I know it's fetish.com but

[ey****]

8 minutes ago, TheReadingPuppy said:

I've spent years looking , reading forums , websites , all the same = no Mistresses.  Yet im a genuine submissive as genuine as the air you breathe.

sadly, there isn't a one-stop solution.  A frustration I've had is that those whom I do have a good connection with do not live locally - so arranging time and expense to meet is a stumbling block.  

 

[Deleted Member]

On 20/02/2018 at 4:01 PM, kitty_clydesdale said:

Hiya! How would you actually make the site less sexual but still about fetish, especially for those of us who are not (only) looking for sex?

I can think of a couple more questions, like: What info would you like to see and share on your profile? What options are missing in the "looking for" box? Also, some hints on the kind of content we'd like to read more of in the magazine, or even any new features or community games...

What do you think?

hi, i wouldn't change it, i just stopped using it as it's not suitable for me and am fine with that. hid my pics to lessen any interest i was getting and that seems to have worked.
if the site is working for the majority of people then obviously there's no need for it to change.

it's not just this site where i find interest is purely sexual, so i was just wondering how others felt about it and asked here because of the sites forums. if i wanted just sexual stuff i could get that anywhere, i do find it strange that all medias (which give the opportunity to be more social) seem to revolve around sex. even the guys i enjoy chatting to end up just on about sex eventually, even if their conversation doesn't start off like that. i just miss socialising with people who may have the same interests as me.

but someone pointed out the chat room on here isn't like that, i'll probably give them a try. and community games sounds fun, i used to be on omgpop and enjoyed a lot of socialising there (the site shut down years ago).

Edited February 22, 2018 by Deleted Member

[Sable-6916]

Hi, I’m new here.

Having scrolled down a bit, I would say most of you guys appear almost desperate for a Mistress . 

Yes, aren’t we all!?

But as a bit of free advice I would suggest 

1) lifting yourself above your beeds and into Hers - work out what you can give Her and propose it politely. Eg - fine dining, Pol Roger, , Princess attention, unique evening of chat and getting to know each other whilst Asking for, nor promising anything . Just spoil Her , listen and be grateful for Her audience

2)offering such an evening to Her (whilst agreeing She may bring a chaperone of Her choice). Then let things roll as Y/you both feel comfortable to do

3)At no time pressurise Her, never forget your manners and remember your place. Feel relaxed  and open but show that you are not a Loony!

 

 

[Deleted Member]

On 20/02/2018 at 7:10 PM, TheReadingPuppy said:

Well then in that case this website is pointless.  Im here to find a lifestyle Domme/partner.  If there's none here it's goodbye. 

something to consider is not all dominants are sexually compatible with all submissives.

i'm more looking for a submissive guy who gets off on his partner getting off and let's me be in control of that (i think the term is lady pleaser?) i'd obviously want him to enjoy being with me but his thing would be pleasing me so we'd both enjoy the same thing there, i've been in a long term relation such as this perviously and know it's what i'd love again.

but mostly i am approached by guys who want a mistress who gets off on pleasing a guy, like she would enjoy tying him up and teasing him and it's all about his maximum pleasure but nothing is more unappealing to me. the last 'submissive' guy i met actually was trying to control me physically to do what he wanted, and even though did it quite subtly this did not go down well as you can imagine. it's good to not waste your time with incompatible people i guess, at least if they are honest from the start.

i don't mind talking about sex but think i just get sick of being seen as only a piece of meat everywhere online.

anyway i gave the chat room a ten minute  nosey and it seems alright, when i'm not tired i think i'll join in.
 

[ey****]

28 minutes ago, 712i said:

i am approached by guys who want a mistress who gets off on pleasing a guy, like she would enjoy tying him up and teasing him and it's all about his maximum pleasure but nothing is more unappealing to me. the last 'submissive' guy i met actually was trying to control me physically to do what he wanted, and even though did it quite subtly this did not go down well as you can imagine.
 

yeah, there's a lot of sub guys rife for topping-from-the-bottom either directly or indirectly - a lot also put their wants/fetishes ahead of those of prospective Mistresses.  

If you're not finding a Mistress, the first step is to look at how you can improve their life, not how they can improve yours.  And, well, how you can *actually* improve things, rather than the lazy and incompetent "whatever Mistress wants" 

[Deleted Member]

3 minutes ago, eyemblacksheep said:

yeah, there's a lot of sub guys rife for topping-from-the-bottom either directly or indirectly - a lot also put their wants/fetishes ahead of those of prospective Mistresses.  

If you're not finding a Mistress, the first step is to look at how you can improve their life, not how they can improve yours.  And, well, how you can *actually* improve things, rather than the lazy and incompetent "whatever Mistress wants" 

i completely forgot about those terms, top and bottom, thank you. that is exactly what i meant and i did feel like he was trying to be the dominant one but in a lazy way that benefitted him.

 

i think it will be hard for guys to find a mistress because not only does the demand definitely outstrip the supply, but also many of us are wary of 'submissive' guys because of what's just been said here.

 

 

[ey****]

15 minutes ago, 712i said:

i completely forgot about those terms, top and bottom, thank you. that is exactly what i meant and i did feel like he was trying to be the dominant one but in a lazy way that benefitted him.

 

i think it will be hard for guys to find a mistress because not only does the demand definitely outstrip the supply, but also many of us are wary of 'submissive' guys because of what's just been said here.

 

 

Yeah, topping-from-the-bottom, "I am looking for a Mistress to do all my fetishes for me" - so what does She get out of it?!

Supply and demand - I think is closer than people think.   Two friends of mine were looking for subs. One is still looking, some of the responses they got were, well, awful.   But obviously, there is at least a seeming gap and guys don't seem to put in the effort to stand out.  Especially, like you say, most Dominant women are aware and sceptical - so - "I'll do anything" isn't going to cut it, nor is "here all the fetishes I want you to do to me"

[Deleted Member]

yeah that's true, i've struggled for several years now. i'm happy single so it doesn't matter too much, just would've been nice to find someone.

[Carnelian2]

8 hours ago, 712i said:

i completely forgot about those terms, top and bottom, thank you. that is exactly what i meant and i did feel like he was trying to be the dominant one but in a lazy way that benefitted him.

 

i think it will be hard for guys to find a mistress because not only does the demand definitely outstrip the supply, but also many of us are wary of 'submissive' guys because of what's just been said here.

 

 

I am popping in and out of this conversation. I find it really interesting. In the end, we have drawn a short straw to have D/s dynamic on top of finding that special someone. Yes, I can see the point from the perspective of someone who s curious to try out kinks. You might be happily single. I have had two long happy vanilla marriages that, at least the last one, seemed to work without too much overt conflict caused by my D/s orientation. Having said that, there was a psychological aspect, which I only realised later, so maybe that was what made it happen.

The point is; our D/s orientation may be focused on sex on the surface, but there is still the balance of a healthy relationship to be struck 

[Deleted Member]

13 hours ago, Carnelian2 said:

I am popping in and out of this conversation. I find it really interesting. In the end, we have drawn a short straw to have D/s dynamic on top of finding that special someone. Yes, I can see the point from the perspective of someone who s curious to try out kinks. You might be happily single. I have had two long happy vanilla marriages that, at least the last one, seemed to work without too much overt conflict caused by my D/s orientation. Having said that, there was a psychological aspect, which I only realised later, so maybe that was what made it happen.

The point is; our D/s orientation may be focused on sex on the surface, but there is still the balance of a healthy relationship to be struck 

i think even for something vanilla the emphasis on sex was bothering me also, it is just literally everywhere people treat you like you only exist for sex. even on another site i was discussing wanting a submissive partner  (not meaning just for sex, or even sexually at all) and people only picked up on the sex side of this. porn maybe has a lot to answer for in that respect?

but yes i'm happy to remain single until i find someone right for me.

[Carnelian2]

It is interesting how peoples’ perceptions change when online compared to real life. There is still some way to go, and somehow I do not think the two will ever be on par, but they serve a purpose nevertheless. I do not get inundated with messages from females offering themselves to me, but, well, what can I say? 😊

[fr****]

It could be you aren't talking to the right people either. lol 

[Deleted Member]

2 hours ago, frazza598 said:

It could be you aren't talking to the right people either. lol 

yeah true. it's been a while since i felt like talking to anyone really. i think i needed a break from the wrong people for me and to find somewhere safer to reach out again. these forums have made me feel safe, and i don't feel so nervous to talk to people now.

[Deleted Member]

2 hours ago, Carnelian2 said:

It is interesting how peoples’ perceptions change when online compared to real life. There is still some way to go, and somehow I do not think the two will ever be on par, but they serve a purpose nevertheless. I do not get inundated with messages from females offering themselves to me, but, well, what can I say? 😊

 

i honestly don't think you'd enjoy being treated like a piece of meat but you never know. :-D

yeah i was happy to go for more shallow stuff for a while, just feel an urge for something more again and maybe lost my way on where and how to find it.

[TheReadingPuppy]

I think this site is a waste of time. I'm not even seeing barely any Mistresses on here , and those that are a long way away or looking for ***. 

[ey****]

12 hours ago, Carnelian2 said:

 I do not get inundated with messages from females offering themselves to me, but, well, what can I say? 😊

Most guys don't .  Some might moan about that, but, it does mean that when you are messaged you know it's someone genuinely interested.  (Providing, of course, it's not a bot or sellers account)

Guys might say, "But I only message people I'm genuinely interested in" - there is a little problem that the person you are messaging has probably had a whole bunch of copy-paste crap and you've got to stand out above that.  So, I have messaged some people and got no response - so either they weren't interested, I didn't stand out, whatever.

[ey****]

1 hour ago, TheReadingPuppy said:

I think this site is a waste of time. I'm not even seeing barely any Mistresses on here , and those that are a long way away or looking for ***. 

It may well be a waste of *your* time if you're not getting what you want and not finding ways to enrich to get what you want.

[Carnelian2]

6 hours ago, eyemblacksheep said:

Most guys don't .  Some might moan about that, but, it does mean that when you are messaged you know it's someone genuinely interested.  (Providing, of course, it's not a bot or sellers account)

Guys might say, "But I only message people I'm genuinely interested in" - there is a little problem that the person you are messaging has probably had a whole bunch of copy-paste crap and you've got to stand out above that.  So, I have messaged some people and got no response - so either they weren't interested, I didn't stand out, whatever.

I am not too bothered. All in good time, as they say...

[Deleted Member]

10 hours ago, TheReadingPuppy said:

I think this site is a waste of time. I'm not even seeing barely any Mistresses on here , and those that are a long way away or looking for ***. 

it might be, i find taking a break helps, and just finding the right people to connect with can too.

[TheReadingPuppy]

Life is one big break. Where are the Dommes? 

[Carnelian2]

1 hour ago, TheReadingPuppy said:

Life is one big break. Where are the Dommes? 

Maybe you could put a bit more about yourself in your profile. I have read it, and it appears to only state what you want to receive in terms of D/s but nothing of what you have to offer a Domme.

Normal things that sophisticated ladies like; courtesy, opening doors, complements, pulling the chair out for her at a nice restaurant...

[SmoothWetFaggot]

I am "guilty" of the sex focused aspect of submission.

Any other form for me is trivial. "Wash my dishes bitch"..."Ok Sir". "Lick my shitty toilet"..."Fuck off".

A sub with a mind of his own. There's a thing. For me there's a wide line between submission and being pathetic.

Do doms get off on subjugating the pathetic? Seems lazy to me. I don't know how your minds work. Breaking the will of a reluctant sexual conquest is what I need. It's my fetish.

Sexual submission is for me the most visceral intimate form of submission. It goes further than your dishes being clean. Your body is within mine.

Google; Fetish...a form of sexual desire.

Ergo, if it's not a sexual desire it's not a fetish. It's a hobby.

Or a hubby, for you poor married guys that have to wash the dishes. Or worse.

;-)

[Charms]

i love this site. yes it can be about sex but not always you have to weed out the 1s who are just after sex an 1s who have kink. you get people on dating sites just wanting sex as well it happens every were. there are doms out there you just have to find the right one. iv come across more dom males then i have females. but the same amount of dub men and women. i actually joined this site to actually just make freinds as i already had a dom. the one thing i like about this place is its not just full of bdsm people but people with all sorts of kinks. iv made some great freinds who are not like me but are awesome

[Carnelian2]

6 hours ago, SmoothWetFaggot said:

I am "guilty" of the sex focused aspect of submission.

Any other form for me is trivial. "Wash my dishes bitch"..."Ok Sir". "Lick my shitty toilet"..."Fuck off".

A sub with a mind of his own. There's a thing. For me there's a wide line between submission and being pathetic.

Do doms get off on subjugating the pathetic? Seems lazy to me. I don't know how your minds work. Breaking the will of a reluctant sexual conquest is what I need. It's my fetish.

Sexual submission is for me the most visceral intimate form of submission. It goes further than your dishes being clean. Your body is within mine.

Google; Fetish...a form of sexual desire.

Ergo, if it's not a sexual desire it's not a fetish. It's a hobby.

Or a hubby, for you poor married guys that have to wash the dishes. Or worse.

;-)

I am not sure what you are trying to say. A D/s relationship is about mutual respect and not one party getting off at the expense of the other. Give and take, regardless of role

[ey****]

yeah, I think there's some contradiction there.

D/s usually has a form of sexual element to it.  But, a lot of guys whom might say they're sub are actually not, and not into D/s, they want to live their lives generally normally - but then when it's bed time they might want some light restraints and woman on top.  There's actually nothing wrong with that, at all - and I'm not trying to imply there is.  But, well, it's more Plenty of Fish than Fetish/Fetlife/etc.

The useless/pathetic/loser sub kind of thing is a bit of an awful trope.  Subs aren't losers.  Perhaps in a scene they might be told they are.  Perhaps in a clip they might be presented as one "Harsh Mistress whips useless slave into shape" - but, nobody wants to be served by someone useless?  That doesn't make sense!  Subs are generally useful to their Dominants.  I've found "what this means" can differ between M/f, F/m, M/m, F/f, then further combinations when you add in other genders (or roles - i.e. pet play or age play).  

And of course, there has to be value the sub feels for being useful.  

If we use the lick the toilet clean example from above.  That's something that on the surface doesn't have any use.  I mean, a bit bleach and a toilet brush is much more effective.  (Ditto for "lick my boots clean" - what, that doesn't clean them, it just adds germs...) But sometimes that can be about the power dynamic and that's something one or both can find sexual.

I doubt I'd get off licking a toilet clean (but, I'd do it for the right person - which, is, like, about 2 or 3 people) but I know those who would. And I know those where I'd get off having them lick my toilet clean.

But, it's kinda derailing.  Some of this is a bit more in depth than what I guess the OP is saying most guys seem to be looking for, which is also something I've often found.

And that, in itself, is a reason why a lot of Dommes/Mistresses stoke a low profile on sites like this one.  "I wanna  be u r sub. I wil lik u r pussy and do all my fetishes" - will you now? Nope...