I know it's fetish.com but

[Deleted Member]

i'm not after hook ups, have no interest in pathetic men (but my idea of pathetic may be different to yours), and would like to expand my socialising. @SmoothWetFaggot  i'd also like a relationship but not too fussed if that happens or not at this time, i do think my profile reflects all of this.

this forums seemed like a good place to vent my disappointment because i particularly have an interest in submissive men and was missing the kink scene in general, so i did it here. that's basically it really.

i do know what fetish is, i just did not expect my experience on here to be men only wanting their fetishes fulfilled (don't know why not because every other site is pretty much the same and i left most of those because of it).

i even get that a lot of men do not understand women who sexualise themselves, they think we exist only to fulfil a guys sexual needs, they often sexualise us for not much reason at all when we are not sexualising ourselves, i do know my appearance attracts many types of fetishists and can only blame myself for that.

i guess my attitude is i am into fetish but my whole life doesn't revolve around it and i'm not obsessed with getting my sexual needs fulfilled but neither am i here for everyone who wants that. i just got sick of being treated like a piece of meat, nobody is empowering me or elevating me to a dominant status when they treat me this way. and even if i wasn't dominant it's just disrespectful to anyone to treat them like this (unless they express that is what they want, which i never have).

Edited February 26, 2018 by Deleted Member

[ey****]

I totally hear you - and join your frustration.

 

Again, going back to one of my aforementioned friends.

 

She once lost her temper on a thread that was "where are all the Dommes?" basically along the lines of "we're right here" - but then turned into a "where, exactly, are all the subs?" referring that the majority of men weren't actually subs, or submissives, just interested in kinky sex.  Finding everything they could to blame their lack of it rather than their own approaches.

[TheReadingPuppy]

I never even considered sex. All i  know is I'm looking for a genuine lifestyle D/s relationship but cannot find any Mistresses! 

[Deleted Member]

46 minutes ago, eyemblacksheep said:

I totally hear you - and join your frustration.

 

Again, going back to one of my aforementioned friends.

 

She once lost her temper on a thread that was "where are all the Dommes?" basically along the lines of "we're right here" - but then turned into a "where, exactly, are all the subs?" referring that the majority of men weren't actually subs, or submissives, just interested in kinky sex.  Finding everything they could to blame their lack of it rather than their own approaches.

thank you, and to everyone else who acknowledges this. i did notice your support earlier but i'm not used to these forums yet so finding replying to everything a bit daunting. i even noticed this morning i missed some previous replies and only saw these because someone else had quoted them.

 

you're right that is how i feel, and i'm not stupid, have been around a bit, and i know words literally mean nothing. i do overthink things sometimes as well but that's the general vibe i get from a lot of guys because they are blatant about it (which is good, i know from the start we are not compatible), then like the guy i met he was just good at knowing how to get what he wanted by using words (which is why i overthink) but he didn't get what he wanted because i'm not a pushover like he thought i was.

 

and that topic sounds fun, i'll try and search that and have a read.

Edited February 26, 2018 by Deleted Member

[Deleted Member]

7 minutes ago, TheReadingPuppy said:

I never even considered sex. All i  know is I'm looking for a genuine lifestyle D/s relationship but cannot find any Mistresses! 

your profile doesn't come off as overly sexual no, the part you had to write yourself. and as a generalisation of all profiles i do know this site has sections that make it easy to fill in your fetish needs and that and don't class this as a problem if there is additional info on the profile either.

 

there are several things that put me off your profile, they aren't offensive but i feel like you're not really selling yourself. even if you sent me a polite message it's unlikely i would reply because there's nothing there to know if we were compatible, as friends or otherwise.

 

[TheReadingPuppy]

I'll change it later then but I dont put private information about me on the Internet.  

[Deleted Member]

1 minute ago, TheReadingPuppy said:

I'll change it later then but I dont put private information about me on the Internet.  

you don't have to change it but i feel that is why you're not having any success at all.

 

the only guy i have replied to this week (well past 9 months, lol) has 6 lines for his profile but in them was a little humour and it was clear enough for me to be able to probe a little deeper into what he wanted exactly. little things like that do make men seem more approachable. and the conversation continued in the same way, fun and interesting, which is what i was hoping for.

 

[TheReadingPuppy]

So what am I supposed to say? I'm looking  for a partner for  D/s relationship . Can't make it anymore clearer than that

[Deleted Member]

2 minutes ago, TheReadingPuppy said:

So what am I supposed to say? I'm looking  for a partner for  D/s relationship . Can't make it anymore clearer than that

i think you should decide what is on your profile, it's supposed to represent you. so take or leave my advice, it won't bother me if you ignore it.

you could try and elaborate on things that you think will make you appealing to who you are seeking. like the seeking someone similar isn't too clear because vanilla interests is pretty vague.

[Carnelian2]

It is difficult finding out what to put in a profile, as it is in effect a sales job. To write succinctly enough for someone to gauge enough interest in who you are and what you have to offer. 

My profile has been re-written three to four times and is probably not perfect, but then I am not here for any short-term relationships and avoid people with a status other than single. Age for me, is less of an issue, as someone a lot younger than me pointed that out very pointedly.

i think you have got some good feedback from your target audience, maybe not totally representative, but still...

[ey****]

an ancedote.

There's a few Mistresses I have a good relationship with.  One whom I'm quite close with, neither of us were particularly looking.

We'd played together at an event. She liked my attitude and humility, that I wanted to be useful and wanted to be helpful and was respectful, which some of the other guys were not.

Anyway. Afterwards, I felt on cloud 9 - and it was Her birthday coming up, She'd posted on Twitter about a pair of boots She'd fallen in love with and they were, like, £30.

So, I get them for Her as a birthday and thank You present - and She was so made up, because a lot of people don't bother, they just get their kink and leave.

So, W/we ended up meeting again and again - and two years later...

I do buy Her the odd gift now and then - especially birthdays and Christmas - and - if anyone is dismissing this as "Findom" - well - you'd buy a wife or girlfriend gifts, no?!

I'm keeping this short because, well, it's 2 years.  It's not a formal D/s relationship, but it as a relationship of sorts.  I serve Her regularly, but also others - but likewise, in terms of people who are a priority to Her, I'll be on the list but, y'know, I don't expect to be high.  Her own romantic partner and owned slaves should be ahead of me.

And, perhaps that's why it's become what it is. Because my aims are around Her needs.

Which basically started with a thank you gift and staying in touch.

[ey****]

I remember, I was at a Femdom event - and I started to get really annoyed.  I was sitting with my wife and also a Mistress I regularly serve. (Not as awkward as it sounds) and there were guys walking up to one or both of them pestering for play.

There were very little in the ways of thank you, a lot of expectancies they would play or do something.  And I think I said, particularly to my Mistress whom is fairly well known, "You should grant it, if they can tell You Your name..." such entitlement.

And, one of the guys, I knew - and I remember talking to him later about this amazing beautiful Woman he did trampling with.

Did you get Her name? I asked.

"Umm... no"

So you thought She was beautiful and amazing but you didn't even ask Her name... 

I mean, come on guys.

[ey****]

Profiles can be a *** in the arse.  I did start a blog on profile pitfalls but it's nowhere near finished.  

Though of course does come with also an acknowledgement mine is barely perfect.  But still.  

Some brief bits.  Having a profile face picture is a massive advantage, but appreciate not everyone is comfortable with this.  But if you're not, why not?  Anyone on this site who might recognise you is here for the same reasons.  Not that that necessarily means you have to.

What you are seeking is obviously important, but, what you can offer is also what makes you appealing.  I can probably improve my own profile on this regard.  But, of course, trying to avoid tropes and cliches.  

But also, what you believe your submission/devotion/etc looks like.  Because, I've seen lots of different D/s relationships.  Do you want something purely D/s? (which I believe you do) one Mistress one sub, or are you happy to be part of a stable of subs that each help to improve Her life?   Local or are you willing to travel? If you're willing to travel "for the right person" then what does the right person look like? (Characteristics, rather than appearance)

Tell us who you are, not what you want.  Be honest.

You don't have to give away too much in the terms of private or personal information, but I know for example you've said on another thread you've been to a lot of clubs/munches/events so a reflection on that.

(although this is a reply to one person, this kinda vibe may help anyone wanting to spice up their profile)

Next of course is thinking why someone would be on your profile.  I imagine most of my visitors are in relation to something I've said on a forum (either "this guy seems interesting, let's find out more" or "who the fuck is this dick?"  try to aim more in the former category)

Be slightly aware of the breadcrumbs trail in what you say on forums.  It's always best to come across eager to explore than bitter things aren't working out.  Even if it can get frustrating some days...

[Deleted Member]

yeah it's hard doing a profile, i often change or add to mine because what i want changes all the time as well so even if you feel like you've done a good one you might have to change it for that reason.

[Ga****]

I practice Self-Flagellation using knotted ropes. See my Profile for a picture of one. People overlook the fact that Medieval characters used this technique to repress their sexuality. I'm not repressed, but whipping myself on my bare behind seems to be incompatible with masturbation or any other explicit form of sex. For me they need to be done an hour or two apart.

Edited March 1, 2018 by Gawain
spelling

[MistressLagertha]

Personally I’m offended that this site and it’s settings seem to assume, that because I’m a Dominatrix that I also offer sexual services!  I think the only top annoyance of fetishes, kinks and BDSM starting to become more mainstream. Is the fact that so many don’t even know what the differences are, not to mention that to ask or even assume sex is on offer with a Dominatrix is disrespectful. 

[TheReadingPuppy]

Where are the Mistresses on this site? 

[ey****]

comment directly above you.

FFS.  Are you still prattling on.  Plenty of people have given you advice and you don't seem to have taken any of us.  If you hate this site so much, why are you still here?

[TallVirgin]

Perhaps it's my lack of experience - but I would not of thought that many people would be willing to engage in sexual activity (particularly BDSM and such), which is hugely predicated on trust. I would have to trust the person completely and vice versa before engaging in anything. From the very limited time I have been here, people do seem to speak about topics other than sex (in the chat atleast). Perhaps the forums could have more forum categories for that... liking someone on an intellectual level is equally as important I feel.

[ey****]

I've ran a survey recently - and - I asked about jumping into play.   Of those most likely to jump into play with little/no precautions - sub male was by far the biggest percentage.  With other roles nominal.  

A lot of guys seem to think just because they have no standards - and are happy to jump recklessly into play, that others are also.

 

[ki****]

On 2/18/2018 at 10:15 PM, 712i said:

doesn't anyone else find it unsatisfying that (especially when it comes to online) that everything revolves around sex?

like everyone has a profile which is basically a tick list of what they want sexually and don't have anything to offer apart from sex?

it's be great to have someone into the same fetishes obviously, as that'd make you more compatible, but why isn't anyone offering anything else?

Hi there!! We have just created a forum category called "Online Munch" based on your suggestion

Check it out!!

[3S****]

13 hours ago, kitty_clydesdale said:

Hi there!! We have just created a forum category called "Online Munch" based on your suggestion

Check it out!!

Thanks, i don't get emails to the account what started this topic but i am that person.

I only came to the forums for tech reasons, so turned off all the other forums to find the tech one. When i went to turn my usual forums back on i saw this one and was wondering how long it had been here, and when i saw my topic at the top of it i did wonder if it was a lounge type place and still wasn't sure if it was new or i'd missed it lol.

 

I love it, a place to socialise in the forum.

[ki****]

Little by little... But still trying our best! We're here to serve you (and not only because you're a Queen...) 

 

[3S****]

Can tell you're trying. This site loads really nicely, is easy to get around, and has loads of features/functions. Shame it's not more active because i do class this as the best out of all the fetish sites around. I'm going to recommend it to my friend tonight i think he would like it here, if he isn't already.

[ey****]

there's freely available tools that help report on web traffic : I ran against this site the morning - and you know, the past few months it's really grown.  (also, the stats do show that there is a bigger percentage of women then some other similar sites...) 

Like, I think the right ideas are in place - a couple of problem users have been clearly dealt with which builds confidence - and y'know... there's potential.

I think there's also downsides to it growing *too* much.  But I think stuff is heading in the right direction.