Service Beyond The Self

[Deleted Member]

Service Beyond The Self

In my more arrogant stages of being a Master, I remember reading a book called "The Dom's guide to BDSM". I often read 101 books for sake of my own education. I am not one to believe a D-type ever stops learning, be it the basics as a retaken course or new information/skills. Anyway, as I was reading this book I noticed one of the first thing it mentions is (and my quoting is loose) : "If you are only into Domination to be served, then you are in the wrong ballpark." 

I promptly scoffed at the book, tore it up, and threw it away. Yes, I felt that strongly about such a notion at this time.

Back then, I was not ready to be a Dominant. I was self-serving, arrogant, entitled, and inflexible. Everything was about me.

After all, I was the Domliest of Doms. I was the example. I was the leader.

I was also an inexperienced idiot on a ego trip.

It wasn't until my 30's that I began to understand and appreciate the theory of service beyond the self and began to see Dominance as something more.

So, what is service beyond the self?

Well, it isn't self-sacrificial behavior, it isn't putting aside all you are for someone, and it isn't a self-serving role.

It's about prioritizing your submissive's needs as much as they prioritize your own. It's less about "perfection" and more about progression. 

For submissives and slaves, it's about prioritizing your Master/Sir as much as they prioritize you.

Now, it's important to note that Ds and Ms dynamics need proper balance to keep the structure surrounding the dynamic securely held in place. Without that balance, everything becomes unstable, normally one-sided, and unpredictable. Which eventually, leads to the very many stories of resentment, disappointment, and yes - even *** that we all too often see in the lifestyle.

So what does this balance entail? Nothing more than service that not only extends beyond one's own desires, but also extends to nurture and rein*** - and sometimes match or, even exceed - the services provided by each party. Slave cooks for Master, Master cooks for slave. Slave gives Master massages when he's had a hard work day, Master does the same. Slave offers comfort and tenderness when Master is feeling lost or maybe even needy, Master does same for slave. Where some insist that Ds and Ms are "one way power flow" dynamics, I like to argue that one compliments the other and service is really the bread and butter of Ms and Ds.

"But slaves exist to make their Master's or Mistresses life easier!" - While this is true, this does NOT mean that the Master or Mistress in question blatantly ignores the needs, wants, and desires of their slave or sub to prioritize their own over the other's. I can't stress enough that most D-types are giverss.we take extreme joy and pleasure in being facilitators of other's fantasies. We are thinkers, tacticians, planners, doers, and dreamers.

And yes, where we can make our identity as D-types all about what we TAKE from the experience - I have found that giving genuinely, passionately, and lovingly is what brings the greatest pleasure, service, and love any sub or slave could give in return.

Leadership that is well poised, strong, secure, and loving is what inspires those who follow you to remain as loyal and loving.

After all, one must always give in order to recieve.