*** without enjoyment?

[Deleted Member]

Sometimes I have trouble defining my kink. I like being hit. Above all, punched or kicked in my torso, but almost any kind of impact play on my body. I'm more fussy about face or genitals, but on my torso, hell yeah.

The thing is, when I say that, people assume that I'm a masochist, and that I'm going to enjoy the beating somehow. In fact, I will likely hate every second of it, I don't enjoy *** at all. But I enjoy being ***d to take it, the feeling of ***ness.

So, I often encounter two problems:

First, the issue of consent and safe words. If given a safe word, I will use it asap, cutting a scene well before either party has had what they wanted. If the Dom asks me "do you want me to stop", I'd probably say yes even if I will regret it a moment afterwards. So, I sort of need a Dom who can read me very well and I trust. But it's a catch 22 because you need to play for a long time before that relationship develops.

Second, and no less important... most Doms I've met aren't entirely comfortable with beating a sub who is clearly not enjoying it, and does not have a stop word. I totally get why, of course.

I'm wary to ask whether this is "normal"... but was wondering if any Dom or sub with experience in this area has some tips or stories about how they deal with these issues.

[Deleted Member]

Hi Pyren, I think I understand. Question though, if it’s not the enjoyment from *** in real time that you get, then is it afterwards? Or perhaps later than that. Point being, if you’re able to explain more specifically where your satisfaction comes from, then a Dom may be able to understand it better and therefore safely provide this for you. Well done for reaching out, can never ask too many questions! X

[Deleted Member]

It take some skills and experience to know how to read a body reaction. It’s always exciting and thrilling to trust a Dom enough for not giving a safe word but it’s not wise I less you can get some references from that Dom.
The best way it’s of course having as much as possible the best detailed communication between the two of you, from the type of impact play you want and the other person is skilled with, but also your health status too.
Never start a session with a full blow, a real experienced Dom won’t do it but some might want to prove themselves. Last thing you want is broken ribs... also I won’t use the word beating overly here... kind of trigger,

[Deleted Member]

1 hour ago, SophieSub2 said:

Hi Pyren, I think I understand. Question though, if it’s not the enjoyment from *** in real time that you get, then is it afterwards? Or perhaps later than that. Point being, if you’re able to explain more specifically where your satisfaction comes from, then a Dom may be able to understand it better and therefore safely provide this for you. Well done for reaching out, can never ask too many questions! X

Hey SophieSub2, good point about communicating to the Dom where I may get pleasure from. Actually a large part of the enjoyment is actually beforehand. The anticipation for something that I  know will overwhelm me, knowing that I will have no control over it, is a very intense feeling. Afterwards there's a natural rush of euphoria, endorphins resulting of being in *** for some time, and yes, that's amazing too.

[Deleted Member]

1 hour ago, FabSeverus said:

It take some skills and experience to know how to read a body reaction. It’s always exciting and thrilling to trust a Dom enough for not giving a safe word but it’s not wise I less you can get some references from that Dom.
The best way it’s of course having as much as possible the best detailed communication between the two of you, from the type of impact play you want and the other person is skilled with, but also your health status too.
Never start a session with a full blow, a real experienced Dom won’t do it but some might want to prove themselves. Last thing you want is broken ribs... also I won’t use the word beating overly here... kind of trigger,

Hi FabSeverus - completely agree with the issue of trust and safe word. It's one of the dilemmas I have.... I sort of need that lack of control to enjoy, but I need many sessions with a Dom to trust him that much. One possible solution is to be very prescriptive beforehand, about preparation/warm-up, what can happen, what checks to make, and what makes the scene stop. It still requires a lot of trust, and eliminates part of the fun and creativity, but probably a good way to test chemistry and compatibility.

[na****]

I had a Dom who knew I was new to the play so he talked with me about how to stop one part of play without stopping the whole scene. Even though he was in control, he let me talk and say what I wanted so i was able to stop some aspect of the scene such as spanking but then get him to start it again when i felt ready or wanted him to do introduce it back into the scene. He loved whispering questions in my ear for me to answer so he knew where I was in my mind without interupting the play or mood.

[Deleted Member]

@naughtything very good advice on there, whispering or looking at subs eyes/ face is a good indication of where they are during the session. 
 

@pyren the more details you input during the communication and before sessions the less interruptions you will get. Also it’s a case of being patient, after few sessions you will be liberate yo know your Dom know most of your reactions. It all depends how much you can take?? 

[BaritoneSwitch]

I totally understand what you're saying Pyren. I'd say my relationship with *** and impact play is somewhat similar. Personally I'm a massive bondage slut. So as long as there is bondage (along with a gag and blindfold preferably) involved, I'm in. I enjoy impact play (Or *** generally) insofar as it heightens the sensation of immobility and ***ness and lack of control. But not really for its own sake. So it seems to be a case of judging how much *** you're capable of taking before the negatives outweigh the positives.

I'm not sure whether you have a dom at this time, but if and when you do: My suggestion would be to start off through experimentation for a while, outside of the context of a scene. Which hits do you find most tolerable (Floggers, or crops maybe?), which ones do you hate the most? Do you respond better to a series of hits in several different places, or one spot with increasing intensity? This will give both you and your dom a chance to learn your own body's responses and explore your own desires. And give your dom a chance to learn how to read your reactions and more importantly, learn how they can extract enjoyment from the scene as well. As FabSeverus pointed out.

It should go without saying of course, that you need to be completely upfront with any prospective dom about this. If they don't have the time or patience to work with you  on this, then they aren't right for you. But I'm sure there are many out there who would be willing.

Good luck!

[Mi****]

Having a "pause" word helps, something that can be used without stopping everything that can give you a second to calibrate. A stop word for me stops everything and I usually push out the next session after it is used. That can help be a disincentive...might just take some training.

[Ky****]

maybe its a case of giving it time to extend limits, I'm sure most of those with high tolerances didn't start that way, this is often a case of where pro dommes can help, they know how to respect limits and can with time, for a fee of course, assist in getting u to the point where u don't use your safe word too early to spoil your dom's enjoyment

[Ky****]

10 hours ago, MistressAnne said:

Having a "pause" word helps, something that can be used without stopping everything that can give you a second to calibrate. A stop word for me stops everything and I usually push out the next session after it is used. That can help be a disincentive...might just take some training.

yes a pause word is often forgotten, something intermediate between keep going and stop, they're v helpful in extending limits since they allow for short rests for a sub's ***d bum b4 adding a few extra strokes

[E-dUbBs]

Talking through a session and having a pause word are awesome suggestions
I personally when I play with subs have a stop and pause word but reading your post obviously your looking for the stop decision to carefully be taken out of your hands
Good luck with your search

[Koby]

There are many reasons why someone would partake in impact play.  The general description of S/m is that a Masochist finds *** pleasurable. I think this is a rather generic statement. I think there are many levels to *** or someones experiences of ***. 

I like the simplicity of the Traffic Light system,  rather than binary options of starting or stopping completely, utilising Amber to slow things down rather than stop all together. It enables the continuity of play.

My viewpoint of S/m  is perhaps a tad selfish. I am focused on my personal enjoyment, this does not mean I disregard the pleasure of my partner. But if we have agreed to play, we agreed to explore a particular kink - I would hope that as individuals we would individually find pleasure in our play. If we don't, we reflect and ensure for next time it meets our individual needs.