Female sub/brat/little - looking for advice

[Laurenann195]

So I’ve had a few years experience being a sub to ex’s doing small things they were into. None were into it as much as me. The last few weeks I’ve become newly single and I’m looking to get into the roles in my title. I have established my hard limits and I’ve had a lot of interest in this app. My reason for posting is because I’ve basically had a bad experience the last week. I posted on Reddit about my interest in CNC. I explained my limits etc. Someone took it upon themselves to out me to my family about my kinks, showed my *** my Reddit history and threatened me they were going to find me, me and said that they knew where I lived. They must have posted my Snapchat on something as I’ve had a lot of requests off creeps. I haven’t posted my Snapchat anywhere.

So my question is this, before I commit to meeting anyone on here, how do I work out who’s safe? How do I see who’s just plain up abusive and a psychopath. Being a young girl there’s always risks and I don’t want to have any future issues. Also any advice on how to tell if the person I do decide to meet, is too controlling and malicious, I’d appreciate it! I don’t want to make the same mistakes, as I enjoyed the previous roles I had before this all happened.

Thanks again guys, girls and everyone in between ❤️

[foxfun2015]

Look at there history dodgy Dom’s tend to keep creating new accounts ask if they have fet life I play in clubs clubs have rules so can be safer than a hotel room dodgy Dom’s will avoid the forum ask on their if they have heard of them!

[foxfun2015]

If you do want to chat send me a message

[MikeySub1]

I'm new here (joined today) but in the past I had a domme who I really trusted. Anywho, someone found out all about me and tried to blackmail me. I was lucky enough that my domme was ridiculously tech savvy and reverse tracked him. But if you want to avoid creeps, I think its best to first get to know them online first, finding ways to verify who they are such as requesting pictures of themselves with really specific requirements in order to make sure they are who they claim to be. Once you are comfortable, if you meet in person, I'd make sure you meet him in a public place where people can see both of you, that way he can't pull any funny business. Then id avoid going any place where you won't have control. Bdsm and sub/slave is all about trust and you'd need to build a reputation with the guy first and ensure that it doesn't get broken. Basically, take it slow, find out who he really is, make sure things are comfortable and again TAKE IT SLOW. Kink can be sketchy when done with someone we don't know too well.

Wish you the best of luck!

[Deleted Member]

Personally I would suggest getting to know the person/persons you want to meet before actually meeting them, meeting on common ground where you know the area, meeting as normal people would that way you can tell if someone is being fake or not

[Deleted Member]

Also taking about limits and past experiences tends to show if someone knows what they are doing compared to malicious fake people, no one needs them in their life's. Hope it helped 😁

[Mo****]

Well Laurenann, the way to get to first base is build trust, DON'T rush into meets, and remember your SPECIAL.  WE are ALL special in our own way, so that is also something to be aware of.  It just takes someone out there to realise that, for life to begin to blossom and bloom for you. 

So you have been outed, and that is a shame.  I am sorry to hear that.  Can I be so bold as to suggest you don't worry about that unless someone asks.  If they are smart, they won't ask and will wait for you to tell them.  If someone does ask, don't deny it, because that will take the wind out of their sails and they won't know to go to from there. 

Laurenann I am trying to send you some information but your filters are preventing it.  Can I ask you to send me a message so I can reply with something that might help you out.

[Deleted Member]

That’s awful that you were outed without your consent. As for your question, I think it wise to slowly build your relationships, building trust, and just taking your time.

[Myster-3959]

Take the time. Talking about limits at length is hot. Waiting is hot. Guys with CNC as their only kink are probably not. I hope that helps in some way.

[ol****]

CNC is a very specialised area of play.

It's also a recipe to get you and the other party into a lot of trouble if not done properly.

Posting on places like Reddit was probably unwise but you can't put that milk back into th bottle.

This place is better moderated and if you follow the rules and don't give out contact info unless you've really built trust then you should be OK. Real members of the community will generally: Post in the forum, have a full profile, have a face pic on their profile. All easy things to check out.

A few people have told you already that any Dom who says his only kink is CNC is probably just catfishing you.

Go slowly, as has been advised and build the trust one brick at a time. If that takes a few months then it takes a few months.

[slutpuppy99]

i just wouldnt bring up CNC at all. honestly. get too know people, and have a few meet ups before you bring it up.

might waste a lot of peoples time but its all about safety for you.


as far as finding malicious types.

any dom that doesnt take your word into consideration just block them.

a sub should always be able to speak her mind in these situations.

[qu****]

Whilst it may seem boring when you just want to meet people and have fun your best course is to only chat here for a while, and use the forums and chat rooms, and if you do decide to chat away from here or even meet let people you trust know, you are important, doesn't matter if you are sub, just be careful

[Deviant_Ric]

Patience. Patience. And also patience is a safe approach. Anyone who wants to get you (physically or online) into a situation that compromises your safety or privacy is a big old red flag.
As said previously take your time, be cautious, don’t give too much away initially, maybe keep your CNC desires in your back pocket until you are absolutely 100% certain someone can be trusted. Look at their history, other sites they use, check out their background discreetly as best you can. Talk on the phone or video call to get to know a little about them before revealing too much about yourself. Avoid anyone who swaps and changes profiles or names, no matter what their excuse is.
Know your own hard limits and don’t be swayed - anyone who tries to coerce you gets the no thank you followed by the big block button. You have the right to say yes or no ALWAYS; anyone who can’t respect this basic rule is not worthy of your time and energy.
Did I mention patience...

[Deleted Member]

First mistake is to post on any social media your interest in kink. Reddit is open to anyone so your mistake back fire at your personal life. Second is to shut the door to experienced Doms who could have help you learn and grow into that community with safe advices.
Third there are no assurance someone who look and sound safe will not damaged you later on, there are a few indications that determine what a good and safe Dom is.
Read his posts in forums, how long he’s been on the scene usually an indication he’s had been outed or call out as an ***r. And plenty others...

[Ni****]

Really sorry to hear about your experience; cannot have been easy dealing with the fallout with your family, and what an absolute creep the guy is ! I echo what others have said, take your time and chat at length and in detail to build the trust you need for Ds, and even more so for RACK or CNC play. If they're the right one, they won't rush you, will discuss the pitfalls, your safety, etc.

[IneffableGent]

There is little to add to any of the comments everyone else has given you but give yourself time. It’s easy to get carried away with things but take a step back. If anything at the moment you have time, if they’re not really interested in you they’ll normally lose interest and move on looking for another victim to ***. A Dom shouldn’t just be interested in you for play but your well being too, if they can’t offer or show that then walk away.

[Frenzy407]

I’m sorry to hear you’ve has this bad experience, some people are just evil.
I agree with all the advise that has been given above.
From my experience generally in life and relationships, with toxic people, and how I’ve learnt who to avoid and how, I feel it’s important to spread the word on Narcissists.
These are far worse and common than the typical psychopath that’s portrayed in the movies, as Narcissists live under a mask, a mask that they have developed by studying empaths, to imitate one. They are constantly developing their skills to manipulate, coerce and ***, until they are spotted with their mask falling and either switch into a psychotic rage, or suddenly play the victim.
These kind of people will use others to get what they want, they have Zero empathy, but will deny that unlike a psychopath.
So please educate yourself on NPD, and learn how to avoid them like the plague.

Also I’d like to add that in my opinion, a sub should be the one who is ultimately on control, as it should be your choice to give control to the Dom, and ultimately you should be able to take it back at any moment. At the end of the day you are an individual with human rights. Again it’s all about trust. Trust is everything.
If somebody is genuine then after chatting enough to trust you too, they will be happy to let you check up on them in real life to find out who they actually are before you meet them.
I gave my number to a girl, and by the time she messaged me she had googled me to check who I was. I was impressed by that !
Take care of yourself. We have one life, so yes live it, but more importantly protect it more than anything. ❤️

[Laurenann195]

Thank you all for the tips and advice. I appreciate it a lot. Legit only just had a chance to read them all. Thank you!