Lurking..

[Deleted Member]

3 minutes ago, Beau said:

One point I was called the lurking queen lol but I had a good reason for lurking
I have social problems I lack in the confidence of just joining in straight away and saying hi this is because an ex would always answer for me when out with friends and when I did say something he would always put what I had to say down or take the *** so I lost my confidence in socialising ,but on a positive note the chat room is helping me with overcoming this and I’m pushing myself to get involved more although I haven’t been around for a while in the chat rooms so again I’m lurking more as new faces in there

 

I’m sorry you have had such a bad experience but really pleased you’ve found your voice 😊

[Deleted Member]

3 minutes ago, Shenna said:

I think its nice to lurk, sometimes I just watch a convo or join in then just fall back and watch again. Sometimes you feel that you get to know people better by lurking. 

It may not be everyone's taste to lurk.  But I agree I hate to be called out while in lurk mode. I can do things while in lurk and still follow up the chat.

But its like reading a book sometimes following fun laughter , interesting topics. But I have to switch off sometimes as well. 

It’s my way of people watching, love to see the different personalities and read about their experiences. I learn a lot by lurking and sometimes blurt things out during a good conversation and then remember to say hello. Other times I just like to shush and keep my thoughts to myself, which isn’t a bad thing sometimes 😂

[Deleted Member]

5 minutes ago, Beau said:

So if you see me lurking please feel free to say hi as it will push me into gaining my confidence back again 😘😘❤️

I might message you first to check it’s ok to call you out 😊

[Deleted Member]

When I initially joined Fet I had no idea what to expect so I hopped in a couple chat rooms just to see what it’s all about. Until I feel comfortable especially in a new setting I won’t chat and I believe I got called out. Some people are just not welcoming as such I tend to not go to chat rooms as much

[Deleted Member]

1 minute ago, LionessV84 said:

When I initially joined Fet I had no idea what to expect so I hopped in a couple chat rooms just to see what it’s all about. Until I feel comfortable especially in a new setting I won’t chat and I believe I got called out. Some people are just not welcoming as such I tend to not go to chat rooms as much

I’m hoping my post and other peoples comments will change how some view people who lurk and hope you’ll pop back in and get a warmer welcome. 

[Ar****]

Excellent post, thank you @sweet***subfor calling out this behaviour - too damn right on all counts! Absolutely agree with all the spot-on points you make too @SammyB, I wish we could all show such compassion and understanding. 

 

I don't use the chat personally because it moves to quick for me and I get exhausted by it (health issues), plus when I did I often found that past hello I had little to say regarding whatever was being discussed at the time. I'm not much of one for small talk and won't speak up just for the sake of it so I doubtless appeared a lurker too. Not my problem though - but it becomes a problem for all of us when people are being made to feel uncomfortable/unwelcome when they are simply sitting quietly with fellow community members. Where is the safe space in that? I wonder if the people calling out people for lurking would be so quick to draw attention to their intolerance if the setting were different and we were instead (as an example) sat talking around a campfire or such rather than behind keyboards and screens? 🤔

[Deleted Member]

I will pop back in sometime in the future @sweet***sub. Now I just pop in on a couple topics like these as a way of dipping my toes.

[Shellshock]

I sometime pop in and out and join in if I feel like it.

I would expect others do the same.

I have no problem with whatever people what to do.

I am shock to hear some has a problem with you sweet you are a valuable member of kink community 

[Deleted Member]

4 minutes ago, Aranhis said:

Excellent post, thank you @sweet***subfor calling out this behaviour - too damn right on all counts! Absolutely agree with all the spot-on points you make too @SammyB, I wish we could all show such compassion and understanding. 

 

I don't use the chat personally because it moves to quick for me and I get exhausted by it (health issues), plus when I did I often found that past hello I had little to say regarding whatever was being discussed at the time. I'm not much of one for small talk and won't speak up just for the sake of it so I doubtless appeared a lurker too. Not my problem though - but it becomes a problem for all of us when people are being made to feel uncomfortable/unwelcome when they are simply sitting quietly with fellow community members. Where is the safe space in that? I wonder if the people calling out people for lurking would be so quick to draw attention to their intolerance if the setting were different and we were instead (as an example) sat talking around a campfire or such rather than behind keyboards and screens? 🤔

thank you for adding to the post and bringing some very valid points to it. 

[Deleted Member]

3 minutes ago, Shellshock said:

I sometime pop in and out and join in if I feel like it.

I would expect others do the same.

I have no problem with whatever people what to do.

I am shock to hear some has a problem with you sweet you are a valuable member of kink community 

Thank you 😊 

[Deleted Member]

1 hour ago, sweet***sub said:

Thank you 😊 and yes it seems there’s a lot more lurkers out there than I thought. 

The fact that this post has exploded seems to be your answer. Lol well done for outing the anti-lurker vibe!

[Deleted Member]

Just now, KinkySirXxX said:

The fact that this post has exploded seems to be your answer. Lol well done for outing the anti-lurker vibe!

Thank you and I feel a lot of lurker love 😊

[slavewife]

as i messaged you poppet well done for this post . to many to scared to say but thinking same thing and well done voicing it , more people need to adhere to this we are human maybe shy maybe not but chat sometimes isnt what we want but the banter is xx thank you again poppet xx love always

[Deleted Member]

3 minutes ago, Subsluta said:

as i messaged you poppet well done for this post . to many to scared to say but thinking same thing and well done voicing it , more people need to adhere to this we are human maybe shy maybe not but chat sometimes isnt what we want but the banter is xx thank you again poppet xx love always

Thank you 😊 means a lot xx

[li****]

53 minutes ago, Beau said:

One point I was called the lurking queen lol but I had a good reason for lurking
I have social problems I lack in the confidence of just joining in straight away and saying hi this is because an ex would always answer for me when out with friends and when I did say something he would always put what I had to say down or take the *** so I lost my confidence in socialising ,but on a positive note the chat room is helping me with overcoming this and I’m pushing myself to get involved more although I haven’t been around for a while in the chat rooms so again I’m lurking more as new faces in there

 

Oh my gosh I remember when they called both me and you lurking queen's lolol 🤣🤦🏻‍♀️ I was the same with my ex too anything I said just wasn't good enough or he'd put me down also. I miss the old crowd in there when we first started going in , but like all sites like this new people come and go and I too have to push myself more to get back in the lobby maybe we can both be there for each other, while lurking.💖💖

[Deleted Member]

1 minute ago, lil-monster said:

Oh my gosh I remember when they called both me and you lurking queen's lolol 🤣🤦🏻‍♀️ I was the same with my ex too anything I said just wasn't good enough or he'd put me down also. I miss the old crowd in there when we first started going in , but like all sites like this new people come and go and I too have to push myself more to get back in the lobby maybe we can both be there for each other, while lurking.💖💖

Would be good to see you in there xx

[Mz****]

So proud of you for speaking out, I'm sure it wasn't easy.

For what it's worth, Any chat room I've been in that you've shared, whether you're talking or not feels the richer for your presence.

I don't know many of those who've spoken up here, but as you know I had to take some personal time, I recognise a few faces, and it may just be me, but I kinda find lurkers reassuring, their presence makes me feel less noticeable when I lurk myself for whatever reason I feel I need to..if someone wants to announce their presence thats their business, I rarely even look who's in unless I'm sending a whisper.

[Deleted Member]

1 minute ago, MzJax said:

So proud of you for speaking out, I'm sure it wasn't easy.

For what it's worth, Any chat room I've been in that you've shared, whether you're talking or not feels the richer for your presence.

I don't know many of those who've spoken up here, but as you know I had to take some personal time, I recognise a few faces, and it may just be me, but I kinda find lurkers reassuring, their presence makes me feel less noticeable when I lurk myself for whatever reason I feel I need to..if someone wants to announce their presence thats their business, I rarely even look who's in unless I'm sending a whisper.

Thank you so much 😊 you were missed while you were away and I’m glad you’re back. I’ll happily lurk with you any time xx

[li****]

3 minutes ago, sweet***sub said:

Would be good to see you in there xx

I will try and get back in there more, but most of my time is taken up by the munches recently and that's the only time I'm really in chat  

[Shellshock]

Would not believe what people try and say about anyone in the room beside there back as most have never met and probably never will

[Wi****]

I venture in to the lobby a lot and lurk a fair bit to. When I first came here I was a little apprehensive of joining in the conversions because of my lack of knowledge of the fet/kink scene etc. I have learnt a lot from watching the conversions flow and following topics that have cropped, lurking helped me gain confidence to join in the chat, which has helped me learn even more.

So if lurking helps new people and people already here to learn, gain confidence to join in chat or help them in other ways, then let them lurk.

[Bo****]

Just lurking......big tribeVibe,big love,n i love all of your attitudes to being free n true to yourselves🙏

Life,love,LURK......😜

[Cheshire]

I struggle to keep up with chats due to hidden disabilities so tend not to go in the rooms after bad experiences on other sites. Maybe I’ll get the courage one day to venture in to the rooms on here. As the OP said there’s reasons why folk lurk & nobody should have to explain why they’re lurking.
I don’t know if this is possible but it’s a thought. In the U.K. a sunflower is a sign of having a hidden disability maybe those that are comfortable in letting others know they have issues (that’s how I refer to my disabilitiesso it’s not meant in a hurtful way) they can post the word sunflower so those in the room don’t judge & understand why someone might just lurk or take a while to reply or just leave a room when it’s busy (in the same way I do IRL) I know it can appear rude but I have to do what’s right for me. We all have our own way of coping with things. I know some might take advantage of it but maybe it’s worth a try. Here’s one for the developers admins For those that feel comfortable enough to have the option of displaying a sunflower in the corner of their profile pic on the same way a profile is verified but it can only be put there by an admin after talking in confidence to the person. I have no idea how practical such a thing would be to implement & how comfortable folk would about using it but I’d rather throw the thought out there & see what happens.

[Qu****]

I was called out for lurking a while ago. I’ve been on site for over 2 years and know a fair few people and used to go in chat quite regularly but I found that really embarrassing, as if I was being told off like a kid for doing something wrong. It’s my choice if I don’t want to speak and just enjoy watching conversations unfold. Sometimes they move so quickly you don’t want to stop the flow by jumping in and announcing your arrival! I have to be honest it has put me off going in there now, as I’ve seen other people having the same done to them. There are some very strong characters in chat, lots of regulars who feel confident in the room and it’s difficult sometimes if you aren’t to go into chat without feeling you’re interrupting a private conversation. 

[ca****]

^ Called out for lurking?   

So is 'lurking' some kind of cyber crime?  TO me if someone has an issue with lurking they can 'feck' right off.

Chat isnt for me ... so I cant sya i lurk ... but i'd be interested to hear why it is a problem for some 'individuals' 

 

ps ......calling out - sounds like a form of 'bullying' to me?