Let’s Remember We’re All Human Beings

[Jashine]

I’ve always been kinky, but it wasn’t until 2010 that I bought my first book on dominance and submission (aptly titled Dominance and Submission, by Michael Makei). That same year I had moved into a new place in London, and found out that I had for a neighbour a very well-known and respected ProDomme. She made sure that I settled into my flat without a hitch, gave me the keys to the bike shed, and answered my questions about the bin collection and all the other questions that go hand in hand with moving into a new place. In short she was uber-helpful, and was even more so when, ten years later, it came to my moving out. So my first ‘experience’ with a Mistress was not really in a BDSM context at all: it was through the everyday, in which I saw her in casual dress, with no make-up, being simply a very kind, generous human being.

Over the next six years Mistress A___ was the catalyst for my entry into BDSM. For the first time I was able to talk to someone who did not find my kinks unusual or revolting, and over time she divested me of the emotion of shame in them. Moreover, she reassured me that other people had these kinks and enjoyed expressing them in their erotic lives! She advised me to stop worrying and ‘get it on’.

I didn’t quite do that immediately, as I had a number of mental health issues that needed addressing, including agoraphobia. So I elected to join a BDSM/Femdom chatroom to test the water, as it were, and see what emerged.

Now, perhaps it was partly to do with my getting to know Mistress A___ in my everyday life, and partly the manners I was brought up with, that meant my attitude to getting to know anyone in any context was to approach people as Human Beings. Another factor was that I never searched for, or expected to land myself, a Mistress/Domme. All I was interested in was CONNECTING with other people who shared similar perspectives on the erotic. (I was quite lonely at the time, so connecting was important to me.)

I found that even the most apparently ‘forbidding’ Mistresses/Dommes would open up to me in chat/private chat WHEN THEY REALISED THAT I WASN’T LOOKING FOR ANYTHING FROM THEM. They realised that I wasn’t in the GAME, so to say, of getting them to submit to my submission. I also hit it off with other submissives and slaves because I was – by definition – interested in connection (rather than exploitation).

And here comes a paradox: when you’re not particularly looking for something, it FINDS you. I cannot deny that in the smallest corner of my mind I hoped I might find someone with whom I could enjoy a special connection; but, really, connection in the general sense was what motivated me.

So, I have never ‘approached’ a Mistress, at least not in an exploitative way, preferring instead to connect with what makes us human. From that standpoint, every connection has been a great experience for me.

[scoobydooo]

I had my own first experience just 2 days ago and now all that nervousness and *** of there being a stigma or any sense of I’m doing something strange has all gone out of the window. I love being authentic and me as in every action it allows me to shine on others from day to day life to any of there own sexual journeys. You put it so elegantly and Thankyou for sharing🙏🏼

[to****]

Hello Jashine

[wolfster12]

my first time very nervous its hard to know where to begin, i tried to do a c2c last month and me being very naive let her see my face within 2 hours i had a email saying they were going to post the video to all my contacts so a very bad experience, i am submissive and i have tried alt.com but they all seem to be professionel dommes which is ok but it seems cheaper to pay for a webcam session. any advice would be appreciated. i have not shown a profile picture as i am still shaken from my last experience.

[Jashine]

32 minutes ago, wolfster12 said:

my first time very nervous its hard to know where to begin, i tried to do a c2c last month and me being very naive let her see my face within 2 hours i had a email saying they were going to post the video to all my contacts so a very bad experience, i am submissive and i have tried alt.com but they all seem to be professionel dommes which is ok but it seems cheaper to pay for a webcam session. any advice would be appreciated. i have not shown a profile picture as i am still shaken from my last experience.

Sorry to hear you've had this experience. You've probably realised by now that instant gratification and BDSM don't mix well. I've only ever cammed once in the last 11 years (and that was with my current Mistress), after all due diligence checks had been made. I'm afraid there is no cutting corners, and that if you make genuine connections you're far less likely to land yourself in trouble.

[Jashine]

7 hours ago, townsend286 said:

Hello Jashine

HI townsend, thanks for stopping by.

[Mz****]

I wish I could add a 1000 loves to this, thank you for sharing your experience @Jashine.

I'm very much like you in that the connection matters to me more than anything else, and a connection is rarely, if ever, instant..for me personally it usually evolves through friendship, allowing trust and mutual respect to develop at the same time. Unfortunately there seems to be a common pitfall that 'new' s types fall into, often believing that all Dommes are like the Borg, that we have some sort of hive mind and all want, or are looking for the same thing..when as you so eloquently say, we are all human beings, and we are all very different people.

[wolfster12]

On 1/4/2021 at 11:21 AM, Jashine said:

Sorry to hear you've had this experience. You've probably realised by now that instant gratification and BDSM don't mix well. I've only ever cammed once in the last 11 years (and that was with my current Mistress), after all due diligence checks had been made. I'm afraid there is no cutting corners, and that if you make genuine connections you're far less likely to land yourself in trouble.

thank you for taking the trouble to reply