Munch Notes/Agenda – The Four Pillars in BDSM – 10th September 2020

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All creative attributes to @little_dark_princess @PixieDust

 

Host: @little_dark_princess

Content Contributor:  @PixieDust

The Four Pillars of BDSM.

 

Does anyone know what the 4 Pillars are and what they represent?

• Trust
• Respect
• Honesty
• Communication

 

Why are there 4 Pillars?  Is this our Foundation for where BDSM starts and ends?

 

Let’s look at each Pillar individually with the first one being Trust;  How important is it to trust in BDSM?

• What do you gain from trusting someone?
• When trust is lost how do you get it back? Can you get it back?

 

Moving on to Respect.  What does Respect mean in BDSM?

• How do you gain Respect in a BDSM relationship?
• Without Respect are you able to maintain a good BDSM relationship?
• We are seeing more and more disrespect in BDSM, do you feel people need to go back to the basics and learn what it means to be respectful?
• What happens when Respect is lost? Can you move forward?

 

Our next Pillar is Honesty.  How important is Honesty in a BDSM Dynamic?

• What if all parties are not honest, what problems can you see arising?
• How do you know your partner is being Honest, does your Trust of them come into it?

 

Our final pillar is Communication, again asking the same question how important is Communication in BDSM?

• Without clear and honest communication what problems can this cause?
• If your partner’s communication is not clear how do you address this with them?

 

The 4 Pillars we have discussed so far are what some might consider as “Old Guard/Old School” however there is also another train of thought which was first identified by author “LT Morrison” in his book “Devil in the Details”.  His ideology was that for the 4 pillars to exist/endure in an intimate sense they require support and can be measured by the health of the Pillars by looking at the following “Intimacy, Affection, Communication/Honesty and Sex”

 

With this in mind, how important is the health of a BDSM Dynamic?

 

How often do you look at the Intimacy and Affection in your BDSM Dynamic?

 

How would you explain Intimacy and Affection to a newbie just entering into a BDSM Dynamic?

 

We have already discussed the need for Communication and Honesty but what about Sex, how important is Sex to a BDSM Dynamic? Does there need to be Sex in a BDSM Dynamic?

 

What are some examples of a BDSM Dynamic where sexual intercourse is not part of the whole Dynamic?

• Dommes for example will sometimes play with their subs but not necessarily have sex with them
• Sapio-sexuals will often enjoy the mental connection without the need for the sexual intercourse
• Play sessions where it’s purely about play and the various senses of touch

 

Now that we know what the 4 Pillars represent and the additional ideas that their health also needs to be supported, how important are they in starting out and continuing in our BDSM journey?

 

Can a BDSM Dynamic survive on only one or two of the pillars or does it have to be or four?

 

How important is it keep in touch with your 4 Pillars, should they be your gospel?

 

Any final thoughts on the topic?