i kn a shit ton from my experience

[Deleted Member]

So many Doms ask me to meet for a "play". Firstly, i dont understand how a woman can allow a man she doesn't know to tie her up and tske a crop to her. I dont enjoy casual. I need a relationship and a lot of trust because wjen i giive my submission its complete

[ey****]

I feel context is everything.

We have ideas of what relationships and dynamics should look like - but the reality often can differ.

So.  The idea is nice - a Dominant and submissive who are in perfect harmony.  The submissive will always do what is asked (helped, a touch, that unreasonable requests would never be made) and, often, in many cases even have pre-empted the Dominants wants or needs.

And, of course, the submissive is in an enjoyable relationship. A want to please and do well, and also the security and encouragement from their Dominant.

This is something that obviously takes a lot of time to build up to properly.  And, some people just don't quite click like that.

-

Obviously there are those that want quick results and many aren't realistic.  You can't have this complete control/obedience/submission/etc from the word go.

-

But also, sometimes, it doesn't have to be like this.  

Some people have amazing relationships either short term or long term without needing to do that and it still being a total valid kink relationship.  

It's certainly down to individuals and what they want and would enjoy.  We put a lot of stake in certain relationships being the "only" way.  But, kink is certainly a spectrum. 

[He****]

I have only been in a Ddlg relationship for a short while. We have in that short while found a compatibility that I would have expected to take a lot longer. We actually just click,  we have the same sense of adventure and imagination. Our dirty thoughts bounce off each other, and because I'm sub and want to please I think of 100 different ways to do that. He appreciates my efforts and that makes me want to do more. We also have started to build a friendship based on other things outside of our play. I really like this man as a person, I now do trust him and he me. I don't believe he'd ever do anything to hurt me and I agreed to let him take me to my boundaries. I couldn't do that with just anyone. We communicate daily that keeps it real for me. So yes you do need to build up a trust in a dynamic like this. 

[Deleted Member]

5 hours ago, eyemblacksheep said:

 

Some people have amazing relationships either short term or long term without needing to do that and it still being a total valid kink relationship.  

 

Totally, if two people just click and both feel a bond of sorts, it's surprising how quickly things can develop.

[Deleted Member]

5 hours ago, Hels1920 said:

I have only been in a Ddlg relationship for a short while. We have in that short while found a compatibility that I would have expected to take a lot longer. We actually just click,  we have the same sense of adventure and imagination. Our dirty thoughts bounce off each other, and because I'm sub and want to please I think of 100 different ways to do that. He appreciates my efforts and that makes me want to do more. We also have started to build a friendship based on other things outside of our play. I really like this man as a person, I now do trust him and he me. I don't believe he'd ever do anything to hurt me and I agreed to let him take me to my boundaries. I couldn't do that with just anyone. We communicate daily that keeps it real for me. So yes you do need to build up a trust in a dynamic like this. 

It sounds wonderful & long may it continue!

[He****]

1 hour ago, Curvykate said:

It sounds wonderful & long may it continue!

Thanks and I hope so too

[ol****]

14 hours ago, Lordofdesire1988 said:

There is always knowledge to be larned but rn i kn a shit ton from my experience

Well, I suspect i'm a fair bit older than you and I'm still learning.

I'm also a little confused, in your opening post you seem to ask for input and then you seem to proceed to say you know everything you need to know? Maybe I'm reading it wrong?

[Phoenyx]

19 hours ago, Lordofdesire1988 said:

Ikr so many ppl put a bad name on this life style. Ive been a dom since i was 15 so i know everything i need to know on being a Alpha dom

Interesting.  I will grant you the fact, that you likely have a good handle on the basics.  But, from the way that you present yourself, I can tell that you still have a lot to learn.

[VoyagerX]

22 hours ago, Hels1920 said:

I have only been in a Ddlg relationship for a short while. We have in that short while found a compatibility that I would have expected to take a lot longer. We actually just click,  we have the same sense of adventure and imagination. Our dirty thoughts bounce off each other, and because I'm sub and want to please I think of 100 different ways to do that. He appreciates my efforts and that makes me want to do more. We also have started to build a friendship based on other things outside of our play. I really like this man as a person, I now do trust him and he me. I don't believe he'd ever do anything to hurt me and I agreed to let him take me to my boundaries. I couldn't do that with just anyone. We communicate daily that keeps it real for me. So yes you do need to build up a trust in a dynamic like this. 

Well said.

[VoyagerX]

Connection can be instant.

But trust is everything.

Trust is fragile.

You better look after it 

Trust, when it's broken 

Will leave you just as damaged

As it is.

 

 

[VoyagerX]

On 11/6/2020 at 10:14 PM, Bounty said:

Everything?

Alpha dom?

With a little d?

Satire at his best surely???

You can't learn how to be Alpha.

You either are or you're not.

And even if you are 

That crown will be taken from you.

It's the way of things.

 

 

 

 

 

 

[LazyPirate]

On 11/6/2020 at 7:44 PM, Lordofdesire1988 said:

Ikr so many ppl put a bad name on this life style. Ive been a dom since i was 15 so i know everything i need to know on being a Alpha dom

‘I know everything about x’ I find somewhat blasé as a statement. You can absolutely know a lot of things about a certain area but to claim everything is very bold and suggests you may disregard certain aspects if a submissive has an issue or not be prepared to listen to advice from others.

[Nylon-Nellie]

10 hours ago, VoyagerX said:

Connection can be instant.

But trust is everything.

Trust is fragile.

You better look after it 

Trust, when it's broken 

Will leave you just as damaged

As it is.

 

 

Absolutely love love this.

Person first, kink second for me. Trust needs to be earn't from me, it is something that is not freely given. Yet, it can be taken away at a moments notice. There needs to be that bond between two people, that connects them to the D/s relationship.

Isn't every day meant to be a school day, irrelevant of how long you have been a Alpha Male (17 yrs)? 

[Carnelian2]

Like so many things, knowing stuff helps. I am great at salsa 💃🏽 and know all the moves, but have no ear for music 🎶
Humility goes a long way. I have a natural scepticism for those that call themselves “Alphas” as you might find them running for cover when things don’t go as per script

[VoyagerX]

On 11/8/2020 at 9:21 PM, Carnelian2 said:

Like so many things, knowing stuff helps. I am great at salsa 💃🏽 and know all the moves, but have no ear for music 🎶
Humility goes a long way. I have a natural scepticism for those that call themselves “Alphas” as you might find them running for cover when things don’t go as per script

🤣😂🤣😂🤣😂🤣

How true!

[VoyagerX]

On 11/8/2020 at 12:33 PM, Nylon-Nellie said:

Absolutely love love this.

Person first, kink second for me. Trust needs to be earn't from me, it is something that is not freely given. Yet, it can be taken away at a moments notice. There needs to be that bond between two people, that connects them to the D/s relationship.

Isn't every day meant to be a school day, irrelevant of how long you have been a Alpha Male (17 yrs)? 

Thank you.

I tend to give trust freely.

Give them rope.

And then see what they do with it.

 

 

[Deleted Member]

3 hours ago, VoyagerX said:

Thank you.

I tend to give trust freely.

Give them rope.

And then see what they do with it.

 

 

Same and it generally works, only downside is how much one invests before trust is proven, it can come back and bite, for me anyway.

[VoyagerX]

6 hours ago, Donnykinkster said:

Same and it generally works, only downside is how much one invests before trust is proven, it can come back and bite, for me anyway.

It's the same for me.  When you observe what some people do with your trust it can be terribly disappointing.