I know it's fetish.com but

[3S****]

I more meant i wished more people would use the forums, but i still haven't joined in in chat yet so can't really say anything...

 

Know what you mean though, most other fetish sites are awful for me personally. I can't get round most of them easily or do what i want on them, and none have a decent forums like this one. And then their popularity attracts the wrong type of person that the site was created for because everyone's a chancer when they can be.

 

I love that emoji also, wish i could put it on my profile,just seen the code for it so gonna try that in a minute. ...Ooh it's on my profile, this site is the best.

Edited April 21, 2018 by 3SumQueen
additional info about the emoji

[ey****]

if you seen the shit storm on another site at the minute... like here the big issue is we can't post external links and there's a few duplicate forum topics...  haha

[3S****]

Think i can guess what site. I pretty much left it a few years ago (not long after i joined actually) and then hid my profile altogether last year. Was using it as a kink photo storage place really.

[Deleted Member]

Very good point and very true .however we look at it a bdsm relationship is still a relationship and it may work if we just meet a few times for sex and thats all we both want but if its a more permanant thing then lets be honest there is going to be as much ordinary/vanilla time as there is fetish/bdsm  especially if you cohabit so you have to have interests outside of this life too .life will become very boring if not 

[ey****]

a BDSM relationship doesn't necessarily involve sex.   

(but then, a lot there depends on where you draw the line on what sex is.)

But, you know - I know some long term D/s relationships where there is no sex.   There are Dominants who keep their subs in near permanent chastity.  Then of course there's any form of poly combination.

You're looking very narrow.

[53percentnormal]

I think it's kind of the nature of this place. It's the only website I've found where you can be open straight off the bat with what you are looking for, and where it's actually possible to talk to people about it in the general sense (fetlife just kind of feels like being stuck on a desert island and stumbling across a collection of naughty magazines).

You can't really use other dating websites, or other forums, because everyone's busy pretending really hard to be normal. Or worse, is actually really normal. I mean I have used them, fairly succesfully, but it's not like here. Here is me feeling at home, while other websites are me having to act like a civilised human being until I find someone else to talk to who I suspect is doing the same.

Then there's tinder, where I think they've just banned any form of meaningful conversation altogether in favour of collecting pictures of people's faces. I think there's a special keyboard you can download for tinder where instead of letters you just have "hi" "how r u" and "lol" buttons.

I can happily waffle on about anything (apart from politics because I'd start annoying everyone). It's just that on here the starting point is usually going to be sex or fetish related.

[3S****]

Thank you for not talking about politics.

 

Things have changed for me on here anyway, now i am having normal conversations with a few guys and it's nice. Anyone speaking to me like a piece of meat gets ignored or taken the *** out of, depends how i feel at the time.

[53percentnormal]

Glad to hear it! I do think there's a difference between talking about or bringing up sex, and treating a woman like a piece of meat. It's a shame so many guys do seem to do the later. I always wondered how bad it could be until my mate showed me her POF account and messages! 

I mean surely the naughty stuff is more fun and meaningful if you also connect as people anyway. 

[BigPolly]

On 23/04/2018 at 7:05 PM, eyemblacksheep said:

a BDSM relationship doesn't necessarily involve sex.   

(but then, a lot there depends on where you draw the line on what sex is.)

But, you know - I know some long term D/s relationships where there is no sex.   There are Dominants who keep their subs in near permanent chastity.  Then of course there's any form of poly combination.

You're looking very narrow.

I totally agree with this, one of my Dom friends who I occasionly play with, we’ve played many times yet I’ve never had sex with him.

I also played with a Dom for a short while who did exactly that...’Dominated me’ in extreme ways yet no sex was involved. 

[ey****]

from a Femdom perspective there's a few women I know who have vanilla partners and one or more subs.  No sex is offered to the subs, kinda under the "unobtainable Goddess" angle.

and from my own Maledom perspective - most of my play has been as Top rather than Dom, I've not initiated sex with anyone I've played with (I believe to the disappointment of one person..) and there is someone who I'm desperate to sort a meet up with again as she wants to try some of my favourite things with me, and... her only real limit (bar obvious stuff) is PiV.  But we've had a great time in the past and I'm sure will do when I next get down her way to meet.

I think M/f in particular a lot of men think too closely to sex.  There's a lot more to Domination than that.  It can be part of it.  But if you're already thinking of getting your dick wet there's important bits of the puzzle missing.

[3S****]

On 25/04/2018 at 7:23 PM, 53percentnormal said:

Glad to hear it! I do think there's a difference between talking about or bringing up sex, and treating a woman like a piece of meat. It's a shame so many guys do seem to do the later. I always wondered how bad it could be until my mate showed me her POF account and messages! 

I mean surely the naughty stuff is more fun and meaningful if you also connect as people anyway. 

Tbh sex isn't more meaningful to me whether in a relationship or not. I like sex. I like the people i have sex with, but having a connection doesn't make sex any deeper, more loving, or anything like that for me, it just fulfils a basic need that just about anybody could fulfil (including myself). I just expect to be respected by anyone who wants sex with me or even wants to be a part of my life.

 

And bringing up sex before checking out if anything else is compatible just shows the person prioritises sex before anything else and so i don't care to interact with them for that reason.

[Jockem]

I find this site interesting of what other people’s thoughts and interests and general thoughts either sexual or non in what everyone into 

[Deleted Member]

Other than answering the questions when filling out my profile, I don't talk about sex to anyone. The only times I would is when I've been asked questions and I've answered in as polite a way as possible. As a sub I am quite fussy and would not want to serve just anyone and everyone! When I message a Mistress I do so in a polite friendly way, and never asking or expecting sex. I ask if they would like to chat for awhile on here, get to know each other a little, find our likes and dislikes, expectations etc.. If things were to move on from there I would want to meet socially for a coffee or lunch because building a relationship is very important to me and gives the trust needed for a D/s relationship the chance to grow. Even though this is my approach I still get ignored and not repliesld to.  I know I have no right to expect a reply from anyone, but a no thank you at times would be nice. And it feels all subs are thought of in the same light, demanding sex, trying to control their Mistress, looking after there own needs. I might not be anything special but I am me, and would like to be treated as an individual.

They might be few and far between by the sounds of it, but there are some genuine male subs out there just needing to be given a chance.

[ey****]

one of the saddest things to accept is that you can do everything 'right' and still not get the desired results.   Sometimes it's worth mixing things up and trying different approaches, by that I mean looking at munches and events to become better know - it's worth a shot if you've not tried already.