Qu**** Posted December 2, 2020 Posted December 2, 2020 You can go much further with *** that you both enjoy if you don’t make her safeword. For me, a safeword is exactly that. For safety. I consider it much more skilful to push a sub beyond her limits without her safewording. It requires reading the sub intimately, but after all isn’t that what bdsm is about? The deeper level of intimacy that comes with the absolute honesty and trust required to play.
ol**** Posted December 2, 2020 Posted December 2, 2020 Sorry to all the "pusher" Doms. Can't agree. I consider the use of a safeword as my "fail". Also if you know the limits then you know the limits (and you should know the limits before you begin). If your sub changes the limits next time then fine. Pushing past the limit is a no-no for me. I do agree that over time you can build up and that a limit can move but that takes mutual consent and is best not done in the heat of the moment.
ca**** Posted December 2, 2020 Posted December 2, 2020 A good topic as it is always interesting to see / hear how and that other people can see and think things differently.. even if you dont agree yourself. My perspective on it is that 'surely' it comes down to communication and discussion... after all without that there would be no scenario or safe word in the first place ?? Then if / when the safe word(s) (system whatever is used) is agreed - it has been agreed for a purpose..... ?? And a safe word is a form of communication. So for me if it means stop it means stop... it isnt ambiguous in any way. The idea of going past or beyond a safe word kind of negates the point of having it in the first place........ hence where people who see this differently will air their views i expect.
SammyB Posted December 2, 2020 Author Posted December 2, 2020 3 minutes ago, callipygian said: A good topic as it is always interesting to see / hear how and that other people can see and think things differently.. even if you dont agree yourself. My perspective on it is that 'surely' it comes down to communication and discussion... after all without that there would be no scenario or safe word in the first place ?? Then if / when the safe word(s) (system whatever is used) is agreed - it has been agreed for a purpose..... ?? And a safe word is a form of communication. So for me if it means stop it means stop... it isnt ambiguous in any way. The idea of going past or beyond a safe word kind of negates the point of having it in the first place........ hence where people who see this differently will air their views i expect. Thanks for taking the time to respond I agree I find it fascinating to see such differing opinions that’s the joy of this community , it’s there for someone to enjoy n interact in no matter what your preferences are Sx
RkyMtnMister Posted December 2, 2020 Posted December 2, 2020 Well great question. I especially appreciate it as I am new an looking to see how approach scenes, I lean toward the grow gradually than to get to the safe word every session. To me it allows each of us to stretch a bit each time and would to me invigorate excitement for the next experience rather than debate on how long it would take to get to that tap out. but great question thanks for asking and thanks to all replies, it has helped me
SammyB Posted December 2, 2020 Author Posted December 2, 2020 8 minutes ago, RkyMtnMister said: Well great question. I especially appreciate it as I am new an looking to see how approach scenes, I lean toward the grow gradually than to get to the safe word every session. To me it allows each of us to stretch a bit each time and would to me invigorate excitement for the next experience rather than debate on how long it would take to get to that tap out. but great question thanks for asking and thanks to all replies, it has helped me It’s always good to find a topic that makes us question how we do things and why we do things Self reflection is huge part of this lifestyle wishing you lots of fun and frolics as you continue your journey Sx
E-dUbBs Posted December 2, 2020 Posted December 2, 2020 In my view a red signal or equivalent is an error on my part unless it’s been agreed with that in the session it’s requested that this happen I do however healthily use amber and if gagged I will use a tap or a head shake as an amber signal I use amber as a something isn’t quite right/needs changing signal etc So if it’s used when gagged my first action is to remove the gag I’m always inclined to fall on the side of caution tho and I err others to do the same
E-dUbBs Posted December 2, 2020 Posted December 2, 2020 1 minute ago, E-dUbBs said: In my view a red signal or equivalent is an error on my part unless it’s been agreed with that in the session it’s requested that this happen I do however healthily use amber and if gagged I will use a tap or a head shake as an amber signal I use amber as a something isn’t quite right/needs changing signal etc So if it’s used when gagged my first action is to remove the gag I’m always inclined to fall on the side of caution tho and I err others to do the same Just to clarify as the Dom in the situation Just realized that wasn’t exactly made clear necessarily
SammyB Posted December 2, 2020 Author Posted December 2, 2020 16 minutes ago, E-dUbBs said: In my view a red signal or equivalent is an error on my part unless it’s been agreed with that in the session it’s requested that this happen I do however healthily use amber and if gagged I will use a tap or a head shake as an amber signal I use amber as a something isn’t quite right/needs changing signal etc So if it’s used when gagged my first action is to remove the gag I’m always inclined to fall on the side of caution tho and I err others to do the same Thanks for sharing Sx
Deleted Member Posted December 2, 2020 Posted December 2, 2020 Everything is dependant on negotiation!!. I will happily push to a RED and and well an Amber is just pure joy. But saying I always push to a “to a hard stop” is just plain irresponsible. But hey we all have different views. A blanket view is narrow and single tracked everyone is different and has a different need. But let’s not forget safe words are not all about ***!!
SammyB Posted December 2, 2020 Author Posted December 2, 2020 6 minutes ago, MrCopolo said: Everything is dependant on negotiation!!. I will happily push to a RED and and well an Amber is just pure joy. But saying I always push to a “to a hard stop” is just plain irresponsible. But hey we all have different views. A blanket view is narrow and single tracked everyone is different and has a different need. But let’s not forget safe words are not all about ***!! Evening MrC as ever you always offer wise words and of course thanks for the reminder that safe words are not just for *** The common theme across the replies is as you put it a blanket approach does not fit all Sx
Deleted Member Posted December 3, 2020 Posted December 3, 2020 I have always used safe words with my subs during play , these were discussed when we began talking. She needs to know that she is safe in any play scene , either saying the said word
Su**** Posted December 4, 2020 Posted December 4, 2020 Personally I’ve never ‘said’ the safe word, as I’d see that as submitting, which then could lead to actual ***. But if I knew the Dom enjoyed hearing the safe word and knowing I’ve summited then I’d say it, because I enjoy know they are enjoying my suffering. Ultimately down to discussion between both parties. But you can say the safe word when ever you like!!
Recommended Posts