Lurking..

[Deleted Member]

The chat room can be a chaotic place at times, so even working out what is going on sometimes is impossible. So its just easier to watch and say nothing until it calms down. People say all the time 'I'm of to lurk' and I've never seen anyone call someone else out for saying that. I see other forms of bullying happen in chat alot. People who have no picture seem to get treated with suspision. And I notice that certain people will be brushed off and seen as annoying if they try and get involved with the conversation. I get this myself sometimes, but my attitude is I don't care what people think of me, if you don't like me block me. So saying that I'm off to lurk in the chat room now...🤣

[Deleted Member]

31 minutes ago, Chiana said:

The chat room can be a chaotic place at times, so even working out what is going on sometimes is impossible. So its just easier to watch and say nothing until it calms down. People say all the time 'I'm of to lurk' and I've never seen anyone call someone else out for saying that. I see other forms of bullying happen in chat alot. People who have no picture seem to get treated with suspision. And I notice that certain people will be brushed off and seen as annoying if they try and get involved with the conversation. I get this myself sometimes, but my attitude is I don't care what people think of me, if you don't like me block me. So saying that I'm off to lurk in the chat room now...🤣

It’s nice that you have the confidence to not care and be able to ignore. Unfortunately not everyone has but hopefully this post will prompt people to be more respectful of those who choose to lurk 😊

[Deleted Member]

2 hours ago, Queenie63 said:

I was called out for lurking a while ago. I’ve been on site for over 2 years and know a fair few people and used to go in chat quite regularly but I found that really embarrassing, as if I was being told off like a kid for doing something wrong. It’s my choice if I don’t want to speak and just enjoy watching conversations unfold. Sometimes they move so quickly you don’t want to stop the flow by jumping in and announcing your arrival! I have to be honest it has put me off going in there now, as I’ve seen other people having the same done to them. There are some very strong characters in chat, lots of regulars who feel confident in the room and it’s difficult sometimes if you aren’t to go into chat without feeling you’re interrupting a private conversation. 

I’m not sure if some people think they’re encouraging someone who is lurking to chat if they call them out or not. I’m hoping it’s not done in a malicious way and that it will cease to happen. It used to happen to me but the person who kept doing it was told by another member it wasn’t nice so they stopped. 

it seems there are a few who feel the same, that we have a group of regular lurkers so come and sit with me in the corner and lurk sometime 😊

[Deleted Member]

8 hours ago, Boldbald said:

Just lurking......big tribeVibe,big love,n i love all of your attitudes to being free n true to yourselves🙏

Life,love,LURK......😜

Love this!!! Thank you 😊

[Deleted Member]

Well done for bringing this up babs. I’m more than happy to join you in lurky corner😘

[Deleted Member]

7 minutes ago, pinky-bottom said:

Well done for bringing this up babs. I’m more than happy to join you in lurky corner😘

Thank you lovely, I’ll keep a spot warm for you 😘

[Lillyth]

I am a little creepy but not because I lurk 😂

I lurk because I'm nosy! 

There are no rules against it, lurk away! Xxx

[Deleted Member]

3 minutes ago, Lillyth said:

I am a little creepy but not because I lurk 😂

I lurk because I'm nosy! 

There are no rules against it, lurk away! Xxx

😂 I don’t think you’re creepy at all!! 
 

Lurkers unite!!! And be nosy!!! Xx

[Lillyth]

4 minutes ago, sweet***sub said:

😂 I don’t think you’re creepy at all!! 
 

Lurkers unite!!! And be nosy!!! Xx

Awww Indeed!!!!!! Nosy ftw!! ❤😚😚

[Mz****]

1 hour ago, Chiana said:

The chat room can be a chaotic place at times, so even working out what is going on sometimes is impossible. So its just easier to watch and say nothing until it calms down. People say all the time 'I'm of to lurk' and I've never seen anyone call someone else out for saying that. I see other forms of bullying happen in chat alot. People who have no picture seem to get treated with suspision. And I notice that certain people will be brushed off and seen as annoying if they try and get involved with the conversation. I get this myself sometimes, but my attitude is I don't care what people think of me, if you don't like me block me. So saying that I'm off to lurk in the chat room now...🤣

Certain people are annoying, and I'm sure I'm one of them, but I accept some people don't want to, or won't speak to me, and there's some people I don't want to or won't speak to either, sometimes I've blocked those that persistently and consistently irritate, offend, or who won't take no for an answer and keep whispering, whether thats to me or someone else in the room,  but I prefer to just ignore them a lot of the time so I can see a whole conversation and not just bits and pieces. Anyone observing that wouldn't know of any history between us, or blocks, previous bad behaviour, unwelcome overtures, nagging for attention etc and might think I'm being rude when I'm not..I'd add that as someone who was bullied to the point of having a FetMod follow me out of a room to check I was okay when I first joined here, I totally get the pack and clique mentality exists I've been on the wrong side of it more than once, I do everything I can to try and make people new to the rooms feel included and part of the conversation.

The "purps" as I believe they're called in chat, whether someone has a picture or not is irrelevant to me in a chatroom, its how they behave and what they say that I pay attention to..it can make it harder to identify someone without an image of any sort and a generic name though, it doesn't make an impression so its harder to remember them next time their in and they can feel like a newbie every time they enter because of that I think especially in a busy room.

[Ba****]

I've certainly not been around as much as i usually am, mixture of work and just not feeling it of late. Quite often I join in the morning when I'm working and its common to chat for 5 of 10 then lurk for 20 and repeat. Other times it may be a convo I have zero experience of but interested to learn so i will sit quietly and take notes. Other times you can cut the atmosphere with a knife, and that seems to be flavour of the month right now so id prefer to sit out till playtime is over then join in with the adults.

[Deleted Member]

51 minutes ago, BadTaste_Ted said:

I've certainly not been around as much as i usually am, mixture of work and just not feeling it of late. Quite often I join in the morning when I'm working and its common to chat for 5 of 10 then lurk for 20 and repeat. Other times it may be a convo I have zero experience of but interested to learn so i will sit quietly and take notes. Other times you can cut the atmosphere with a knife, and that seems to be flavour of the month right now so id prefer to sit out till playtime is over then join in with the adults.

It’s a shame you have to lurk because of the atmosphere. It’s funny how it can completely change with the arrival of one or two people isn’t it? Well it’s not funny, more the opposite 😳 

Lurky corner is just getting bigger and bigger!! 😊

[Sinstress]

I’m finding myself lurking a lot lately, I do have the site signed in on my phone and not always on it though. Sometimes there is a topic I know nothing about so I will watch and learn from different opinions, I pop on say hello But I do find the atmosphere hasn’t been nice lately So sometimes I just sit back and watch or leave and come back at a later time. 

[Deleted Member]

I rarely bother with chat anymore and when I do I mostly lurk. Sometimes I'll interject with something (what's new). But more often than not there are some who go in there whose words I attach no value to. No wonder people lurk or don't bother going in: the atmosphere is toxic again. A lot of us leave because of it.

 

If people want to lurk or talk privately in the chat via whisper, then leave them the hell alone and reinvest your energy into other things in life like I don't know raising *** or tending to a dodgy vegetable patch. 

[Deleted Member]

25 minutes ago, Sinstress said:

I’m finding myself lurking a lot lately, I do have the site signed in on my phone and not always on it though. Sometimes there is a topic I know nothing about so I will watch and learn from different opinions, I pop on say hello But I do find the atmosphere hasn’t been nice lately So sometimes I just sit back and watch or leave and come back at a later time. 

I think there are lots of us who do the same, come join the lurking corner, it’s warm and cosy 😊

[Deleted Member]

11 minutes ago, JustTheBlockingDom said:

I rarely bother with chat anymore and when I do I mostly lurk. Sometimes I'll interject with something (what's new). But more often than not there are some who go in there whose words I attach no value to. No wonder people lurk or don't bother going in: the atmosphere is toxic again. A lot of us leave because of it.

 

If people want to lurk or talk privately in the chat via whisper, then leave them the hell alone and reinvest your energy into other things in life like I don't know raising *** or tending to a dodgy vegetable patch. 

I have noticed that you don’t come in often any more but am not surprised if that’s how you feel about chat at the moment. 

[Shenna]

Submis message me anytime your lurking I will gladly chat to you xxx

[Deleted Member]

2 minutes ago, Shenna said:

Submis message me anytime your lurking I will gladly chat to you xxx

Thank you lovely 😘😘 I will xxx

[Shenna]

1 minute ago, sweet***sub said:

Thank you lovely 😘😘 I will xxx

Look forward to speaking to you 😘💞💖

[Sinstress]

15 minutes ago, sweet***sub said:

I think there are lots of us who do the same, come join the lurking corner, it’s warm and cosy 😊

I will bring drinks and snacks xx

[qu****]

Mind you it used to be worse for want of a better word, when I first joined (about 3yrs ago) it seemed to be the norm to "call out" lurkers especially among the main group back then, so things there have improved

[Deleted Member]

19 minutes ago, Sinstress said:

I will bring drinks and snacks xx

Yay!!! 😊

[Deleted Member]

5 minutes ago, quietlysure said:

Mind you it used to be worse for want of a better word, when I first joined (about 3yrs ago) it seemed to be the norm to "call out" lurkers especially among the main group back then, so things there have improved

I’m glad things have improved, maybe just a little tweaking is needed 😊

[qu****]

You can't beat a little tweaking 😜

[sm****]

Great topic and one that needed addressing quite badly there Chiana, well done. 

Personally over the last few months I have lurked more and more, or just popped in seen the mood of the place or "who" is in and bugged out.  Regulars will know I used to chat and joke in abundance when i was on.  Sadly the atmosphere has turned quite toxic, "lobby mainly" which has been mentioned in an answer previous.  Just because someone doesn't want to or can't join in a clique, they should never been outed for lurking.  We all have many reasons why, we do, following a conversation can be quite involving and by the time you have typed up a good response, it's moved on to something different.  Real life calls a lot of the time, or we forget to log off, this happens to everyone.

One real bug bare is the amount of bullying towards "new people" or "Purps" or not in your personal group of friends, just because they have no picture doesn't mean they are up to no good.  We are all not lucky enough to risk a face picture on any medium online.  

People forget we were all new to this at some point in our life.  Quite a few like to sit back and get the mood of the room and how to type, or just finding a way to jump in a conversation,  this takes time.  I have and always do give new people that chance, even  if they have done a "faux pas"  there is no instruction manual on how to act new to online.  Give them guidance, if it's not heeded then we all have that block feature to use.

Just because a person or even a regular isn't joining in someone's fun time is no reason to call them out publicly.  We all need chill time, or of late people get the feeling they can't say anything without getting jumped on.   Many people have lost their mojo for interacting, like myself.

REMEMBER any scene be it kink or nilla, needs new people.  When it becomes toxic and unfriendly, you will never get new people opening up in time, they will just leave and not bother.